Bench Jokes
132 bench jokes and hilarious bench puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bench that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Get ready to laugh! This article features a collection of hilarious park bench jokes, football bench jokes, bench press jokes, bench warmer jokes, bench warming jokes, bench player jokes, bench vice jokes, flasher jokes, stool jokes, and sit jokes. Read on and get ready to crack up!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Bench Short Jokes
Short bench jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bench humour may include short beam jokes also.
- Two homeless dudes sit on a park bench One askes the other: Did you bring bread for the pigeon?
The other replies: No, I eat them without the bread. - I was sitting on the bench at the playground ..a woman sitting next to me said "which one is yours? " I said "I haven't decided yet "
- I saw a woman crying on a bench. I asked her why she was crying and she said, "Sit next to me, and I'll tell you." So I sat, and she said, "This bench was just painted."
- What's the difference between an art student and a park bench? A bench can support a family.
- A blonde and a brunette is sitting on a bench. Out of nowhere, the brunette says: Look! A dead bird!
The blonde gazes up into the air says where? - Three old friends, Joe, Bob, and Vick are sitting on a park bench. Joe says, "Windy ain't it?"
Bob says, "Nah, it's Thursday."
Vick says, "Yeah I'm thirsty. Let's go get a beer." - A meathead is counting loudly in the gym as he does bench press... 1! 3! 5! 7! 9!
Another meathead:
Do you even lift bro
Meathead: Nah I only odd lift bro - Tell a person there's a million stars in the sky and he'll believe you. But tell a person that the bench is freshly painted and he'll touch it just to make sure.
- What is the difference between a black person and a bench? One can support a family of four.
- Two Jewish women are on a bench One turns to the other and says "meh"
The other responds "eh"
The first one replies "but enough about the children"
Share These Bench Jokes With Friends
Bench One Liners
Which bench one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bench? I can suggest the ones about basket and bucket.
- What do you call five white guys sitting on a bench? The NBA.
- What do you call a Jewish magician who only summons furniture? Bench Appearo.
- What's the difference between a bench and the minimum wage? A bench can support a family.
- I can bench press 300 pounds. Not at the same time, but still...
- What do you call a bench at Starbucks? A basic bench
- I hit 350lbs on the bench press today And I think I broke a rib after I fell on it..
- What do you call ten white folks on a bench? The NBA
- Whats the Jewish version of Elf on a Shelf Mensch on a bench
- What's brown, three inches long, and sits on a piano bench? Beethoven's first movement.
- If a powerlifter has weak legs... does his coach put him on the Bench?
- I just have something I need to get off my chest... I do bench presses without a spotter.
- "What position do you play?" "Left bench."
- So I ended up sleeping on a bench last night... ...no hobo.
- a well known political speaker decides to become a magician his name is bench appearo
- What do you call a group of white people sitting on the bench? A basketball team.
Park Bench Jokes
Here is a list of funny park bench jokes and even better park bench puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My impression of 2 old nearly deaf guys at the park sitting on a bench together. Old guy 1. Boy, it sure is windy.
Old guy 2. No it's not! It's Thursday!
Old guy 1. Yeah me too. Lets go get a beer. - What's the difference between an American and a park bench? Nothing, neither of them can support a family of four.
- What's the difference between a musician and a park bench? A park bench can support a family.
- Two old Jews were sitting on a park bench... ...one of them says, "Abie, I heard about the fire at your warehouse, I'm so sorry."
Abie says "Shhh...it's tomorrow." - Two old guys sitting on a park bench... Beautiful day, sitting there quietly when suddenly...
"It's nice out."
Other guy looks over...
"Yeah well, better put it away before we're arrested." - What's the difference between an English teacher and a park bench. A park bench can support a family of four.
- Two old men are sitting on a park bench in the summer... One turns to the other and says "it's nice out isn't it?"
The other replies "yes, I think I'll take mine out too" - People find it fascinating I can lift 180kg from the bench. Weird, I thought people found it easy to stand up from park benches.
- Just took a power nap on a park bench. Made $7.30 in change.
