Belong Jokes
98 belong jokes and hilarious belong puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about belong that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Belong Short Jokes
Short belong jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The belong humour may include short deserve jokes also.
- I love putting on warm underwear fresh out of the dryer... Plus it's super fun to look around the laundromat and guess who they belong to.
- I got fired from my job at the library... Apparently the book on women's rights doesn't belong in the fiction section.
- A crab, a tuna, a lobster, and a Chinese man being run over by a steam roller. What doesn't belong? The Tuna, since all of the others are crushedasians.
- Why do the Russians put Z on all their military vehicles? Because sooner or later they will all belong to Zelensky
- I bought a shirt and some neckwear from Ebay that used to belong to the guy from the Mamas & the Papas All the sleeves are brown and the tie is gray
- My grandpa returned from the war with one leg. We still don't know to whom that leg belonged.
- What's the difference between Notre Dame and Lucky Charms cereal? One of them belongs in a bowl.
- TIL that the U.S. almost declared war against Russia by thinking that an allied underwater warship on their radar belonged to Russia... Oops...wrong sub
- My wife is always insulting me about my lack of direction… So I packed up my belongings and right.
- The idea that women only belong in the kitchen is dated and offensive. The rest of the house needs cleaned too
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Belong One Liners
Which belong one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with belong? I can suggest the ones about behave and contribute.
- 99.99% of people are idiots I'm just happy I belong to the 1%
- 99.9% of people are idiots. Fortunately, I belong to the 1% of intelligent people
- I've got my own private jet... ...but the rest of the jacuzzi belongs to my mom.
- Does Forrest gump belong to Gen X, Gen Y, or Gen Z? Nope. He belongs to Gen A.
- What trees belong in a bathroom? Well toiletries of course
- I know every single phone number I just don't know who they belong to
- What do you call a Chinese knight who is looking for his belongings? Sir Ching
- I took an IQ test today I dont know who it belonged to.
- What Union do Professional Meme Artists belong to? The Memesters
- My friend thinks I'm nuts. Says I belong in a padded room. I said it couldn't hurt.
- I can never figure out where I belong in the navy... Oops, wrong sub!
- What belongs to me but is used the most by others? My ex-wife
- I got two front teeth for Christmas! I have no idea who they belong to.
- What family of animals do porpoises belong to? No phocoenidae!
- Sometimes I feel like a semi-colon I don't know where I belong ;
Women Belong In The Kitchen Jokes
Here is a list of funny women belong in the kitchen jokes and even better women belong in the kitchen puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- women belong in the kitchen. Men belong in the Kitchen.
Everyone belongs in the kitchen.
Kitchen has food.
Hilarious Fun Belong Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter
What funny jokes about belong you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean contained jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make belong pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Which one doesn't belong: eggs, your wife, or a b**...?
The b**.... You can beat your eggs and your wife but you can't beat a b**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
k**... Pastor
An Alabama pastor said to his congregation, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux k**....
This is a horrible lie and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this. Now, I want the party who said this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family."
No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel glory. Now stand and confess your transgression." Again, all was quiet.
Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde with a body that would stop a runaway train rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quivered as she spoke, "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding. I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux k**.... I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets."
I think this belongs here.
Mitt Romney
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a mental hospital wearing nothing but plastic wrap.
The clerk says to him, "You definitely belong here, I can clearly see your nuts!"
Cheese Jokes
Q:What type of cheese do you use if you need to hide a horse?
A: Mascarpone
Q:What type of cheese do you use to make a Polar Bear come to you?
A:Camembert
Q: What type of cheese is made backwards?
A: Edam
Q:What type of cheese doesnt belong to you?
A: Nacho Cheese
The Polish farmer
During WW2, a team of German and Soviet surveyors went through Poland to split the country.
One day they found a farm placed directly over the planned border. The surveyors agreed that the border couldn't be drawn through the house, and decided to ask the farmer.
- Do you want to belong to Soviet or Germany?, they asked him.
After some thinking, the farmer answered
- I'd like to belong to Germany.
- Why is that?
- Oh - I've heard the Russian winters are very cold
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**...
Teacher: Describe hydrogen Student: It is a p**... element
Teacher: Who taught you that?
Student: You said it does not belong to a particular group and it reacts with almost all the elements in the periodic table.
I think my washing machine used to belong to Usain Bolt.
It has a setting for fast coloureds.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bill Cosby was puddin' his pop where it didn't belong.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What doesn't belong in this group, A lobster, an octopus, a crab, or a chinese man under a bus?
The octopus, obviously, the three others are crustaceans.
What has one "n", two "g"s, an "i", "e", and an "r" and you can only say this word when you belong to this group?
ginger
What did the apple say to the two cucumbers?
You belong together.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American mistakes a Hindu from India as a Muslim from Pakistan
Indian guy goes "Excuse me sir, you seem to have mistaken me for a Muslim from Pakistan. I belong to 711 not 911."
I will show myself out.
Why does Titan belong to Saturn?
Because it isnt Titan Uranus.
Oscar Pistorious
I once gave my friend Oscar Pistorious's leg.
"Are you sure this used to belong to him?"
"No," I said, "I'm just taking a shot in the dark"
What does Bill cosby and a bad Jenga player have in common?
They both like to put their wood where it don't belong.
Which of these three does not belong: (A) a lobster, (B) a flounder, or (C) a Korean man who has just been run over by a bus?
The answer is (B) a flounder.
The other two are crushedAsians.
There are 5 white guys waiting in the waiting room while their wives are delivering babies
The nurse comes out with a black baby and asks, "Whose baby does this belong to?"
The men just look at each other dumbfounded until one man puts his hand up and says, "It's probably mine, my wife burns everything."
Divorce custody
A couples divorce proceedings are in progress, and the case of who gets custody of their 4 year old child gets raised.
The mother pleads her case: "I'm the mother, I carried her for 9 months so of course she should stay with me."
The father responds: "if I go to an ATM machine, and I insert my card, and money comes out, does the money belong to me or to the machine?"
Why is my girlfriend like a deep fat fryer?
They're both dangerously hot and belong in the kitchen.
Which of the following does not belong: a) Gordon Lightfoot b) Helen Reddy c) Donald Trump d) Celine Dion
b) Helen Reddy is not associated with a sinking ship.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Women belong in the house...
...and the senate too
During a custody battle...
A mother and father are sitting with a judge during a custody battle
Mom: Sir, I went through hours of pain and suffering to bring my daughter into this world. I should have full custody.
Judge: Do you have anything to say in your defense?
Father: When you put money into a vending machine and a Coke comes out, who does the coke belong to. You or the vending machine?
Which one is different from the other three and why - a fridge, a washing machine, a tv or a woman?
Most people say it's the tv because it's the only one that doesn't belong in the kitchen but they are sexist. It's the tv because it's the only one that doesn't leak when it's fudked.
Which one doesn't belong: lobster, crab, shark or a Japanese man underneath a bus.
The shark. The other 3 are crustaceans.
Me and my friend robbed a chemical plant last night.
We stole all their Alkaline.
Now all their base are belong to us.
There are those who know the difference between "latter" and "former," and there are those who do not.
Proud to say I belong to the latter group.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dang girl are you the Cross of Coronado?
Because you belong in a museum ;)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Which of the following does not belong in this list: h**..., gonorrhea, or a condominium in Cleveland?
The condo, obviously.
Nope, gonorrhea. It's the only one you can get rid of.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men are in a bar
Three men are in a bar, talking about the Red Sox. "I think they'll win it all this year," said the first man. "No way, the Yankees are too good", said the second man. "Well, I've converted to several versions of Christianity and still belong to all of them!" declared the third man, before walking off.
"That was a strange guy," said the first man. "No," said the second man, "that was just a non-sect-quitter."
An old mountaineer and his ex-wife...
were fighting over custody of their kids. The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this world, she should retain custody of them. The judge asked the old mountaineer for his side of the story. After a long moment of silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and asked, "Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A city bus cleaner is hanging ads promoting martin luther king jr Day...
His co-worker shouts "Hey, those belong at the back of the bus!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man and a woman argue over the custody of their child...
The woman screams, "The child is mine! I birthed him from my own flesh and blood and carried him through labour! All you did was screw me, you don't deserve him!"
The man calmly replies, "Tell me, if I put ten cents in a vending machine and a drink pops out, does it belong to me or the vending machine?"
What does a midget that gets bullied say?
I just want to belong.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Not my p**...
A wife goes on a retreat for work.
When she returns, she finds a pair of p**... in her dresser that do not belong to her.
Furious, she questions her husband.
The husband says, "I have no idea where they came from I don't do the laundry!"
So, the wife goes to the maid and questions her.
