The Best 40 Belongs Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Belongs jokes. There are some belongs owns jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these belongs don puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Belongs Jokes and Puns

A Scot finished making love with a woman, and heads to the bathroom.

She sees him remove and wash off his condom. She says, "You Scots certainly are cheap bastards!"

The guy responds, "Hey, I have to clean it. It belongs to the club!"

What's the difference between Notre Dame and Lucky Charms cereal?

One of them belongs in a bowl.

Either way, the results are not good

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'

'Mrs. Sanders, please.'

'Speaking.'

'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as well. We are now uncertain which one belongs to your husband. Frankly, either way the results are not too good.'

'What do you mean?' Mrs. Sanders asks nervously.

'Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for HIV. We can't tell which is which.'

'That's dreadful! Can you do the test again?' questioned Mrs. Sanders.

'Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time.'

'Well, what am I supposed to do now?'

'The folks at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him.'

Belongs joke, Either way, the results are not good

Unidentified Submarine

Three Americans are sitting inside their submarine when suddenly they see an unidentified sub on their radar. They try to radio the people inside but no one answers. So they decide the best way to figure out who it belongs to is to go out into the water and look for markings on the sub.

First guy goes out, comes back a few minutes later and says "I couldn't see any markings on it...no clue who it is."

Second guy goes out, comes back a few minutes later and says "yeah same here, no flags, marks, nothing."

Third guys goes out, comes back a minute later, laughing. First two guys are confused so they ask him what happened. He said,

"They're Romanians."

"How do you know that?" They ask him.

He says "I knocked and they opened."

Best punch of the week still belongs to the Baltimore mum vs. her son.


One day, the President finds a nasty message scribbled with pee on the snowy White House lawn.

He orders the Secret Service to investigate. They come back a few hours later with the results.

"Mr. President, we have bad news and worse news."

"What's the bad news?"

"The urine belongs to the Vice President."

"What could possibly be worse than that?"

"The handwriting belongs to the First Lady."

What belongs to me but is used the most by others?

My ex-wife

Belongs joke, What belongs to me but is used the most by others?

Keep racism where it belongs

Between family and close personal friends.

Roses Are Red, I call it bold and brash

Even though I think its art

It belongs in the trash

When I went to Heavan...

I meet with Paul the Saint. He points to a bunch of clocks behind him

Paul: These are clocks that measure how honest you are. Yours is at 12:45, meaning you have lied 45 times in your lifetime
Me: Whose that clock at 12:00 belongs to?
Paul: That's Mother Teresa's. She has been a perfect person and has never lied
Me: Then whose that one at 11:59? Is he even better than Mother Teresa?
Paul: No. That one belongs to Bill Clinton. He lied so much during his presidency, the clock almost resets to 12:00
Me: I wonder, where's Donald Trump's clock?
Paul: Trump? Its in my office. I am using it as a desk fan

Women belong in the kitchen.

Men belong in the Kitchen.

Everyone belongs in the kitchen.

Kitchen has food.

You can explore belongs appropriation reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean belongs jefferson dad jokes. There are also belongs puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


How to irritate an archaeologist?

Show him a used women's pad and ask him which period it belongs to.

I have my own private jet.

The rest of the jaccuzi belongs to my roommate.

What's the difference between a girl and a gril?

One belongs on the deck, the other belongs in the kitchen.

At the train station...

Lady: Excuse me Sir, is this my train?

Conductor: No Ma'am, it belongs to the Railway Station Company.

Lady: Don't be funny. What I'm trying to ask is if I can take this train to Busan.

Conductor: No Ma'am, it's too heavy.

I really hate men that says women belongs in the kitchen

How are they then supposed to clean the rest of the house?

Belongs joke, I really hate men that says women belongs in the kitchen

Eating dairy is wrong.

That belongs to the bovines, we have no right to take it from them. It's cow-tural appropriation.

There was a severed human nose found in the lake. Know who it belongs to?

No body nose...

I've got my own private jet...

...but the rest of the jacuzzi belongs to my mom.