- "When you saw an Asian woman driving, you should have moved a bit away from the road", Said the doctor to an injured man.
Injured man: "What road? I was napping on a bench in a park"
Bench Press Jokes
Here is a list of funny bench press jokes and even better bench press puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Did you hear about the man that bench pressed an entire supermarket? He got arrested for shoplifting.
- My uncle died because he put on too much weight. Doctors said it was the worst bench press accident they'd ever seen.
- Why did no one at the gym want to talk to the guy who was bench pressing cases of soda? He was just so depressing.
- I was doing bench press with my Law School dropout friend yesterday... He was terrible. He couldn't even do the bar.
- Chuck Norris once bench pressed an 18 wheeler.
With him inside it.
Bench Player Jokes
Here is a list of funny bench player jokes and even better bench player puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What position on the sports team does the benched player play? Left... out.
- When is a field hockey player like a judge? When she sits on the bench.
- Did you hear about the baseball player who dreamed of being a judge? He was benched.
- TIFU by accidentally benching our star player on the last inning... Whoops, wrong sub
Football Bench Jokes
Here is a list of funny football bench jokes and even better football bench puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My friend was talking about his football team. I asked him what position he is. "Left bench."
Ridiculous Bench Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
What funny jokes about bench you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean trainer jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bench pranks.
A guy sits down on a bench next to a Thai kid wearing soccer cleats.
"So, who are you rooting for in the World Cup Final?" the man asks, noticing the soccer gear.
"I don't know, who's playing?" the boy answers.
"Jesus Christ, have you been under a rock or something?"
An old man in tears
A young man taking a walk in a park comes across an elderly man sitting on a bench in tears. Touched by the poor man's sorrow, he kindly asks, "Please sir, why are you crying?"
The old man replies, "I have a beautiful 21 year old wife who makes love to me every night!"
Confused, the young man replies, "I still don't understand why you're crying."
The elderly man sobs, "I forgot where I live."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two old men, one French and one Spanish were sitting on a park bench.
When a beautiful young girl in a miniskirt walks by. Just as she passes them a breeze comes along and lifts the girl's skirt up revealing she's not wearing p**.... The French man looks at the Spanish man and says "C'est la vie" and the Spanish man exclaims back "Se la vi, tambien."
When he died, Beethoven left something on his piano bench
It was the same thing he left in his toilet: his last movement
George and Mildred
It was a pleasant, sunny afternoon in the park, full of Sunday revelers. George and Mildred were sitting together on a park bench, feeding the ducks. Mildred turned to George and said: "You know George, we've been together 29 years now, don't you think its about time we were getting married?"
George stared reflectively into the distance and replied, "Aye, Lass, but who would have us?"
Two men sitting on a bench
Two elderly men get together every sunday on the same park bench. The one man turns to the other and asks: "What do you prefer boxers or briefs"
The other man replies " Briefs. What about yourself?"
The first man answers: "Depends"
Does your dog bite?
Man walking in a park, sees a woman sitting on a bench with a dog at her feet. He walks up to her...
Man: *Does your dog bite?*
Woman: *No*
Man goes and pets the dog, then...
*OUCH!!! I thought you said your dog didn't bite!!!*
Woman: *That's not my dog.*
Reason for longevity - Ma and Pa are celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.......
they are sitting on a bench side by side and Ma says: "I'm getting tired, are you?" And Pa replies: "That's okay, honey, I'm getting tired of you too."
Three old-timers sitting on a bench...
The first sighs heavily, and says, "Looks like rain."
After an hour, the second says, "Hmmm, not sure."
After another hour the third gets up painfully and says, "If you two are going to argue, then I'm off."
Does your dog bite?
A man walks in the park and sees a man with a dog sitting on a bench.
"Does your dog bite?", asks the first man.
"No"
The man proceeds to pet the dog, but the dog bites him.
"I thought you said your dog didn't bite?!", he says quite angry.
"This is not my dog."
My mom told me this joke, it's from one of the films of 'pink panther'. I've never seen the film though.