Indignant, the maid replies, "Madam, how should I know? These p**... don't belong to me. I don't even wear p**... just ask your husband!"
To anyone reading this, you are Important, you are loved, and you belong in this world
If you have over 5000 followers
What is something that belongs to you, but is used most by other people?
Your webcam.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is brown and does not belong in a healthy s**... relationship?
A hornet's nest.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guns don't belong in the hands of the teachers, they belong in the hands of the thin blue line
That's right, the hall monitors. It's time we enforce the **real** rules, people.
A man is jogging along the road when he find an absolutely pristine tennis ball on the ground.
It doesn't seem to belong to anyone. So he picks it up and puts it in his pocket.
While waiting at a cross walk another man notices the bulge and asks "What is that?"
"A tennis ball" he replies.
"Oh, that must hurt a lot! I once had a Tennis Elbow"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I am not a sexist but...
female mosquitos don't belong in a workplace. They the s**... the life right out of you.
I once went to a convention about impostor syndrome...
...but I had to leave because I felt like I didn't belong
People in Colorado keep saying minorities don't belong, but if they learned a little Spanish
They would see their state means colored.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Muslim guy just walked into my store and bought a bunch of fog machines. So I called the cops.
He must belong to an extreme mist organization.
What organization do Sicilian pastors belong to?
La Crossa Nostra
What did the acid say to the alkali?
All your base are belong to us.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Which one doesn't belong: eggs, a girlfriend, or a b**...?
Eggs. You've had eggs.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend Laura was always depressed because she felt she didn't belong in her body, so she got a s**... change
She's happy as Larry.
A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man's truck and said, Why are these penguins in your truck?
The man replied, These are my penguins. They belong to me.
You need to take them to the zoo, the policeman said.
The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo! the officer said.
I did, the man replied. And today I'm taking them to the beach.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did a brother tell a sister to go sit in the middle of the highway?
Because that's where accidents belong.
A man named Jeff was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him.
The officer looked in the back of Jeff's truck and said, Why are these penguins in your truck?
Jeff replied, These are my penguins. They belong to me.
You need to take them to the zoo, the policeman said.
The next day, the officer saw Jeff driving down the road once again. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo! the officer said.
I did, Jeff replied. And today I'm taking them to the beach."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why don't atheists pay taxes?
Because they belong to a non-prophet organization.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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99.9% of the population is dumb.
Fortunately I belong to the 1% of smart people.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Do you know 99% of people are really dumb?
Luckily, I belong to the smart 5%.
Why won't you ever find Harry, Hermione or Ron crying in front of the rest of the school?
Cuz, they belong to the bravest house.
They don't cry publicly; they Grief-indoor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Fact: Q is the only letter that isn't in any American state name.
And as such, believers in Q don't belong in America
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call men who make "Women belong in the kitchen" jokes?
Single.
A man goes to buy a clock.
He's browsing in the clock shop. Suddenly he hears a little voice "Get digital you probably can't read analogue."
Startled, he looks around. Nobody is there.
A few minutes later, he hears another little voice "Your shoes belong in a museum!"
He spins around. Noone there.
As he walks on, he hears another little voice "Your face looks like a baked potato."
He looks around but nobody is near him.
He storms over to the store manager.
"What's going on, who keeps insulting me?"
The manager apologises
"I'm sorry. It's the wind- up watches."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man was taken to court by several people for spreading scandalous rumors about their s**... lives
The judge asked the man, "Do you have anything to say in your defense?"
"Well your honor," responded the man. "I grew up on a very small land mass in the ocean and its just a part of our culture."
Not satisfied, the judge asked, "What culture could you possibly belong to that would lead you to besmirch these good people's reputations?"
The man shrugged and responded, "Islander."
(this just came to me)
64% of the people are bad at math, according to a recent statistic
Lucky me, I belong to the other 46%
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
People who make counterfeit batteries....
Belong in cells
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
AIDS, h**..., s**..., and a timeshare. Which one doesn't belong?
s**.... You can get rid of that.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A wife goes on a retreat for work for a few days. When she returns and enters the house, she puts her things away and then goes to do some much needed laundry.
Upon her entry to the room, however, she finds a pair of p**... on the floor that do not belong to her!
Furious, she questions her husband.
The husband says, "I have no idea where they came from I don't do the laundry, the maid does!"
The wife calms down and says, "Oh! So maybe these belong to the maid, could be she was doing her laundry here."
"Nah," said the husband musingly, "she doesn't even wear p**....
