Belt Jokes
137 belt jokes and hilarious belt puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about belt that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Everyone loves a good laugh. This article contains a comprehensive list of belt jokes from Borscht belt to seat belt. These jokes cover belt puns, black belt quips, conveyor belt wisecracks, and more. Come laugh along with us and find out how far below the belt these jokes can go—some are sure to leave you in stitches! So don your baggy trousers, buckle your sash of futility, and join us for some laughs!
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Funniest Belt Short Jokes
Short belt jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The belt humour may include short strap jokes also.
- What do you call a belt made out of lobsters? A waist of good seafood
I know it's bad but I heard it in a dream and had to share - The First Rule of Fight Club... ... Is to not talk about fight club.
The second rule of fight club...
Please keep your seat belt on at all times when the light is on. - The other day I joined all my watches together to make a belt... ...but then I realised it was a waist of time.
- What did Saint Patrick say when he drove all the snakes out of Ireland? "Everyone got seat belts on back there?"
- I spent all morning gluing watches together to make a belt... It was a complete waist of time.
- Did you hear about the guy who spent six months making a belt out of watches? He said it was a waist of time.
(as told to me last night by my 10 year old). - I once attached a bunch of watches together to make a belt... I'll admit it was a waist of time.
- New fast and the Furious movie should be called... 'Fast 10: Your Seat belts' Source: Wife's Facebook... made me chuckle.
- I decided to replace my belt with multiple watches connected together. It was a big waist of time.
- My dad spent all day putting a clock on his belt It was a waist of time
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Belt One Liners
Which belt one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with belt? I can suggest the ones about bags and tail.
- The 10th Fast and Furious film should be called.... fast 10 Your Seat Belt.
- What did 0 say to 8? Nice belt.
- Orion's Belt is a waist of space. Bad pun, I know. 3 star at best.
- Orion's Belt is a big waist of space. Bad joke. Only three stars.
- I beat a black belt at karate. My next challenger is a green sock.
- I once tied all my watches to my belt Until I realised it was just a waist of time
- What do you call a belt made out of watches? A waist of time!
- I once made a belt out of $100 bills Turns out it was just a waist of money
- Orion's Belt is a waist of space Terrible joke... 3 stars
- Why did Paul Walker cross the road? Because he wasn't wearing a seat belt.
- What do you call a belt made of dollar bills? A waist of money.
- I like my women like I like my grenades Hanging around my belt and ready to blow.
- Bought my wife a new belt and bag for Valentines day, The vacuum works just fine now.
- What did the 0 say to the 8? Why is your belt so tight?
- My dad used to beat me with his belt while he was still wearing it.
Below The Belt Jokes
Here is a list of funny below the belt jokes and even better below the belt puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I spent the afternoon making a belt out of herb; What a waist of thyme.
- Wearing a seat belt Men: /
Women: % - I was going to make myself a belt made out of watches... ...but then I realized it would be a waist of time
- What did 0 say to 8?
Nice belt! - "How come your dad always has a belt on hand?" "Beats me"
- What's the deal with Orions belt? Waste of space!
Bad joke? Okay okay
3 stars - Did you know that if you tie $100 bills to your belt... it's a waist of money?
- What do you call a cardboard belt? A waist of paper.
--
^(Cr - Grandma went to the hospital saying she felt a lump on her breast... Turns out it was her belt buckle.
- A cardboard belt is a waist of paper.
Seat Belt Jokes
Here is a list of funny seat belt jokes and even better seat belt puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What will the 10th movie in the Fast and Furious franchise be called? Fast10
Your seat belts - Just bought some extra strong beer. On the tin it says 'Please drink responsibly' Well I've got my seat belt on...
- why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing her seat-belt.
Stay safe tonight everyone! - Why did sally cross the road? She wasn't wearing her seat belt.
- Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing her seat-belt.
Credit goes to some caller on the Dean Blundell show. I couldn't make that up - Bought some high strength lager. On the label it says Please drink responsibly. Well, I've got my seat belt on...
- The next fast and furious film comes out soon. Fast 10: Your seat belts.
- I couldn't figure out how the seat belt worked. Then it just clicked
- Why did Paul Walker cross the street? He wasn't wearing a seat belt
-my friend ben - What's the first thing that goes through your head, when you find yourself in a car accident without a seat belt? The windshield
Belt Buckle Jokes
Here is a list of funny belt buckle jokes and even better belt buckle puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I bought a belt with a clock as a buckle. When I put it on I couldn't read it.
What a waist of time!!!! - I made a belt with a watch as the buckle Turned out to be a waist of time.
- Top 3 lies told by Wyoming cowboys 1) I own this truck.
2) I won this belt buckle in a rodeo.
3) I was just helping that sheep over the fence. - The three biggest lies in Wyoming... "I won this belt buckle in a rodeo, my trucks paid for and I was just helping that sheep over the fence."
- A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel for a belt buckle Bar tender says "I like the belt buckle"
Pirate replies "Arrgh, it's drivin me nuts" - They make wrist watches, and pocket watches. I finally figured out why they don't make belt buckle watches: It's a waist of time.
- I spent a lot of time designing a belt buckle with a clock on it. What a waist of time.
- Why does my 4 year old son trigger my cars seat belt alarm but my 30 pack of beer doesn't? Because I buckle up my beer.
- What's the difference between an Irish Catholic and a Roman Catholic? A few notches on the belt buckle.
- A Pirate walks into a Bar A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel on his belt buckle. The bartender says "what's that on your belt buckle?"
Pirate says "Arrr, it's drivin' me nuts!"
Conveyor Belt Jokes
Here is a list of funny conveyor belt jokes and even better conveyor belt puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I hate shopping. No matter how much I try and buy supermarket conveyor belt dividers, the cashier keeps on putting them back!
- What do you call the Dr. Scholls conveyor belt used for cutting materials to various foot sizes? *insert punchline*
- Imagine you're a slug of metal rolling down a conveyor belt. A massive die drops on you and you're stamped into a shiny, perfect coin... Are you moved and impressed?
- Industrial robots How do industrial robots communicate with humans?
They use a conveyor belt. - I like to call my wife The conveyor belt of disappointment
- I met this s**... woman on a conveyor belt. You know what it's like, one thing led to another.
Borscht Belt Jokes
Here is a list of funny borscht belt jokes and even better borscht belt puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is the difference between the Bible Belt and the Borscht Belt? These days? Absolutely nothing.
Comedy Belt Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about belt you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bolt jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make belt pranks.
*RANT TIME* Please can we stop with the flashing blue outdoor Christmas lights this year ?
Every time I come around the corner, I think it's the police and I have a panic attack.
I have to brake hard, toss my wine out the window, hide the w**..., fasten my seat belt, throw my phone on the floor, turn my radio down, and push the machete under the seat, all while trying to drive.
It's just too much drama, even for Christmas.
Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.
So a cop pulls over a guy for wearing his seatbelt..
tells the citizen that his captain gave him a 100 dollar bill to give to the 100th person he sees wearing their seat belt. The citizen looks a little confused, but of course, accepts the note, and proceeds to leave. The officer asks, " So, if you don't mind my asking, what are you going to spend the money on?" To a reply of, " yes, i do mind your asking, and frankly, i don't think its any of your business." The officer of course is stunned, but , as he goes to leave, the drivers objects. "If you must know, i'll probably spend it on getting my drivers license." The cop is taken aback, as the passenger says, " Oh don't listen to him, he's drunk." Shortly thereafter, a knocking comes from the trunk, and a muffled voice says, " are we over the border yet?"
edited for grammar n**....
What do you call a belt made of paper?
A waist of paper. *knee slap*
King Arthur was in Merlin's laboratory where the good wizard was showing him his latest invention.
It was a chastity belt... except it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.
'This is no good, Merlin!' the king exclaimed, 'Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?'
'Ah, sire, just observe.' said Merlin as he searched his cluttered workbench until he found what he was looking for.
He then selected his most worn out wand, one that he was going to discard anyway. He then inserted it in the gaping aperture of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came down and cut it neatly in two. 'Merlin, you are a genius!' cried the grateful monarch, 'Now I can leave, knowing that my Queen is fully protected.'
After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur then set out upon his Quest. Several years passed until he returned to Camelot. Immediately he assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for an informal 'short arm' inspection.
Sure enough! Each and every one of them was either amputated or damaged in some way. All of them except Sir Galahad.
'Sir Galahad' exclaimed King Arthur, 'the one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!'
But, alas, Sir Galahad was speechless..
A pirate walks into a bar
with a steering wheel hanging from the front of his belt. The bar tender said, "Hey buddy, you have a steering wheel tied to your pants". To which the pirate replied, "Arr, I know. It's drivin' me nuts!"
Why did the belt get arrested?
Because it held up a pair of pants.
I'll show myself out.
A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day
A woman is going through the checkout line the night before Valentine's day. She is placing her items on the belt: a TV dinner, a soap opera digest, 3 bottles of wine, and 3 chocolate bars.
The clerk looks and her and says "I hate Valentines Day...what about you, you must be single right?"
"Yeah" she responds, "how did you know? Was it the stuff I'm buying?"
"Nah, you're ugly"
I've been to a mate's f**... today; he drowned last week...
I got a lot of a**... for my floral tribute in the shape of a life belt.
They said it was in bad taste but I think it's what he would have wanted.
Two men sit in a bar when a guy with a bunch of knives comes in..
.. one of the guys turned to the other and said:
"See that guy with all those knives? He's *Knife Bill*"
Some time later a man with 8 guns on his belt comes in and again the guy turned to the other and said:
"See that guy with all those guns? He's *Gun Bill*"
An hour later a guy with 5 arms and 3 legs comes in and the other guy asks:
"Who is that??"
"That's *Cherno Bill*"
So a woman is at a supermarket...
She is loading all her items on the conveyer belt for the chasier to scan.
Her items are; A litre of milk, a carton of eggs, and a head of lettuce.
The cashier looks at her and says, "Are you single?"
The customer, shocked at her assumption says, "Yes, I am. How did you know?"
The cashier says, "Because you're ugly."
I was walking around town the other day...
I was walking around town the other day when I saw these two j**...-offs wearing matching outfits, I mean, down to the *belt* same outfits, so I yelled to over to them "Hey faggots did you plan that?"
Anyways, they arrested me.
So I saw these two guys walking down the street...
So I saw these two guys walking down the street, wearing the exact same outfit, I mean right down to the belt. So I yelled at them,
"Hey faggots, did you plan those outfits or what?"
Yeah they arrested me.
I tried to make belt out of watches...
...but it was just a waist of time.
Yesterday I wanted to connect a couple of watches together to build a belt to hold my pants
But I figured it would be a waist of time.
Chastity Belt
So, this guy was going to Crusade. He put on a chastity belt on his wife, gave the key to his best friend and said, "if I don't come back in 3 years, set her free." He starts off on his horse. After a while, he sees a big cloud of dust behind him. Someone was riding his horse really fast. So, he waits. The horse catches up to him. It's his best friend.
"You gave me the wrong key", yells his friend.
I've always dreamed of making a belt out of watches...
but everyone always tells me it'd just be a waist of time.
One of everything.
A man walks into a grocery store and grabs a shopping cart. He grabs one egg, one tomato, one head of lettuce, one steak, one banana, one apple, and one of everything else in the store.
He walks up to the counter and starts putting his items on the belt. After the cashier gives him a weird look, she says, "You must be single."
He says, "I am. How did you know?"
She says, "Because you're extremely ugly."
Why is wrestling s**...??
It's a bunch of guy's without pants fighting for a belt....
During the crusades a man entrusts his friend with the key to his daughter's chastity belt when he is away...
The man entrusted with the key replies with 'Ah yes sir you can count on me'
The father rides onwards and 30 minutes on into his journey his friend speeds to his company on horseback, and shouts at him 'Sir! You left the wrong key!'
I attached all my watches together into a belt today.
It's a complete waist of time.
A police officer pulls over a driver...
A police officer pulls over a driver and informs him that he has just won $5,000 in a safety competition, all because he is wearing his seat belt.
"What are you going to do with the prize money?" the officer asks.
The man responds, "I guess I'll go to driving school and get my license."
His wife says, "Officer, don't listen to him. He's a smart aleck when he's drunk."
The guy in the back seat pops up out from under the blanket and says, "I knew we wouldn't get far in this stolen car."
Just then a knock comes from the trunk and a voice calls out, "Are we over the border yet?"
I'm trying to invent a belt made of clocks
But my friends keep telling me it's a waist of time
What did the Zero say to the Eight?
"Nice belt."
I was checking out at Tesco...
I was checking out at Tesco today when I noticed the man in front of me put one item on the conveyor belt... a box of condoms. Not only did he notice me staring, but decided to make super uncomfortable eye contact. So, to lighten the mood I put my bottle of ketchup on and said, "Looks like we've both bought something to put on our sausages!".
Leaving for the Crusades...
*Heard this a long time ago. Just found it again...*
All the good knights were leaving for the Crusades.
One knight told his best friend, "My bride is without doubt one of the most beautiful women in the world.
It would be a terrible waste if no man could have her. Therefore, as my best and most trusted friend, I am
leaving you the key to her chastity belt to use should I not return from the Crusade."
The company of knights were only a mile or so out of town when they noticed a cloud of dust approaching.
Thinking it might be an important message from the town the column halted.
A horseman approached. It was the knight's best friend yelling, "Hey, you gave me the wrong key!"
A blind man walks into a gay bar.
He walks up to the lesbian bartender and says "hey you wanna hear a blonde joke?". The bartender says "Let me tell you a few things since you're blind, I am a blonde bartender who keeps a shotgun under the table. The bouncer is a 6ft blonde with a 4th degree black belt in judo. The woman beside you is a blonde biker with the local gang. The owner of this bar is a blonde army veteran who did four tours in Iraq. Now do you really want to tell that joke here?". The blind man thinks for a second and says "Naaahh, not if i have to explain it four times."
Wrestling is s**...
Men without pants fighting over a belt.
Every cook has a secret
The Admiral was visiting one of his ships. When having tea he noticed that every biscuit has the ship's insignia embossed on it.
He is impressed and calls the cook to ask him how he does this.
Cook: When rolling the biscuits I slap each one onto my belt buckle before putting them in the oven.
Admiral: That's pretty unhygienic.
Cook: In that case sir, I'd suggest you skip the doughnuts.
I beat a black belt at karate
My next opponent is a red sock
My overweight uncle spend months making a belt out of used pocket watches.
When he finished it, he realized it was a huge waist of time.
Orion's belt is a big waist of space
Okay, I'm sorry, that was a terrible joke. Only three stars.
Wrestling is so s**...;
men with no pants, fighting for a belt.
Blind/blonde joke
A blind guy walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a drink. After a while, he asks the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bartender replies, "Sure, but before you start you should know, I'm blonde. The woman on your left is a blonde, and the man on your right has a black belt in karate and is also blonde.... Are you SURE you want to tell a blonde joke in here?" The blind man replies, "Nah, not if I have to explain it three times."
I have a joke on Orion's belt, but it's not great.
Only 3 stars
The Orion's Belt constellation is so s**...
Personally I think it's a waist of space
Found this one in my 2014 meme stash
A police officer pulled over a car on a deserted highway and told the driver, "Congratulations! You're the first person here today who was wearing a seat belt and now you're entitled to a prize of 1000$. What are you gonna do with your money?"
"Well", replied the man, "I think I'm gonna get a driver's license."
"Oh, Ignore him.", his wife said, "He always speaks nonsense when he's drunk."
"I KNEW IT!", his father bellowed from the backseat, "I KNEW WE WON'T GET FAR IN A STOLEN CAR."
Then came the voice from the trunk, "Are we over the border yet?"
A pirate walks into a bar
With a steering wheel on his belt buckle.
Bartender: "Oi pirate! What's with the steery thingy on ye belt?"
Pirate: "Yarr it's driving me nuts!" "Also it's me cake day so please don't be swabbing me in the blue cheese for the bad jokes"
I made an attempt!
What did the number 0 say to the number 8?
Nice belt.
A knight was about to ride off into battle.
Afraid that his wife would be unfaithful, he fitted her with a chastity belt. He gave the key to his best friend, telling him that he was the only person he could trust.
The knight rode off, and an hour later he heard the sound of galloping hoofbeats behind him. His friend rode up next to him.
"I'm glad I caught you," said the friend. "You gave me the wrong key."
A blind man gets into a blondes only bar
He approaches the bar, asks for a beer, and tells her:
- Do you want to hear a very funny joke on blondes?
- Ohh man, you got into the wrong place with this joke! I am 200 pounds blonde barwoman, at your right there is a blonde bodybuilder, at the right there is a blond black belt on karate, and at your back its the most insane blond biker in town. I am gone ask you only once; are you sure you want to tell a joke on blondes?
- No, i dont want to explain the joke four times
Bar Joke
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something.
Our bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2, weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
What do you do with a drunken tailor?
Give him a belt because he's waisted
So, these two engineers are trying to determine the height of a flagpole...
...A blonde woman wearing a tool belt and hardhat comes walking by, notices the engineers with their problem and goes over to help. She loosens the bolts at the base of the pole, lays it down on its side, then takes her tape measure and runs it down the side of the pole.
"26 feet 6 inches" She says to the two perplexed engineers, and then walks off.
One engineer looks at the other and says, "Typical blonde. We want the height and she gives us the length!"
The King was leaving his castle to fight in the Crusades. He left the key to his wife's chastity belt with his most trusted knight.
"God commands that I fight, but not even he can promise that I will return. If I die fighting in these holy wars, I leave it to you to release my wife to marry again." The king mounted his horse and rode off the horizon.
As he nearly rode out of sight, he turned back and looked at his kingdom one last time.... only to see his most trusted knight, chasing after him, shouting.....
"IT'S THE WRONG KEY! IT'S THE WRONG KEY!"
What do you call a belt with a clock on it?
A waist of time...
A man decided to march in the holy crusades...
Concluding that his wife should wear a chastity belt while he is gone, he locks up her nether regions and gives the key to his best friend. He tells him, If I do not return within four years, unlock my wife and set her free to live a normal life.
So, the husband leaves on horseback and about a half hour later, he sees a cloud of dust behind him. He waits for it to come closer and sees his best friend. What's wrong?' he asks.
You gave me the wrong key!
Did you hear about the cannibal who made a belt out of a man's intestines?
What a waist of food.
