Below Deck Jokes
100 below deck jokes and hilarious below deck puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about below deck that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Below Deck Short Jokes
Short below deck jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The below deck humour may include short overboard jokes also.
- For my birthday, the only thing I got was a deck of sticky playing cards. I find that very hard to deal with.
- The first joke I invented all on my own (age ~5-6) Why don't pirates like playing cards?
There's always someone walking across the deck. - I ordered a second-hand deck of cards from a casino. After four weeks they still hadn't been delivered so I rang them up to see what was going on.
They told me they were still dealing with my order. - For my birthday, I got gifted a sticky deck of cards. I'm having a hard time dealing with it.
- My gf told me if I trimmed my bush it would make my deck bigger She's been spending a lot of time with the landscaper so I'm guessing she learned it from him
- What was the deck of playing cards sentenced to after committing a felony? Solitaire confinement.
- I ordered a deck of cards from Amazon and two weeks later it hasn't arrived. Customer service told me they're dealing with it.
- They're playing with the largest deck of cards ever at this year's World Series of Poker. It's a pretty big deal.
- I bought a second hand deck of cards from a casino in Las Vegas, but after 4 weeks they hadn't arrived. When I asked for an update, they said they were still dealing with my order.
- I used to be really anxious because I didn't know what to do with my deck of cards. Then I learned to deal with it.
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Below Deck One Liners
Which below deck one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with below deck? I can suggest the ones about aboard and man overboard.
- What do you call 52 slice of bread? A deck of carbs!
- Why couldn't the pirates play cards? Because they were sitting on the deck.
- I got a comically small deck of playing cards for my birthday. It wasn't a big deal.
- Why couldn't the pirates play cards? Because the captain was standing on the deck! Aargh
- What's Irish and sits on a deck? Patty O'Furniture
- How do ships flirt online? They send deck pics.
- I honestly cannot deal with puns. But I can with a deck of cards.
- What do you get when you stack 52 loaves of bread? A deck of carbs.
- Why are pirates so bad at playing cards? Because they are always standing on the deck
- Why can't pirates play poker? because someone is always standing on the deck.
- What brand of power tools does chris brown use? Black and Deck Her
- Why can't pirates play cards? Because they are always standing on the deck.
- What has 13 hearts but no organs? A deck of cards.
- Why cant you play cards on a rowboat? Because you're sitting on the deck...
- I've lost all the aces from this deck of cards. I just can't deal with this.
Below Deck Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about below deck you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean first mate jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make below deck pranks.
Q: Why didn't the sailors play cards?
A: Because the captain was on the deck.
Q: Why couldn't the pirate play cards?
A: He was sitting on the deck.
In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...
As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus, only to discover she still couldn't!
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"
At this, the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."
Two Native Americans
Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit
down to order a pitcher of beer. As they're sitting there
s**... back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says,
"How would you boys like a b**...?"
The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him
unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer.
His buddy looks over and says, "Hey Joe, what did you do
that for?"
Joe replies, "Not sure but it was something about getting
a job!"
Marriage.....
......... is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you'll wish you had a club and a s**...
A hobo got robbed
A hobo had been robbed and beaten into unconciousnes.
When he woke up he checked about his person for damages and missing items, and found that all injuries were superficial but he had lost all his belongings.
He stormed into the nearest police station.
"I want to report a robbery! all my 53 belongings have been stolen from me!"
"How can you be so sure about the number of the stolen items?" the officer asks sceptically with a raised eyebrow.
"It was a deck of cards and a bottle opener!"
Recreational tampons...
Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while in the joint. On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of paints and said that was going to paint anything he could. Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?" The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire..." The third convict was sitting quietly aside when the other two took notice of him and asked, "What did you bring?" The guy pulled out a box of tampons, smiled. and said, "I brought these." The other two were puzzled and asked, "Why did you bring those things?" He grinned and pointed to the box and said;
"Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating...."
Whales
A large Humpback whale is lazily enjoying a beautiful day when he sees a female Humpback whale just a little ways off, and he thinks to himself that he's going to try to impress her...
He swims over to her, and breeches the surface, showing off the large h**... on his back.
She looked unimpressed as she breached and showed a larger more well formed h**... herself.
Now, a little embarrassed, he tries again to impress her by taking a breath and blowing a huge cloud of mist and water with a really nice rainbow in it.
Once again she looked unimpressed and she blew a larger cloud of mist, with a more beautiful rainbow.
Now clearly agitated, the Male sees a Navel vessel in the distance and races off toward it. Just before he collides with the ship, he dives, jumps out of the water and as he sails over the bow of the ship, he plucks a sailor off the deck and in one gulp swallows him whole!
He swam back to her very proud of himself, only to find the female object of his attentions with a disgusted look on her face...
As she swam off she said..."I'll h**..., I'll Blow, BUT I WON'T s**... s**...!
How can you get four suits for under $2.00?
Buy a deck of cards.
The three most important things to have in a survival situation.
Every survival kit needs to have three things.
1) A zippo: Trusty lighter to start fires to cook food and keep warm.
2) A good knife: Something to be able to help build a shelter and hunt.
3) A standard deck of playing cards: As soon as you realize you're stranded, deal out a game of solitaire on the ground. About half way through your game, someone will come up behind you and say "That can go there." Boom, you're saved.
What do you call an Irishman passed out on your deck?
p**... O'Furniture
What did the sea captain say when he saw the p**... waking up on the deck of his ship?
Aar... look at the h**... rizen!
Marriage
Dad pulled this one out of nowhere while watching a married couple argue on tv last night...
'Ahh marriage - it's like a new deck of cards.
At first, it's all diamonds and hearts.
After a while, you'll be looking for a club and a s**...!'
What's the best side of the house to build a deck on?
The outside
What's Irish and stays out on your deck?
p**... O'furniture
Marriage is like a deck of cards
At the start all you need is a heart and a diamond.
By the end you just want a club and a s**...
It's my wife's birthday soon.
She said she wanted something with diamonds so I got her a deck of cards.
What do SpongeBob and LeBron James have in common?
They both hit the deck and flop like a fish.
Mariage is like deck of cards
At first its like a diamond and heart. Then it turns into a club and s**....
How is a marriage similar to a deck of cards?
Starting off with 2 hearts and a diamond seems great but by the end all you want is a club and a s**....
The New Apple Card Deck only has 48 Cards
They left out the jacks
Why can't pirates play any card games?
Because someone's always on the deck!
If you cut the grass around your deck ...
It makes your deck look bigger.
I bought a deck of glass playing cards...
It's pretty easy to shuffle but the deck cuts you.
Two old men are sitting on the deck of a cruise ship…
The first one asks, Have you read Marx?
The other one replies, Yes. I believe that comes from sitting on these wicker chairs.
I ordered a second-hand deck of cards from a casino, but after four weeks, they still hadn't been delivered, so I called them up to see what was going on...
They told me they were still dealing with my order...
Marriage is like a deck of cards. At first it's all hearts and diamonds
Then you are in your garage looking for a club and a s**....
As the Titanic sank, the musicians remained on deck and continued to play music as the ship went down.
The captain had said "aBandOn Ship", so they really had no choice.
When the computers c**... at work.
A wife asks her husband how his day at work went. It was awful, the man explains, pouring himself a stiff drink. All of our computer systems shut down today so we had to do everything manually.
That sounds awful, the wife consoles.
You're telling me, he replies after a sip, I had to keep shuffling the deck of cards for solitaire by hand.
Noah was feeling bored on the Ark
His wife said, "Why don't you go outside and fish for a little?"
Noah agreed, grabbed his fishing pole and went out on the deck to fish.
He comes back in 10 minutes later, sits down, and pouts.
His wife asks him, "Why did you stop fishing?" and he says,
"I ran out of worms."
A woman gets on a double decker bus.
She steps onto the bus and begins her ascent to the upper deck and a hefty gust of wind comes in and blows her dress up.
The bus driver, looking up the steps at her says but airy up there ma'am
To which she replies, what'd you expect, feathers?
Marriage is like a deck of cards
You start with two hearts and a diamond and end up wishing you had a club and a s**....
When I was a kid, I had a 26 card deck for each letter of the alphabet.
I managed to lose every one of them, except my V card.
Two new recruits were on the deck of a ship.
One turns to other and says, "Its awfully quiet on deck tonight. Isn't it?"
Other recruit replies, "Everyone must be watching the band."
"There is no band on this ship."
"No, I definitely heard the captain say, a band on ship."
Two sailors are on deck looking out to sea.
In the distance, a huge hand rises from the water.
It keeps rising as the wrist and forearm become visible, the fingers stretching into the air. It wobbles back and forward then falls, crashing into the sea.
One sailor turns to the other and asks, 'Did you see the size of that wave?
