Behavior Jokes
60 behavior jokes and hilarious behavior puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about behavior that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make others laugh with humorous jokes about behaviour. Discover the funniest jokes about consumer and organizational behaviour, unacceptable behaviour, and wave behaviour. Laugh at the way we act and misbehave in our everyday lives with these hilarious behaviour jokes.
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Funniest Behavior Short Jokes
Short behavior jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The behavior humour may include short activity jokes also.
- My friend got fired from his cow milking job because of his erratic behavior. He was considered to be a danger to himself and udders.
- I got kicked out of a grocery store for inappropriate behavior in the produce section. All I did was take a leek.
- Just found out that male lions sometimes engage in homosexual behavior. Must have a lot of gay pride.
- What do apostrophes and demonic behavior have in common? They're both signs of possession.
- I got fired from my job as a teacher for sending a student to the office for being tardy Apparently, it's not acceptable behavior for a special ed teacher
- Did you know that a very good memory is often a sign of an excellent lover? I read that on February 11, 2017 in the New England Journal of Behavioral studies issue 2016-Q3.
- What do you say when a stirring utensil is doing something unsafe? Hey that's whisky behavior
- What does a police officer in rural Pennsylvania say when he sees suspicious behavior? "Hmm, something's Amish here."
- Not many people know that B.F. Skinner, the famous behavioral psychologist, had a second career as a stage magician. His big trick was pulling a habit out of a rat.
- When asked about the inappropriate behavior by his priests the pope said it's an age old problem.
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Behavior One Liners
Which behavior one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with behavior? I can suggest the ones about acts and behaviour.
- What do you call houses who have good behavior? Manors.
- TIL that narcissistic behavior tends to peak in mid-September. Pride goeth before a fall.
- Banning ideas not behaviors.
- Grocery shopping fosters risky behavior. I always put all my eggs in one basket.
- What do you get when you cross the New World Order and risque behavior? The Illuminaughty
Cheerful Behavior Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!
What funny jokes about behavior you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean habit jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make behavior pranks.
A muslim woman is getting arrested
The police officer handcuffs her
You have the right to remain silent he says.
She suddenly starts laughing. The police officer notices, and questions her behavior.
Why, you see, I'm just happy to finally have a right!
An angel appears at a faculty meeting...
... And tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom.
"Done!" says the angel and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something."
The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
One day a dad gets a call and is told his son has been using dirty language.
When he gets home that night, he sits down with his son.
"Son," he says, "You know this isn't acceptable behavior. Now I want you to tell me all the dirty words you know."
His son says "Well Dad, I know the S word, I know the B word, and I know the M word."
His dad asks "What's the S word?"
His son says "s**...."
The father is taken aback but pushes on. He asks "OK, what's the B word?"
His son says "Bad."
His father is starting to feel relieved and a faint smile is playing at his lips. With a kind, fatherly smile he asks "And what's the M word?"
His son says "MotherwhoringSpicnigger."
I recently learned that bison of eastern new york who are bullied by bison of the same region mimic the behavior upon the remainder of the community. In other words...
Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.
Offensive Joke: The principal of my daughter's elementary school wanted to talk me about her behavior.
Apparently she was making racist remarks towards the black kids in her class and insulting them.
I must say I am terrified and very disappointed, she isn't even allowed to talk to them.
Did you hear about the incomplete thought that got out early on good behavior?
They say he served a sentence fragment.
How many X does it take to change a light bulb?
N! One to change the light bulb, and n-1 to display stereotypical behavioral traits of X!
Been reading about instinctive behaviors. Apparently, my natural reaction to seeing an attractive woman is a Fixed Action Pattern (in short, FAP).
Two terrorists in a bar
Two terrorists discussing in a bar. The waiter finds their behavior suspicious so he comes to their table and asks: "What are you talking about?"
t**...: "We are planning to kill five hundered people and a goat."
Waiter: "Why a goat?"
The first t**... says to the other: "See? I told you nobody will care about five hundered people."
A dad sends his son to his room
"Go to your room!" Dad exclaimed, frustrated at his son's behavior.
"Jim Morrison is overrated!" yelled the son as he stormed down the hall.
The dad yelled furiously, "What did I tell you about slamming The Doors?!"
I got fired today for arranging the vegetables in a s**... suggestive way
Apparently that's "unacceptable behavior for a special needs teacher".
My neighbors caught me watching them have s**... through their bedroom window and told my parents.
My dad made me apologize and told the couple I was normally above that type of behavior. I took the advice and started watching through the skylight.
A man visits a mental hospital.
He sees a patient with torn clothes & unkempt hair shouting "Julie !! Julie !!"
He asks the assistant about the reason for the patient's behavior. Asst says the patient used to love a girl called Julie but couldn't marry her. So he became mad.
The man visits the next ward. There also he sees another patient with torn clothes & unkempt hair shouting
"Julie !! Julie !!"
The man looks at the assistant.
The assistant says "This one married Julie"
Name an animal that begins with "E"
The class teacher asks students to name an animal that begins with an E . One boy says, Elephant. Then the teacher asks for an animal that begins with a T . The same boy says, Two elephants. The teacher sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After that she asks for an animal beginning with M .The boy shouts from the other side of the wall: Maybe an elephant!
Why 6 was really afraid of 7
6 was just a normal girl, she met 7 on a dating app. They went out several times after that and a few dates later 7 proposed. 6 was ecstatic, they got married within the month and when they moved into a new house they quickly made friends with their neighbors, 9 and 10. 6 soon noticed strange behavior in 7, he was going out late at night to other people's houses. One night 6 saw 7 leave into the neighbors house. She decided to follow him in and was horrified. Blood stains led up to the darkened kitchen where she discovered some thing she could never unsee. 7 had done it. 7 8 9.
What do politicians, n**... women, and electrons all have in common?
**They change their behavior when being observed.**
(Does anything else?)
In ww2 you could identify which nationality your opponent was from by observing their behaviors
If they respond to threats with precise rifle shots, they're British
If they respond with heavy machine gun fire, they're German
If they retreat, they're French
If they switch to your side, they're Italian
If they apologize, they're Canadian
If nothing happens for a few minutes then suddenly your camp is leveled to the ground, they're American
Hillary was asked if Weinstein's behavior compared to that of her husband's.
She said "Close, but no cigar."
Everyone's talking about how inappropriate Louis c**...'s behavior has been...
...personally, I think he handled himself quite well.
I kind of feel bad for all of these big name actors and Hollywood people being outcast because of their deviant s**... behavior
Oh well, at least they can still be president.
Did you hear about the book written by the inmate in the New York State Prison?
It got an early release for good behavior.
I was with my buddy after I had an argument with my girlfriend...
I was annoyed by her behavior and was explaining to him what happened.
It's ridiculous! You can call a girl beautiful a million times, and they never believe you. Call her fat once, and they'll never forget!
My buddy turns his head and says, That's because elephants never forget.
Two behavioral psychologists were lying in bed after s**...
One says the other, "So it was good for you, was it good for me?"
A friend calls his engineer friend
A friend calls his engineer friend. What are you doing? He asks. The engineer answers "I'm in the middle of the project hydro thermal behavior of porcelain glass and metals under a controlled high-pressured environment". I am not sure I understand, can you explain it in plain language?. And the engineer answers "I'm washing the dishes and my wife is watching me"
I was a c**... little punk when I was younger
I remember one time, when I was 9 years old, getting called into the principal's office.
Your behavior is out of line, and getting worse & worse each day. Standards really are slipping."
"I'll do the talking he replied.
WHAT DO WE WANT? PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR!
WHEN DO WE WANT IT?
Well, we're sure you're really busy with all of your important things.
So, we'll just have to wait, until you feel that we've waited long enough, and maybe then, you'll be able to find some time for others.
It's fine.
What's the difference between a social norm and a social more?
When you have an informal understanding that governs the behavior of members of a society, that a norm.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that's a more.
Trying to make up for bad behavior, I went to the shopping mall to buy my wife a gift.
I'd like to buy some gloves for my wife, I say eyeing the attractive sales girl, but I don't know her size.
Will this help? she asked sweetly, placing her hands in the gloves.
Oh, yes, I answered. Her hands are just slightly smaller than yours.
Will there be anything else? the sales girl inquired, as she wrapped the gloves. Now that you mention it, I replied, she also needs a bra and p**....
A Behavioral Psychologist just finished having s**... with his wife
He turns to her and says "It was good for you, was it good for me?"
Did you hear about the music conductor who was fired for inappropriate behavior?
He was caught maestrobating backstage and his manager saw him a beat off
I grew up listening to music that demeaned women, glorified violence and normalized criminal behavior. I know it definitely influenced the culture around me.
Thankfully, I stopped listening to country music and found hip hop.
A son was walking along side his father
While walking, the kid was looking at his phone and didn't notice a pole in front of him, which resulted with him colliding with the pole.
The father said, That was some a pole ing behavior and began to laugh at his own joke
The son, being slightly irritated, snapped back at the father saying, was that pun really necessary?
The father than replied with, well, you walked right into that one
A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave.....
discovers a single bat standing upright underneath on the floor of the cave.
Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow: "What the heck are you doing down there?"
And the fellow shouts back: "Yoga!"
The Right Choice
An angel suddenly appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean of the college that, in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, he will be given his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning.
Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something wise."
The dean looks at them and says, "I should have taken the money."
A drunkard was brought to court for dunkenis behavior
The Judge addressed the drunkard, "You have been brought here for drinking."
Drunkard, "Thank you very much your honour. Let's start."
All, present in the court, burst out laughing.
b**... the gavel, the Judge said, "Order."
Drunkard, "For me Whiskey with Soda please."
Two behavioral psychologists have s**....
When they finish, one says to the other, wow, you really enjoyed that! How was it for me?
This is a message for His Holiness the Dalai Lama: "Please decide my fate in future existences based on my past life behavior."
It's a ***karma***\-seeking post.
Two dogs are sitting in a field.
First dog turns to the second dog and says d**... man you smell like s**...! Have you been rolling in s**...?
Yep.
Wow. That is foul. Is it like a compulsive behavior?
Nope.
Do you do it to cover your scent up, like to ward off predators?
Nope.
Is it some weird f**... that gets you off?
Nope.
Then why would you roll in such pungent p**...!?
So I can sit in peace and not be bothered. Figures it wouldn't work on a German Shepherd
Putin dies and goes to h**...
Putin dies and goes to h**..., but after a while, he is given a day off for good behavior.
So he goes to Moscow, enters a bar, orders a drink, and asks the bartender:
-Is Crimea ours?
-Yes, it is.
-And the Donbas?
-Also ours.
-And Kyiv?
-We got that too.
Satisfied, Putin drinks, and asks:
-Thanks, how much do I owe you?
-5 euros.
Putin dies and goes to h**......
but after a while, he is given the day off for good behavior.
So he goes to Moscow, enters a bar, orders a drink, and asks the bartender:
-Is Crimea ours?
-Yes, it is.
-And the Donbas?
-Also ours.
-And Kyiv?
-We got that too.
Satisfied, Putin drinks and asks:
-Thanks, how much do I owe you?
-5 euros.
I have a friend who always subtly mentions that he went to MIT
I simply hate his behavior. He'd somehow figure out a way to drop it into a conversation just to let people know he's an MIT alumni.
He's always been like this. Even when we were in college together.
Putin dies and goes to h**...
After a while, he is given a day off for good behavior.
So he decides to visit Moscow, enters a bar, orders a drink, and asks the bartender:
-Is Crimea ours?
-Yes, it is.
-And the Donbas?
-Also ours.
-And Kyiv?
-We got that too.
Satisfied, Putin finishes his drink, and asks:
-Thanks, how much do I owe you?
-5 euros
At a university there was a dean who cared about others and showed exemplary behavior. One day an angel appeared at a faculty conference.
The angel said as a reward for his good deeds that God would give him his choice of eternal riches, eternal wisdom, or eternal beauty.
The dean chose eternal wisdom without hesitation.
"Good," said the angel, disappearing into a cloud of smoke.
Everyone present turned their gazes to the dean, who was illuminated by a faint halo.
A colleague whispered, "Tell me something."
The dean, who had gained eternal wisdom, sighed and said, "I should have chosen eternal riches."
A woman got a pet parrot, but she was horrified to discover that all it did was say mean things and insult her.
Nothing she did could stop it.
She was especially worried because her whole family was coming over for Thanksgiving.
But when Thanksgiving dinner finally came, the parrot didn't say a word the entire time. After the meal, the Parrot turned to its owner and said, "Please forgive my behavior from before. I was entirely out of line."
"Wow," the woman said, "glad to hear it."
"If I may ask," said the Parrot, "what on Earth
did that turkey say to you?"