Do you think a Stegosaurus can accurately guess what era it belongs to?

You bet jurassic-an.

What is something that belongs to you, but is used most by other people?

Your webcam.

Guy calls in on radio show

**Guy**: Hey! I found this wallet with $2k, an Amazon gift card, and it says it belongs to someone named 'Ryan'
**Host**: Oh how nice of you. Do you want me to ask Ryan to reclaim it?
**Guy**: No, I want to request a sad song for Ryan

It's so hot in Texas even sand from the Sahara thinks it belongs here.

When I eat wheat it gives me a headache. Oddly, it doesn't if the wheat belongs to someone else.

It's just migraine

Our current president is practically a cartoon character...

He is tweety, and belongs in a cage.

An intense fight broke out at the gym down the road just now

It now belongs to Team Mystic

A man goes to the Super Bowl but his tickets are for the upper tier. He spots an open seat on the 50-yard line and grabs it.

The guy sitting next to him says, Actually, this seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been together since we got married in 1967.

I'm sorry to hear that, says the first man. Couldn't you find a friend or relative to come with you?

Nope, replies the second guy. Everyone's at the funeral.

Offensive warning

An English man, a Welsh man and a Pakistani man are waiting at a hospital as their wives had just given birth. A midwife comes in and explains that the name tags have been messed up and they will have to work out which baby belongs to who. The English man, by right, goes first and chooses what is clearly the Pakistani child. When the baby's father points this out to him, he says I know, but there's a Welsh kid in there and I'm not taking any chances

In court, a woman asks for custody of her daughter.

Woman claims that she gone through pain by giving birth to her daughter to bring her to this world therefore she should obtain the custody.

Then the judge asks the man for an argument why he should obtain the custody of his daughter.

The man said: "Judge, if you insert a coin into a vending machine and get a bottle of Coke, to whom does the bottle belongs?

Vending machines or yours?

Me when I show my Itallian friend the place where things are excavated which belongs to me

"It's a mine"

It doesn't matter whether you stand up or sit down to urinate...

...as long as your gender fluid is going into the toilet where it belongs.

What's a pirate's favourite letter?

You'd think it'd be R, but 'tis the C his heart truely belongs to.

A wife is making deer meat for her guests

A wife is making deer meat for her guests.

They soon arrive and to impress them, she tells them her children can guess what animal the meat belongs to.

She asks her children but they are dumbfounded.

Not wanting to be embarrassed in front of her guests she gives them a hint.

"It's also the nickname I have for your dad."

The children push the plate away and say "I don't wanna eat donkeys"

What do you think of my wife?

A man was having a conversation with his friend about his wife.

He asks his friend, "What do you think of my wife?"

His friend, knowing the wife very well responds, "I think she's a pedestrian."

The man, confused, asks his friend, "What do you mean?"

He answers, "She belongs to the streets."

If animals and owners look alike, which one belongs to nymphos?

The swallow

Three astronauts walk into a bar

On the way in, one of them spots ten dollars on the floor. As he bends down to pick it up, one of the others claims that he saw it first, so it belongs to him. The third then claims that he dropped it earlier, so it must be his.

Whose ten? We have a problem...

How do you know a hat belongs to a little drummer boy?

It has a proper pom-pom, proper pom-pom, proper pom-pom...

Got an email from my Son's grade school today ...

Seems my little boy got sent to the Principal's office for giving his Teacher the finger.

The school staff still can't figure out who it belongs to and how he got it.

A wealthy man died and went to heaven.

He was met at the Pearly Gates by Saint Peter who led him down the streets of gold.
They passed mansion after mansion until they came to the very end of the street.
Saint Peter stopped the rich man in front of a little shack.
This belongs to you, said Saint Peter.

Why do I get this ugly thing when there are so many mansions I could live in? the man demanded.

We did the best we could with the money you sent us! Saint Peter replied.

Does Forrest Gump belong to Gen X, Gen Y, or Gen Z?

Nope. He belongs to Gen A.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the belongs rightfully jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working belongs antipasta piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes