Belly Jokes
125 belly jokes and hilarious belly puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about belly that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Need a laugh? Check out these hilarious belly-related jokes that will have you rolling. From beer bellies to pork bellies and everything in between, these jokes will have you in stitches. Whether you’re pregnant, have had a baby, or just wanting to laugh - these funny belly jokes are sure to bring you a belly laugh this Christmas season. Don’t forget to laugh at your own waist, bloat, and bellybutton too!
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Funniest Belly Short Jokes
Short belly jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The belly humour may include short tummy jokes also.
- My 8 year old daughter made this up today. Why did the car have a belly ache? Because it had gas.
- So, i wanted to know what my weight was. 'Holding your belly in is not gonna make you lighter' my wife said.
But how am i supposed to see the numbers? - Beer Belly Some guy looked at my beer belly in the bar last night and asked sarcastically "Is that Budweiser or Heineken?"
My response: "There's a tap underneath, taste it for yourself." - A child gets a toy Ferrari stuck in his belly button... ... it wouldn't be a problem if it was an Audi.
- You seem to like blonde jokes around here. Here is my favorite: Why did the blonde have such a terribly bruised belly button? Her boyfriend was blond as well.
- I just read this strange new book about a dark blue star exploding out of a sailor's belly button It's a novel naval navel navy nova novel
- @Men..bet your female friend... ..that she can't use both of her elbows to touch her belly button.
You can thank me later. - My abs are so perfect... ...that i keep them safe and sound under a protective layer of beer belly.
- Nobody wants to be alone. my old neighbor; newly divorced, beer-belly, balding, and closing on 50... Hate to say it but -
I don't like her chances - Went to the naval observatory the other day. ....weirdos there wouldn't stop checking out my belly.
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Belly One Liners
Which belly one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with belly? I can suggest the ones about stomach and navel.
- What does a group of Italians say when they start a diet? Ciao belli
- Why is the blondes belly button bruised? Her BF is blonde too
- What type of belly button does a car have? An Audi.
- If the Earth is flat then my belly is too
- What did the policeman say to his belly? You're under a vest.
- What do you call a crustacean belly? crabdomen
- Why was the skinny scientist so excited? >!He just won the no belly prize!<
- "Do you come here often", she asked... "No, usually in my belly button", I replied.
- What's six inches long, has two nuts, and gives women big bellies? Almond Joy.
- What award do they give to the thinnest person in the world? The No-Belly Prize
- I'm not Catholic, but I've given up picking my belly button for lint.
- I have a soft spot for pizza... My belly
- Why is Helen Kellers belly button bruised? Her boyfriend is blind too.
- I've got a pet peeve His name is sparkle and he likes belly rubs.
- What do a battleship and a belly button ring have in common? They're both Naval units.
Belly Button Jokes
Here is a list of funny belly button jokes and even better belly button puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a reptile with a belly button and a good sense of direction? A navelgator
Thank you, thank you! I'm here all week! - So his wife got a new tattoo... ...of a dollar bill below her belly button. "Why on earth did you get that tattoo?" he said. She replied, "All you can eat under a dollar"
- Someone bet me a car that I wouldn't get belly button enhancement surgery. I just got me an Audi.
- What did the belly button say to the pocket? It's lint fam
- Where did the belly button go to school? The Navel Academy
- What is soft and fuzzy, and lives in a hole? My belly button lint.
- What do you call a belly button in charge? A Navel officer...
- Why is your belly button called Athens ? Because it's the center of grease
- Do you know what Taylor Swift's belly button looks like? A Blank Space
Belly Fat Jokes
Here is a list of funny belly fat jokes and even better belly fat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I was fat and had a beer belly so big i couldn't see my toes. so i prayed to be able to see my toes again.
i can now proudly say i am the record holder for the largest feet in the world - Couldn't get to the gym and gained a bit of belly fat this semester... I just had too much on my plate.
- If you drink 2 glasses of kale juice daily, it will destroy your belly fat and Your desire to live too.
- You know you are getting too fat when you take your shirt off and your belly starts hitting the laptop space bar by accident.
- My belly is fat My brain has delay.
You guessed it right.
I'm from NA.
Big Belly Jokes
Here is a list of funny big belly jokes and even better big belly puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My dad at the doctor The doctor tells him to watch his weight, my father to answer him "That's why I put it all in front of me!" While flattering his big belly.
- Why African children have thin hands but big belly?
- I have a hair lip, a big belly, and a lazy eye. What am I? Ugly.
Beer Belly Jokes
Here is a list of funny beer belly jokes and even better beer belly puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Nobody wants to be alone. A recently divorced friend of mine is hopeful of once again finding romance. Beer belly, completely bald..... I don't like her chances.
- What has a beer belly, but doesn't drink any beer? A bear.
(This works best in a Jamaican accent) - Why does the equipment look bigger on men with beer bellies? Gravitational lensing!
- This isn't a beer belly, it's a fuel tank for a love machine.
Cheerful Belly Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about belly you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean waist jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make belly pranks.
I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my 8 year old*
Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?
Me: Two. You have two, son.
Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!
The student has become the teacher.
Today I got stabbed in the stomach...
They told me I was belly alive.
Two ladies are in the gym locker room ....
changing into their running outfits. One lady notices her friend's tummy and asks: "Sara, why is there wax in your belly button?" Sara says, "Oh, you'll never believe how romantic my boyfriend can be. He just loves to eat by candlelight."
A man brought some cookies to a party...
His friend approached him later during the party. He asked for the recipe to show his wife.
"You see, the secret trick is that I put the dough in my belly button to measure out the perfect size of each cookie," he tells his friend.
"That's absolutely disgusting," says the friend.
He answers, "Oh, you're not going to like the way I make donuts then."
A man goes to a psychiatrist…
…and he's holding a duck by the belly. The psychiatrist asks, "Can I help you?" The guy responds,
"Idunno. I've just been feeling down."
What do you do for a frog with a belly ache?
Rubbit.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a man with a knife in his belly, an axe in his back and an arrow in his head?
An ambulance.
Don't Eat Too Many Lollipops
A mother tells her little boy, "Johnny, you mustn't eat too many lollies or I'll hide the lolly jar." Johnny asks, "Why?" His mother says, "Because something bad will happen! Your tummy will blow up big like a balloon and then pop!" The next day at church, the boy is sitting next to a pregnant woman. He points to her belly smiling and says, "I know what you've been doing!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Child walks in on parents in c**...
Mummy and Daddy are having s**... and their beautiful child walks in. Flustered, Mummy leaps off the bed (and off her husband) and wittingly tries to console what she thinks is her scarred son.
son: mummy, what's going on?
mum: oh son! I was just helping your daddy to flatten his belly
son: but why mummy? there's no point. the nanny just comes and blows it back up again.
My son asked me where babies come from
"They come out of mommy's belly" I said
He then asked, "Well where do they come out?"
"Through a special hole between her legs" I replied
"Well I think she's having another one, I saw her yesterday feeding it a cucumber"
You can't hear the ocean, but . . .
I used to know a girl that had a tattoo of a sea shell right below her belly button.
The odd thing was that if you put your ear next to the tattoo, you couldn't hear the ocean, but you could smell it!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I keep getting zits near my belly button...
Tell your mom to stridex her forehead!
This joke is best told at a bar, standing up. Point to the area between your c**... and navel. Enjoy!
A young child caught her parents in the bedroom last night.
The child asks,
"Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on daddy's stomach last night?"
The mother replies,
"I have to do that, or else daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."
"That's not going to work, you silly!" responds the child.
"Why not?" asks the mother.
"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."
Have you heard of the pelican?
It's bill fits more than its belly can
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A little boy walks in on his parents having s**....
"Mommy, why are you on top of Daddy?" he says. The mom thinks fast and says "Well, your daddy has a big belly, so sometimes I get on top of him and try to flatten it out." The boy says "well that will never work." "Why?" says the mom. "Because when you go out shopping on Saturdays, the lady next door comes over and blows it right back up again."
Dining Out
A waiter approached our table and asked us if we enjoyed our meal.
It was absolutely delicious, I ate every last bit! said my wife.
And Sir? said the waiter. How did you find the pork belly?
Oh, about six years ago, we met at a sales convention.
What is the epitome of self deception?
Pulling in your belly standing on the scale
A little girl was drawing a picture of Jonah inside the whale in class...
Her teacher asked her "What's that?"
"It's Jonah inside the belly of the whale from the Bible." She replied
The teacher, an atheist, told her "You know that didn't really happen."
She kept drawing "When I get to heaven I'll just ask Jonah."
"What if he's not in heaven? The teacher admonished.
The girl, still drawing "Then you ask him"
Today I said to my 7 yr old daughter - there are only two things in the universe mass and energy, do you know what the difference between mass and energy is? She jumped off of her chair and said yes!....
You are mass and I am energy, she said pointing at my belly and laughing...
I think she'll be alright, I have a feeling.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a belly dancer and an incompetent pastry chef?
One shakes body parts and the other bakes shoddy tarts.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple of ten years is in bed
They haven't had s**... in months. The man unexpectedly starts caressing her knees, then her tighs. She starts breathing heavily. He caresses her waist, her belly. She closes her eyes and starts biting her lips. He caresses her breast, her shoulders. She's getting there.
"Found the remote!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do l**... have belly b**...?
To hold the tartar sauce.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does an older woman have between her breast that a younger one doesnt?
Her belly button.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are the best bellydancers all Arabs?
Because they can sheik it.
A couple are about to finish their dinner, when the waiter arrives.
Waiter: How did you like your steak, ma'am?
Wife: Oh it was good, thank you. Pay the chef my compliments.
Waiter: And Sir, how did you find your Pork Belly?
Husband: Oh well, we met on a train some fifteen years ago...
Twelve-year-old Timmy was talking with his classmate, Lisa...
Timmy: "Hey Lisa, I'll give you a dollar if we can go in the closet and you let me stick my finger in your belly button."
Lisa: "Okay."
They go into the dark closet.
Lisa: "Hey Timmy! That's not my belly button!"
Timmy: "That's okay. That's not my finger."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where do they store surplus belly b**...?
The naval reserve.
^^^I'm ^^^so ^^^sorry...
I recently lost 30 pounds and I finally lost my dickeydoo
You know, when your belly sticks out farther than your dickeydoo?
Mommy, I saw you jumping on daddy's belly last night.
Yes, we were trying to get rid of daddy's big belly. I jump on him so all the air would come out.
Aha, I know why it isn't working then – the woman from next door comes every afternoon when you go shopping and blows all the air back into him again.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My girlfriend was crying because of a pain around the belly
I told her she is o**... acting.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Our ancestors would be so jealous of modern dryers' lint traps
They had to get by on whatever they could capture in their belly b**...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a pregnant woman with a transparent belly?
A w**... with a view.
jelly bean challenge
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman caught her husband on the weight scale s**... on his big fat belly
"Steven, that won't help you, you know?"
"Oh it helps A LOT." The man says. "It's the only way I can see the numbers on the thing!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do blonde girls have such big belly b**...?
Because they date blonde guys
What do you call 100 midgets at a party?
A little get together.
I'm 99% sure repost but it gets me a good ol belly laugh every time.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My 3rd and 5th child have innie belly b**.... My first born has an outie.
I guess he's the odd one out.
Be sure to eat well. After all, you're eating for two now right?
(Husband patting wife's belly) - Absolutely Dad, that tapeworm needs it's proteins.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I had a douchbag whale as a flatmate once...
I had this d**... whale as a flatmate once. He was really messy and never paid rent. Eventually the time came where I thought enough was enough and told him to leave, but, stubborn as he was, that didn't really work at all. So I hatched a plan. Late at night, when he was asleep, I secretly attached some wheels to his belly and pushed him out the door and back into the ocean and this time it worked wheely whale.
