The Best 64 Beginning Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Beginning jokes. There are some beginning initiation jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these beginning initial puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 Funniest Beginning Jokes and Puns
My marriage is over.
I loved my wife Lorraine in the beginning, but for the longest time I've had a crush on my friend Claire-Lee Robins, who I know feels the same way about me. Eventually Lorraine found out about my secretive feelings, and just like that, she packed her bags and left.
I do feel bad about it all. But then I realised; I can see Claire-Lee now Lorraine has gone.
I'm beginning to suspect that the Tinnitus Hotline isn't actually staffed
Any time I call, it just keeps ringing.
A middle school in Oregon
According to a radio report, a middle school in Oregon was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints.
Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how difficult it was to clean the mirrors, she asked the custodian to clean one of the mirrors. He took out a long-handled brush, dipped it into the toilet and scrubbed the mirror.
Since then there have been no lip prints on the mirror.
Marriage.....
......... is like a deck of cards. In the beginning all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end you'll wish you had a club and a spade
An old actor has trouble getting work due to failing memory...
After contacting many people that he worked with in the past , he is finally able to land a job in a popular new Broadway play. The director tells him its only one line at the beginning of the play, but it is a very important line. It sets the mood for the rest of the play. It is ESSENTIAL he nails the line. The old actor emphasizes that he will nail it. The director reluctantly agrees and proceeds to tell him his role. You will take a beautiful rose, bring it to your nose and take a deep breath and say the following line: *Ah, the sweet scent of my mistress…* That's it. Do not screw this up! The old actor thanks him 10 times over and proceeds to practice for the next 2 weeks nonstop.
Opening night comes. It's a sold out theater. He takes to the stage, spotlight on him. He raises his hand, takes a deep breath and says the line perfectly * Ah, the sweet scent of my mistress… * Just after the line is delivered the auditorium burst into laughter. He walks off the stage distraught. I don't get it. I nailed the line perfectly. What happened? The director looks at him and yells YOU IDIOT! YOU FORGOT THE FLOWER!
I rang the wife last night after work to say I'd pick up fish and chips on the way home.
I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.
Kiss The Mirror
A middle school for girls was faced with a unique problem. A number of girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirrors leaving dozens of little lip prints. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called several of the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the custodian. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every day. To demonstrate how much work they were making for the custodian, she asked him to clean one of the mirrors while the girls watched. The custodian took a long-handled brush, dipped it into the nearest toilet, and proceeded to scrub the mirror. From that day on, the problem of lip prints on the mirrors was completely eliminated.
Teacher: Paul. Give me a sentence beginning with "I".
Teacher: Paul. Give me a sentence beginning with "I".
Paul: I is the...
Teacher: No, Paul . You must say "I am" not "I is."
Paul: All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.
I was playing a quiet game of Scrabble with a friend
and he's a very sore loser. He was losing so badly, that he got extremely angry, picked up the bag and started throwing words beginning with 'th' at me.
I managed to dodge this, there and then. But I did not see that coming.
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth....
And the rest was made in China.
I'm not saying that Asians are bad drivers...
But I'm beginning to think that Pearl Harbor was an accident.
You can explore beginning ignore reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean beginning initially dad jokes. There are also beginning puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Why do they run the credits at the beginning of Game of Thrones?
Because you don't know who is going to make it to the end.
The Navy is beginning to recruit blind men.
They are sending them out to sea.
At the beginning of this year I made a New Year's resolution to lose 10 pounds....
...Only 15 pounds to go.
I'm beginning to worry about my obsession with technology.
I told my doctor, "I think I'm addicted to Twitter."
He replied, "I don't follow you."
My university lecturer makes all of his students buy his book at the beginning of the term.
It's textbook economics.
A horse walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "You come here a lot; are you an alcoholic?" The horse ponders this for a moment and says, "I don't think I am."
POOF! The horse disappears.
At this point, a psychology student would begin to snicker because he knows about the Descartes postulate, "I think therefore I am."
I could have told you about that at the beginning of the joke, but that would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
I'm beginning to suspect I might have bad posture
call it a hunch
At work I noticed the computer department have started putting Christmas decorations up
IT's beginning to look a lot like Christmas.
My friend said that China might be considering assisted suicide for teenagers
He's probably wrong, but if he's right, that would mark the beginning of euthanasia of youth in Asia.
In the beginning there was nothing. God said "Let there be light!"
There was still nothing, but now you could see it.
How do you make one disappear?
Add a G to the beginning and it's gone.
A marriage is a lot like a card game
In the beginning there's two hearts and a diamond but by the end you're looking for a club and a spade.
Accordion to scientific studies, 90% ..
of people do not realise I replaced the beginning of this joke with a musical instrument.
in the beginning God created Man and said "I have created the perfect woman and wife for you, and put her in all four corners of the globe"
then he made the world round and LAUGHED.
I am the beginning of eternity, the end of time and space, the beginning of every end, And the end of every place. What am I?
The letter 'e'.
If I had a dollar for every year since the beginning of time...
I could buy Whole Foods
A man walks into Target
He gets a cart and visits each aisle picking out various items that he's never bought before. He takes his overloaded buggie up to the checkout and calmly watches each item beginning scanned. When it's over and the cashier asks for payment, he says, "Oh I don't have any money. This was just Target practice."
My marriage was a like a hurricane.
At the beginning there was a lot of blowing, but in the end I lost my house.
In an argument, a woman always has the last word.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
My one and only go-to joke, hope you like it.
A blond is riding a horse, it starts galloping faster and faster. She feels herself beginning to lose her grip and start to slid down the the saddle. She begins panicking because the horse isn't slowing and shes nearing the ground. At the very last minute the Walmart greeter walks over and unplugs it.
I bought a dictionary from the library and realized someone had ripped out pages from the beginning.
They also ripped out pages from the end. It just went from bad to worse .
How is it called in Australia, when they need to restart the song from the beginning at the club?
A DJ redo.
My uncle always hated eating mushrooms...
...but now that he's dead, they're beginning to grow on him.
I called my wife and said that I'll pick up Burger and Fries on the way home from work. I was met with stony silence.
I think she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.
Why was Donkey Kongs corpse smelling?
It was beginning to DK
After 10 years of marriage, wife manage to discover 5 eggs and 5.000 euros on the cabinet.
\-Darling, I'm sorry, but I went to your office and found 5 eggs and 5.000 euros , what's the deal with it?
\-Well, how can I explain it... Since the beginning of our marriage, I would store one egg for each time you annoyed me.
\-Oh, that's so sweet! And what the 5.000 euros are for?
\-I usually wait when I have a dozen of eggs before selling then.
Siri kept on calling me Shirley today
I was beginning to get annoyed about it but then I realised I'd left my phone in Airplane mode.
Man is at a job interview
Interviewer: Well, to start out in the beginning, you will be at a $30,000 salary, but later that number could go up to $50,000 or even $60,000.
Man: Ok, I'll come back later then.
Why is a marriage like a hurricane?
At the beginning there's a lot of blowing, and when it's over your house is gone...
At the beginning of Naruto, the three main characters existed in a 'love square'.
Naruto loves Sakura, Sakura loves Sasuke, Sasuke loves nobody, and nobody loves Naruto.
A guy walks into a bar. The bartender is a horse.
He says, "Oh, hey Rene, you want the usual?". Rene says "Yeah sure. Why the long face?". The horse and bar disappear because they were never, in fact, real and the only thing that definitely did exist was Rene.
You see it's a joke about Rene Descartes, but if I told you that at the beginning I would be putting Descartes before De Horse
I love how Pit Bull announces himself at the beginning of every song
giving us time to change the song.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have ?
I planted myself on the sofa at the beginning of April and I've grown bigger ever since
How are marriage and a hurricane similar?
In the beginning theres lots of blowing and in the end you lose your house.
What do cannibals serve at the beginning of a dinner party?
Handshakes.
As a teacher, I had several parents tell me at the beginning of the year that their child was gifted.
Now the year is almost over, I'm looking forward to regifting most of them.
Has anyone else's gardening skills improved during this quarantine like mine have?
I planted myself on my couch at the beginning of March and I've grown significantly since.
Husband goes with his wife to her high school reunion
After meeting several of her friends and former school mates, they are sitting at a table where he is yawning and overly bored.
The band cranks up and people are beginning to dance. There's a guy on the dance floor living it large, break dancing, moon walking, back flips, buying drinks for people, the works.
Wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."
Husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!!!"
Teacher asks their class of children to come up with a sentence beginning with "I"
After a few children come to the front with predictable statements about having a cat or a certain toy, a child steps up and says
"I is-" and is immediately interrupted by the teacher,
"I *am*!"
She side-eyes the teacher, frowns and ignores her teacher, starting again
"I is-" again, the teacher interrupts her, this time a little more snappily
"It's I *am*! Use the proper word!"
The girl turns to look at her this time, eyelids drooped with exasperation.
"Fine," she sighs "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
after 3 weeks of lockdon
I was thinking a bit about Bin Laden. He stayed at home with 3 wives for 5 years. I'm beginning to suspect he called the Navy Seals himself
My girlfriend asked me to tell her all my previous girlfriends, chronologically. From beginning to end.
OK. I probably should have finished when I got to her name.
I taught English in Germany.
The first day I taught them everything beginning with A.
The second day I taught them everything beginning with B.
D Day was a bit tricky.
I hate it when people ask me what the beginning of the pandemic was like.
I don't have 2020 vision.
Two ghosts were arguing...
Two ghosts had gone out for dinner at the pub and were having a great time until politics were brought up. Things got heated fast and the barman came over to the table to sort things out. Trouble was, the barman couldn't help either ghost see the others perspective mainly because he couldn't communicate with them properly.
Beginning to get frustrated, he turned away from the table and exclaimed under his breath,
"I'm going to have to find them a happy medium to get them to agree".
A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint
The bartender says, " you're in here a lot. Do you think you might be an alcoholic? " The horse says, "I don't think I am, " and promptly vanishes from existence.
See, this was a joke about Descartes' famous philosophical statement, " I think, therefore I am." I could have mentioned that at the beginning, but that would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
My Grandpa saw the Titanic
From the very beginning, he warned everyone that the ship would sink. But nobody listen to him.
He was a brave man, he never gave up. He warn them again and again on many occasions... Until they kick him out from the cinema.
I'm trying to read a book on the history of Sellotape.
But, I can't find the beginning.
Marriage is like playing a card game.
In the beginning, two hearts and a diamond are more than enough.
By the end, though, you want a club and a spade.
The devil is surprised one day to find a habitual liar, a pervert, an idiot and a man in a wheelchair entering hell.
Still, he keeps his professional demeanor and extends a warm welcome saying, "Greetings, Representative Cawthorn. You're just in time, the daily GOP cocaine orgy is just beginning."
how do we know communism was doomed from the beginning?
All the red flags
My wife said marriage is like a deck of cards
In the beginning alls you need is two hearts, then in the end, alls you need is a club and a spade.
I got a DVD on how to improve your foreplay techniques....
I had to fast forward through all the boring bits in the beginning though.
My 6 year old daughter has been complaining about monsters under her bed for ages.
It seemed cute and funny at the beginning but it's been twenty minutes now, and I'm wondering if I should just crawl out already.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the beginning began jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working beginning rascals piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.