A man sits down at a children's park
A man is sitting down at a bench enjoying some lunch during his lunch break. Overhead he watches children frolick and play. But then he sees a group of women quietly discussing (obviously) him.
Then all of the sudden one of the women confidently approaches the man. With an ounce of cockyness, in a bid to lure away the man, the women asks "So, which one is yours?"
The man replies "I haven't decided yet."
An old joke no one I know likes
Two economists are sitting on a bench. One says to the other "do you understand the economy?"
The other economist says "Let me explain, I'm an economist. It starts--"
The other interrupts "Oh no, I understand. I'm an economist too. We can both explain the economy, do you *understand* it?"
Two old people...
Two old people sitting on a park bench. First guy says "hey I just got this new hearing aid. It's great! It's super comfortable, you can't even see it when I'm wearing it and it only cost me $160!"
"Wow, what kind is it?" Asks the other.
"About a quarter to one."
Baseball in Heaven
Moe and Sam, who were both 90 years old, loved baseball, and they had their entire life. One day, they were sitting together on a bench in their neighborhood when Moe turns to Sam and says:
"Will you promise me something? Promise me that if you die first and go to heaven, you'll come back and tell if there's baseball there."
Sam agreed, and made Moe promise the same. 3 months later, Sam died, and the next week Moe woke up in his sleep with someone calling his name.
"Who's there?" he called out.
"Moe! It's me Sam!"
"Sam! It's so good to hear you! How's heaven?" Moe asked.
"It's great, but I've some news, some good and some bad" Sam told him.
"Well tell me the good news first" Moe replied.
"Ok, the good news is that, there is baseball in heaven."
"That's great." Moe exclaimed, "What's the bad news?"
"Well, the bad news is that I was reading the lineup, and you're pitching on Friday."
So, Jesus and Satan are sitting on a park bench one day
...just chilling, and Satan asks, "Hey JC, what's it called when little chunks of ice fall from the sky? It's not like I get to see it very often."
Jesus says, "Hail, Satan."
And Satan's all like, "YEEEEEAH, BOI!"
And Jesus is all like, "Oh, you."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friends favorite
3 nuns are sitting on a bench when a man runs up and flashes them.
The first nun had a s**....
The second nun had a s**....
The third nun couldn't reach.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bench Bros...
Two guys are in the gym working on their bench pressing when a b**... coed comes up to the rack next to them and begins to do her workout. o**... turns to his spotter and says "hey you think that's a push up bra?" And his spotter says "nah brah, that's a squat"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two nuns
Two nuns are sitting on a bench. A guy in a trench coat comes up and flashes them. One of the nuns has a s**.... The other couldn't quite reach.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three old guys are sitting on a bench in the park
One says, "Windy today."
Another says, "You idiot, it's Thursday."
The third guy says, "Me too, let's go get a beer."
Football with a blonde girlfriend
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
Two old ladies are sitting on a bench
Suddenly one of them smells something bad and asks her friend "Sylvia, doesn't it smells like a decayed carcass in here?...Sylvia...?Sylvia...?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do call a bunch of white people on a bench?
The NBA
A man is taking a walk in a park.
He sees another man sitting on a bench holding a long pole. He walks up to the man and asks, "Excuse me, are you a polevaulter?" The man replies, "No, I'm a Swede, but how did you know my name was Walter?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A duck walks into a bar
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender for some grapes. The bartender says, "no this is a bar. We do not sell grapes."
So the next day the duck walks into the bar and asks for some grapes. By this time the bartender gets very mad and says, "if you ask me for grapes again. I'll nail you to the bench."
The following day the duck walks in and asks for some nails and the bartender says "no."
So the duck was like oh sweet.. Got any grapes?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If life was like middle school
Judge: In all my years on the bench, I have never seen a more despicable criminal. You robbed, assaulted, and tortured the victim simply for the thrill of it. Do you have anything to say before I sentence you?
Criminal: Nope
Judge: I hereby sentence you to forty years in a maximum security prison. I also sentence the victim to forty years in prison.
Victim: Wait- what? That doesn't make any sense! *He* attacked *me*!
