Belly Jokes

136 belly jokes and hilarious belly puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about belly that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Need a laugh? Check out these hilarious belly-related jokes that will have you rolling. From beer bellies to pork bellies and everything in between, these jokes will have you in stitches. Whether you’re pregnant, have had a baby, or just wanting to laugh - these funny belly jokes are sure to bring you a belly laugh this Christmas season. Don’t forget to laugh at your own waist, bloat, and bellybutton too!

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Funniest Belly Short Jokes

Short belly jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The belly humour may include short tummy jokes also.

  1. My 8 year old daughter made this up today. Why did the car have a belly ache? Because it had gas.
  2. So, i wanted to know what my weight was. 'Holding your belly in is not gonna make you lighter' my wife said.
    But how am i supposed to see the numbers?
  3. What does an older woman have between her breast that a younger one doesnt? Her belly button.
  4. Beer Belly Some guy looked at my beer belly in the bar last night and asked sarcastically "Is that Budweiser or Heineken?"
    My response: "There's a tap underneath, taste it for yourself."
  5. Blonde Joke Why did the blonde girl have bruises around her belly button?
    Because blonde guys aren't smart either (Sorry if it's a repost.)
  6. A child gets a toy Ferrari stuck in his belly button... ... it wouldn't be a problem if it was an Audi.
  7. You seem to like blonde jokes around here. Here is my favorite: Why did the blonde have such a terribly bruised belly button? Her boyfriend was blond as well.
  8. Why did the blonde woman have bruises covering her belly?!? Because her boyfriend was blonde too...
  9. I just read this strange new book about a dark blue star exploding out of a sailor's belly button It's a novel naval navel navy nova novel
  10. ‪@Men‬ your female friend... ‪..that she can't use both of her elbows to touch her belly button.
    You can thank me later.

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Belly One Liners

Which belly one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with belly? I can suggest the ones about stomach and navel.

  1. What does a group of Italians say when they start a diet? Ciao belli
  2. What do you call an overweight hobbit's belly? His Middle Girth
  3. Why is the blondes belly button bruised? Her BF is blonde too
  4. What type of belly button does a car have? An Audi.
  5. If the Earth is flat then my belly is too
  6. Why did the blonde have a bruised belly button? Her boyfriend was blonde too.
  7. What did the policeman say to his belly? You're under a vest.
  8. Why was the blonde's belly button sore? Because her boyfriend was blond too.
  9. What do you call a crustacean belly? crabdomen
  10. Why was the skinny scientist so excited? >!He just won the no belly prize!<
  11. Why did the blond have a sore belly button? His boyfriend was blond, too.
  12. "Do you come here often", she asked... "No, usually in my belly button", I replied.
  13. What's six inches long, has two nuts, and gives women big bellies? Almond Joy.
  14. What award do they give to the thinnest person in the world? The No-Belly Prize
  15. What did the police officer say to his belly-button? You're under a vest.

Belly Button Jokes

Here is a list of funny belly button jokes and even better belly button puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What the police say to his belly button Your under a vest.
  • Why did the blonde's belly button hurt? Blonde guys are dumb too
  • I'm not Catholic, but I've given up picking my belly button for lint.
  • What did the cop say to his belly button? You're under a vest
  • Yo mama so fat That when she enters a room her belly button gets there 5 minutes before she does
  • What do you call a reptile with a belly button and a good sense of direction? A navelgator
    Thank you, thank you! I'm here all week!
  • Why is Helen Kellers belly button bruised? Her boyfriend is blind too.
  • So his wife got a new tattoo... ...of a dollar bill below her belly button. "Why on earth did you get that tattoo?" he said. She replied, "All you can eat under a dollar"
  • Someone bet me a car that I wouldn't get belly button enhancement surgery. I just got me an Audi.
  • What kind of a belly button does a German car mechanic have? An Audi

Belly Fat Jokes

Here is a list of funny belly fat jokes and even better belly fat puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was fat and had a beer belly so big i couldn't see my toes. so i prayed to be able to see my toes again.

    i can now proudly say i am the record holder for the largest feet in the world
  • Yo mama So fat I can stand on her belly and high five Jesus
    -Merry Xmas
  • Why do fat girls have belly button rings So we can tow them away from the lunch line
  • Yo mama so fat... ... slapping her belly causes gravitational waves.
    ... every step she takes causes a ripple in special relativity.
  • Couldn't get to the gym and gained a bit of belly fat this semester... I just had too much on my plate.
  • If you drink 2 glasses of kale juice daily, it will destroy your belly fat and Your desire to live too.
  • You know you are getting too fat when you take your shirt off and your belly starts hitting the laptop space bar by accident.
  • Yo Momma Is So Fat Her belly button has an echo.
  • Yo' Mama is so fat, instead lint in her belly button, she's gathered full sweaters.
  • Yo mama is so fat that her belly button doesn't have lint, it has sweaters.
Belly joke

