The Best 66 Bench Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Bench jokes. There are some bench bleachers jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bench couch puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Bench Jokes and Puns

A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.

"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.

"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.

"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"

An old man in tears

A young man taking a walk in a park comes across an elderly man sitting on a bench in tears. Touched by the poor man's sorrow, he kindly asks, "Please sir, why are you crying?"

The old man replies, "I have a beautiful 21 year old wife who makes love to me every night!"

Confused, the young man replies, "I still don't understand why you're crying."

The elderly man sobs, "I forgot where I live."

3 Old Women and a Flasher

Three old women are sitting on a park bench when a man
comes by and flashes them.

Two of them have a stroke, and the third one couldn't
reach.

Bench joke, 3 Old Women and a Flasher

Two old men, one French and one Spanish were sitting on a park bench.

When a beautiful young girl in a miniskirt walks by. Just as she passes them a breeze comes along and lifts the girl's skirt up revealing she's not wearing panties. The French man looks at the Spanish man and says "C'est la vie" and the Spanish man exclaims back "Se la vi, tambien."

3 ladies on a park bench

Three old women are sitting on a park bench one afternoon when a man in a trenchcoat walks up and exposes himself to them. The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third woman's arms weren't long enough.


Three old ladies

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench when a flasher runs up and opens his trench coat in front of them.

The first old lady has a stroke.

The second old lady has a stroke.

The third old lady can't reach that far.

A Chemist, a Biologist, and a Mathematician...

Were sitting on a bench in front of a hotel, and see two people enter, then three people exit. The Chemist claims that they must have been an error in the initial measurements, the biologist says they must have procreated, thus creating another person, the mathematician states that if one more person enters the building, the building would then be empty.

Bench joke, A Chemist, a Biologist, and a Mathematician...

A windy day

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench.

The first says to her friends "gosh, it's windy today".

The second says "no, it's Thursday".

The third says "so am I. Let's get a drink".

What do you call five white guys sitting on a bench?

The NBA.

A blonde and a brunette is sitting on a bench.

Out of nowhere, the brunette says: Look! A dead bird!

The blonde gazes up into the air says where?

So three old ladies are sitting on a park bench....

When all of the sudden a flasher comes by and, before they can reach for their canes, opens his trench coat and flashes them. The first old lady has a stroke, the second old lady has a stroke, but the third old lady couldn't reach that far.

You can explore bench sit reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bench sofa dad jokes. There are also bench puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Three old ladies are sitting on a bench in the park...

When a wild flasher appears and opens up his trench coat to reveal his nakedness, the first old last has a stroke, the second old lady has a stroke, the third old lady couldn't reach.

Does your dog bite?

A man walks in the park and sees a man with a dog sitting on a bench.
"Does your dog bite?", asks the first man.
"No"
The man proceeds to pet the dog, but the dog bites him.
"I thought you said your dog didn't bite?!", he says quite angry.
"This is not my dog."

My mom told me this joke, it's from one of the films of 'pink panther'. I've never seen the film though.

Three old women were sitting on a park bench...

...all of a sudden, a man ran in front of them wearing a long overcoat. He opened up his coat, and he was wearing nothing underneath. The first woman had a stroke. The second woman had a stroke. The third one couldn't reach.

A man sits down at a children's park

A man is sitting down at a bench enjoying some lunch during his lunch break. Overhead he watches children frolick and play. But then he sees a group of women quietly discussing (obviously) him.

Then all of the sudden one of the women confidently approaches the man. With an ounce of cockyness, in a bid to lure away the man, the women asks "So, which one is yours?"

The man replies "I haven't decided yet."

An old joke no one I know likes

Two economists are sitting on a bench. One says to the other "do you understand the economy?"

The other economist says "Let me explain, I'm an economist. It starts--"

The other interrupts "Oh no, I understand. I'm an economist too. We can both explain the economy, do you *understand* it?"

Bench joke, An old joke no one I know likes

Baseball in Heaven

Moe and Sam, who were both 90 years old, loved baseball, and they had their entire life. One day, they were sitting together on a bench in their neighborhood when Moe turns to Sam and says:

"Will you promise me something? Promise me that if you die first and go to heaven, you'll come back and tell if there's baseball there."

Sam agreed, and made Moe promise the same. 3 months later, Sam died, and the next week Moe woke up in his sleep with someone calling his name.

"Who's there?" he called out.

"Moe! It's me Sam!"

"Sam! It's so good to hear you! How's heaven?" Moe asked.

"It's great, but I've some news, some good and some bad" Sam told him.

"Well tell me the good news first" Moe replied.

"Ok, the good news is that, there is baseball in heaven."

"That's great." Moe exclaimed, "What's the bad news?"

"Well, the bad news is that I was reading the lineup, and you're pitching on Friday."

So, Jesus and Satan are sitting on a park bench one day

...just chilling, and Satan asks, "Hey JC, what's it called when little chunks of ice fall from the sky? It's not like I get to see it very often."

Jesus says, "Hail, Satan."

And Satan's all like, "YEEEEEAH, BOI!"

And Jesus is all like, "Oh, you."

Bench Bros...