Judge: I don't care who started it.
A man asks a blacksmith to refine some ore....
The blacksmith says "put the ore on the bench, then beat it. I'll do it once I've finished up at the grindstone". The man says to the blacksmiths assistant "that was rude" and the assistant replies "what can I say, he has an axe to grind".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Four old women were sitting on a bench
There were four old women sitting on a bench, minding there own business. When out of no where a streaker runs up to them and stops in front if the bench. Three of the women suffer a heart attack, the fourth has a s**....
A woman sees a bunch of children playing on their phones in a sandbox while their teacher is sleeping on a bench. She runs to the teacher.
The woman tries to wake up the teacher.
"Hey, get up! Your children are going to run away!"
The teacher groans and says,
"No, they don't get free Wi-Fi anywhere else."
On a bench, in the park, two lovers
are kissing passionately. At some point another man sits down next to them and starts staring at the woman.
Eventually, her partner gets fed up by the staring and tells the other man:
- I haven't seen such insolence in my whole life!
- I'm sorry, I did not mean to disturb you, but I need to ask my wife to give me keys to the house.
Two vampires...
Two vampires are sitting on a bench. On a given moment, one of them says "I gotta go! Time to get some blood!"
Only 30 seconds later he's back with blood hanging all over his lips and teeth so his friend asks "That was fast! What'd you do?"
"Well, do you see that lamppost over there?"
"Yes...?"
"I didn't!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Convert today! $5000
Two elderly Jewish men were walking along when they came across a sign "Convert today! $5000." One of the men was interested and said he was going to see what it was all about. His friend had no interest and said he would wait on a bench. After 8 hours finally the man returns from the church.
"What happened that took forever?"
"Well the priest sat me down and explained to me all the things I have been doing wrong in my life. I realized he was right and I have converted."
"Yea yea but what about the $5000?"
"Jesus Christ is that all you people think about?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is at his doctor ...
... And the doctor asks the man to pull down his pants and sit on the bench as the doctor examines him.
The doctor says "Don't worry, it's totally normal to get an e**... at this moment".
The man says "But I don't have an e**..." "No but I do" the doctor replied.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Perfect Husband
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker- function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes."
WOMAN: "I'm at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$65,000."
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer $900,000."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"
MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in astonishment.
Then he smiles and asks: **"Anyone know whose phone this is?"**
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny is in class...
The teacher asks the class, "there are 5 birds on the line, someone shoots one bird, how many are left?"
Johnny says none, because when the gun went off, there birds flew away. The teacher says, no there are 4 but I like the way you're thinking.
Johnny says ok teacher, there are 3 women sitting on a bench eating ice cream cones. The first one is lightly l**... the ice cream, the second is biting the ice cream and the third one gobbles the whole cone down. Johnny asks, which one is married? The teacher says, the one that gobbles the ice cream cone down? Johnny says, no, it's the one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you're thinking.
A blind man is sitting on a park bench.
A Rabbi sits down next to him. The Rabbi is chomping on a piece of matzoh. Taking pity on the blind man, he breaks off a piece and gives it to the blind man. Several minutes later, the blind man turns, taps the Rabbi on the shoulder and asks, "Who wrote this?!!"
Three hard-of-hearing friends are sitting together on a bench.
One says "Wow, it sure is windy."
Another corrects, "No, it's Thursday."
The last one says "So am I, let's go inside and drink some tea."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Priest and a Rabbi were sitting on a bench at the park...
A priest and a rabbi were sitting on a bench at the park. They both watched with interest as a troop of boy scouts marched by on a nature walk. Through the side of his mouth, the priest murmurs to the Rabbi, "I'd sure like to screw those boys over there..."
To which the Rabbi replies, "Screw them out of what?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you get 4 old ladies to yell "s**...!"?
Get a 5th old lady to yell "Bingo!"
2 men are sitting on a bench in a park, filled with children. Kids are having fun.
Man 1: "Kids are amazing. Look at them, playing, socializing... so cute!"
Man 2: "Yup."
