Beeping Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

My carbon monoxide detector won't stop beeping.

It's giving me a headache, and dizziness, and nausea.

I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector.

The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.

I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide alarm today

The loud beeping was giving me a headache.

I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector.

All the beeping was giving me a headache and making me sleepy.

I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector today

The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.

I had to turn off my carbon monoxide detector...

...The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.

I unplugged my carbon monoxide detector from the wall today

All that beeping was giving me headaches and making me feel nauseous

My friend was showing me his new golf ball.

He tells me, "This ball is amazing, you can't lose it. If it goes in the rough, it makes a beeping sound. It glows in the dark so you can find it when its getting dark. If it goes in the water, it will float and make its way back to the shore."

I said to him, "That's incredible, where did you get it?"

"Found it"

My carbon monoxide detector keeps beeping

It's really giving me a headache

A scientist invents a lie detector

The machine is able to analyse speech patterns and detect lies, beeping whenever it detects a lie. To demonstrate it,he plays it a video of bill clinton, 'I did not have sexual relations with that woman', * beep*.

He takes it to the presidential debates, Hillary says " I am probably the best qualified woman for the job." *beep".
Trump seizes the moment and says " See, she's lying! Crooked Hillary, just like I said." Everyone waits, but there's no beep. Anderson Cooper turns to Trump and says, "Mr. Trump, your response",

Trump says " I think..." *beep*

Wife was in ICU

Doctor: She is in a coma.

Husband: Please save her. She's just 30.

*Just then, ECG starts beeping. Fingers move. Her lips mumbled...

And she spoke:
I'm 29

I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector

The constant beeping gave me a headache and made me feel sick.

I got rid of my carbon monoxide detector last night

The constant beeping was making me feel sick and dizzy.

A man goes to a mental hospital to visit his elderly mother...

when upon entering, he sees a man making beeping noises and waving his arms around. "what are you doing?", he asks.

"I'm driving a car. Can't you see?"

"Actually, you're in a mental hospital and your car doesn't exi-"

Then suddenly someone shouted out "Don't tell him! I get $20 by washing his car!"

I just took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide alarm

The loud beeping was giving me a raging headache and was making me feel sick and dizzy

We hired a teenage girl at my hardware store

I was showing her around the aisles when I picked up something off the shelf and pointed it at my self and made a beeping sound.

I said, "This is a stud-finder" and laughed.

She pulled up her sleeve, showed me her FitBit and made a beeping sound. She said, "This is a pedo-meter."

I've just had to take the batteries out of the Carbon Monoxide alarm

The loud beeping was giving me a headache and I was starting to feel sick and dizzy

The Incredible Golf Ball...:

Two Golfers were approaching the first tee. The first guy goes into his golf bag to get a ball and says to his friend, "Hey, why don't you try this ball." He draws a green golf ball out of his bag. "You can't lose it." His friend replies, "What do you mean you can't lose it?!!" The first man replies, "I'm serious, you can't lose it. If you hit it into the woods, it makes a beeping sound, if you hit it into the water it produces bubbles, and if you hit it on the fairway, smoke comes up in order for you to find it." Obviously, his friend doesn't believe him, but he shows him all the possibilities until he is convinced. The friend says, "Wow! That's incredible! Where did you get that ball?" The man replies, "I found it." (Think about it ... it'll come to you :)

People told me to get a carbon monoxide alarm....

But all it's doing is beeping and giving me a headache

I took the battery out of my carbon monoxide detector.

It was annoying me with that infernal beeping noise.

Three men,one German ,one Japanese and a Texan were sitting naked in a sauna.....

Three men, one German, one Japanese and a Texan were sitting naked in a sauna. Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The German pressed his forearm and the beep stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. "That was my pager, "he said, "I have a microchip under the skin of my arm."Β 
A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese fellow lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, "That was my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand."Β 

The Texan felt decidedly low tech, but not to be outdone he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his behind. The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him. The Texan finally said "Well, will you look at that, I'm getting a fax."Β 

A Jamaican is sightseeing in Egypt.

A vehicle drives by, beeping its horn. "Coo yah!" he says. "It's tootin' car, mon!"

Horn and wedding

Mommy, why are all the cars beeping their horns?

Because there's a wedding going on.

But isn't the horn a warning signal, Mommy?

Exactly, son.

When I was a kid we were in line at the bank and the lady in front of us pager started beeping

I yelled "y'all look out she's backing up"

I took the batterys out of my carbon monoxide detector.

It was beeping the whole week, and my roof told me to.

They installed a lie detector in the White House

Nobody can work any more because of all the beeping

What are the funniest beeping jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Beeping? Well, here are the best Beeping puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Beeping pick up lines to share with friends.

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