Beloved Jokes
51 beloved jokes and hilarious beloved puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about beloved that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Beloved Short Jokes
Short beloved jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The beloved humour may include short loving jokes also.
- I've been a PC gamer for over 20 years. Yesterday I bought a PS4, best decision ever! Now my 8 year old son doesn't have to touch my beloved PC!
- I looked longingly into my beloved's eyes and whispered, "A, E, I, O, U...and sometimes, Y." The priest then turned to her. "And has the bride prepared any wedding vowels?"
- I can't eat whale blubber. I've tried it, I'm just not Inuit.
-my beloved nerd of a husband - I recently had to bury my beloved grandmother in the local graveyard. She should be dead by now
- I looked longingly into my beloved's eyes and whispered, "A...E...I...O...U...and sometimes Y." The priest then turned to her and asked... And has the bride prepared any wedding vowels?"
- Well it finally happened; my beloved computer stopped working. Took it to the shop for a new one. It was such a hard drive.
- I caught my wife adding yeast to my beloved flatbread recipe; But I know she's just trying to get a rise out of me
- After the Queen died, there was much discussion about who would take care of her beloved corgis Once Andrew found out that they were all under 16, he insisted on taking them.
- Terrorists have kidnapped our beloved "supreme leader". Now they are demanding 1 billion or they will burn him with petrol. Please donate whatever you can.
P.S. I ve donated 5 litres. - Dolly Parton is such a beloved figure in America, the DSM-5 has already classified a disease that American's might feel when she dies. Post-Parton Depression
Share These Beloved Jokes With Friends
Beloved One Liners
Which beloved one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with beloved? I can suggest the ones about darling and loves.
- After my beloved grandmother died at midnight It was time for morning
- Today I'm getting my beloved cornrows undone. I'm dreading it.
- Cry, the beloved country, for the unborn ape that is the inheritor of our fear.
- Beloved show 'The Big Bang Theory' cancelled after 10 years on-air Bazinga
- What is the name of Turkey's most beloved actor? Muslim Bale
- I'm in a very serious relationship with Batman. My beloved Baeman.
- What do you call a beloved t**...? Guantanamo Bae
Heartwarming Beloved Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about beloved you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fondly jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make beloved pranks.
My wife said it's either her or the dog.
​
So I've got to choose between a hairy, drooling mongrel with bad breath. . . or my beloved canine.
Socrates' Beloved
Socrates beloved dog died. He went to his Greek priest and asked if he could arrange a regular church service for his dearly departed. The priest was outraged and berated the parishioner for suggesting his dog receive holy services. Dismayed, Socrates turned away mumbling, 'Now what am I to do with the five thousand Euros we saved for the serviced?' 'Good Lord, my son, come back; why didn't you say he was Orthodox?'
Oh, you!
A man takes his beloved, but seemingly ill golden retriever to the vet when the owner hears the words that every pet owner dreads; "Sir, I'm afraid I'm going to have to put your dog down.". Distraught, the man breaks down and asks why, to which the vet replies "Because he's very heavy and my arms are getting tired."
Learn to do an impression of a beloved British actor saying his name in his own voice!
Just say the following sort of slowly.
**My c**...**
Repeat as needed until you've got it.
There once was an old cathedral in rural England...
There once was an old cathedral in rural England. It was near a small village and most of the people that lived there attended church every week. This was a sad time for the people of this village, as the much beloved bell ringer for the church had fallen ill and died.
The head minister of this cathedral had taken the death quite hardly, as he had been good friends with the man. Reluctantly, he put up a notice in the village square that they would be needing a replacement bell ringer. He knew that a man for the job was needed before the f**... of the old ringer.
Now, the day after notice was posted, the minister was in his study reading when a young man no older than 20 walked in. The minister looked up and asked, "What can I do for you, young man?"
The man, visibly eager to speak, replied, "I'm here about the posting you've made. I want to be the next bell ringer." There was an enthusiasm on this man's face that caught the minister's attention.
The minister, somewhat recognizing this enthusiasm, inquired, "Well that may be something we could discuss. But first, I must know, have I seen you here at the church or around town? You seem rather familiar."
"No, sir, I don't believe we've met before," the man replied.
"Ah, well then, it's very nice to make your acquaintance," said the minister. He reached out to shake the young man's hand, when he noticed something very out of the ordinary. The man had no arms! The minister pulled back his hand and apologized for the gesture.
"It's no problem, sir, I've been without them for my whole life, I'm quite used to that." The man redirected the conversation back to the job. "Now, I'd really like to talk about becoming the next bell ringer!"
The minister, slightly taken aback, wondered whether the armless man was serious. "My dear boy, surely you must be joking. You've got no arms! I mean no offense, but there is no way you could pull those heavy ropes to ring the bells."
The young man still had an eagerness about him, insisting that the minister give him a shot. "I can do it, let me show you! Please sir, I know I can do it. Come with me up the bell tower and I'll show you!"
At this point, the minister was wondering whether the man had some sort of brain damage as well. There was absolutely no way a man with no arms could ring those bells. But, being the generous man that he was, the minister decided to at least humor the man and go up into the bell tower with him.
Once they reached the top of the tower where the bells were held, the minister asked how the young man was going to ring them. "Like this," he simply replied with an odd smile on his face. The man took some step back towards one open arches that made up the bell tower, disregarding the ropes that hung next to him. He began walking slowly, then burst into a sprint, jumped, and smacked his forehead on the edge of the bell.
BWOOOOOOOOONNNG
The minister couldn't believe it. This armless man had just mad the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard come out of that bell. Astounded, he turned to the man and exclaimed, "Dear boy, did you really just do that?"
Unfazed, the young man responded excitedly, "Yes sir! Would you like me to do it again?" Without waiting for an answer, the man once again stepped back to the arch, took a running start, jumped, and smacked his forehead against the bell.
BWOOOOOOOOONNNG
Now, the minister was truly speechless. Although his previous thoughts about brain damage were almost certainly proven, he simply could not believe how beautiful the sound was that the bell made. He looked at the man, seeing no sign of harm to his head, but only a smile that showed how confident he was. The minister then made the final decision to make this young man the next bell ringer.
A few days had passed, and it was time for the f**... for the former ringer. Nearly the entire village showed up to mourn his passing. As the f**... dragged on as only funerals can, the newly appointed ringer made his way up the tower to give the bells a good BWONG-ing after the final eulogy had ended. This was his biggest break, his chance to show the entire village that he could be a great ringer. The excitement from that first day had swelled up until this point.
He listed for the sound of the last "Amen" from the congregation. It was his time now. The armless man closed his eyes to take it all in. After a deep sigh, he took some steps back, broke into a run, jumped, and smacked his forehead on the edge of the bell. Then, to his surprise, he tripped on a large old nail as he landed, stumbled toward one of the arches, and, unable to balance himself, fell out of the tower to his death.
BWOOOOOOOOONNNG ... ... ... SPLAT!
The f**...-goers heard this strange sound and all rushed outside to see what was the matter. To their surprise, they found the newly appointed ringer dead on the ground. The crowd began talking among themselves, wondering who knew this man and whether any of his family was present. One man thought he had recognized the deceased man earlier with a family, but couldn't quite put his finger on it whether it was him or not. Everyone could agree that this man looked familiar.
As the minister finally reached the body through the crowd, he knelt down and wept beside him. A woman in the crowd asked, "Father, did you know who this man was?"
"No," he solemnly answered, "but his face sure rang a bell."
Did you hear beloved singer songwriter w**... Nelson died today?
He was playing on the road again.
An old russian joke
A love-stricken young man rings his beloved and tells her -- "My sweetest, I would like to tell you something special, something truly intimate, something that I wish to remain shared only between the three of us: you, me, and the KGB officer who eavesdrops on our phone line"...
Why are programmers so good at poetry?
Well, all words rhyme in binary.
A man's dog dies
A fine elderly Catholic gentleman lived alone in Southwest Florida in an upscale gated community except for his beloved dog that he had for a long time.
The dog finally died and the gent went to the parish priest, saying "Father, my dear dog is dead. Could you possibly be saying a Mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick told the grief stricken man "No, we can't have services for an animal in the church, but I'll tell you what, there's a Baptist church down the road, and no telling what they believe in, but maybe they'll do something for the animal."
The old fellow said "I'll go right now. Thank you Father...By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?"
Father Patrick replied
"Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic."
Two Irish men came down to give Mrs. O'Mally some bad news.
"We have some terrible news about your beloved husband, he fell into a vat of beer and drowned."
"Oh my poor Patrick" she moaned "At least he died a sudden death and didn't suffer."
"Well I don't know about that Mrs. O'Mally, he got out three times to go pee."
A father came home from war...
His son was overjoyed to see him.
Running up to him, the son asks, "Dad! Did you get shot in the Army?"
The father, with a weary look on his face, looks down at his beloved son and says, "No son, I got shot in the legy."
An old lady's beloved pair of pet rabbits died
So she took them to the taxidermist to get them stuffed. The taxidermist asked her "would you like them mounted?" "No" she replied, "just holding hands."
Been selling random stuff on Ebay recently.