Big Belly Jokes

Here is a list of funny big belly jokes and even better big belly puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My dad at the doctor The doctor tells him to watch his weight, my father to answer him "That's why I put it all in front of me!" While flattering his big belly.
  • Why African children have thin hands but big belly?
  • I have a hair lip, a big belly, and a lazy eye. What am I? Ugly.
  • Why do blonde girls have such big belly b**...? Because they date blonde guys
  • Why do blondes have big belly b**...? Their boyfriends are also blonde.
    [A joke I heard in grade 6.]

Beer Belly Jokes

Here is a list of funny beer belly jokes and even better beer belly puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My abs are so perfect... ...that i keep them safe and sound under a protective layer of beer belly.
  • Nobody wants to be alone. my old neighbor; newly divorced, beer-belly, balding, and closing on 50... Hate to say it but -
    I don't like her chances
  • Nobody wants to be alone. A recently divorced friend of mine is hopeful of once again finding romance. Beer belly, completely bald..... I don't like her chances.
  • What has a beer belly, but doesn't drink any beer? A bear.
    (This works best in a Jamaican accent)
  • Why does the equipment look bigger on men with beer bellies? Gravitational lensing!
  • This isn't a beer belly, it's a fuel tank for a love machine.
  • They say that s**... is the best form of exercise Correct me if I'm wrong but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every three months is going to shift this beer belly.
Belly joke, They say that s**... is the best form of exercise

Cheerful Belly Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!

What funny jokes about belly you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean waist jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make belly pranks.

I had the best Dad moment last night... *actual conversation with my 8 year old*

Son: Dad... how many kidneys do I have?
Me: Two. You have two, son.
Son: Nope... I have four. *point to belly* Two kidneys here... *points to legs* ...and two kid knees here!
The student has become the teacher.

Why do blondes have bruised belly b**...?

Because blonde boys aren't all that bright either.

Two ladies are in the gym locker room ....

changing into their running outfits. One lady notices her friend's tummy and asks: "Sara, why is there wax in your belly button?" Sara says, "Oh, you'll never believe how romantic my boyfriend can be. He just loves to eat by candlelight."

A man brought some cookies to a party...

His friend approached him later during the party. He asked for the recipe to show his wife.
"You see, the secret trick is that I put the dough in my belly button to measure out the perfect size of each cookie," he tells his friend.
"That's absolutely disgusting," says the friend.
He answers, "Oh, you're not going to like the way I make donuts then."

What do you call a man with a knife in his belly, an axe in his back and an arrow in his head?

An ambulance.

Don't Eat Too Many Lollipops

A mother tells her little boy, "Johnny, you mustn't eat too many lollies or I'll hide the lolly jar." Johnny asks, "Why?" His mother says, "Because something bad will happen! Your tummy will blow up big like a balloon and then pop!" The next day at church, the boy is sitting next to a pregnant woman. He points to her belly smiling and says, "I know what you've been doing!"

What type of belly b**... do cars have?


Pumping up his stomach

A little boy walks in on his parents having s**... and the mother throws on a robe and rushes him out of the room. "I was just hopping on daddy's big belly to make it smaller" she says, but the little boy tells her "That's useless because every time you go shopping the neighbor lady comes and gets on her knees and blows it right back up!"

Child walks in on parents in c**...

Mummy and Daddy are having s**... and their beautiful child walks in. Flustered, Mummy leaps off the bed (and off her husband) and wittingly tries to console what she thinks is her scarred son.

son: mummy, what's going on?
mum: oh son! I was just helping your daddy to flatten his belly
son: but why mummy? there's no point. the nanny just comes and blows it back up again.

My son asked me where babies come from

"They come out of mommy's belly" I said
He then asked, "Well where do they come out?"
"Through a special hole between her legs" I replied
"Well I think she's having another one, I saw her yesterday feeding it a cucumber"

Boy sees mother on top having s**... with father

Mother says: Son, I'm sitting on this because your father has a big belly so I'm trying to flatten it.
Son says: You're then wasting your time, mum. Every time that you are out, the neighbour comes in and blows it back again.

A young child caught her parents in the bedroom last night.

The child asks,
"Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on daddy's stomach last night?"
The mother replies,
"I have to do that, or else daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."
"That's not going to work, you silly!" responds the child.
"Why not?" asks the mother.
"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."

Mommy, why were you bouncing on Daddy's belly last night?

Mom: "Because his belly has become fat recently, and I need to help him lose weight."
Boy: "But that won't work."
Mom: "Why not?"
Boy: "Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back again."

a man takes his crossed-eyed bull dog to the vet..

The vet examines him, looks in his eyes, ears, mouth.

he picks up the dog and checks his legs and belly. finally, the vet says "i'm gonna have to put him down"

"because he's cross-eyed?" asks the man

"no, because he's really heavy."

A little boy walks in on his parents having s**....

"Mommy, why are you on top of Daddy?" he says. The mom thinks fast and says "Well, your daddy has a big belly, so sometimes I get on top of him and try to flatten it out." The boy says "well that will never work." "Why?" says the mom. "Because when you go out shopping on Saturdays, the lady next door comes over and blows it right back up again."

Dining Out

A waiter approached our table and asked us if we enjoyed our meal.
It was absolutely delicious, I ate every last bit! said my wife.
And Sir? said the waiter. How did you find the pork belly?
Oh, about six years ago, we met at a sales convention.

A little girl was drawing a picture of Jonah inside the whale in class...

Her teacher asked her "What's that?"
"It's Jonah inside the belly of the whale from the Bible." She replied
The teacher, an atheist, told her "You know that didn't really happen."
She kept drawing "When I get to heaven I'll just ask Jonah."
"What if he's not in heaven? The teacher admonished.
The girl, still drawing "Then you ask him"

Today I said to my 7 yr old daughter - there are only two things in the universe mass and energy, do you know what the difference between mass and energy is? She jumped off of her chair and said yes!....

You are mass and I am energy, she said pointing at my belly and laughing...
I think she'll be alright, I have a feeling.

Men are the best cooks...

With 2 eggs, one sausage, and a little bit of milk, we can fill a womans belly for 9 months!

What's the difference between a belly dancer and an incompetent pastry chef?

One shakes body parts and the other bakes shoddy tarts.

Twelve-year-old Timmy was talking with his classmate, Lisa...

Timmy: "Hey Lisa, I'll give you a dollar if we can go in the closet and you let me stick my finger in your belly button."
Lisa: "Okay."
They go into the dark closet.
Lisa: "Hey Timmy! That's not my belly button!"
Timmy: "That's okay. That's not my finger."

I have 3 legs, 5 arms, 7 eyes and 19 belly b**.... What am I?

A liar.

Where do they store surplus belly b**...?

The naval reserve.
^^^I'm ^^^so ^^^sorry...

Mommy, I saw you jumping on daddy's belly last night.

Yes, we were trying to get rid of daddy's big belly. I jump on him so all the air would come out.

Aha, I know why it isn't working then – the woman from next door comes every afternoon when you go shopping and blows all the air back into him again.

My girlfriend was crying because of a pain around the belly

I told her she is o**... acting.

What do you call a pregnant woman with a transparent belly?

A w**... with a view.

A p**... and a czechoslovakian went missing in a forest.

A search party of hunters formed and they went looking for the two and came upon two very large bears mating. They shot and killed the bears and cut the female bear open and found the p**...'s remains in her belly. One of the hunters replied "I guess the Czech's in the male"

A woman caught her husband on the weight scale s**... on his big fat belly

"Steven, that won't help you, you know?"
"Oh it helps A LOT." The man says. "It's the only way I can see the numbers on the thing!"

Man goes to doctor and says: Everywhere on my body hurts! Am I dying?

Doctor says: Can you point to where it hurts and show me?
Man points at head: Ow! Points at shoulder: Ow! Points at knee: Ow! Points at belly: Ow!
Doctor examines him and says: Nope you're not dying, you just have a broken index finger.

I have a soft spot for pizza...

My belly

Why did the blonde woman have bruises on her belly button?

Because blonde men are s**... too.

I had a douchbag whale as a flatmate once...

I had this d**... whale as a flatmate once. He was really messy and never paid rent. Eventually the time came where I thought enough was enough and told him to leave, but, stubborn as he was, that didn't really work at all. So I hatched a plan. Late at night, when he was asleep, I secretly attached some wheels to his belly and pushed him out the door and back into the ocean and this time it worked wheely whale.

Japanese Banking Crisis

Uncertainty has hit the Japanese banking industry.

In the past week, Origami bank has folded, Sumo bank has gone belly up and Bonsai bank announced plans to cut some of its branches.

Last week it was announced that Karaoke bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song while shares in Kamikaze bank were suspended after they nosedived.

Samurai bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja bank is reported to have taken a hit, but it remains in the black.

Furthermore 500 staff at Karate bank got the chop and analysts report there is something fishy going on at Sushi bank where it's feared staff may get a raw deal.

Daddy's Fat

Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on Daddy's stomach last night?
"I have to do that, or dad's belly gets really fat, bouncing on his belly keeps him skinny."
That's not going to work.
"Why baby?"
Because the babysitter keeps blowing him up again!

Financial collapse in Japan

Origami Bank has folded.
Sumo Bank has gone belly up.
Bonsai Bank has had to cut back some of its branches.
Karaoke Bank has been put up for sale and is going for a song.
There's something fishy going on at Sushi Bank...shareholders are afraid they might get a raw deal.
Kamikaze Bank shares have nose-dived.
500 jobs at Karate Bank have been chopped.

Why do c**... drip into belly b**...?

It's sea men trying to get to the navel base.

Why do blonde girls have bruises around their belly b**...?

Because blonde guys are s**... too.

Man goes to a doctor for a physical

Doctor says "You are doing well except for your dickie doo". "What's that?" the man asks. The doctor says "That's when your belly sticks out further than your dickie doo".

Where do you store extra belly b**...?

In a naval reserve!

Went to the naval observatory the other day.

....weirdos there wouldn't stop checking out my belly.

Why do blonde girls have bruises around their belly b**...?

Because blonde guys aren't that smart either.

How to loose belly fat

Little Johny walks to his mom and starts asking her about what he had seen the previous night while sneaking around the house.
Little Johny: Mommy, mommy why ware you jumping on daddy's stomach last night?
Mom: Johny you're old enough to know the truth... your dad is getting obese so I need to jump on top of him to help him loose the belly.
Little Johny: I don't think that's going to work mommy.
Mom: Why do you say that?
Little Johny: When you leave for work the neighbor comes in and blow him back up.

Apparently women really care about belly b**...

I told this girl I had an outtie and her eyes lit up

I was looking at myself in the mirror the other day while my wife was there

I said to her, 'my nose is getting bigger every day, so is my belly, I've got more wrinkles than a pug, I've got more hair coming out of my nose than I've got on my head, the skin on my neck is so loose I look like a turkey. I could really use a compliment.'
My wife said, 'your eyesight is absolutely perfect.'

Why do blondes have bruised belly b**...?

Because blonde men are s**... too.

Little Johnny was sitting on the curb

Shaking a bottle of turpentine. The local priest walking by, stopped and asked what he had in the bottle. Johnny said, this is the most powerful liquid in the world, turpentine. The priest said, the most powerful liquid in the world is holy water. A couple drops on a pregnant woman's belly, and she will pass a baby boy . Johnny said, That's nothing! A couple drops of this turpentine on a cat's a**..., it will pass a motorcycle.

A woman reports her husband's disappearance to the police...

A woman reports her husband's disappearance to the police. They ask her for a description, and she says, He's six feet, three inches tall, well-built, with thick, curly hair.
Her friend says, What are you talking about? Your husband is five-feet-four, bald, and has a huge belly.
And she says, Who wants that one back?

The bull and the lion

So a bull is walking through the jungle one day, bragging about his enormous size and impressive horns. He even boasted that he was afraid of nothing in the jungle. Well, a lion heard this boasting and laughed as he proceeded to kill the bull and eat him. After getting his belly full, he roared with delight that he was the king of the jungle!!!! A nearby hunter heard the roaring and shot the lion.
Moral of the story? Sometimes when you are full of bull it's better to keep your mouth shut

Sister Ann Putting on Weight

"Sister Ann, aren't you putting on a little weight?" inquired Father Dan during his visit to the convent, suspiciously eyeing her bulging belly. "Why, no Father," answered the nun demurely, "It's just a little gas." A few months later Father Dan put the same question to the nun noticing her habit barely fit across her belly. "Oh, just a bit of gas," said Sister Ann, blushing a bit. On his next visit Father Dan was walking down the corridor when he passed Sister Ann wheeling a baby carriage. Looking in, the priest observed, "Cute little f**...!"

Breaking News: Brilliant scientists managed to find the last digit of pi.

They found it by writing the whole number on your mom's belly.

Belly joke, Breaking News: Brilliant scientists managed to find the last digit of pi.

jokes about belly