Beer Jokes

Funniest Beer Short Jokes

Short beer jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The beer humour may include short brew jokes also.

1. At a recent rally, somebody threw a beer at Trump's head... He's fine. It was a draft, so he dodged it.
2. My pizza is burnt, my beer is frozen and my girlfriend is pregnant... ...I can't pull anything out in time!
3. Three logicians walk into a bar. The barkeeper asks: "Do you all want beer?"
   The first one answers: "I don't know."
   The second one answers: "I don't know."
   The third one answers: "Yes!"
4. Anyone know where a guy can find someone to hang out with, maybe have a few beers with, talk to, and kinda just enjoy spending time with? Asking for a friend.
5. I asked my buddy if he always puts an orange wedge in his beer. He said, "Ehh not really. Maybe once in a blue Moon."
6. What do a pregnant woman, a burnt pizza and frozen beer have in common? A man who didn't take it out in time.
7. What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts? Beer nuts are a dollar fifty. deer nuts are always under a buck...
   I'll see myself out now.
8. A dog walks into a bar The dog says, "Gimme a beer." The bartender says, "Wow! You can talk! You should get a job at the circus!" The dog says, "They're hiring electricians at the circus?"
9. A man holding a large block of asphalt walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "A beer for me, and one for the road."
10. A code tester walks into a bar. Orders a beer. Orders ten beers. Orders 2.15 billion beers. Orders -1 beers. Orders a nothing. Orders a cat. Tries to leave without paying.

Share These Beer Jokes With Friends

Beer One Liners

Which beer one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with beer? I can suggest the ones about wine and burger.

1. I poured root beer in a square glass. Now I just have beer.
2. A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says "Five beers, please"
3. If I had a drop of beer for every time I made a bird pun.. I'd have toucans.
4. Necrophilia is a lot like having a beer... there's nothing like popping open a cold one!
5. How do you make a whale float? Two scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a whale.
6. What do you call an Irishman who's had eight beers? The designated driver.
7. Do you ever put an orange in your beer? Once in a Blue Moon
8. Why doesn't Jesus buy beer? Hebrews.
9. What did the German physicist call his beer mug? Ein stein.
10. Drive safe I saw a driver texting and driving.
    It made me so mad I threw my beer at him.
11. He orders a beer and a shot of whiskey. A time traveler walks into a bar.
12. What is an orphans favorite beer? Fosters
13. How does an alcoholic decide how much beer to drink? On a case-by-case basis.
14. Beer has female hormones Whenever I am drinking I talk too much and can't drive a car.
15. Beer doesn't make you fat It makes you lean; against walls, doors, toilets, etc.

Beer Drinking Jokes

Here is a list of funny beer drinking jokes and even better beer drinking puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• So Harambe walked into a bar Bartender: What will you be having to drink?
  Harambe: I'll have a beer
  Me: No, he'll have just ice.
  Bartender: Just ice?
  Me: Yes, justice for Harambe
• My daughter asked why I drink so much beer I told her it's because I actually have a condition that's pretty unfortunate. You see, my body is actually not capable of producing its own alcohol.
• Apparently, drinking a pint of beer shortens your lifespan by nine minutes. According to my calculations I died some time in 1829.
• How do you turn German beer into American Beer? Drink it
• How do you keep a baptist from drinking all your beer on a fishing trip? Invite two of them.
• Created a new cocktail. Rye whiskey, Gosling's Ginger Beer, and garnished with jalapeño It's called the Rye n' Gosling, and it's the hottest drink I make
• Just bought some extra strong beer. On the tin it says 'Please drink responsibly' Well I've got my seat belt on...
• How does a geometry teacher drink beer? From pint A to pint B.
• Every time I have a beer, my wife keeps nagging me and telling me I drink too much I mean come on, who needs to hear that nine times a day?
• A dog walks into a bar He gets 2 beers, and drinks them both. The Bartender says Your cut off, you've had enough. The dog says I've only had 2 beers! The bartender replies Thats 14 in dog beers.

Beer Day Jokes

Here is a list of funny beer day jokes and even better beer day puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• I'm going to start brewing beer and name it after the first day of the week. Whenever a 24 or 30 pack is brought to a party they'll say, "Looks like someone has a case of the Mondays".
• Back in my day, you could walk into a store with $25 and walk out with 2 ribeye steaks, a case of beer, a pack of toilet paper and a gallon of milk. You just can't do that anymore…. Too many cameras.
• A friend once asked me "You've never said no to a beer have you?!" So I told him
  "By the time I start talking to my drinks I lose the ability to recall it the next day!"
• The past few days summed up Pepsi: We just pulled the worst PR stunt of the year.
  United Airlines: Hold my beer.
  Sean Spicer: LEEEEEEEEEEROY JEEENKINS.
• Bra shopping A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "What a day! I took my daughters bra shopping today," he tells the bartender. "I have no idea why. I should have just left it at home."
• A beer a day ...Keeps the wife and kids at bay.
• 7 days without beer... makes 1 weak.
• A lady cut me off... The other day a lady cut me off who was texting while driving. I got so mad at her I pulled up beside her and threw my beer can at her.
• Another So Oldie It's Moldy joke Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.
  Teach a man to fish, and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
• 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in this case I bought. Coincidence? Nope. I'm just a massive alcoholic.

Give Me A Beer Jokes

Here is a list of funny give me a beer jokes and even better give me a beer puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• A skeleton walks into a bar... Bartender: What'll be?
  Skeleton: give me a beer and a mop.
• A man walks into a bar. He orders a root beer in a square glass.
  The bartender just gives him a beer and he doesn't notice.
• Give a man a 6 pack of beer, he'll drink for a night Teach a man to 6 pack of beer, heffll drolmk frj s kide
• Raising dogs A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I'm thinking about taking up raising dogs," the guy tells the bartender. "Great idea," the bartender replies. "I can give you a few pointers."
• How do you open a bottle of beer? You don't. It should already be open by the time she gives it to you.
• Know how to get a lot of head? Give Michael J. Fox a pitcher of beer
• Germany decides that if they win the cup they would give out free beer for a year. Japan decides that if they win they would give out free sushi for a year. Let's go Colombiaaaaaa!!!
• A binary mathematician walks in to a bar A binary mathematician walks into a bar and asks for 10 drinks. The bartender says okay and gives him two beers.
• An African Shoebill walks into a bar... He orders a beer and as the bartender give it to him he says
  "Hey, do you have change? I only have a large bill"
• A copy editor walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I'm giving up the past tense for Lend," he tells the bartender.

Beer Bottle Jokes

Here is a list of funny beer bottle jokes and even better beer bottle puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• So I was driving home from work tonight, I saw a woman texting whilst driving. It infuriated me so much I threw my beer bottle at her car.
• Do you guys ever get your fingers stuck in beer bottles? It happened to me once in a blue moon.
• 2,147,483,647 bottles of beer on the wall, 2,147,483,647 bottles of beer. Take one down and pass it around Error: Int overflow
• BLONDE ALE Q: What do blondes and beer bottles have in common?
  A: They're both empty from the neck up.
• My brother asked me why the bottle of beer he bought in the morning was half empty. I told him that it was because he was a pessimist.
• What drink comes in a longneck bottle? Girraft Beer
• What do you get when you combine a watch and a bottle of beer? A really good watch.
• I love you my friends and that's not just the beer talking. It's from the bottom of my bottle of wine too.
• How do you call the biggest beer bottle? The alpha ale.
• A bottle of beer enters a law-abiding bar during the prohibition era. The bartender says: "We don't serve your kind here."

Heartwarming Beer Jokes that Make You Laugh

What funny jokes about beer you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bread jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make beer pranks.