The Best 22 Begs Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Begs jokes. There are some begs plead jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these begs husband puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Begs Jokes and Puns

Jets Fan

A guy walks into a bar with a dachshund under his arm. The dog is wearing a Jets jersey helmet and is holding Jets pom poms.

The bartender says,"Hey! No pets allowed in here! You'll have to leave!"

The man begs, "Look I'm desperate. We're both big fans, my TV is broken, and this is the only place we can see the game!"

After securing a promise that the dog will behave and warning him that if there is any trouble they will be thrown out, the bartender relents and allows them to stay in the bar and watch the game.

The game begins with the Jets receiving a kickoff. They march down field stop at the 30,and kick a field goal. With that the dog jumps up on the bar and begins walking up and down the bar giving everyone a high-five.

The bartender says,"Wow that is the most amazing thing I've ever seen! What does the dog do if they score a touchdown?"

"I don't know," replies the owner, "I've only had him for four years."

What did the arthritic panhandler have for breakfast?

Begs and achin'

A man drops a nail, which rolls under his bed, so he goes down under.

This begs the question of why he decided to go to Australia to get a new nail instead of searching under his bed.

Begs joke, A man drops a nail, which rolls under his bed, so he goes down under.

If a tramp and a bunch of rich people are dressed the same, how does the tramp stand out?

He begs to differ.

What do you call someone who begs for a free copy of "Return Of The King"?

A free-LOTR


A Jewish Grandmother and her Grandson are walking on the beach...

When a wave comes over the grandson and takes him under. The grandmother falls to her knees and begs, "Oh God! Please bring back my grandson!"

Another wave crashes, and the grandson is soaked, but otherwise unharmed. The grandmother looks to the skies and says, "Where's his hat?"

Based on statistics

The most used sexual position among married couples is doggy style...
The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.

Begs joke, Based on statistics

What's a married couples favorite sex position?

Doggy Style.
The husband sits up and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.

The most popular sexual position when you're married is...

Doggy Style, the man begs while the woman plays dead.

A man goes golfing

And he hits the most incredible drive, an absolute rocket. 100 down range a bird flies into the middle of the fairway, gets smoked by the ball and drops down dead. The man walks up to the bird and sees that the ball has gone right through!
This begs the question, is it a birdie or a hole-in-one.

What do you call a chef who begs for money?

A panhandler.

You can explore begs nods reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean begs desperate dad jokes. There are also begs puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Harry prays to God:

Dear lord, please make me win the lottery.

The next day Harry begs the lord again: please God, make me win the lottery!

The next day Harry begs the lord yet again: please, please dear lord, make me win the lottery!

Then suddenly he hears a voice from above: Harry, would you kindly go and buy yourself a lottery ticket?

So, a woman and an inexperienced guy want to have sex...

She proposes doing 69, he doesn't know the position but agrees - doesn't matter had sex, he thinks.

They begin, she sucks and he licks happily away, but suddenly she has to fart. He pauses, shivers but continues.

Shortly after, she farts again. He pushes her off, puts on his pants. She begs him not to go, he answers: "sorry, I like you and sex is fun... But I won't take the other 67."

Studies show that doggy is the most common sex style among married couples.

The husband sits and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead.

A man and woman in bed

"Give me some", man begs.

"No. You've had too much," wife responds.

"Come on, let me have some," man begs again.

"I'm tired of this. Go ahead, but you know how it always goes", then wife says.

Happily man goes to kitchen, opens refrigerator, grabs a bottle of champagne. He fiddles with the cork and it pops out with a bang.

From the kid's room, an accusing voice comes

"Mom, you shoulda given dad some. See, now he went and shot himself."

Here we see the majestic Woodchuck, also known as a Groundhog which begs the question

How much ground would a ground hog hog if a ground hog could hog ground?

Begs joke, Here we see the majestic Woodchuck, also known as a Groundhog which begs the question

They say it takes 10 years of doing something to become a professional at it...

My wife begs to differ

What do you say when your sister begs you to have sex with her? [NSFW]

Well, if you incest!

A Chinese kid begs her mother: "Mom I want a puppy!"

Mom checks the oven and replies: "It's not done yet."


My 5 year old always begs me to take her to the dog park...

She loves playing with them and giving them treats. But the whole time I'm filled with dread. My hands start sweating. I feel anxious and nauseous. That despite her laughter and joy my whole day will be utterly ruined. I finally saw a psychiatrist who diagnosed me with PTSD.

Pooon Tennis Shoe Disorder

It has been determined, the most used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position...

The husband sits up and begs.

The wife rolls over and plays dead.

A guy murders his parents.

He is presented in front of a judge and he begs the judge to show mercy while delivering his punishment.

The judge says to him, "You killed your own parents. Why would I show mercy to you?"

The guy looks at the judge and says, "Well, because I am an orphan."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the begs cries jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working begs pray piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes