Beggar Jokes
37 beggar jokes and hilarious beggar puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about beggar that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Beggar Short Jokes
Short beggar jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The beggar humour may include short begging jokes also.
- A beggar asks a man for 5 bucks. Man: "What do you need 5 bucks for?". Beggar: "I need it to buy drugs". Man: "Oh yeah? And how do i know you won't spend it on food?"
- Our local planned parenthood refuses to provide homeless women with abortions. They say beggars can't be choosers.
- What's the difference between a beggar and a US Politician? A beggar has retained his integrity.
- I saw a man on the street dressed as henry viii. He was sitting on the sidewalk asking people for money.
I thought, that can't be right; beggars can't be Tudors? - A beggar walked up to me and said, I haven't eaten anything for days. I just looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower"
- Isn't it just the worst when you see absolute dirty beggars, begging for upvotes? Upvote if you agree!!
- A beggar walks up to a wealthy, upper-class lady and says, "I haven't eaten in three days." She responds, "You must force yourself! You must force yourself!"
- A beggar walks up to an overweight woman who was eating a burger and says, "I haven't" eaten anything in four days"
She looks at him in awe and says, "God, I wish I had your willpower." - What's the difference between a chef and a beggar? Whether there's a space between "pan" and "handler".
- Why do you always see beggars at protests? They're always looking for some sort of change!
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Beggar One Liners
Which beggar one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with beggar? I can suggest the ones about begged and begs.
- Hanging a Beggar is good in theory, but... Is actually just Poor Execution
- A beggar once asked me, "Any change?" I said, "Nope. You're still broke."
- Beggars are like mosquitos... You hope for cold weather, so they will stop bothering you.
- How did the beggar survive the gallows? Poor execution.
- What's the difference between a university student and a beggar? 15 years
- What do you call a pair of ex-army sibling beggars? Brothers in alms.
- Why do they call chicken the beggar's bird? Because it says "Buck buck buck buck buck!"
- Beggars can't be choosers The same goes for morticians
- What do you call an Italian beggar? Giovanni change.
- What state has the biggest rate of aggressive public beggars? Florida
- Why would autistic people be bad beggars They don't accept change
- What do you say to a beggar who's wearing a Star of David? "Jewish I'd give you money."
- A beggar attacked me with a frying pan... ... he was arrested for panhandling.
Cheeky Beggar Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about beggar you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean poverty jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make beggar pranks.
There's a crippled old beggar on a sidewalk in El Paso with a sign and a paper cup..
A businessman stops, reads the sign that says 'Disabled Vet' and decides to give him a few dollars.
"Look on the bright side," he says. "Things could be worse- you could be blind!"
"I know what you mean.." says the beggar, "When I was blind, people only gave me pesos!"
I once hired a beggar for my business
I once owned a little cafe. This beggar always stands in front of my door. Out of the goodness of my heart, I hired him. I taught him how to use the power juicer. He could never get it right. And that's when it hit me. Beggars can't be juicers.
There are two types of people on Indian roads
Traffic Police and a beggar.
One doesn't leave you until you give some money and other is the begger.
I told this joke to my friend and he was offended because his father was a traffic police. Then we settled the dispute for 25 dollars
Two beggers discussing on how to spend their fortunes if they somehow became millionaires..
Beggar 1: I would build a house, marry to a beautiful lady, and live a stable life.
Beggar 2: I will buy a Limousine, and then go for begging in it.
What does a beggar and a PHP programmer have in common?
They both work on crowded platforms.
Two homeless are on the street in front of the Vatican...
One has a big cross and the other a star of David. The pope sees them and stops his whole entourage to go speak to them. He says to the beggar under the star of David, "my son this is a Catholic country. You're never going to get any charity with this Jewish emblem above you, especially as the fellow right next to you has a cross above him. In fact, I'll bet some people would give to him purely to spite you."
The one beggar turns to the other and says, "hey Moshe, look who's trying to teach the Goldberg brothers about marketing!"
The rich guy and a beggar...
A rich guy gets off his limo and walks to a beggar.
"Hi, I'm John, and you are...?"
"I'm God!" replied the beggar.
"No, seriously, you can't be God! What's your real name!"
And they keep arguing until the rich guy says "Alright, if you prove me you're God, I'll give you a million bucks!"
"Fine" said the beggar and asked the rich guy to follow him into the most expensive restaurant in the area. The waitress looks at the beggar and says: "Oh my God! You're back again!"
Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Rome
Two beggars are sitting side by side on the street in Rome. One has a cross in front of him, the other a Star of David. Many people go by, but only put money into the hat of the beggar sitting behind the cross.
A priest comes by, stops and watches throngs of people giving money to the beggar sitting behind the cross, but none give to the beggar sitting behind the Star of David. Finally, the priest goes over to the beggar behind the Star of David and says: "Don't you understand? This is a Catholic country. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially if you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross. In fact, they would probably give to him just out of spite!"
The beggar behind the Star of David listened to the priest, turned to the other beggar with the cross and said: "Moshe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!"
A beggar in Afghanistan
An Afghan man walks across a busy street when an old lady says ''Please my son, give me $1 in charity.''
''I don't have any.''
''If you don't have that just give a tiny little bit. Praise God, look at your youth, your tie, your strength and beauty. May I be sacrificed for you, just give a tiny little bit.''
''I don't have any.''
''Really just even $0.01 would be enough.''
''I don't have any, really, not even $0.01.''
''Well why are you just standing there then? Come sit and beg like I do.''
Two beggars are sitting side by side on a street in Rome
One held a Cross in front of him; the other one was holding the Star of David. Many people passed by, looked at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the beggar holding the Cross.
The Pope came by and stopped to watch the number of people giving money to the beggar who held the Cross, while none gave to the beggar holding the Star of David. The Pope approached the beggar with the Star of David and said, "My poor fellow, don't you understand? This is a Catholic country; this city is the seat of Catholicism. People aren't going to give you money if you sit here with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who is holding a Cross. In fact, they would probably give more money to him just to prove a point."
The beggar with the Star of David listened to the Pope, smiled, and turning to the beggar with the Cross, said, "Moshe, look who's trying to teach the Goldstein brothers about marketing!"