Man 1: "My Timmy, right over there, likes to play soccer with his friends."
Man 2: "Cool."
Man 1: "Hey, which one is yours?"
Man 2: "Haven't decided yet..."
Little John fell in love with the teacher.
Little John is sitting in his bench and he is fondly looking at the teacher. It got little uncomfortable for her that he doesn't stop watching her so she said to him:
- John, why do you watch me all the time?
- Well, I love you - spoke John.
- But I do not love children - says his teacher.
- It's okay, we'll be careful.
Florida Retirement Community...
A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Villages, a Florida Adult community.
A man walks over and sits down on the other end of the bench.
After a few moments, the woman asks, "Are you a stranger here?"
He replies, "I lived here years ago."
"So, where were you all these years?"
"In prison," he says.
"Why did they put you in prison?"
He looked at her and very quietly said, "I killed my wife."
"Oh!" exclaimed the woman. "So you're single?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A priest and a man are sitting on a bench.
Man : forgive me father, for i have sinned.
Priest : What have you done my son?
M : Everytime it rains i r**... someone. A month ago it was raining and i r**... my aunt.
P : may god forgive you my son.
M : a week ago it was raining again and i r**... my neighbour.
P : may god forgive you my son.
M : just yesterday i r**... my daughter.
*The priest runs into the church and locks the door.*
M : father, what are you doing?
P : It's starting to rain.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wet phone solution.
Person 1: If you drop your phone into some water, fill a bag with rice and put the phone in the bag and sit it on the kitchen bench overnight.
During the night, the rice will attract asians who will fix your broken electronics.
Person 2: Dude, that's not how it works. They would eat the rice too.
A man was sitting on a park bench eating a hot dog.
A woman with a small dog walked up to sit in another bench across from the man. Almost immediately, the little dog began barking incessantly at the man while he ate.
The man asked "Would you mind if I throw him a bit?"
"Not at all," the woman replied.
The man picked the dog up and tossed him over a wall.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Slapping Old People
An old man and old woman are sitting on their front porch on a bench one day just enjoying the scenery. All of a sudden the old woman looks at her husband and slaps him across his face. He looks and her and says "What was that for?" She said "That is for 40 years of horrible s**...!" He is quiet as he absorbs this newly discovered information. Quietly the old man reaches over and slaps his wife across her face. She says "What was that for?" He said "For knowing the difference!"
Childen are playing on a kindergarten playground with their tablets...
...and the teacher is sleeping on a bench. A lady walks by and wakes the teacher up: "Aren't you afraid that the children will run away and get lost?" asks the lady. "I'm not afraid at all," says the teacher, "the WiFi signal covers the playground only."
I went up to a homeless man sitting on a bench in the town centre today with a cup of coffee for him.
I sat next to him and asked how he'd got in this position. He said to me "You know, three weeks ago I had it all, my own accomodation, a cook, good food, the internet,TV, I used to go to the gym,to the swimming pool, the library, everything" I replied, "Blimey, that's a bit rough, what happened, bad luck, divorce,drugs,alcohol problems"? He said "Na, I got released from prison"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An exhibitionist exposed himself to 3 old ladies sitting on a park bench.
The first old lady immediately had a s**....
The second old lady tried to ignore it but ended up having a s**....
The third old lady decided she wouldn't touch it.
There is a group of protestors chanting about fat acceptance.
There is a group of protestors chanting about fat acceptance. A married couple watched from a bench.
The husband told his wife, "it looks like there's fifty protestors over there!"
"I only counted ten." responded his wife.
The husband turned back to her, "I said it *looks* like fifty."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is on trial for m**....
The judge asks him to give his version of the story, and how he pleads.
The defendant replies: "Innocent, your honor. I am not sure what exactly happened myself, I was sitting on a park bench, enjoying the nice weather, peeling an apple with my pocket knife, when suddenly this guy trips on the apple peel and falls right on top of my knife."
The judge inquires: " And all this happened 16 times?"
My friend asked me to explain dark humor to them
I pointed at a guy sitting on a park bench and said "See that guy with no hands on the bench? Tell him to clap".