Two guys are in the gym working on their bench pressing when a busty coed comes up to the rack next to them and begins to do her workout. One guy turns to his spotter and says "hey you think that's a push up bra?" And his spotter says "nah brah, that's a squat"


Two nuns

Two nuns are sitting on a bench. A guy in a trench coat comes up and flashes them. One of the nuns has a stroke. The other couldn't quite reach.

Three old guys are sitting on a bench in the park

One says, "Windy today."

Another says, "You idiot, it's Thursday."

The third guy says, "Me too, let's go get a beer."

Football with a blonde girlfriend

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

What do call a bunch of white people on a bench?

The NBA

If life was like middle school

Judge: In all my years on the bench, I have never seen a more despicable criminal. You robbed, assaulted, and tortured the victim simply for the thrill of it. Do you have anything to say before I sentence you?

Criminal: Nope

Judge: I hereby sentence you to forty years in a maximum security prison. I also sentence the victim to forty years in prison.

Victim: Wait- what? That doesn't make any sense! *He* attacked *me*!

Judge: I don't care who started it.

Two old ladies are sitting on a park bench

A man walks up in a trenchcoat and flashes them. The first lady has a stroke, the second lady couldn't quite reach.

Three old ladies sat at a park bench when a man in an overcoat appeared in front of them, opened his overcoat, and flashed his naked body.

The first old lady was overcome by the experience and had a stroke. The second old lady was also overcome by the experience and had a stroke. The third old lady didn't have a stroke at all -- her arms were too short.

Three nuns are sitting on a bench when

a flasher revealed himself to them. The first nun had a stroke, the second nun had a stroke, and the third nun couldn't reach.

Convert today! $5000

Two elderly Jewish men were walking along when they came across a sign "Convert today! $5000." One of the men was interested and said he was going to see what it was all about. His friend had no interest and said he would wait on a bench. After 8 hours finally the man returns from the church.

"What happened that took forever?"

"Well the priest sat me down and explained to me all the things I have been doing wrong in my life. I realized he was right and I have converted."

"Yea yea but what about the $5000?"

"Jesus Christ is that all you people think about?"

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench...

A man wearing a long raincoat approaches, opens it and flashes them.

Two of the ladies immediately have a stroke. The third couldn't reach.

A man is at his doctor ...

... And the doctor asks the man to pull down his pants and sit on the bench as the doctor examines him.

The doctor says "Don't worry, it's totally normal to get an erection at this moment".

The man says "But I don't have an erection" "No but I do" the doctor replied.

The Perfect Husband

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "$65,000."

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.

Then he smiles and asks: **"Anyone know whose phone this is?"**

Little Johnny is in class...

The teacher asks the class, "there are 5 birds on the line, someone shoots one bird, how many are left?"

Johnny says none, because when the gun went off, there birds flew away. The teacher says, no there are 4 but I like the way you're thinking.

Johnny says ok teacher, there are 3 women sitting on a bench eating ice cream cones. The first one is lightly licking the ice cream, the second is biting the ice cream and the third one gobbles the whole cone down. Johnny asks, which one is married? The teacher says, the one that gobbles the ice cream cone down? Johnny says, no, it's the one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you're thinking.

Three hard-of-hearing friends are sitting together on a bench.

One says "Wow, it sure is windy."

Another corrects, "No, it's Thursday."

The last one says "So am I, let's go inside and drink some tea."

Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench when a man in a long coat walks up to them and exposes himself...

The first old lady says, "My goodness!" and immediately has a stroke. The second lady, seeing the first lady, also has a stroke. The third lady couldn't reach.

2 pedophiles are sitting on a bench and a 12-year-old girl runs by...

One turns to the other and says, "Man, I bet she used to be really hot!"

Three old ladies were sitting on a park bench when a man jumped out of the bushes and flashed them.

The first lady had a stroke, the second lady had a stroke, but the third lady's arm was too short to reach.

2 men are sitting on a bench in a park, filled with children. Kids are having fun.

Man 1: "Kids are amazing. Look at them, playing, socializing... so cute!"

Man 2: "Yup."

Man 1: "My Timmy, right over there, likes to play soccer with his friends."

Man 2: "Cool."

Man 1: "Hey, which one is yours?"

Man 2: "Haven't decided yet..."

Two old ladies were sitting on a bench...

Two old ladies were sitting on a bench having a quiet chat, when a flasher approached from across the park. He stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat, exposing himself.
One of the ladies immediately had a stroke.
The other lady, being older and more feeble, couldn't reach that far.

There were two old ladies sitting on a park bench

when a flasher came by. The flasher stood right in front of them and opened his trench coat.

The first old lady had a stroke,

but the second old lady couldn't reach it.

Three old ladies

Three old ladies were sitting on a bench seat when a Flasher ran up & Flashed them.

The first old lady had a stroke..

The second old lady had a stroke too...

The third old lady couldn't reach.....

3 little old nuns are sitting on a park bench when a flasher flashes them

the first nun has a stroke,
the second nun has a stroke,
the third nun couldn't reach

A man was sitting on a park bench eating a hot dog.

A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Almost immediately, the little dog began barking incessantly at the man while he ate.