I was in the garden section of the hardware store and some guy asked me if I wanted decking.
Luckily I got the first punch in.
A sailor walks into a bar
The barkeep asks, "How did you end up with that peg leg?"
And the pirate replies, "A cannon ball blasted out the deck and took me leg with it."
"Why do you have that hook?"
"Arrrgh! We was looting a ship and lost me hand in a sword fight."
"And the eye patch?"
"I looked up at a seagull and blimey, the scalliwag crapped right in me eye."
"You lost your eye from bird p**...?"
"It was me first day with the hook."
Saw a h**... on the street who said she'd do anything for $50
Guess who got the front porch repainted, bathroom retiled and a new deck.
All I got for my birthday was a deck of sticky playing cards.
I'm having a hard time dealing with this.
Marriage is like a deck of cards...
At the start you need a heart and a diamond. At the end you need a club and a s**....
I held up by TSA because I packed a deck of fortune telling cards
They must have thought I was a taroist
Did you know...
An AGM guided missile has an e**... big enough to wreck several decks on a warship?
Anyways, I got dishonorably discharged from the navy
At work today I brought my team new markers, crafting paper, decks of cards, and snacks
They didn't know I was coming, so I jumped out and yelled SUPPLIES!!
(We work in Children's mental health and everyone got a kick out of it)
An engineer and a machinist are tasked with drilling a hole into a the deck of a ship.
They arrive on site, the engineer confirms the position of the hole, the machinist starts drilling. Before they reach the required depth, oil starts spewing out the flutes of the drill bit -- they've drilled into the oil tank.
"How're we gonna explain this to the boss?" -- asks the machinist.
"Look, buddy, I have no idea what *we* are gonna do, but what *I'm* gonna do is move that hole 5 inches to the left on the blueprint."
Always use a proper deck of cards
A little while ago some friends and I wanted to play poker but only had a set of tarot cards.
I got a full house and 3 people died...
I'm not putting any Halloween or Christmas stuff in my yard this year.
I'm just going to stand on my back porch reciting the Gettysburg address. That will be my deck oration.
What did the police do to the guy who murdered someone with a deck of cards?
They put him in solitaire confinement.
My pirate friends always bring a box of Q-tips to poker night.
The loser has to swab the deck.
You can never trust magicians
They might not be playing with a full deck
God: Noah, it's time to build another boat.
Noah: Oh, so soon! But hey, you are the boss. So the same, animals, two by two?
God: Actually no. We forgot the fish last time so this time this will be just for the fish.
God (again): Also, build it with more than one deck.
Noah: Big boat, only fish and several levels. Got it boss!
God: And another thing. Not just any fish. I want only Carp on the new boat.
Noah: So, let me get this right God.
You want a "Multi Storey
Carp Ark!"....
Why do divers fall backwards off of boats?
Because if they fell forward they'd bang their heads on the deck.
My wife said marriage is like a deck of cards
In the beginning alls you need is two hearts, then in the end, alls you need is a club and a s**....
The pirate comes up onto the deck
The pirate comes up onto the deck and finds the captain.
"The cannons be ready, Sire!" announced the pirate.
The captain replies, "Are".
This joke was brought to you by the grammar police.
A ship was sinking...
The captain of the ship gathers all passengers on deck and asks the crowd: "Does anyone here know how to say prayers".
A priest steps forward: "I can" he says with some pride in his voice. "Actually, I used to say the best prayers in the monastery, and they would be answered by God too" he continues boastfully.
"Great" answers the captain, "We're one life jacket short, so you say prayers, me and the crew are gonna rescue the rest of passengers by the life jackets".
What's the difference between a deck of cards and England?
A deck of cards isn't missing a queen.
The street magician
A street magician pulls out a deck of cards and asks a bystander to pick a card and memorize it. The magician then draws a card facing away so he can't see it and has his participant memorize that too. He shuffles the deck, cuts it, and pulls the card on top and asks "Is this your card?" The amazed participant replies "yes!" So the magician pulls the card on the bottom and asks "is this my card?" To which a now confused participant says "No, that's just a picture of... My coat?" The magician responds
"Oh s**... I did it wrong. That's your cardigan"
Scene (and heard) in the doctor's office.
Patient: "Doctor! Doctor! You have to help me! I keep dreaming that I'm a deck of cards!"
Doctor: "I'll deal with you later."
marriage is like a deck of cards
at the start you need a heart and a diamond, but by the end you wish you had a club and a s**....