They replied "Austin, you know I'm blind", to which I replied "Exactly"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
2 old people sitting on a bench one turns to the other and says my b**... fell asleep the other says
yep i heard it snore a couple of times.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two freinds are sitting on a bench, a deaf elderly woman and a elderly man.
While they are chatting, the woman speaking and the man signing, the man would stop and laugh, making a visible laughing motion that the woman sees.
The woman eventually asks what is so funny and the man signs backing, "Oh it's nothing."
They move on and the woman eventually says that her b**... has fell asleep.
The man signs that "I know, I could hear it snoring. Why do you think I was laughing?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two nuns are sitting on a park bench
Sister Carol lights a cigarette and Sister Beatrice declares:
'That's a filthy habit'
Sister Carol replies: 'blame Sister Mary, she washes the b**... things'.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a p**... that jumps over a park bench?
ParkWhore
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game.
They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A bodybuilder sees a group of beautiful women flocking around a skinny guy at the gym one day...
The bodybuilder is baffled. He asks his friend: "What the h**... do they see in that wimp?"
"I hear he can bench press a hundred pounds," says the friend.
"A hundred pounds?!?" The bodybuilder snorts. "h**..., I can bench press over three hundred and fifty!!"
The friend raises an eyebrow. "With your tongue?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two old men sitting on a park bench discussing their junk
First one says, I'll bet you mine is longer soft than yours is hard.
Second one says, That's ridiculous. I've known you my whole life. Never have you, _or your wife_, bragged of such a thing.
Fifty bucks says mine is longer soft than yours is hard.
You're on. How long is yours soft?
Seventeen years.
A couple was sitting at a bench in the park
They looked rather sad, so an old lady went up to them, looking rather concerned
Old lady: Are you ok? Why do you guys look so sad?
Man: Come sit down with us and you will understand
So the old lady sat down beside him, waiting for an explanation
Old lady: So, what is bothering you two?
Woman: The bench is freshly painted
A man was trapped under a bench press
A man in the gym was at the bench press when the barbell fell on top of him. Despite them being strong, no one could lift the barbell off of him so the man that was trapped tells someone to call a therapist which they do. When the therapist arrives, he asks the man why he called him and the man says "I need to get something off my chest"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A c**... and a mask are sitting together on a park bench.
A c**... and a mask are sitting together on a park bench. The c**... looks at the mask, and says they won't wear you either, huh?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was sitting on a park bench reading about the pro-trump rioters
Suddenly he threw the paper to the ground and yelled, "All politicians are a**...."
The man sitting next to him in a finely pressed suit said, "I take offense at that!"
"Why?" the first man asked. "Are you a politician?"
"No, " he replied, "I am an a**.... "
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Jonny was sitting on a park bench enjoying a cigarette.
A woman stopped, excuse me young man, but I'll have you know that those can take years off of your life.
No disrespect ma'am, but I'll have you know that my grandfather lived to the ripe old age of 104.
Did he smoke also?
No, he minded his own f\*\*king business.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two women are sitting on a bench in the park.
First woman says
have you ever been picked up by the fuzz before?
Second woman replies
no, but I have been swung around by my t**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy goes to the doctor and after a checkup the doctor discovers that he has three t**....
The patient asks whether that is a problem, but the doctor assures him that it's not and that he'd wish he had three t**....
Kind of proud the patient leaves the doctor's office and sits on a park bench next to a stranger.
He says to him: "Together we have five t**....", to which the other replies: "Why? Do you have none?"
whats the difference between a social media influencer and a bench??
one can support a family.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An old man sat studying on a bench near the Kremlin
A KGB agent walking by looked at him suspiciously
but passed by
But an hour and 2 more times passing later the agent asked "Why are u sitting here so long and what are u doing?
Old man replied "I am an old man and Don't expect to live much longer. I want to go to heaven and as u know they speak Hebrew in heaven so I am learning the language now
To this the agent replied "Ha if u go to h**...? Then what?"
The old man replied "I am already fluent in Russian"
