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Being Single Jokes

48 being single jokes and hilarious being single puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about being single that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Being Single Short Jokes

Short being single jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The being single humour may include short single people jokes also.

  1. Student: Are well and actually both single-syllable words? Teacher: Well yes , but actually no
  2. Guys, don't install adblock I did, and now the hot singles in my area don't want to meet me any more.
  3. Corona must have hit India hard... I´ve not recieved a single phone call this week from
    Microsoft to warn me about a virus on my computer.
  4. As the Kardashians celebrate their 20th and final season... I would LOVE to congratulate myself for never watching a single episode.
  5. They say Kim Jong Un has read every single book That must be why everyone calls him the supreme reader
  6. A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"
    cashier: "Because you're ugly."
  7. America should go 4 years with no president after this term ends. Taking some time to be single after an abusive relationship is really important.
  8. Did you guys know that the Soviet Union made the best bread in history? People would wait days in line for a single piece
  9. My wife screamed, "you haven't listened to a single word I've said, have you?!" I was taken aback... what a weird way to start a conversation.
  10. A beautiful girl asked me in a restaurant,"Are you single?" I Happily I replied," Yes...."
    She took away the extra chair in front of me.

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Being Single One Liners

Which being single one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with being single? I can suggest the ones about being alone and single man.

  1. I once went to visit Japan and I haven't seen a single ninja. Impressive.
  2. I know every single digit of pi! I just don't have them in the right order.
  3. If you're single and you know it Use your hands
  4. No single bird can defeat me. But Toucan.
  5. Every single morning I get hit by the same bike It's a vicious cycle.
  6. Today, I asked my phone Siri, why am I still single? and it activated the front camera.
  7. My girlfriend said she's a big fan of horoscopes. You know what that makes me? Single.
  8. I haven't sold a single copy of my autobiography. That's the story of my life.
  9. When I went to Japan on vacation, I didn't see a single ninja. Impressive.
  10. I got in touch with my inner self once... Never buying single ply toilet paper again.
  11. Once you go black... ..you become a single mother.
    ^^^sorry
  12. I asked Siri why I'm single She opened the front camera
  13. What do you call men who make "women belong in the kitchen" jokes? Single.
  14. "Siri, why am I single?" Siri: opens front face camera
  15. No actually I am not single I am taken
    For granted

Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Being Single Jokes and Friends

What funny jokes about being single you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean living alone jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make being single pranks.

My girlfriend said she was going to get a massive tattoo of a snake on her back.

"Do it," I said. "But it might hurt you."
"I know," she replied. "But it's only a needle."
"No," I said. "I mean being single."

A woman sits alone at the bar

A man is waiting for his drink and asks the lady "you must be single right?".
"What, a woman can't have a drink alone at the bar without being single?!"

"No, you're just really ugly"

Being single is like a vacuum cleaner:

its s**... when you're turned on

My girlfriend said she's getting a massive tattoo on her back of an anaconda surrounded by flames.

"Do you think it will hurt?" I asked.
"Probably," she replied, "it will take many hours."
I said, "I meant being single."

I wish I was single for just one day of my life

Cuz being single my whole life is exhausting

Im starting to see the bright side of being single..

..If I tip the bottle towards the ceiling, light shines right through the v**.... Facinating

I'm happy being single but...

sometimes I'll be walking down the street and see a happy couple coming towards me, holding hands and wearing matching outfits. And I just can't help but think to myself, *Wouldn't it be nice to have someone to hate them with?*
-Tom Allen

Have you heard of that rapper who always complains about being single on Reddit?

I think his name was... Post-Alone?

Being single means...

...that you come in handy

A question for every single person on earth . . .

. . . What's it like being single?

My girlfriend said she was getting an enormous tattoo of a tarantula on her back.

"Do it," I said. "But it might hurt you."
"I know," she replied. "But it's only a needle."
"Actually," I added, "I meant being single."

The best part of being single is being able to sleep around...

You get to sleep all over your bed. Left, right, diagonal, or in the middle.

I reached my goal of shedding 137 pounds this week

It's nice being single again

Valentine's Day for people who are single.

For people who are sad about being single: it's called Single Awareness Day
For people who are happy about being single: it's called Single Independence Day
For people who just don't care about being single: it's just called Thursday
For people like me: I call it Date With My Right Hand otherwise known as Everyday

Being single means you're a true DIY-er.

They even have websites and videos to help!

What's the difference between being in a relationship and being single?

You really get the first-hand experience.

According to a recent study, being married is the fourth best thing that could happen to a man.

The first three, in order: being single, being a widower, being dead.

Being single in valentines day its not painful

If yo dont have a partner in valentines day, then dont be sad..
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Not every people have Aids On Aids Day grin emoticon
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Being single in valentines day its not painful, BuT
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Not Having Mom In Mothers Day, its Really Painful

I make more money than my wife can ever spend!

The advantages of being single... Just need to find a job and life will be good

Research reveals that being married protects you from health risks such as high blood pressure, cholesterol and heart disease.

Whereas being single protects you from being married.

You know what the best thing about being single is?

Being able to eat as many onions as you want.

Being single is Whack

Whack
Whack
Whack
Whack
Whack
Whack
Whack
Whack
Whack
Whack

A man walks up to his friend and says, "I'm getting sick of being single."

The friend replies "well there's a lot of sea in the fish.... and that sea is full of men."

Being single is a lot like being a spider...

Women always scream and freak out when they see me, I guess I should introduce myself before I get my web stuck in their hair.

You wanna know what s**... about being single?

Nothing. You gotta use your hands now.

Being single is the reason...

I no longer have fingerprints.

One of the upsides of being single

You don't need to take brakes working the grater

I'm on a new diet, it's called...

Being single.
I used to e**... plate and half of hers. I've lost 10 pounds in two months, nothing else has changed.

You know what's the worst thing about being single?

You even see Carbon dating.
*breaks into tears*

What's worse than being German on D-Day?

Being single on V-Day.

I hate girls that complain about being single every 3 minutes. 90% of my socks are single & you don't see them crying about it.

Being single is a disability now..and the friendzone

is terminal cancer

Woman seeks man

A woman, tired of being single puts out an ad seeking a man who won't beat her, won't run out on her and is a fantastic lover. One day, she hears the door bell ring and to her surprise, at the door is a man with no arms or legs.
"May I help you?" She asks.
"I'm here about your notice." The man replies.
"But you have no arms!" The woman exclaims.
"Well then you know I'll never beat you."
"But you have no legs!"
"Well then you know I'll never run out on you."
"Ok, but the notice said I wanted an amazing lover."
"Lady, how do you think I rang the doorbell?"

jokes about being single