Uproarious Bees Jokes to Have a Laugh Out Loud Good Time
Why do bees have sticky hair?
They use honeycombs!
I went into a pet shop and asked for twelve bees. The shopkeeper counted out thirteen and handed them over.
You've given me one too many.
That one is a freebie.
My girlfriend brought 50,000 bees and put them in our back yard.
She's a keeper.
Daddy, what's s**...?
A man was in his backyard when his 8 year old daughter comes out and asks him, "Daddy, what's s**...?"
The man things for a minute and tell himself if she's old enough to ask, she's old enough to know, so he goes on and tells his daughter all about the birds and the bees.
Once he was done, his daughter was sitting there, wide eyed, while his wife yells from inside, "Honey, did you tell dad dinner will be ready in a couple of secs yet?"
The birds and the bees
A little girl came home from school quite confused after her first s**...-ed class, and asked her mother to explain.
"Well," said her mother, quite embarrassed, "There are birds and there are bees..."
"That's what I don't understand! Don't birds eat bees?"
Her father piped up from the next room, "That's lesson two!"
How do bees keep their hair looking nice?
A HONEY COMB
Where do Bees use the bathroom?
At the BP station. (thanks grandma)
Why couldn't the bee dress as a ghost for Halloween?
Because people are offended by seeing Boo Bees.
Little Johnny's dad asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees...
Little Johnny claps his hands over his ears and says, "I don't wanna hear anymore! First you tell me there's no Santa Claus, and then there's no Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy either. If you're about to tell me grown ups don't have s**..., I got nothin' to believe in anymore!"
A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees...
"I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."
Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.
If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."
I told my son about the birds and the bees.
He then told me about the postman and my wife.
You can explore bees honeybee reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bees beekeeping dad jokes. There are also bees puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Corny jokes!
Q: Why can't a bicycle stand on its own?
A: Because it's two-tired.
Q: What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises?
A: It becomes daytrogen.
Q: Where did Noah keep his bees?
A: In the Ark Hives!
Q: Can February March?
A: No, but April May.
Q: What is it called when you kill a friend?
A: Homiecide
"Fish tanks are s**...!"
"Why?"
"Fish don't even have any militaries!"
My 8-Year old patient was so pround, mom was not.
Q: What type of bees make milk?
A: BOO-Bees!
And then he just couldn't stop laughing. Mom turned 50 shades of red and blamed dad. Good times.
What type of bees make milk...?
Boo-bees!
If honey bees make honey, what type of bees make milk?
Boo bees...... My dad just told me this one
What do you call bees that make milk?
Boobees
Where did Noah keep his bees?
In the ark hives
What did the ghost say to the bees?
Boo Bees
If there's a bee in my hand, what's in my eye?
Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
ITT: People who want to kill me, people who think I am their dad, more puns about bees, puns about beer, "oh I get it", and "this joke is more like a riddle"
How do Australian bees please the queen bee?
They bee hive
A guy walks into a brothel with a donkey and a honeycomb
The brothel owner says "Why do you have an j**...? " Guy says, "I have a big farm, I want to trade it for some time with your girls."
Brothel owner says "Okay, why do you have a honeycomb?" Guy says "I have a lot of bees, was hoping to trade it for some food."
Brothel owner says "Why don't you just eat the honeycomb?"
Guy says, "Same reason I brought the j**..., tired of it."
A woman was out at the golf course...
...with her friends for a day and came home. Her husband asks, "So, how did it go?" "Terrible!" she replied. "I got stung by bees!" "Oh no! Where?" he asks. "Between the first and second holes!" The husband shakes his head and says "I've been telling you that your stance was too wide."
When I was 6 years old my priest took me aside and gave me a lesson about the birds and the bees.
He did this to many other kids. It went on for about 2 years. Until he left the church to pursue his career in zoology. He just loved teaching kids about animals. What a great man.
Little Johnny and the Birds and the Bees
Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.
Confused, his father asks what's wrong.
"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have s**..., I've got nothing left to believe in."
I found a girlfriend who's into bees.
She's a keeper.
What kind of bees make you sleepy?
Cos-bees
What kind of bees produce milk instead of honey?
Boobies!
What kind of bees make milk, not honey?
Boo-bies (.)(.)
How do you scare bees?
"Boo-bees!"
Gold from my local preacher
A beekeeper was asked which species of bees he found to be the most pretty.
His reply: "Beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder"
You hear about bees being wiped out by the millions - why don't ants get sick?
Because they have little antybodies.
How do we know Noah kept bees
All the evidence was in the ark hives
Security officer: If you find a USB outside, don't bring it into the office
Me (taking notes): Note to self: Only bring international bees into the office
My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is s**...?"
I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different s**... orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe s**....
When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused:
"So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"
Why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?
Swarm
my girlfriend says she can lick the honey from a beehive so gently that the bees won't even know she's there
she's a keeper
One day, my parents told me about the birds and the bees
"Son" they said, "birds do it, bees do it, so it's completely fine and natural for you to do it too. It's nothing to be ashamed of"
They were of course referring to my unfortunate habit of running face-first into windows.
A man runs out of petrol
A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.
"What seems to be the problem?'' asked the bee.
"I'm out of petrol,'' the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank.
After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
`"Try it now,'' said the bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
"Wow,'' the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my petrol tank?''
"BP,'' answered the bee.
Bees like to stay huddled up together in their hives during the winter
Swarm
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
"Swarm."
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
I went to the pet shop and asked for 12 bees
The clerk counted out 13 bees and handed them over.
You've given me one too many I said.
That one is a freebie
I started dating a girl I really like. She's really into bees
I think she's a keeper
her: I'll have the salad, no nuts, please.
**waiter:** of course
**me:** it didn't say it had nuts
**her:** I'm allergic, so I tell them to be safe
**me:** that makes sense
**waiter:** and for you?
**me:** steak, no bees, please.
I've always found spelling bees easy
B E E S. Simple.
A man, a squirrel, and 2 bees are going on a road trip.
On the road, they run out of gas so the man pulls over. One of the bees says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further. It works, until they run out of gas again.
The second bee steps up and says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further. It works, until they run out of gas for the third time.
This time the squirrel chimes in and says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further.
But the man says, Don't bother, she only runs on BP.
I went to the beekeeper to get 12 bees.
He counted and gave me 13.
Sir, you gave me an extra , I said.
That's a freebie.
Did you know bees become indecisive after April?
They become maybees.
Which bees produce milk?
Boobees
Male bees die after mating.
-And that's why they call it a honey nut cheerio
Which insect is the best at what it does?
Most people think ants or bees, but ya know...flies have really been on top of s**... lately
Father calls little Johnny over to give him the birds and the bees talk...
Johnny starts crying uncontrollably the moment he says this.
"Whats wrong? I haven't even told you anything yet!" the surprised father asks.
Little Johnny tries to talk through the tears:
"Two years ago, you wanted to talk about Easter bunny, then told me he wasn't real...
Then last year you wanted to talk about Santa, and told me he isn't real either...
If now you tell me s**... isn't real, I have nothing left to live for!"
Everyone knows beauty is in the eyes of the beholder but what are in the hands of the beholder?
bees
I went to a beekeeper to get 12 bees. He counted and gave me 13.
Sir, you gave me an extra. That's a freebie.
I went to a pet store to buy 12 bees..
They gave me 13..
The extra one was a freebie.
How do they make honey in the Middle East?
From a shawarma bees
What do bees say when they get back to the hive?
Honey! I'm home!
Male bees die after mating…
So basically their life is:
Honey. Nut. Cheerio.
Male bees die after mating. That's basically their entire lives.
Honey. Nut. Cheerio.
A man walks into an apiary and asks for a dozen bees.
The beekeeper nods and carefully counts out 13 bees. The man realizes this and points it out, "That's one too many.
*"No worries. It's a freebie."*
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
After years of research, scientists discovered bees are allergic to pollen
Turns out when exposed to pollen, bees develop hives
I went to a beekeeper.
I asked him for a dozen bees.
When he counted them out, there were 13.
I said "hey, you gave me an extra one."
He said "that's a freebie."
The male bees were unhappy with their lot ...
So they decided to stop fertilizing the Queen. They had the usual demands: larger honey rations, shorter hours, etc. The worker bees tried to negotiate, but it was too late, and the hive never recovered. Thus it became the first beehive destroyed in a drone strike.
Man and woman are out on a dinner date.
Waiter: "What will you be having tonight ma'am?"
Woman: "I'll have the salad, no nuts please."
Waiter: "Of course."
Man: "But it didn't say it had nuts."
Woman: "I'm allergic, so I tell them just to be safe."
Man: "That makes sense."
Waiter: "And for you, sir?"
Man: "I'll have the steak, no bees please."
A beekeeper gave me 13 bees instead of 12
Don't worry , she said, it's a freebee
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees.
The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter.
That's one too many! says the customer.
The clerk replies It's a freebie .
How to bees get to school?
The school buzz. Compliments of my 8yr old. Not sure if it's been posted before but this was her first and I just loved it.
I went to buy a dozen bees
The beekeeper gave me thirteen.
I said, "Hey, you gave me one too many."
He said, "That's a freebie."
I finally sat down with my teenage daughter and had a chat about "The Birds and the Bees."
I learned a lot.
Moving the Hive
I'm a devoted beekeeper, so when my wife and I decided to move to a new house I carefully packed up my favorite hive and placed it in the car. My wife asked "are you really going to put a swarm of bees into our car with us ?" I thought she understood that I couldn't leave my best queen and hive behind.
But then I saw her face, now I'm a bee leaver.
A man goes to the doctir to have a bump checked
The doctor takes a quick look and goes "Yep, that's definitely a sting from the new poisonous bees. 8 out of 9 cases are fatal, but you're very lucky, because in your case it's bee nine."
Want to know why my bees are smoother than yours?
None of your bees wax
I have a smart kid. I told him about the birds and bees
And he told me about my wife and the butcher!
If you want to know how many bees Noah had...
Check the ark hives.
Why do bees stay in their hives in winter?
Swarm.
What did they bee say to his wife when they were running late for dinner?
Hurry up honey.
A guy looking to become a bee farmer went to a seasoned Apiarist and asked if he could buy some bees off him to start up a hive. The Apiarist said he had plenty to spare and was having a sale for 50 bees for $50...
The man bought the bees, went home and began putting the bees into the empty hive; he counted each one to make sure he got his moneys worth but by the end of the gruelling task he realized he had not 50 but 51 bees. He called the seasoned Apiarist and asked why he was given 51 bees when the sale was for 50.
The Apiarist replied: >!that's a free-bee!<