The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"

"Not at all," the woman replied.

The man picked the dog up and tossed him over a wall.

Three Old Ladies Sitting on a park bench.

Three old ladies are sitting in the park. Just chatting it up on a park bench like old ladies will do.

Suddenly, a man in a trench coat walks up to them and opens his coat and flashes them with all that god had given him to offer.

Well, the first old lady immediately has a stroke.

The second old lady has a stroke soon after.

The third old lady, being more old and feeble, couldn't reach that far.

Slapping Old People

An old man and old woman are sitting on their front porch on a bench one day just enjoying the scenery. All of a sudden the old woman looks at her husband and slaps him across his face. He looks and her and says "What was that for?" She said "That is for 40 years of horrible sex!" He is quiet as he absorbs this newly discovered information. Quietly the old man reaches over and slaps his wife across her face. She says "What was that for?" He said "For knowing the difference!"

Two nuns are sitting on a park bench...

Suddenly, a streaker runs past them! One of the nuns had a stroke! The other tried but she couldn't reach.

A man was eating a hotdog...

A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Immediately the little dog began to bark at the man while he ate.

The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"

"Not at all." the woman replied.

The man picked up the dog and tossed him over a wall.

Two homeless dudes sit on a park bench

One askes the other: Did you bring bread for the pigeons?
The other replies: No, I eat them without the bread.

I was sitting on the bench at the playground ..a woman sitting next to me said "which one is yours? "

I said "I haven't decided yet "

What's the difference between an art student and a park bench?

A bench can support a family.

Three old ladies are sitting on a bench...

... when a man came up and flashed them. Two of the ladies immediately had a stroke, but the other couldn't quite reach.

A man in a trench coat aproaches 3 elderly women on a park bench. He flashes the women.

The first lady had a stroke
The second one also had a stroke
The third lady couldn't reach

There are 3 old ladies sitting on a park bench..

A man in a trench-coat walks by and flashes them.

2 of the old ladies have a stroke.

The other one couldn't reach that far.

Two old ladies were sitting on a park bench.

All of a sudden, a man jumps out of the nearby bushes and flashes them.

One old lady had a stroke, the other couldn't reach.

Three old ladies are sitting on a bench

A flasher runs up and opens his coat.

The first woman immediately had a stroke.

The second had one only a moment later.

The third didn't because she couldn't reach.

Three elderly ladies are sitting on a park bench in Central Park. Suddenly, a man dressed in an overcoat appears from behind a tree. The man casually opens his coat and flashes the unsuspecting ladies.

Surprised, the first lady had a stroke. The second lady also had a stroke. The third lady, though, declined to touch it.

Three little old ladies were on a bench when a naked man walked by

The first little old lady... Had a stroke

The second little old lady... Had a stroke

But the third little old lady's arms weren't long enough to reach.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.

They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

3 old ladies

3 old ladies were sitting on a park bench. A flasher comes over and rips open his raincoat. The first old lady had a stroke. The second old lady had a stroke. The third old lady couldn't reach it.

A man was trapped under a bench press

A man in the gym was at the bench press when the barbell fell on top of him. Despite them being strong, no one could lift the barbell off of him so the man that was trapped tells someone to call a therapist which they do. When the therapist arrives, he asks the man why he called him and the man says "I need to get something off my chest"

A Jewish man took his Passover lunch to eat outside in the park. He sat down on a bench and began eating. A little while later a blind man came by and sat down next to him.

Feeling neighborly, the Jewish man passed a sheet of matzo to the blind man. The blind man ran his fingers over the matzo for a few minutes, looked puzzled, and finally exclaimed, "Who wrote this crap?"

A 7-year-old is sitting on a park bench eating a chocolate bar. The man sitting next to him looks over and says, "Eating that many chocolate bars is bad for you."

The boy looks over and responds, "My great grandfather lived to be one hundred and five".

The man replies, "And he ate that much chocolate?"

"No" says the boy, "But he minded his own fckng business."

A condom and a mask are sitting together on a park bench.

A condom and a mask are sitting together on a park bench. The condom looks at the mask, and says they won't wear you either, huh?

A man was sitting on a park bench reading about the pro-trump rioters

Suddenly he threw the paper to the ground and yelled, "All politicians are assholes."
The man sitting next to him in a finely pressed suit said, "I take offense at that!"
"Why?" the first man asked. "Are you a politician?"
"No, " he replied, "I am an asshole. "

Little Jonny was sitting on a park bench enjoying a cigarette.

A woman stopped, excuse me young man, but I'll have you know that those can take years off of your life.

No disrespect ma'am, but I'll have you know that my grandfather lived to the ripe old age of 104.

Did he smoke also?

No, he minded his own f\*\*king business.

Three old friends, Joe, Bob, and Vick are sitting on a park bench.

Joe says, "Windy ain't it?"

Bob says, "Nah, it's Thursday."

Vick says, "Yeah I'm thirsty. Let's go get a beer."

Two women are sitting on a bench in the park.

First woman says



have you ever been picked up by the fuzz before?



Second woman replies



no, but I have been swung around by my tits

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bench recliner jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bench seat piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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