belt Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious belt puns

A Marine, A Navy SEAL, and a Delta Force member are sitting around a fire....

The marine says, "I once killed 50 enemy combatants with a single belt of my M249." The Navy SEAL says, "I wiped out an entire enemy compound with my K-Bar." The two look at the Delta Force and expect him to pipe up, but he just stares at the fire, stirring the coals with his penis.

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I was walking around town the other day...

I was walking around town the other day when I saw these two jerk-offs wearing matching outfits, I mean, down to the *belt* same outfits, so I yelled to over to them "Hey faggots did you plan that?"

Anyways, they arrested me.

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At the grocery store, I went to the checkout line with the cute cashier...

I started unloading my groceries onto the belt.

Package of Ramen noodles.
Quart of milk.
Half a dozen eggs.
A couple of frozen dinners.

As she is scanning the items, she looks up and smiles, "so, you're single, huh?"

I look at my groceries and smile back. "Yeah, ha, what gave it away?"

"Because you're fucking ugly."

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I get SO ANGRY whenever I see someone with their wallet chained to their belt

I can't fucking take it

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Every cook has a secret

The Admiral was visiting one of his ships. When having tea he noticed that every biscuit has the ship's insignia embossed on it.

He is impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.

Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven.

Admiral: That's pretty unhygienic.

Cook: In that case sir, I'd suggest you skip the doughnuts.

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What did 0 say to 8?

-sigh-

Nice belt.

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The First Rule of Fight Club...

... Is to not talk about fight club.
The second rule of fight club...
Please keep your seat belt on at all times when the light is on.

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Orion's Belt is a waist of space.

Bad pun, I know. 3 stars at best.

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A nun was sitting in the bath....

....when there was a knock on the door.

Oh no, she thought. I can't let anyone in here while I'm taking a bath. "Who is it?" she called out in trepidation.

"It's the blind man," came the reply.

Well, I suppose if it's a blind man there's no harm letting him in, thought the nun, and she told the man to come in.

A man in overalls walked in holding a tape measure and wearing a tool belt. "Nice tits love," he said. "Where do you want your blind?"

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The Admiral was visiting one of his ships.

When having tea he noticed that every biscuit has the ships insignia embossed on it.
He is impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.

Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven.

Admiral: That's pretty unhygienic

Cook: In that case Sir, I'd suggest you skip the doughnuts.

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I beat a black belt at karate.

My next challenger is a green sock.

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I once tied all my watches to my belt

Until I realised it was just a waist of time

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What do you call a belt made out of watches?

A waist of time!

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The other day I joined all my watches together to make a belt...

...but then I realised it was a waist of time.

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I once made a belt out of $100 bills

Turns out it was just a waist of money

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Why is wrestling stupid??

It's a bunch of guy's without pants fighting for a belt....

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During the crusades a man entrusts his friend with the key to his daughter's chastity belt when he is away...

The man entrusted with the key replies with 'Ah yes sir you can count on me'

The father rides onwards and 30 minutes on into his journey his friend speeds to his company on horseback, and shouts at him 'Sir! You left the wrong key!'

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Why did Paul Walker cross the road?

Because he wasn't wearing a seat belt.

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What do you call a belt made of dollar bills?

A waist of money.

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I spent all morning gluing watches together to make a belt...

It was a complete waist of time.

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Penguin blowjob

I asked a prostitute for sex but she refused because I only had $5. She however offered me a penguin blowjob. I had no idea what it was but thought for $5, that was a pretty good deal. She took off my belt and lowered my trousers and underpants to my ankles and began sucking. As things were heating up, she stopped, turned around and started walking away. I ran after her with my trousers and underpants still around my ankles pleading for her to finish.

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I like my women like I like my grenades

Hanging around my belt and ready to blow.

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Did you hear about the guy who spent six months making a belt out of watches?

He said it was a waist of time.

(as told to me last night by my 10 year old).

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I once attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt...

I'll admit it was a waist of time.

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I decided to replace my belt with multiple watches connected together.

It was a big waist of time.

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So I saw these two guys walking down the street...

So I saw these two guys walking down the street, wearing the exact same outfit, I mean right down to the belt. So I yelled at them,

"Hey faggots, did you plan those outfits or what?"

Yeah they arrested me.

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What did the 0 say to the 8?

Why is your belt so tight?

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Wrestling is stupid

Men without pants fighting over a belt.

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My dad used to beat me with his belt

while he was still wearing it.

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I spent the afternoon making a belt out of herbs;

What a waist of thyme.

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One of everything.

A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.

He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."

He says, "I am. How did you know?"

She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."

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I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches...

...but then I realized it would be a waist of time

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I've been to a mate's funeral today; he drowned last week...

I got a lot of abuse for my floral tribute in the shape of a life belt.

They said it was in bad taste but I think it's what he would have wanted.

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What do you call a cardboard belt?

A waist of paper.

--

^(Cr

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Women always say that they love a man in uniform...

But that's bullshit man, being a janitor has gotten me no ass.
I go out to the bar in my dark gray, one piece, jumpsuit, with like 60 keys on my belt. And the only time chicks talk to me is if they spill something.

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What are the most funny Belt jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Belt? Well, here are the best Belt dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Belt pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes