Belgian Jokes
49 belgian jokes and hilarious belgian puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about belgian that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover the best Belgian jokes about the Dutch and the French. Read about traditional wit from Flanders and the unique humor between Frenchmen and Dutchmen. Explore the funniest Belgian jokes about the classic Belgian Malinois and Belgian Waffle.
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Funniest Belgian Short Jokes
Short belgian jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The belgian humour may include short surrender jokes also.
- I booked an hotel in kenya on walking distance from the beach... You can't imagine how far those kenyans will walk.
[source: philip geubels, Belgian comedian] - This morning for breakfast, I made a Belgian waffle. For lunch, I'm planning to make a dutch person uncomfortable.
- A French man, a German, a portuguese man and a Swede are all sitting in a bar. Normally there's also a Belgian in this joke but he's still at the Euro cup…
- What do you do when a Belgian throws a grenade at you? You unpin it and throw it back... (Frenchhumor)
- A Belgian pilot... A Belgian pilot is landing his plane,
Pilot: wow, what a short runway!
Copilot: yea, but it's sooo wide though! - What's the difference between a French kiss and a Belgian kiss? A Belgian kiss is more Flemish.
- A Dutch guy, a Belgian guy and a Greek guy are sitting in a room The Dutch guy had a joke, but wanted money for it. The Greek guy couldn't pay it and the Belgian guy didn't get it.
- Why does a Belgian take a stone and a flashlight to bed? The stone to throw the lights out, the flashlight to check if the lights are really out
- A Belgian guy enters in a bar... He asks for a diet coke and the barman says : I don't have them anymore, can I give you ONE ZERO ?!
\#WorldcupJokes - What's the difference between Belgian waffles and American waffles? Belgium waffles crumble in the hands of German.
Share These Belgian Jokes With Friends
Belgian One Liners
Which belgian one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with belgian? I can suggest the ones about danish and dutch.
- What do you call a Belgian businessman? An Antwerp-eneur!
- Belgian Waffle Today I made a Belgian Waffle, and a Frenchman talk rubbish.
- Did know that king Leopold II never visited Belgian Congo? It was a hands off operation.
- Why don't Belgians eat German food? It goes right through 'em every time...
- Why do Congo gamers refuse to play with Belgians? They're afraid of getting owned
- What do you call a Belgian with a cold? Phlegmish
- How can you tell a Belgian in a submarine? He's the one with a parachute on his back.
- Why does a Belgian have a knife in his car? To cut the corners!
- Why does a belgian bring a knife whe he's driving a car? To take a shortcut.
- What kind of chocolate do Belgians hate? Tutsi rolls
- Every time I try to speak Belgian, My t**... gets all Flemish.
- What did the Belgian n**... call themselves? The Waffle S.S.
Belgian Waffle Jokes
Here is a list of funny belgian waffle jokes and even better belgian waffle puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Beatless Polish-Belgian haiku limerick: There once was a man from Nantucket Untoasted bagel
Waffle
Dutch Jokes
Here is a list of funny dutch jokes and even better dutch puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do liquid Draino and a Dutch stripper have in common? They both slowly remove clogs.
I'll see myself out... Hey, at least it was original.
Thanks for the gold ! - What's the difference between a straw and a Dutch comedian? One is a hollow cylinder, the other is a silly Hollander.
I'll see myself out. - Two Dutch girls Two Dutch girls are riding their bicycles home from school one day. The first one says "I've never come this way before." And the other says "it's the cobblestones. "
- Why are Dutch people so tall? Shorter ones drowned in floods.
- What's the difference between a funny Dutch man and a tube? one is a hollow cylinder while the other is a silly hollander.
- What is the favourite city of dutch rodents? Hamsterdam.
- A Brit, a Spaniard and a Dutch walk into a bar.. .. unfortunately the Icelander couldn't come, he's still in the European Championship.
- Why is the Dutch fly exhausted? Because it netherlands.
- How long does it take the Dutch to make eggs Benedict? It takes Holland days!
- I would hate to have to wear dutch clogs, wooden shoe?
Gather Around for Heartwarming Belgian Jokes and Uplifting Humor
What funny jokes about belgian you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean french jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make belgian pranks.
One of the British national daily newspapers was asking readers: "What it means to be British?".
Some of the emails were hilarious but this one from a Swiss was a winner.
"Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for
a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a
Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on a Swedish furniture and watch
American shows on a Japanese TV. He buys a holiday home in Spain, Skis in France, fancies Swedish birds and has a Romanian au-pair.
And the most British thing of all?
"Suspicious of anything Foreign "
A Frenchman, a Dutchman and a German walk into a bar...
Normally there also would've been a Belgian, an Englishman and an Italian, but they couldn't come since they're still at the European Championship.
A Dutch and a Belgian are sitting in a bar, watching the evening news.
They see a woman ready to jump from the 6th floor, shouting "I'm going to jump, I'm going to jump!". The Dutch says: "I bet she's gonna jump." The Belgian replies: "And I bet she won't." So they bet, and the woman jumps. Then the Dutch tells the Belgian: "I have to confess that I cheated, as I already saw it on the 1pm news." - "Me too", says the Belgian, "I saw it on the 1pm news already. But I did not think that she would be s**... enough to jump twice."
Twice a week, a Belgian riding a bicycle crossed the German border...
And he always carried a suitcase filled with sand.
Each time, the customs officials searched his suitcase for contraband, but always in vain.
Sometimes, they even emptied all the sand out, expecting to find some i**... item.
They racked their brains but never found anything.
It was many years later, long after the Belgian had vanished from the scene that they learned the truth.
He had been smuggling bicycles.
Just after WWII begins the commander of one of African garrisons recieves a telegram:
''The war is declared, immidiately find and arrest all enemies in your area.''
After some time he sends a performance report:
''The order was executed. 4 Germans, 2 French, 1 Belgian, 3 Americans were arrested. Please, immidiately report who are we at war with.''
3 Belgians are sitting next to a river
3 Belgians are sitting next to a river, A crocodile swims past and they start to throw rocks at it. The crocodile gets angry and begins to swim towards them. 2 of them run and climb in a tree. They shout to the other "Why are you staying there, you better run before the crocodile comes!"
He replies "Why I didn't throw any Rocks"
A Belgian farmer is working on his farm
He's busy sprinkling blue powder all over the place. As he is doing so, a young boy walks past the farm and sees the farmer.
He asks the farmer: "Farmer, why do you sprinkle this blue powder all over your farm?"
The farmer answers: "This powder is elephant repellant!"
The boy replies: "But there aren't any elephants over here!"
The farmer answers: "Strong powder, right?"
Ps. This is my dad's favourite joke
An Englishman, Scottishman, Irishman, Welshman, Frenchman, Russian, Spaniard, Mexican, American, Norweigan, Swede, Albanian, Italian, Indian, Moroccan, Dutchman, Brazilian, Kenyan, Australian and Belgian walk into a bar.
The barman says; "You can't come in here without a Thai."
Why will Belgium go to war?
*This is a joke my dutch grandfather told me, the dutch make fun of Belgians*
Why will Belgium go to war with the Netherlands in 50 years?
Because that's when they understand the Belgian jokes they make about them.
Why will Belgium go to war with France in 50 years?
They can't find the Netherlands.
What is globalization?
Question : What is globalization?
Answer : Princess Diana's death
Question : How come?
Answer :
An English princess with an
Egyptian boyfriend crashes in a
French tunnel, driving a
German car with a
Dutch engine, driven by a
Belgian who was high on
Scottish whiskey, followed closely by
Italian Paparazzi, on
Japanese motorcycles, treated by an
American doctor, using
Brazilian medicines!
And this is sent to you by a
Canadian, using
Bill Gates' technology which he got from the
Japanese.
And you are probably reading this on
one of the IBM clones that use
Philippine-made chips, and
Korean made monitors, assembled by Bangladeshi
workers in a Singapore plant, transported by lorries
driven by Indians, hijacked by Indonesians and finally
sold to you by a Chinese!
A German man, an Englishman, and a Belgian man walk into a bar
After a couple of drinks, the German man says: 'My wife is SO s**.... She bought a bike, while she can't even ride it!'
The Englishman replied: 'Well, my wife is even more s**...: she bought a pool and can't even swim!'
The Belgian man laughes and says: 'That's nothing, my wife couldn't be more s**...: she is going to Ibiza for two weeks. She's bringing twenty condoms, and she doesn't even have a d**...!'
