Being Whipped Jokes
134 being whipped jokes and hilarious being whipped puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about being whipped that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Being Whipped Short Jokes
Short being whipped jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The being whipped humour may include short whipped jokes also.
- I was angry at my friend and he sarcastically asked "what would Jesus do?" So I flipped over the table and chased him from the building with a whip.
- My farmer friend told me that horse manure is excellent for strawberries. I said, You may be right, but I still prefer whipped cream.
- I'm kinda new to gardening... Someone suggested I put horse manure on my strawberries.
Well, I'm never doing that again...
I'll just stick to whipped cream. - Why did the accordion player become a chef? He knew how to whip up a great melody and mix it with harmony.
- I was pulled over by the police today, so I whipped out my nine millimetre... After they stopped laughing, they arrested me for indecent exposure.
- I was having a look... In my mothers bedroom the other day and I found a whip, a mask and handcuffs in her wardrobe. I couldn't believe it... My mothers a superhero!!!!!
- Did you hear about the woman who ordered a double entendre at the bar? The bartender reached under the bar whipped it out and gave it to her
- I was wondering if anyone would be willing to support a petition to modernize the name of the Pope Mobile. I think we should call it the Miracle Whip. It's got more of a tangy zip to it.
- A joke from Civil War History Class today Teacher asks: 'The southern plantations were very wealthy. Exactly how much of that wealth did the slaves get?'
Student answers: 'A whip' - I saw a whip under my grandparent's bed, I asked my grandpa what it was for He said, "beats me"
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Being Whipped One Liners
Which being whipped one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with being whipped? I can suggest the ones about whipped husband and whips.
- To all the philosophy majors out there... Can I get a Grande Mocha with whip please?
- Rihanna says that whips and chains excite her... I wonder if her ancestors felt the same
- Here I thought 3.5 would never impress a girl but then I whipped out my credit card.
- Why was the cook arrested? He was beating the eggs and whipping the cream.
- Which superhero loves to whip out his junk in public? The Flash
- Why are chefs the meanest? Because they beat the eggs and whip the cream
- When are cooks at their meanest? When they mercilessly beat the eggs and whip the cream!
- What do you call a white guy in an abusive relationship? Whipped cream.
- If you let Jesus take the wheel... Does that count as ghost riding the whip?
- Why don't people like the Congressional whip? He always votes nay-nay
- I like my cream like I like my slaves. Whipped.
*I'm so sorry* - What is a southern aristocratic families favourite dance move? The whip
- My parents used to be beat me so hard I thought the crack of a whip was my name.
- Does Indiana Jones like foreplay? No, he just whips it out.
- That chef must be sadistic. He's always beating eggs and whipping cream.
Being Whipped Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about being whipped you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean whipping cream jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make being whipped pranks.
Three old women were sitting on a park bench. A f**... ran up and whipped open his coat. Two of the old ladies had a s**... and the third couldn't reach.
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream!
What do you call it when a 90 year old man masturbates successfully? Miracle whip.
How Worcestershire Sauce got its name
In the late 1800s in New Orleans a chef in a restaurant had just whipped up a concoction to be applied to meat and he asked a waiter to take it out to a well-lubed patron for a test. The diner was of course most agreeable and added quite a bit of it to his cut of beef. Upon tasting it, he rather liked it and turned around to hail the waiter by clumsily calling out, "Hey, whorsh diss'here sauce??", and so the name was thereupon given.
A sign on the Golden Gate Bridge reads: "Now entering San Francisco, chains required…
…whips optional"
A tourist was lost, wandering in the rainforest, when suddenly...
...he runs into some tribal warriors. In an attempt to scare them off, he decides to frighten them with his modern technology.
He whips out the bic lighter in his pocket and flicks it in.
"Wow!" Said one warrior to another. "I've never seen one of those light in the first try!"
My mom really only sends the classiest of FWDs
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her.
So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife, and he says,
"Oh, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I did on the pool table with all my buddies
watching while your partner whipped me with wet celery?"
The woman looks sternly into his eyes and says very calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."
A California state trooper pulled over a driver who ran a stop sign.
"C'mon, Officer. I slowed down, didn't I?" argued the driver.
"But you must come to a complete stop at the sign," said the trooper.
"'Stop.' 'Slow down.' What's the difference, really?" quibbled the driver.
The cop was so irritated that he whipped out his billy club and started hitting the man's arm with it, shouting, "Well, do you want me to stop or slow down?!"
So a lady with Parkinson's orders a grande decaf peppermint soy latte no whip
and I forgot to put the lid on.
