JokoJokes

Being Thirty Jokes

114 being thirty jokes and hilarious being thirty puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about being thirty that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Being Thirty Short Jokes

Short being thirty jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The being thirty humour may include short turning thirty jokes also.

  1. I completed another lap around the Sun, but I only get half a minute to celebrate today. It's my thirty-second birthday.
  2. It's a five minute walk from my house to the pub. It's a thirty five minute walk from the pub to my house.
    The difference is staggering.
  3. Two deer walk out of a gay bar One turns and says to the other, "I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks in there."
  4. I really love playing chess with elderly people in the park. It's just really hard to find thirty two of them willing to do it .
  5. One stolen joke is a coincidence. Two stolen jokes is a pattern. Thirty stolen jokes is an Amy Schumer special.
  6. My girlfriend told me I'm her 32nd lover Turns out what she really meant was I'm her thirty second lover
  7. And how old are you? -Well, let's say, I'm closer to my thirties than to my twenties.
    -Oh ok. 27?28?
    -No, 45.
  8. My dad bought himself a new hearing aid. "It's state of the art," he boasted. "Cost me a fortune."
    "Awesome," I replied. "What kind is it?"
    "Two-thirty."
  9. Jewish kid asks his father for $50 ... His father replies: "Forty dollars?! What do you need thirty dollars for?!"
  10. A Jewish kid goes to his dad and says, "Dad, I need to borrow fifty bucks". The dad says, "Forty bucks? I don't have thirty bucks, what do you need twenty bucks for?"

Share These Being Thirty Jokes With Friends




Being Thirty One Liners

Which being thirty one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with being thirty? I can suggest the ones about thirty year old and thirty birthday.

  1. Jesus's greatest miracle.. A dude in his thirties with 12 friends
  2. 15+15 is thirty 16+16 is thirty too
  3. There are thirty cows and twenty eight chickens. How many didn't? Ten of them.
  4. Fifteen plus fifteen is thirty. Sixteen plus sixteen is thirty, too.
  5. 15+15 is thirty, but 16+16 is... thirty too!
  6. Why did the thirty Irish people drown? They were riverdancing.
  7. How can you tell whether or not someone vapes? Wait thirty seconds.
  8. What's the Tooth Fairy's favorite time? Two thirty
  9. I was catfished once For thirty years Pluto had me convinced he was a planet...
  10. I just won the local ironman competition. 41 shirts in thirty minutes!!
  11. What time is Thor on in the cinema? Thor Thirty
  12. What is the best time of the day? Six thirty. Hands down.
  13. What kind of couch still has money even in its thirties? a pull out
  14. I just want to be a thymus... Fat and useless by the time I turn thirty.
  15. What's Elon Musk's favorite band? Thirty Seconds to Mars.

Being Thirty Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about being thirty you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean turning 30 jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make being thirty pranks.

My wife is turning 32 soon...


I've told her not to get her hopes up for her birthday. After all, I said, The celebrations are only going to last half a minute.
What are you talking about? she asked.
I said, It's your thirty-second birthday.

A Jewish boy approaches his father and asks if he could have $50...

A Jewish boy approaches his father and asks if he could have fifty dollars.
The Jewish father replies, "forty dollars?! What do you need thirty dollars for?"

Princess Diana Jokes

What's the difference between Princess Diana and a blade of grass? About six feet.
How is Princess Diana like a mobile phone? Both die in tunnels.
Where does Diana stay when she visits Paris? Any place she can c**....
How is Princess Diana like breaking a bone? Both need a doctor to remove the plaster of paris.
What's the difference between Princess Diana and thirty-nine pennies? It's easier to scrape together thirty-nine pennies.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? Because she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
What's the difference between Princess Diana an Casper the ghost? Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.
What's the difference between a Mercedes and Princess Diana? A Mercedes will easily reach 40.
What would Di be doing if she were alive today? Scratching at the lid of her coffin.
Yes I am a horrible person wow.

I went to a party with my girlfriend.

I got quite upset because everyone called me a p**... because I was thirty and she was twenty. So finally,I said "That's it baby, we're leaving. I'm not going to let them ruin our tenth anniversary."

A Jewish boy

asks his father "Can I have thirty dollars?"
His father replies "Twenty dollars? What do you need ten dollars for?"

My wife isn't speaking to me.

A man walks into a bar,looking all bummed out, and orders a drink. After a few minutes he orders another. About thirty minutes later he orders a few more drinks.
The bartenders asks," Dude you look really depressed. Is everything okay?"
The man explains," My wife and I got into big fight. She says she won't speak to me for 31 days."
The bartender asks," Well isn' t that a good thing."
The man replies," Sadly, tonight's the last night."

How many beans are in Irish bean soup?

Two-thirty-nine. One more and it'd be too f**....

if your little ladies not so little anymore...

you may want to think about what you can do to help. Here's some advice i got from a certified physical trainer: All you need to do is have your wife walk two miles every morning, and then another three miles every night, and in just seven short days that fat b**...'ll be thirty-five miles away

Math in the real world

Basic Math is the subject I teach at a small community college in western North Carolina. I call one part of the curriculum Practical Applications for Living in the Real World. The day after I presented a lesson on simple and compound interest, one of my older students approached me in the hallway. "You really taught me a great deal about my life yesterday," he said. "I realized I've been struggling with a lack of interest, compounded daily, for thirty years."

Jewish father and son

A Jewish boy went to his dad and asked for fifty dollars.
His father said, "Forty dollars!? What do you need thirty dollars for?!"

LPT: How to pick up girls

Try this:
1. Acquire several dozen limes.
1. Go up to them and then drop all the limes.
1. Start picking them up, but keep dropping them. The clumsier you look the better.
1. Keep doing this until you have their attention (this could take up to thirty minutes).
1. Finally gather up the limes. Try looking a bit sheepish.
1. Look them deeply in the eyes and say, "Sorry, I'm bad at Pickup Limes."

A Jewish kid asks his dad for money...

The kid says to his dad, "Dad, I need to borrow fifty dollars."
His dad replies, "Forty dollars! What do you wanna borrow thirty dollars for?!?!"

A Jewish kid goes up to his dad...

Son: "Hey papa?"
Father: "Yes, ma' boy?"
Son: "I met this beautiful girl at temple today. I want to take her out. Can I borrow fifty bucks?
Father: "Forty bucks? What the heck are you gonna do with thirty bucks? Do I look like I have twenty bucks heres fifteen now take ten and bring me back five."

A jewish boy

A jewish boy goes up to his father and says "Abba, I need 40 dollars." The father looks surprised and says " THIRTY DOLLARS? What do you need Twenty dollars for?"

A Jewish boy asked his father to borrow fifty dollars...

"Forty dollars?! What do you need thirty dollars for?!"

Dem puns...

Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine beans in Irish Bean Soup?
Because if there be one moar, it'd be too f**...!

What's that again?

A man was telling his neighbor, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty.'

Fool me once...

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me thirty five thousand six hundred times, shame on the weatherman.

Irishman and a Texan

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back. The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer.
One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. Is your bet still good? , asks the Irishman.
The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back.
The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.
The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone? .
The Irishman replies, Oh…I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first .

A Jewish son asks his father for fifty dollars..

The father responds, "forty dollars? What do you need thirty dollars for?"

A Jewish kid wants to go to the mall...

and asks his dad for forty dollars.
"Thirty dollars?" he replies. "What do you need twenty dollars for?"

Irish chili

How many beans do you put in Irish chili? Two hundred and thirty-nine.
Why? Because one more would be two-f**....

A joke I heard some time ago

A texan man is driving over the Mexican border with his family. The border guard looks out his booth and notices the jam-packed pickup truck with trailer.
Raising an eyebrow he asks the man: "Planning a longer stay, sir?"
"We're emigrating." the man replies.
Visibly surprised the guard asks: "Why's that?"
The man responds: "Thirty years ago homosexuality was despised. Twenty years ago it became tolerated. Ten ago it was widely accepted. This year it became equal. We're leaving before it becomes mandatory."

A Jewish boy walks up to his father and says, "Dad, can I have fifty dollars?"

The father looks at him and says, "Forty dollars? What do you need thirty dollars for?"

Four years ago, I asked the most beautiful girl in the world out on a date.

Thirty minutes ago, I asked her to marry me. Both times she said no.

I saw my local theatre advertising a night of x**... Roman plays...

I thought "ooo, sounds s**...," so I went along, but was disappointed.
It turned out to just be thirty plays.

What's the difference between a shooting range and an American college?

About thirty thousand dollars a year.

A Frenchman, a Jew and a p**...

A Frenchman, a Jew and a p**... are each sentenced to thirty years in prison. Each man is given one request that will be honored by the jail warden.
A woman, asks the Frenchman.
A telephone, says the Jew.
A cigarette, says the p**....
Thirty years later the Frenchman walks out with the woman and ten kids.
The Jew strolls out carrying a ten thousand dollar commission he has made during the time.
The p**... walks out and says, Has anyone got a match?

Dating in your thirties is like finding a parking spot, the only way to get one is to follow them out to their car.

Son asks Jewish dad for money

Son: Dad, can you give me fifty dollars?
Dad: Fourty dollars? Why do you need thirty dollars? Here, take twenty and split it with your sister.

I gave my girlfriend a birthday celebration that lasted only half a minute

After all, it was her thirty second birthday.

Birthday Party

My friend's college mentor told her this story:
"So, my friend turned 32 last week, and we wanted to do something for his birthday so we put together a really quick party, only about half a minute long, and when the party ended, he was really confused and asked about the length of the party."
It was his thirty second birthday.

Why the Dinosaurs Died

It has been shown that the moon is moving away from us at a tiny (but measurable) distance each year. Therefore, if you do the maths, you will find that eighty-five million years ago it would've killed many, if not all the dinosaurs, by orbiting at an elevation of approximately thirty-five feet.

Why did the Irish man only eat two hundred and thirty nine beans?

If he ate one more, it would be too f**...!

A Texas farmer was touring England. He happened to meet an English farmer and asked him, "What size farm do you have?"

The Englishman proudly announced, "Thirty-five acres!"
"Thirty-five acres?" the Texan scoffed. "Why, I can get in my truck at 8:00 AM and start driving and at noon, I am still on my farm. I can eat lunch and start driving again and at 5:00 PM I am still on my farm.
"Ah, yes," the Englishman nodded in understanding. "I had a truck like that once."

"Awww... your baby is cute!"

...I said to a woman with a stroller one day.
"How old is he?" I asked.
"Well, my friend, little Johnny here is 18 months old!" she replied, motioning to her baby. "Also, I'm sorry to bother you, but what time is it?"
"Sure. It's eighty-three thousand, four hundred thirty-two seconds past midnight."

My girlfriend is turning 32 years old...I've told her not to get her hopes up.

After all..we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute."

"thirty-second birthday."

My dad sat me down and told me I was adopted...

"Pack your bag", he said. "They'll be here in thirty minutes."

I stopped my car beside a p**... last night.

As she got in I asked, *"How much for a b**...?"*
She said, *"Thirty dollars."*
I said, *"Can you do twenty?"*
*"Yeah, okay"*, she replied.
I said, *"Great, here's $600 then."*

I was waiting at the bus stop.

A woman said, "How long will the next one be?"
I said, "Probably about thirty feet."

A Jewish kid asks his dad for $50

His dad narrows his eyes and says "Forty dollars? What do you need thirty dollars for?"

Sailor and s**... ed class

The s**... ed instructor asked the class, "How many s**... positions do you know?" An old sailor in the back of the class raised his hand and shouted, "Thirty-nine, thirty-nine, thirty-nine!" The instructor ignored the old salt and called on a young man near the front. The young man replied, "Well, just one. You know: man on top, woman on bottom." The old sailor in back started shouting, "Forty, forty, forty!"

The time of year has finally arrived when the degrees outside are like shots of whiskey. . .

. . .I need about thirty more to be comfortable.

Did anybody else hear about the psychic midget who killed like, thirty h**...?

Police are looking for a small medium at large

My girlfriend nicknamed me the "Microwave Meal"

Thirty seconds on full power and I'm finished.

After being married for thirty ones years and having three children, I can safely say...

Nothing

Why is three times ten same as two times sixteen?

Because three times ten is thirty,
And two times sixteen is thirty, too.

My wife's is going to turn 32 soon...

I told her not to get too excited for the celebrations... After all, it's going to be a thirty-second birthday.

My brother is turning 32 tomorrow, so I told him not to get his hopes up.

When he asked why, I replied:
"Well, it'll be pretty short. It is your thirty-second birthday after all."

Why do the Irish only put two hundred and thirty nine beans in their chili?

Because if they added just one more bean, it would be too f**...!

I'm turning 32 in a few months and I'm kinda depressed about it. I only get to celebrate my birthday for half a minute....

It's my thirty second birthday...

A man with terminal cancer robbed a bank and was sent to prison.

A fellow inmate asked him, "Why did you commit this crime? You can't take money with you into the afterlife, and now you're going to spend your last days in prison!"
The man replied, "I knew I was going to get caught. That's the point! My doctor gave me six months, but the judge gave me thirty years."

Today my son threw a quarter in the well at the mall and said "I wish my dad was dead." And because of his attitide we went home without buying anything.

When we got to our house we saw an ambulance and the coroner at Jim's house, apparently he had a freak heart attack about thirty minutes before hand, it was odd because he was a personal trainer and in great shape, my wife seemed real upset by his passing. Though it was strange because I've never even seen them speak to eachother.

They say the camera adds ten pounds

But after meeting a few girls online I'm convinced it takes away at least thirty

How can you tell Jesus was Irish?

He lived at home until he was in his thirties, he thought his mother was a v**..., he was an unemployed carpenter who got into trouble with the Empire, his last night on Earth was spent out drinking with his mates, and his last request was a drink.

My Girlfriend is turning 32 soon.

I told her not to get her hopes up.
After all, I say, we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute.
She seemed upset and demanded to know why i would do that to her.
I calmly pointed out,
This is your thirty-second birthday...

A blonde, brunette, and a red-head go to heaven

They meet St. Peter at a staircase with 100 stairs
St. Peter says, "To get to the gates, you need to climb the stairs, but on each stair is a joke or a riddle. If you laugh, you have to start over."
The red-head goes first. She gets to the first step and laughs.
The brunette goes next. She gets to the thirty second step, then laughs.
The blonde goes last. She got to the final step, and laughed.
St. Peter asks, "You were so close. Why did you laugh?"
The blonde replies, "I finally got the joke from the first step."

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but its state of the art.

Really," answered the neighbour. "What kind is it?"
"Twelve thirty."

My dad showed me a thirty minute PowerPoint on why one should always wear a c**...

It was just pictures of me

Today I'm only celebrating my birthday for half a minute!

I guess you could say it's my thirty-second birthday.

What's the difference between a banjo player t**...?

Terrorists have sympathizers.
Bonus joke:
What's the difference between a banjo and an AK-47?
>!The AK only repeats thirty times.!<

Panda's Day Out

A panda walks into high-end restaurant and sits down at a table. A waiter quickly asks for the order and brings it to him after thirty minutes.
After the delicious meal, the panda asks for the bill. As soon as the waiter brings it, the panda whips out a p**... and shoots him. The waiter dies on the spot and the panda runs away.
The police are called and owner explains the situation. But the police refuse to investigate. When the puzzled owner enquires why, the police just show a dictionary. It says,
"*Panda: A type of bear that eats shoots and leaves*"

A man brings his kid with him to his office for take your kid to work day

The kid is intrigued, looking around at all the cubicles, seemingly looking for something

sfter about thirty minutes the kid begins breaking down and crying and running around, looking all over, the man comes over to comfort his kid, and asks him what's wrong

daddy, where are all the clowns you said you worked with?!?

A gigantic gas e**... in a coal mine in the next town killed thirty workers and hospitalised two hundred. But I refused to give to the support charity.

After all, it was only *miner* injuries.

Two deer walked out of a gay bar

One exclaims to the other
"Man, I can't believe I just blew thirty bucks!"

What's an occasion they you only celebrate for half a minute?

Your thirty-second birthday.

Two blondes were passengers on a four-engine plane...

Suddenly, one of the engines quit and the pilot announced that the plane would now be fifteen minutes late.
A short time later, another engine quit. The pilot announced they would be thirty minutes late.
Then the third engine quit and the pilot announced that they would be one hour late.
At this point, the one blonde said to the other, "Boy, if the fourth engine quits we could be up here all day!"

Three men applied to put up telephone poles.

The foreman sent them each out with a truck and 20 poles, telling them to come back after 8 hours.
The first man returns and says "I put up 12 poles."
The second man returns and says "I put up 15 poles."
The third man returns and says "I put up 3 poles."
"Three?" asks the foreman. "These two guys put up nearly thirty between them and you only put up three?"
"Yeah," the third man says, "But you should see how much they left sticking out of the ground!"