Japanese Banking Crisis
Uncertainty has hit the Japanese banking industry.
In the past week, Origami bank has folded, Sumo bank has gone belly up and Bonsai bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.
Last week it was announced that Karaoke bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while shares in Kamikaze bank were suspended after they nosedived.
Samurai bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja bank is reported to have taken a hit, but it remains in the black.
Furthermore 500 staff at Karate bank got the chop and analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi bank where it's feared staff may get a raw deal.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
They say that s**... is the best form of exercise
Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every three months is going to shift this beer belly.
Bellybuttons.
The mother of all scars.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the Barbie factory do when it ran out of belly b**...?
They called the the navel reserve, naturally.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Dogs run around n**..., roll in dirt, and whine for a belly rub all the time.
So why when I do it, I just get called a psychopath?
Two pregnant women on a bench were talking to each other.
They saw a fat guy with a big belly. On seeing the fat guy, one said, " I will give birth to a handsome boy." On this the other said, " I will give birth to you a beautiful girl."
With intention to make fun of the guy , they asked the fat guy, "What are you gonna give birth to?"
He said I am gonna give birth to a young elephant and drops his pants.
" See, the trunk's coming out".
Why did the belly dancer quit her job?
Because she hated waisting time.
Two guys are relaxing in a pool, one is belly up, and the other is bellow down.
They have been like this for fifteen minutes.
Financial collapse in Japan
Origami Bank has folded.
Sumo Bank has gone belly up.
Bonsai Bank has had to cut back some of its branches.
Karaoke Bank has been put up for sale and is going for a song.
There's something fishy going on at Sushi Bank...shareholders are afraid they might get a raw deal.
Kamikaze Bank shares have nose-dived.
500 jobs at Karate Bank have been chopped.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do c**... drip into belly b**...?
It's sea men trying to get to the navel base.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do innie belly b**... make such bad criminals?
Because they can't stop attracting the fuzz
Man goes to a doctor for a physical
Doctor says "You are doing well except for your dickie doo". "What's that?" the man asks. The doctor says "That's when your belly sticks out further than your dickie doo".
How to loose belly fat
Little Johny walks to his mom and starts asking her about what he had seen the previous night while sneaking around the house.
Little Johny: Mommy, mommy why ware you jumping on daddy's stomach last night?
Mom: Johny you're old enough to know the truth... your dad is getting obese so I need to jump on top of him to help him loose the belly.
Little Johny: I don't think that's going to work mommy.
Mom: Why do you say that?
Little Johny: When you leave for work the neighbor comes in and blow him back up.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Apparently women really care about belly b**...
I told this girl I had an outtie and her eyes lit up
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny was sitting on the curb
Shaking a bottle of turpentine. The local priest walking by, stopped and asked what he had in the bottle. Johnny said, this is the most powerful liquid in the world, turpentine. The priest said, the most powerful liquid in the world is holy water. A couple drops on a pregnant woman's belly, and she will pass a baby boy . Johnny said, That's nothing! A couple drops of this turpentine on a cat's a**..., it will pass a motorcycle.
A woman reports her husband's disappearance to the police...
A woman reports her husband's disappearance to the police. They ask her for a description, and she says, He's six feet, three inches tall, well-built, with thick, curly hair.
Her friend says, What are you talking about? Your husband is five-feet-four, bald, and has a huge belly.
And she says, Who wants that one back?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The bull and the lion
So a bull is walking through the jungle one day, bragging about his enormous size and impressive horns. He even boasted that he was afraid of nothing in the jungle. Well, a lion heard this boasting and laughed as he proceeded to kill the bull and eat him. After getting his belly full, he roared with delight that he was the king of the jungle!!!! A nearby hunter heard the roaring and shot the lion.
Moral of the story? Sometimes when you are full of bull it's better to keep your mouth shut
