The Best 73 Beef Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Beef jokes. There are some beef meat jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these beef patties puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Beef Jokes and Puns

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Yo momma.

Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?

for meatier showers.

What did the chef say when he cooked up moose meat instead of beef?

"Oh no! I've made a huge MooseSteak!"

Beef joke, What did the chef say when he cooked up moose meat instead of beef?

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

A 1-2-3 punch of cow jokes

**What do you call a cow with 2 legs?**

*Lean beef.*

**What do you call a cow with no legs?**

*Ground beef.*

**What do you call a masturbating cow?**

*Beef strokinoff.*


A man walks up to a counter and says . . .

A man walks up to a counter and says, "Gimme a kielbassi sandwich and a beer."
"Ah," says the person behind the counter. "You must be Polish."
The customer becomes irate. "Now, just a minute," he says, "I happen to take offense at that! Why are you assuming that just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer I must be Polish?"
"Well-"
"If I ordered a plate of spaghetti, would you assume I'm Italian?"
"Well, no."
If I ordered corned beef and cabbage, would you assume I'm Irish?"
"No."
"Then why," said the customer, "are you assuming I'm Polish just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer?"
"Well . . . this is a hardware store."

A newlywed Asian couple are on the first night of their honeymoon and have saved it for marriage

The husband says to his wife, "What do you want to do? We can try anything you want."

The wife says, "I want 69."

The husband replies, "You want beef with broccoli?"

Beef joke, A newlywed Asian couple are on the first night of their honeymoon and have saved it for marriage

Willpower

I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn, & a jumbo sausage. A poor, homeless man sat there and said 'I haven't eaten for two days.'

I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'

what do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef. how about a cow with three legs? lean beef. but what do you call a cow with 2 legs?

your mom.

If 2 vegetarians argue...

... do they have beef?

A dark skinned lady named Betty goes to the butcher and asks for some beef.

The butcher replies: "Nooooo Black Betty, ham or lamb!"

You can explore beef sirloin reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean beef stroganoff dad jokes. There are also beef puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


3 bad dad jokes

I use these back to back to back all the time.

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
FSHHHHHHHH

Why did the top bun and bottom bun of the Big Mac get in a fight?

There was bad beef between them

I only eat beef raised on marijuana...

I like it when the steaks are high.

What are the Russians eating for thanksgiving?

Beef with turkey

Tried to sign up to a website the other day...

I put my password as "beef stew"

It said password not stroganoff.

Beef joke, Tried to sign up to a website the other day...

If two vegetarians are arguing

Is it considered a beef?

I can make you speak Irish

Say "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly

What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with one leg?

Steak.

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Your mom.


If two vegans don't like each other..

Is it still considered beef?

People make such a big deal about vegans, but I don't get it.

I've never had a beef with one.

What do you call an epileptic cow?

Beef jerky

What do you call a cow with Parkinsons?

Beef Jerky

I saw a man on the street with a sign saying he was hungry.

I told him I had an extra sandwich and he could pick which one he wanted, turkey or roast beef. He looked at both sandwiches for about 30 seconds, them threw up his hands and ran off.

I wondered for a second, then I remembered,

"Beggars can't be choosers"

Please enter your new password

WEBSITE: Please enter your new password

ME: beef

WEBSITE: Sorry. Your password is not stroganoff

credit goes to my girlfriend

So an African woman named Betty walked into a butcher and asked if they had beef.

The Butcher replied "No, Black Betty, ham or lamb."

If two vegetarians get into a fight, would it still be called a beef?

Not sure, depends on what's at steak.

Why is ground beef so popular?

Because the flying cows are really hard to catch.

What do you call an overweight average ogre eating beef flavored yogurt?

A mediocre meaty ogre eating meaty yogurt.

What do you call a cow that masturbates?

Beef Jerky

What do you call a cow having a seizure?

Beef jerky

If two vegans are arguing...

Is it still considered beef?

My brother has a beef eating disorder and I'm worried

His life is at steak

A black women named betty goes to a butcher shop.

Betty: Can I get a half pound of beef?

Butcher: No Black Betty, ham or lamb.

I want my password to be beef stew

but google says it's not stroganoff.

Hindus are so chilled out.

They never have beef with anyone.

What do you call a masturbating cow?

Beef stroganoff.

My favorite joke I was told as a child.

I don't know why they need to specify that certain beef is ground beef...

... cause I've never seen a cow that could fly or swim

What do you call a cow with epilepsy?

Beef Jerky

McDonald's tried to create a beef version of the McRib, but failed.

Hopefully, they learned from their McSteaks.

Why are vegetarians never involved in Any drama?

They can't stand beef

Hindus and vegans must be great friends

they never have beef

What do you call two tectonic plates having a fight?

Ground beef

I don't quite understand this hate against vegans.

I've never had a beef with them.

Why isn't beef a good password

It isn't stroganoff

Why don't Hindus argue with each other?

Because they can't have beef

Russian computer: "Enter password"

Me: "Beef stew"

Russian computer: "Password not stroganoff"

I just found out I couldn't use "beef stew" as a password.

Apparently it's not stroganoff.

If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow', and mass of pig fat is 'lard', what is a mass of human fat called?

'American'.

Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.

During this pandemic I'm buying lots of stocks.

Beef stock, chicken stock, fish stock. Soon I'm going to be a bouillon-ere!

A boy returns home from running an errand for his quarantined grandfather.

He says, "Grandpa, I got all the groceries you wanted! All together, it came to $47.22. Here's your change."

Grandpa says, "My goodness, the world is expensive nowadays. When I was a boy your age, I could get five pounds of potatoes, three loaves of bread, two pounds of beef, a jug of milk, a tin of tobacco for my dad, and a handful of my favorite candies, all for about five cents.

"Can't do that today, though. No sir-ee Bob."

"Why is that, grandpa?" asks the boy.

"Too many fuckin' cameras."

Do not use beef stew as a computer password.

It is not stroganoff.

Apparently there's a beef shortage on the rise.

Good news is fast food restaurants shouldn't be affected.

A cow with no legs is ground beef. A cow with 3 legs is lean beef. But what do you call a cow with 2 legs?

Your Mom

India is a very peaceful country.

Because nobody has any beef over there.

Remember the good old days when you can walk into a gas station with $1 and walk out with two bags of chips, beef jerky, and a drink?

Nowadays, there's cameras everywhere.

What do rappers and vegans have in common?

Fake beef

What do you call a cow with 3 legs?

Lean beef!

A cow with no legs?

Ground beef!

A cow with 2 legs?

YO MAMA

I bet my butcher $1,000 that he couldn't reach the beef on the top shelf without a ladder.

He said the steaks were too high.

What do you call a cow...

...w/ no legs? Ground beef.

...w/ 1 leg? Stake.

...w/ 2 legs? Lean beef.

...w/ 3 legs? Tri-tip.

...w/ 4 legs? A cow, you dummy.

...w/ 4 legs in the air? High stakes.

...w/ 5 legs? Chernobull.

...w/ no hind legs? An udder drag.

...w/ a twitch? Beef jerky.

I could keep going but I've milked this joke dry

It's funny how Jews, Christians and Muslims have fought each other for centuries.

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

My neighbor and I are having a land dispute.

Well, it's actually more of a ground beef.

It is really unfortunate that Islam, Christianity, and Judaism have been fighting each other for centuries.

Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.

I couldn't get $GME, so I got CHKN, BEEF, and VGTBL stock instead.

I hope to become a bouillionaire!

You can't use BeefStew as a password

It's not stroganoff

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef


Where do you find a cow with no legs?

Right where you left it

What do you call a cow with three legs?

Lean beef

What do you call a cow with one leg?

Stake

What do you call a cow with two legs?

Your mom!

I bought minced meat but forgot to pay the butcher

He now has a beef with me

If you want to live drama-free, you should move to India.

They don't have beef with anyone.

How do you program a computer to make beef stew?

You use bullion logic.

McDonalds just released a new sandwich made entirely of beef lips.

They're calling it the McJagger.

How to swear like an Irishman...

"Whale oil beef hooked!"

What do you call a hand job in a cow pasture?

A beef jerky.

Whats the only group of people that cant argue

Vegans. They don't want the beef

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the beef roast jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working beef misteak piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes