Beethoven: YOU WANNA HEAR A SYMPHONY?
*crowd cheers*
Beethoven: I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
My eight year old cousin told me this one:
Why was Beethoven mad at his chicken?
Because he kept saying Bach Bach Bach
and the theme is composers. Bruce tells the other stars, "I'll dress up as Mozart". Sylvester responds, "I'd be a great Beethoven". As the two are planning their costumes, Arnold checks the time and notices he's late for an appointment. As he hurries out the door, Bruce and Stallone ask "Hey, Arnold, who'll you dress up as? Arnold responds, as he walks out of the room, "I'll be Bach".
Crowd: (*Cheers*)
Beethoven: "I CAN'T HEAR YOU!"
"You be Beethoven, I'll be Bach."
Take Beethoven for example, they told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf ... but he didn't listen.
Beethoven: Make some noise for the next symphony
Audience: YEAAAAAAAAA!!!
Beethoven: I can't hear you
but he didn't listen
"Why did Beethoven kill his pet chicken?"
-why
"Because it kept saying "bok bok bok"
But he didn't listen
Decomposing.
The audience cheers as Beethoven exclaims: "I can't hear you!"
of course since 1827 all he has been doing is decomposing.
It's all over in three movements.
Beethoven: You guys want some symphonies tonight!?
Crowd: **cheers loudly**
Beethoven: I can't hear you!
Sylvester Stallone said, "I'll be mozart."
Jean Claude Van Damme said, "I'll be Beethoven."
Schwarzenegger said, "I'll be bach."
He asks his stars who they want to play. Brad Pitt says, "I want to be Mozart. His pastiche of influences from several European countries has always fascinated me." Tom Cruise chimes in with, "I'd like to be Beethoven. I love the way he handled the transition from Classicism to Romanticism." Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."
Jean Claude Van Dam, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenagger all decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume store and look for masks. Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven." Steven Segal sees a costume that grabs his attention and says, "I'll be Mozart." Arnold had a tough time finding a costume that he liked, but he eventually found one that appeased his interest. He picks up a costume and said, "I'll be Bach."
In Vienna, the great composer Mr. Beethoven had recently died and been buried in the city cemetery, with much mourning by the Viennese citizens.
A few nights after the burial, the town drunk is stumbling on his way home through the cemetery. All of a sudden he hears some very strange-sounding music wafting up from Beethoven's fresh burial plot. Terrified, the man runs through the streets, screaming about ghosts in the graveyard.
Pretty soon he's gathered quite a crowd around the grave, all muttering to each other about devils and ghosts. Finally one man makes his way to the front of the crowd, squats down by the grave, and listens.
"Why... that's Beethoven's Ninth Sympony, but... it's playing backwards!" He listens some more. "There's his Eighth Symphony, also backwards! ... And the seventh.... sixth..."
Finally he stands up and addresses the crowd. "My good people, you have nothing to fear. This is simply Mr. Beethoven decomposing."
"I'll be Bach"
All they said was ,"Bach, Bach, Bach"
"I'll be Beethoven!", said one friend.
"I'll be Mozart!", said the other friend.
"I'll be Bach.", said The Terminator.
Because he was Haydn
A man is walking in a graveyard when he hears the Third Symphony played backward. When it's over, the Second Symphony starts playing, also backward, and then the First. What's going on? he asks a cemetery worker.
It's Beethoven, says the worker. He's decomposing.
He was just decomposing.
Four famous actors get together and decide to dress up as famous artists for Halloween.
Leonardo DiCaprio says he'll go as Da Vinci since they have the same first name.
Tom Cruise says he'll go as Van Gogh so they have two painters.
Bill Murray says he'll go as Beethoven since he likes his music.
Arnold Schwarzenegger just looks at them and says "I'll be Bach."
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing.
They weren't invented yet.
Steven Spielberg decides that he wants to make a movie about famous composers. He puts out a casting call.
Tom Hulce walks in first and says, "I played Mozart in Amadeus, and would love to play him again."
Next, Gary Oldman calls. "I was Beethoven in Immortal Beloved, so I already have experience playing the part."
Arnold Schwarzenegger meets with him, and states, "I'll be Bach."
"You wanna' hear a symphony?"
"Yeaaah"
"I can't hear you!"
Oh, that's just Beethoven decomposing .
A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate. When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards." He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..." Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing.
Sylvester Stallone, Chuck Norris, and Arnold Schwarzenegger have to put on a play featuring their favorite musical composers. They each toil over who they will play, until the next day they meet.
Stallone goes first.
"I'll be Mozart"
Next up is Chuck Norris.
"I'll be Beethoven".
Happy that no one picked his composer, Arnold announces "I'll be Bach".
Stephen Speilberg has just recently decided to create a new action movie about the greatest composers on Earth. His creates his cast and asks them 'Who do you want to be' ...
Bruce Willis says to him 'I ll play Beethoven, i've always fancied myself as a bit of a genius'
Liam Neeson then pipes up saying 'Im going to be Mozart, i find his music very relaxing and very baroque'
Lastly Arnold Schwarzenegger says 'Ill be Bach'
Asks the bartender for a drink then pulls out a small piano and a man about a foot tall. The little man sits at the piano and begins playing a beautiful Beethoven sonata.
Amazed, the bartender asks to find out the story behind this mini musician.
The man tells the bartender that he was on vacation in Costa Rica and after a long night of partying he decided to talk a walk on the beach. While walking, the man trips over something in the sand. He pulls it out and dusts it off. Immediately after dusting, a genie pops out and says you may have 1 wish, anything you'd like.
Before the man could continue, the bartender interrups and says "so you wished for a 12 inch pianist?"
But he didn't listen
Beethoven dies and is buried. A few days after his burial the locals notice strange
music coming from the burial site. Alarmed, the villagers get the local priest and head
down to the graveyard. And sure enough the sound was coming from Beethoven's grave.
The locals watch as the priest places the side of his head onto the ground.
Deep in concentration he mutters: "Fifth symphony......fourth symphony....third...aha! Beethoven is decomposing!"
when he hears the Third Symphony playing backwards.
When it's over the Second Sympnony also starts playing backward.
"What's going on ?" he asks the cemetry worker.
"It's Beethoven" says the worker "he is decomposing"
Successfully convincing the rest of the world that Beethoven was Austrian and that Hitler was German.
They are talking to the director about what roles they want to play.
Sean Connery says "I would shertainly like to play Moshart."
Sylvester Stallone says "Uh, well, I guess I wanna play Beethoven."
And so Arnold pauses a moment, and then says "I'll be Bach."
A music scholar was touring through a graveyard in Vienna when he heard music coming out of a grave. On inspection, he found the headstone as Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827. The music was the Ninth Symphony being played backwards. He soon rang up a friend who came in time to hear the Seventh Symphony being played backwards. They hurried to call an expert who hurried to them to hear the Fifth Symphony playing backwards. All the more weird was the fact that symphonies were being played in the reverse order in which they were composed. When the caretaker of the graveyard heard this, the only comment he made was, "What's the wonder! He's just decomposing!"
When Beethoven passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later,the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Beethoven was buried. Terrified, the drunk ran and got the priest to come and listen to it. The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave. Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived,he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling." So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
He'll be Bach.
Gary Oldman walks in first and says, "I played Beethoven in *Immortal Beloved*, so I already have experience playing the part."
Tom Hulce calls in next, "I was Mozart in *Amadeus*, and would love to play him again.
Arnold Schwarzenegger meets with him and says, "I'll be Bach."
Just look at Beethoven. Everyone said he couldn't be a musician because he was deaf. But did he listen?
When asked what he was doing Beethoven responded "I'm decomposing"
This man had heard a rumor that Beethoven was buried with his final masterpiece that nobody had ever seen or heard. In a fit of madness he went to the great masters grave and dug it up. When he finally reached the lid of Beethovens coffin he pried it open and to his amazement Beethoven was busily erasing the music the man had sought.
"What are you doing?" cried the man.
Beethoven glanced up at him and said, "Hey, shut the lid and leave me alone. Can't you see that I'm decomposing".
"I'll be Bach"
It was the same thing he left in his toilet: his last movement
Bruce Willis says "I'll be Mozart", Chuck Norris says "I'll be Beethoven" and Arnold Schwarzenegger says "I'll be Bach".
Arnold Schwarzenegger, Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks were all making a movie about famous composers. Leo said, "I'd like to play Beethoven." Tom said, "I'd like to play Mozart." Arnie said "I'll be Bach"
"I'll be Beethoven" says Stallone.
Van Damne says "OK, I'll be Mozart".
Schwarzenegger says "I'll be Bach"
Matt Damon, Brad Pitt and Arnold Schwarzenegger are all taking part in a new movie about classical composers.
"I think I'll play Beethoven!" declared Matt.
"I'd like the role of Mozart!" Brad decided.
"I'll be Bach." said Arnie.
Fortunately, he didn't listen to the critics
"What's this for?" I say.
He replies, "I'll be Bach.
And you be Beethoven."
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