Funniest joke of all time...according to Wikipedia...thought I share.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"[
What do Rick Ross and a d**... have in common?
They're both interested in whips and chains.
A Mexican, an Arab, and a r**... girl......
A Mexican, an Arab, and a r**... girl are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his p**..., and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The r**... girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says:
'In America we have so many i**... aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'
I blow, but I don't s**.... I whip, but don't do chains. Some watch me and feel proud, while others feel ashamed. What am I?
I am a flag.
Discipline is important
A wife calls her husband into their son's room. She says, "Look what I found under Johnny's bed!" as she points to a suitcase filled with whips, paddles, canes, and cat–o'–nine–tails of every size, color, and material. "What are we going to do with him?" she asks. The father looks at the suitcase, looks at his son, and looks at his wife. He says, "Whatever we do we shouldn't s**... him."
Ancient Roman galley
The whip guy gets up next to the drum guy and addresses the galley slaves.
"I have good news and I have bad news."
"The good news is all you guys get extra bread this morning."
"The bad news is this afternoon the Captain wants to go water skiing."
Whenever my wife or mother makes vegetarian meals; I will always whip out my infamous line:
"Ma/Darling are we rabbits? Or regular Carnivorous humans?
Life is hard for k**... black people. w**... used to chain them up and whip them...
For free. Now it costs $200 an hour.
"I bet you 20 bucks I can bite my eye."
An old man is sitting quietly at a bar drinking whisky. After an hour of steady drinking, he leans over and says to the young man next to him, "I bet you 20 bucks I can bite my eye."
Obviously this is impossible, and seeing an opportunity to take an easy 20 off a drunk, the young man says, "Okay. You're on."
The old man, whips his artificial eye out and bites it.
The young man sighs at being so easily fooled and hands over $20.
The old man finishes another drink and then leans over again and say, "I bet you 100 bucks I can bite the other eye."
Now the young man knows the man can see him and doesn't have two artificial eyes. So again he says. "You're on."
The old man then whips off his dentures and bites the other eye.
I'm a d**... and I was supposed to be whipping a blonde client...but instead I whipped a brunette...
Whoops - wrong sub...
A dog lays by the railroad tracks..
And falls asleep with his tail hanging over them a little. A train comes by eventually and cuts off the tip of his tail. The dog whips around to see what happened and the train cuts off his head, too.
Moral of the story? Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.
This is my grandpa's favorite joke. He has Alzheimers and can't remember much, but this joke is on constant replay and you can see the old twinkle in his eye when he tells it.
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank low fat non whip frapp before it was cool.
Last night, a man assaulted me with milk, butter and cheese.
Not much to say really, I got whipped and he got charged with assault and buttery.
My boss refused to give me a raise until I whipped him with my belt.
It took some feirce negotiating, but he finally buckled.
What did Michael Jackson do when he was in the washroom?
He pulled down his Billie Jeans whipped out his Thriller and Beat It.
Recently my girlfriend has got into equestrian b**...
Last evening she asked me to watch her whip, then watch her nay nay
A 96 year old man...
After marrying a beautiful young woman, a 96 year old man informed his doctor that he and his new wife were expecting a baby.
"Let me tell you a story," the doctor said. "An absentminded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he accidentally brought his umbrella on the trip. When he was in the woods, a bear charged him unexpectedly. The man whipped out his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and shot and killed it on the spot."
"That's impossible!" the elderly man exclaimed. "Someone else shot the bear."
"My point exactly," the doctor replied.
A bloke is in a queue at the supermarket...
...when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him.
He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says sorry do you know me?
She replies I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!
His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, he says are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shagged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my rear?
No , she replies, I'm your son's English Teacher
The Bible says Jesus used a whip to drive out the money lenders...
I wonder if they called it his "Miracle Whip"?
I need advice. I was whipping someone in a gimp mask during a b**... session, but when he took it off - it wasn't my husband.
Whoops, wrong sub.
Two hunters are out in the woods when one collapses...
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "I think my friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence, then a gun shot is heard.
Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
The Whip was especially popular
In the 1800's
I used my rosary as a whip today...
Call me Indiana Joan of Arc
What do you call it when you tie a brick to a jar of Miracle Whip and throw it into the ocean?
"Sink-o de Mayo"
I like my men like I like my yogurt
Whipped
Great things come in small packages
Is what i say everytime before i whip it out.
A Tea party like revolution is coming to the Democratic party after the election. What should it be named ?
Half-Caff-Extra-Whip-Soy-Latte Party
TIFU by whipping the wrong person at the b**... club.
Whoops, wrong sub.
Chefs are violent people...
They beat eggs and whip cream.
I'm opening up a snack shop in DC.
I'm opening up a snack shop in DC. We will serve things like:
Triple fudge brownie sunday with double whipped cream, only 100 calories!
Cheesy deep fried nachos, more vitamins and less fat than a salad!
I'll call my shop "Alternative Snacts".
I have the work ethic of an ox -
If you tie a yoke to my shoulders and whip me until I move, I'm probably going to get a lot done.
An american and a russian went to a bar
A couple of drinks later, the american flips a coin high in the air and shoots a hole through with a revolver, shouting
- BILL, BUFFALO BILL
A moment later the russian whips out three t**... and shouts:
- BILL, CHERNOBILL
What do you call a white s**...?
Whipped Cream
What do you call an albino in a b**... scene?
Whipped cream.
The best part about my wife deserting me was
When she finished me off with whipped cream
What is a b**... couple's favorite dessert?
Whipped cream pie.
Political opinions are like d**.......
Sometimes they lean left, sometimes they lean right, and nobody likes it when your crazy uncle whips his out at Thanksgiving dinner.
The Circus needed a new act...
there were 2 performers gunning for the opportunity: a beatiful woman and a man badly dressed.
The woman started her act, which was lion taming: she stripped stark n**..., entered the lion´s cage, and made the beast postrate and lick her entire body, from head to toes.
The ringmaster was impressed, and asked the other performer:
"Can you do better than that?"
"Yes, and I dont even need to be whipped"
So a man walks into a miniature jazz themed s**... club...
And whips out his 6 inch pianist
A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls on the ground.
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes have rolled back in his head. The other hunter whips out his cellphone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator "I THINK MY FRIEND IS DEAD, WHAT SHOULD I DO!!!"
The operator responds in a calm, soothing voice "Everything will be ok, first we should make sure he's dead."
After a long silence, the operator hears a shot.
"Ok" Says the hunter "what now?"
A chef asked a server for some items from the back.
The server returned n**... with a smile and a can of whipped cream, and the chef angrily exclaimed...
"THIS IS NEITHER THE THYME NOR THE PLATES!"
What do you call the v**... Mary in a s**... dungeon?
Miracle whip.
What's a slaves favorite dance move?
The whip.
What did the milk with a whipping f**... say?
"I just creamed myself."
Dumb r**......
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He's not breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
I think my friend is dead! he yells. What can I do?
The operator says, Calm down. First, let's make sure he's dead.
There's a brief silence, followed by a loud gunshot. He get's back on the phone and says, Okay, now what?
How does a cat make whipped cream?
With it's whiskers.
Do you think when they asked Geroge Washington for ID he just whipped out a quarter?
It's 2015. Bill Clinton is whipping up celebrity endorsements for Hillary with a Halloween party. He invites his friend, Arnold Schwarzenegger and suggests they go as dead presidents for the media. Too cliche says Arnie. What about dead musicians. Great idea. I'll be Coltrane. What about you?
I'll be Bach.
I was fired from my position as a data wrangler today
apparently lassoes, whips and cattle-prods aren't acceptable office equipment.
Harold and David are out hunting when David collapses and stops breathing.
Desperately Harold searches for a pulse but can't find one. He whips out his phone and dials 911 and blurts, 'My friend had just dropped dead! What should I do?' A soothing voice on the other end says, 'OK, OK. Just relax. First, let's make sure he really is dead.' After a brief silence the operator hears a shot ring out. Then Harold comes back to the phone. 'OK,' he says nervously, 'what do I do next?'
For hundreds of years they were forced to work for us across our nation, tirelessly and without monetary compensation. They were whipped, and tied to wooden posts. Even today, they are exploited for sports and entertainment.
Man, horses must really hate us.
I just saw the neighbor's kid trying to spray whipped cream on his cat.
I'm thinking he overheard something last night in that house he wasn't supposed to...
Two boys are camping in the woods when one of them collapses
He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other boy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a brief silence when a sound like an axe hitting a watermelon is heard.
Back on the phone, the boy says, "OK, now what?
Two hunters are in a forest.
One of them collapses, his eyes are rolled back and he doesn't appear to be breathing.
The other one whips out his mobile phone and calls the emergency services.
"I think my friend is dead", he says.
The operator responds in a cool, soothing voice. "Okay, stay calm. The first thing you need to do is make sure he's dead."
The hunter goes off the line before a loud BANG was heard.
"Okay, what next?"
There is an overseer called Miracle working on my plantation.
Miracle whips.
What sound does a noodle make, when used as a whip?
"SPAGHET!"