I'm now torn about whether or not to sell off my beloved complete John Lennon collection. They'll be hard to part with, but imagine all the Paypal.
Did you hear about the South Carolina r**... who passed away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow?
She can't touch it until she's fourteen.
Pirates
The FBI seize a collection of pirated movies.
The movies were Footloose, dirty dancing, ferris bueller's day off, ghost busters and the breakfast club.
As the pirate sees his beloved movies taken away from him, he cries
"ARGH! Me eighties!"
Just last week a smiling barack obama overpaid for hot dogs at my stand, but kindly insisted I "keep the change, son, I don't want it"
It was at this moment I realized how far our beloved president had truly fallen.
A muslim man is riding a camel and his wife is walking
A muslim man is riding a camel through the desert and his wife is walking on foot 10 m in front of him.
Another muslim man notices that and says: Don't you know that Holy book of Qur'an says that wife should always walk behind her husband?
The first muslim answers: when the book of Qur'an was written, there yet were no minefields, so keep walking, my beloved Fatimah!
Why it is not a good idea to leave your beloved butter in an open area?
Because butter-flies away!
Steven Spielberg's Next Movie
Steven Spielberg decides that he wants to make a movie about famous composers. He puts out a casting call.
Tom Hulce walks in first and says, "I played Mozart in Amadeus, and would love to play him again."
Next, Gary Oldman calls. "I was Beethoven in Immortal Beloved, so I already have experience playing the part."
Arnold Schwarzenegger meets with him, and states, "I'll be Bach."
A beloved cartoon artist was found dead in their home today
Officers state that the details are sketchy
Steven Spielberg wants to make a movie about famous composers, so he puts out a casting call.
Gary Oldman walks in first and says, "I played Beethoven in *Immortal Beloved*, so I already have experience playing the part."
Tom Hulce calls in next, "I was Mozart in *Amadeus*, and would love to play him again.
Arnold Schwarzenegger meets with him and says, "I'll be Bach."
How low is Disney willing to drag down a beloved franchise like Star Wars just for money?
Solo
A poem for my beloved GDPR
'Twas the night before GDPR,
And all through the house
Any presence of rodents or motion of any creatures at all will not be disclosed without specific informed consent.
A man is walking on the interstate
He stops a car and says to the driver,
"Hi, terrorists have kidnapped our beloved president Mr. Trump. They're demanding we pay them 50 million dollars, or else they'll pour gasoline on him and burn him alive. Can you please give something."
The driver thinks for a while and anwsers,
"I can spare 5... no, 6 gallons."
How did automotive enthusiasts feel when a beloved Swedish car manufacturer was forced to end production?
They were so sad, everyone started to Saab.
Long live Saab.
I finally figured out how to reunite with my beloved childhood dog
a friendly visit with the Sentinelese
Do you know why they buried George H. W. In Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport?
Because it's way to cold for planting Bushes in Maine.. told to me by my mother
Quaker Oats announced they are getting rid of Aunt Jemima due to it's racist conotations.
Not to be out done, Froot Loops announced their beloved mascot Toucan Sam will now be replaced with Tekashi 6ix9nine.
Sadly today we left our beloved grandma in the capable hands of the Undertaker...
He hit her with a tough clothesline and a chokeslam to boot, and finally hit her with the Tombstone piledriver for the win, best match I've ever seen!
An old Jew is on his deathbed.
A 90 year-old Jew is on his deathbed. Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers: "Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?" And Sarah says, "Yes, I am here."
He then says: "Are my children -- my wonderful children -- are they here with me?" And they reply, "Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last."
And he says: "Are my brothers and sisters here with me as well?" And they too tell him that they are here.
So the old man lays back quietly, closes his eyes, and says, "If everybody is here ... why is the light on in the kitchen?"
A fairy once appeared and told a family couple
"For 25 years you were a wonderful family couple. I now shall grant each of you one wish."
The wife went first.
"I want to travel the world with my dearly beloved husband'.
The fairy waved her magic wand, and instantly in the wife's hand appeared plane tickets and travel vouchers.
But unexpectedly the 50 year old husband said.
"This is really romantic and wonderful, but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity. I'm sorry honey, but I want a wife 30 years younger than me."
The fairy waved her magic wand once again, and immediately turned the guy into an 80 year old man.
An elderly Jewish man is on his deathbed.
Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers: "Is my beloved wife Sarah here with me?" And Sarah says, "Yes, I am here." He then says: "Are my children -- my wonderful children -- are they here with me?" And they reply, "Yes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last." And he says: "Are my brothers and sisters here with me as well?" And they too tell him that they are here. So the old man lays back quietly, closes his eyes, and says, "If everybody is here ... why is the light on in the kitchen?"
