Bees Jokes
171 bees jokes and hilarious bees puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bees that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Check out these hilarious bees jokes! These puns and one-liners range from silly bee puns to jokes about birds and bees and the ever popular "bees knees." Buzz in for some of the best bee jokes, insect humor and honey bee puns around!
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Funniest Bees Short Jokes
Short bees jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bees humour may include short bee hive jokes also.
- My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She's at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died. Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.
- I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over. You've given me one too many.
That one is a freebie. - If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
- Security officer: If you find a USB outside, don't bring it into the office Me (taking notes): Note to self: Only bring international bees into the office
- Spelling bee judge: "Your word is 'seaward'." Contestant: "C-U-N..."
Judge: "DEAR GOD PLEASE STOP." - God initially planned to use wasps to pollinate flowers. But in the end, he went with plan Bee.
- My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered... "Swarm."
- A woman ran screaming into the pro shop at the golf course... "I just got stung by a bee between the first and second hole!"
The guy at the counter said "Your stance is too wide". - Go away bee, don't bother me. A wise man once told me, if a bee is bothering you, don't swat or run away, just stand still and look right at it, because seeing is believing.
- So, I just tried a new drinking game. I put in the Bee Movie, and every time they make a bee pun, I take a shot.
Unfortunately, I could only get buzzed.
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Bees One Liners
Which bees one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bees? I can suggest the ones about honey bee and honeybee.
- Why do bees stay in the hive in the winter? Swarm
- Where did noah keep his bees? In the ark hives
- What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi
I'll let myself out now. - What do you call a bee that lives in America? A USB.
- Male bees die after mating. That's basically their entire lives. Honey. nut. Cheerio.
- How do we know Noah kept bees All the evidence was in the ark hives
- I found a girlfriend who's into bees. She's a keeper.
- Where do Bees use the bathroom? At the BP station. (thanks grandma)
- If you want to know how many bees Noah had... Check the ark hives.
- What do you call a bee hive with no exit? Un-bee-leave-able
- My girlfriend brought 50,000 bees and put them in our back yard. She's a keeper.
- What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind? A Maybe.
- What floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee? Nothing.
- What kind of bees make you sleepy? Cos-bees
- What bee produces milk? A boo-bee
Birds And Bees Jokes
Here is a list of funny birds and bees jokes and even better birds and bees puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I told my son about the birds and the bees. He then told me about the postman and my wife.
- I have a smart kid. I told him about the birds and bees And he told me about my wife and the butcher!
- I finally sat down with my teenage daughter and had a chat about "The Birds and the Bees." I learned a lot.
- The teacher asked little Johnnie if he had ever seen a humming bird... Little Johnnie said, "No, but one time I saw a spelling bee."
- My dad told me about the birds and the bees today... Then he gave me a broom and told me to clear them out of the attic.
- I just told my kid about the birds and the bees He told me about his mom and the mailman
- Why did Burt start Burt's Bees? Because after he discovered Ernie, he lost all interest in birds.
- Did you hear about the girl who learnt abot the birds and the bees? She went for a lark in the woods and got stung!
- Dracula was giving his son the birds and the bees talk. Dracula: so when two monsters love each other very much,
Son: I know, they mash.
Drac: Yes! They do the monster mash! - Dad sat young Nic Cage down and told him they need to talk about the birds and the bees Oooooh NO, NOT THE BEES, NOT THE BEES, AaaaaaHhH
Boo Bees Jokes
Here is a list of funny boo bees jokes and even better boo bees puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My 7 year old daughter drops this joke on me. What kind of bee's make milk?
Boo-bee's - My 8-Year old patient was so pround, mom was not. Q: What type of bees make milk?
A: BOO-Bees!
And then he just couldn't stop laughing. Mom turned 50 shades of red and blamed dad. Good times. - Why couldn't the bee dress as a ghost for Halloween? Because people are offended by seeing Boo Bees.
- What did the ghost say to the bees? Boo Bees
- If honey bees make honey, what type of bees make milk? Boo bees...... My dad just told me this one
- How do you scare bees? "Boo-bees!"
Gold from my local preacher - For my birthday I bought a pair of ghost bumblee earrings. This way my face can always be between a pair of boo-bees.
- Why isn't anyone afraid of ghost bees? Because everyone loves Boo Bees!
I'm sure someone thought of this first but I don't remember hearing it before and it popped into my head. - what do you call bees on halloween? boo bees
- What's the sexiest bee species? Boo-bees
Wasps Bees Jokes
Here is a list of funny wasps bees jokes and even better wasps bees puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I didn't exactly ace my "capture the wasp" exam. I got a bee.
- Why was the bumble bee wearing a yamaka? Because he didn't want to be mistaken for a WASP
- Two bees are on their way to the synagogue, the one bee looks at the other and says "make sure you've got your yarmulke... ...we don't want them thinking you're a wasp!"
- What sound does a wasp make when it hits your windshield? A bee flat.
- If you see a wasp, don't kill it. Just let it bee
- You catch flys with sugar, you catch bees with honey, but what do you catch WASP'S with? Mayonnaise.
- If the wasp hadn't of stung me I wouldn't have killed it. The lesson learned is that violence bee gets violence.
- Wasp meets bee A wasp discusses the meaning of life with a bee.
Wasp:
"So, what do you think of the issue?"
Bee:
"Well... it all boils down to a simple question: To bee or not to bee." - The past tense of bee... ...is wasp!
- When you try to kill your friend by putting angry wasps in his snack pack... Bee trail mix.
Bees Knees Jokes
Here is a list of funny bees knees jokes and even better bees knees puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A new flour made from ground-up insects could keep millions around the world from going hungry! It's simply the bee's knees!
- What did the bee say to the nosy bee? Mind your own Bees knees!
- Which part of the bee is most profitable? Bee's knees
- Which part of an insect is the best? The bee's knees.
- Why are bees so rich? They have their own bees knees.
- I recently took up Anthophila patellas It's the bees knees
- One could say that bees... are the bee's knees.
- Lazy thought by my girlfriend Her: "Why is it Bees Knees, Why not Bees Nuts?" (Deez nuts)
- I once played the back end of a wasp in a pantomime play. But I thought I was the bees' knees...
- What's the best thing about bee's? It's knees.
Honey Bees Jokes
Here is a list of funny honey bees jokes and even better honey bees puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings You know she's a keeper.
- Why was the bee's hair sticky? Because he used a honey comb.
- A teacher asks her student Teacher: What does a Bee gives us?
Student: Honey
Teacher: What does a cow gives us?
Student: Milk
Teacher: What does a fat pig gives us?
Student: Homework - Why do bees love the first day of spring? Because it's the start of the honey-making season!
- my girlfriend says she can lick the honey from a beehive so gently that the bees won't even know she's there she's a keeper
- How do they make honey in the Middle East? From a shawarma bees
- How do bees keep their hair looking nice? A HONEY COMB
- What do bees say when they get back to the hive? Honey! I'm home!
- If my current career doesn't work out I'm going try my hand as a honey farmer. It's my plan bee.
- Why did the Bee laundromat close down? They were arrested for honey laundering.
Uproarious Bees Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
What funny jokes about bees you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bee and honey jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bees pranks.
What do bees who are allergic to honey get?
Hives.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Daddy, what's s**...?
A man was in his backyard when his 8 year old daughter comes out and asks him, "Daddy, what's s**...?"
The man things for a minute and tell himself if she's old enough to ask, she's old enough to know, so he goes on and tells his daughter all about the birds and the bees.
Once he was done, his daughter was sitting there, wide eyed, while his wife yells from inside, "Honey, did you tell dad dinner will be ready in a couple of secs yet?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The birds and the bees
A little girl came home from school quite confused after her first s**...-ed class, and asked her mother to explain.
"Well," said her mother, quite embarrassed, "There are birds and there are bees..."
"That's what I don't understand! Don't birds eat bees?"
Her father piped up from the next room, "That's lesson two!"
Trees are allergic to bees..
..when bees get too close, [they break out in hives.] (/spoiler)
Original joke!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Johnny's dad asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees...
Little Johnny claps his hands over his ears and says, "I don't wanna hear anymore! First you tell me there's no Santa Claus, and then there's no Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy either. If you're about to tell me grown ups don't have s**..., I got nothin' to believe in anymore!"
A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees...
"I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."
Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.
If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."
Where do bees go to the bathroom?
The BP station.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is it called extra v**... olive oil?
Because they grow the olives inside, away from the birds and the bees.
What kind of guns do bees use?
BeeBee guns
What is it when people sleep on top of each other?
Little Katy asked grandma 'what is it when people sleep on top of each other'
Grandma thinking Katy was old enough explained to her the birds and the bees.
Katy ran off but came back quickly saying:
"Grandma, mommy wants to see you right now and she is really mad! She said it is called bunk beds"
:)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Corny jokes!
Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
A: Because it's two-tired.
Q: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?
A: It becomes daytrogen.
Q: Where did Noah keep his bees?
A: In the Ark Hives!
Q: Can February March?
A: No, but April May.
Q: What is it called when you kill a friend?
A: Homiecide
"Fish tanks are s**...!"
"Why?"
"Fish don't even have any militaries!"
Where do American bees store their honey?
In a USBee hive.
~Thank my ten year old for that one.
What kind of bees get you high?
Doo-bees... I'm so sorry for that
Which are the scariest kind of bees?
Zombees
If there's a bee in my hand, what's in my eye?
Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
ITT: People who want to kill me, people who think I am their dad, more puns about bees, puns about beer, "oh I get it", and "this joke is more like a riddle"
How do Australian bees please the queen bee?
They bee hive
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy walks into a brothel with a donkey and a honeycomb
The brothel owner says "Why do you have an j**...? " Guy says, "I have a big farm, I want to trade it for some time with your girls."
Brothel owner says "Okay, why do you have a honeycomb?" Guy says "I have a lot of bees, was hoping to trade it for some food."
Brothel owner says "Why don't you just eat the honeycomb?"
Guy says, "Same reason I brought the j**..., tired of it."
When I was 6 years old my priest took me aside and gave me a lesson about the birds and the bees.
He did this to many other kids. It went on for about 2 years. Until he left the church to pursue his career in zoology. He just loved teaching kids about animals. What a great man.
An Asian boy come home from the doctor and he tells his dad...
Son: Dad the doctor said I'm allergic to bees
Dad: That good, now you can only get A
What kind of gum do bees chew?
BUMBLEGUM.
Five year olds think it's hilarious. I do not.
What do bees and celebrities have in common?
They're both dying at an alarming rate.
Why did the bees build the hive?
It's in their beehavior.
Apparently I'm allergic to Burt's Bees body wash
Broke out in hives
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do Buzz Lightyear and Bees have in common?
They both can fly.
What?
You thought I was going to make a pun? I'm not that shallow.
Now buzz off.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Trump opens a window in the white house to let a fly out..
And In comes 3 bees, 5 mosquitoes, 2 Jehovah's witnesses and some i**... Mexicans.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A concerned wife goes to her husband...
"Honey, I know we said we would wait to give our little girl the birds and the bees talk, but I think it's about time."
He inquiries as to why she thinks this. Their daughter, while almost a teen, is still rather young.
"Well, I caught her m**...."
"~~Prosperous~~ Preposterous!! She's barely old enough to start her period let alone do that"
"That's the other thing, honey, I caught her red handed..."
Where do bees go to learn about pollinating tulips?
PLANT PARENTHOOD
Where do bees catch their bus?
At the buzz stop. Haha
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is s**...?"
I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different s**... orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe s**....
When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused:
"So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it, lets do it
Let's go hurtling straight into a sliding glass door and die
Why do you never see catholic bees?
Because all bees are insects!
What kind of bees can't fly?
Boobies
My Daughter…
My daughter once said to me
Dad, according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
She was just an embryo.
What do you call a couple of bees in the air?
Air bnb
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What kind of bees eat people?
Zombies!
You know the worst part about being allergic to bees and loving honey?
Breaking into hives
[Possible OC] My dad just gave the birds and the bees speech to my 14 year old brother
I asked him, why didn't I get the speech when I was fourteen?
At this point I was sixteen and still haven't gotten it.
He said, You have natural protection.
I said, How so?
He said, Have you looked in a mirror recently?
One day, my parents told me about the birds and the bees
"Son" they said, "birds do it, bees do it, so it's completely fine and natural for you to do it too. It's nothing to be ashamed of"
They were of course referring to my unfortunate habit of running face-first into windows.
A man runs out of petrol
A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.
"What seems to be the problem?'' asked the bee.
"I'm out of petrol,'' the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank.
After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
`"Try it now,'' said the bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
"Wow,'' the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my petrol tank?''
"BP,'' answered the bee.
Some Chuck Norris jokes here.
Chuck Norris does not eat honey.
- He chews on bees.
Chuck Norris cowboy boots are made of real cowboys.
If you find out someone has 10,000 bees, marry them
That's how you know they're a keeper
How do bees fly?
Bzziness class
People have often said that bees making honey sounds cool...
...but honestly, I never understood what all the buzz was about.
Where did Noah put the penguins on the ark?
In the arctic section.
Note: my 7 yr old grand daughter made this up on the spot, after I told her this joke:
Where did Noah put the bees on the ark?
In the archives.
I think she's pretty clever.
today I met a girl that claims to work with bees
yeah, she's definitely a keeper
A thousand bees walk into a bar.
A few minutes later, A and C walk in as well.
A local beekeeper was selling his bees for 5 dollars each.
"5 dollars for a single bee?! That's ridiculous," I complained.
"Well, if you don't like the price, you can select from that hive over there, those are freebies."
Where do bees stay while on vacation?
Air Bee and Bee
I've always found spelling bees easy
B E E S. Simple.
A man, a squirrel, and 2 bees are going on a road trip.
On the road, they run out of gas so the man pulls over. One of the bees says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further. It works, until they run out of gas again.
The second bee steps up and says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further. It works, until they run out of gas for the third time.
This time the squirrel chimes in and says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further.
But the man says, Don't bother, she only runs on BP.
What do you call the secret organization of tight-lipped Soviet honey makers?
The Cagey Bees
Did you know bees become indecisive after April?
They become maybees.
I thought they said freebies
My disappointment stung almost as much as the bees
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Which insect is the best at what it does?
Most people think ants or bees, but ya know...flies have really been on top of s**... lately
Bees and flowers
As little Johnny had become increasingly interested in the girls over the summer, his mom told his dad he should talk to his son about the flowers and bees and such. Dad obligingly took Johnny fishing, and as they sat quietly by the water, he asked:
So Johnny, you remember last time we went fishing, right?
I sure do, dad!
And you remember those girls we met, right?
Of course!
Well, what we did to them, the bees do to the flowers as well.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Father calls little Johnny over to give him the birds and the bees talk...
Johnny starts crying uncontrollably the moment he says this.
"Whats wrong? I haven't even told you anything yet!" the surprised father asks.
Little Johnny tries to talk through the tears:
"Two years ago, you wanted to talk about Easter bunny, then told me he wasn't real...
Then last year you wanted to talk about Santa, and told me he isn't real either...
If now you tell me s**... isn't real, I have nothing left to live for!"
Everyone knows beauty is in the eyes of the beholder but what are in the hands of the beholder?
bees
My kid got sent home from school one day.
They said he was catching bees and throwing them at other kids. So I sat him down and had a chat. I said, "Son, you can't be doing that, obviously it's not ok to throw bees at people, they could get stung and what happens if someone has an allergic reaction? How would you feel if that happened?" And he replied, " Well I know it doesn't sound safe, but my principal said I could do it and the teachers said I could do it. Infact both of you even said I could do it! You all said I can bee who I want to bee!
how do bees travel?
by a buzz
Bee
A man walked into a pet shop and asked "can I have a bee please"
Shop assistant said "we don't sell bees"
The man replied "there's one in your window"
What's the worst thing about carpenter bees and carpenter ants?
They aren't union.
