beef Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious beef puns

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Yo momma.

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A dark skinned lady named Betty goes to the butcher and asks for some beef.

The butcher replies: "Nooooo Black Betty, ham or lamb!"

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Hand Jobs $20 (nsfw)

A man walks into a sandwich shop and looks at the menu board. It reads

Grilled Cheese - $3
Ham and Cheese $5
Roast Beef - $6
Hand jobs -$20

A beautiful blond with huge tits comes to the register and says "what will you have handsome?"

"Are you the one that gives the handjobs?" He asks.

"Yes I am!." She replies with a wink.

"Well wash your fucking hands, I'll have a Grilled Cheese sandwich."

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McDonald's tried to create a beef version of the McRib, but failed.

Hopefully, they learned from their McSteaks.

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I can make you speak Irish

Say "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly

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People make such a big deal about vegans, but I don't get it.

I've never had a beef with one.

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So an African woman named Betty walked into a butcher and asked if they had beef.

The Butcher replied "No, Black Betty, ham or lamb."

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Hindus are so chilled out.

They never have beef with anyone.

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What do you call a masturbating cow?

Beef stroganoff.

My favorite joke I was told as a child.

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Russian computer: "Enter password"

Me: "Beef stew"

Russian computer: "Password not stroganoff"

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Why is ground beef so popular?

Because the flying cows are really hard to catch.

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I don't quite understand this hate against vegans.

I've never had a beef with them.

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Why don't Hindus argue with each other?

Because they can't have beef

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I want my password to be beef stew

but google says it's not stroganoff.

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Please enter your new password

WEBSITE: Please enter your new password

ME: beef

WEBSITE: Sorry. Your password is not stroganoff


credit goes to my girlfriend

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What do you call a cow with Parkinsons?

Beef Jerky

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What did the chef say when he cooked up moose meat instead of beef?

"Oh no! I've made a huge MooseSteak!"

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A newlywed Asian couple are on the first night of their honeymoon and have saved it for marriage

The husband says to his wife, "What do you want to do? We can try anything you want."

The wife says, "I want 69."

The husband replies, "You want beef with broccoli?"

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Tried to sign up to a website the other day...

I put my password as "beef stew"

It said password not stroganoff.

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What do you call a cow that masturbates?

Beef Jerky

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What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with one leg?

Steak.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Your mom.

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If two vegetarians are arguing

Is it considered a beef?

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What do you call a cow having a seizure?

Beef jerky

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What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

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What do you call an epileptic cow?

Beef jerky

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What do you call an overweight average ogre eating beef flavored yogurt?

A mediocre meaty ogre eating meaty yogurt.

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What are the Russians eating for thanksgiving?

Beef with turkey

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If two vegetarians get into a fight, would it still be called a beef?

Not sure, depends on what's at steak.

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A black women named betty goes to a butcher shop.

Betty: Can I get a half pound of beef?

Butcher: No Black Betty, ham or lamb.

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3 bad dad jokes

I use these back to back to back all the time.

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
FSHHHHHHHH

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Willpower

I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn, & a jumbo sausage. A poor, homeless man sat there and said 'I haven't eaten for two days.'

I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'

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A 1-2-3 punch of cow jokes

**What do you call a cow with 2 legs?**

*Lean beef.*

**What do you call a cow with no legs?**

*Ground beef.*

**What do you call a masturbating cow?**

*Beef strokinoff.*

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If you piss off a vegan....

Is it still called a beef?

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If two vegans are arguing...

Is it still considered beef?

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I don't know why they need to specify that certain beef is ground beef...

... cause I've never seen a cow that could fly or swim

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What are the most funny Beef jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Beef? Well, here are the best Beef dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Beef pick up lines to share with friends.

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