Beef Jokes
160 beef jokes and hilarious beef puns to laugh out loud. Read food jokes about beef that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Are you looking for the perfect roast beef, ground beef, corned beef, or wagyu beef dish for your next gathering? Get ready to crack up with these funny beef jokes! We've got jokes about popular cuts of beef like angus, veal, porterhouse, and sirloin that will make your guests laugh out loud. Get the beefy laughs going with these jokes that will definitely bring a smile to your face!
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Funniest Beef Short Jokes
Short beef jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The beef humour may include short steak jokes also.
- It is really unfortunate that Islam, Christianity, and Judaism have been fighting each other for centuries. Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
- What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Yo momma. - It's funny how Jews, Christians and Muslims have fought each other for centuries. Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
- I said to the woman at the deli, I'd like to buy a corned beef and pastrami, with pickles. She replied, Sorry..." "We only take cash or card.
- A dark skinned lady named Betty goes to the butcher and asks for some beef. The butcher replies: "Nooooo Black Betty, ham or lamb!"
- McDonald's tried to create a beef version of the McRib, but failed. Hopefully, they learned from their McSteaks.
- I bet my butcher $1,000 that he couldn't reach the beef on the top shelf without a ladder. He said the steaks were too high.
- People make such a big deal about vegans, but I don't get it. I've never had a beef with one.
- So an African woman named Betty walked into a butcher and asked if they had beef. The Butcher replied "No, Black Betty, ham or lamb."
- Apparently there's a beef shortage on the rise. Good news is fast food restaurants shouldn't be affected.
Share These Beef Jokes With Friends
Beef One Liners
Which beef one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with beef? I can suggest the ones about meat and cattle.
- Christians, Muslims, and Jews are always fighting, but Hindus never have any beef.
- Why you can't use 'Beef Stew' as a password.. Because is not stroganoff
- India is a very peaceful country. Because nobody has any beef over there.
- Why are vegetarians happier? They don't have beef with anyone
- I can make you speak Irish Say "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly
- Why didn't the hamburger buns get along? They always had beef between them.
- Do not use beef stew as a computer password. It is not stroganoff.
- Hindus are so chilled out. They never have beef with anyone.
- Why is ground beef so popular? Because the flying cows are really hard to catch.
- I don't quite understand this hate against vegans. I've never had a beef with them.
- Why don't Hindus argue with each other? Because they can't have beef
- I want my password to be beef stew but google says it's not stroganoff.
- Why can't you use beef stew as a password on your computer? It's not stroganoff
- What do you call a cow with Parkinsons? Beef Jerky
- What do you call a cow pleasuring itself? Beef Strokinoff
Ground Beef Jokes
Here is a list of funny ground beef jokes and even better ground beef puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef!
A cow with no legs?
Ground beef!
A cow with 2 legs?
YO MAMA - What's the opposite of ground beef? High steaks
- What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
- I don't know why they need to specify that certain beef is ground beef... ... cause I've never seen a cow that could fly or swim
- What do you call two tectonic plates having a fight? Ground beef
- what do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef. how about a cow with three legs? lean beef. but what do you call a cow with 2 legs? your mom.
- My neighbor and I are having a land dispute. Well, it's actually more of a ground beef.
- A cow with no legs is ground beef. A cow with 3 legs is lean beef. But what do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your Mom
- What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef…
What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
Lean Beef…
What do you call a cow with 1 leg?
Steak…
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Your Mom - What's the difference between new and old hamburger meat? One is ground beef and the other is browned grief.
Ground Beef Cow Jokes
Here is a list of funny ground beef cow jokes and even better ground beef cow puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Where do you find a cow that doesn't have any legs Right where you left it. It isn't going anywhere.
(You thought this was going to be a "ground beef" joke, didn't you?) - Cow Joke * What do you call a cow with no legs - Ground Beef
* What do you call a cow with three legs - Lean Beef
* What do you call a cow with two legs - your mother - What do you call a cow with no legs? What do you call a cow with no legs?
ground beef
What do you call a cow with 1 leg?
A steak
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
your mom :) - What's a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What's a cow with 3 legs?
Lean beef.
Now, what's a cow with 2 legs?
>!Your Mom!< - What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with three legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mum. - Labelling cows What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.
What about one with 3 legs? That's lean beef.
What about one with 2 legs? That's just you. - What do you call a cow... ...with 2 legs?
Lean Beef.
...with no legs?
Ground beef.
...with no legs burried halfway in the dirt?
Steak. - Cow jokes What do you call a cow in an earthquake? A milkshake
What do you call a cow with no legs? ground beef
What do you call a cow with 3 legs? lean beef - What do you get when you push a cow out of a plane? Ground beef
- cows what do you call a cow with no legs....ground beef
what do you call a cow with 2 legs...lean beef
what do you call a cow with a tick...beef jerky
Lean Beef Jokes
Here is a list of funny lean beef jokes and even better lean beef puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a cow with three legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with one leg?
Steak.
What do you call a cow with two legs?
Your mom. - what do you call a cow with two legs? lean beef.
- What do you call a cow with its front legs missing Lean beef
- What do you call a cow with only legs on one side? Lean Beef.
- What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean beef (Nor sure if this is a repost, but it's hilarious)
- What do you call a cow with no right legs? Lean beef.
- What would you call it if lil pump was a cow? Lean beef
- What do you call a cow with 2 legs shorter than the others? Lean-Beef
- What do you call a cow...? What do you call a cow that's missing a leg? Lean Beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef.
What do you call a cow that's m**...? Beef Strokin-Off
Beef Stew Jokes
Here is a list of funny beef stew jokes and even better beef stew puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Russian computer: "Enter password" Me: "Beef stew"
Russian computer: "Password not stroganoff" - Tried to sign up to a website the other day... I put my password as "beef stew"
It said password not stroganoff. - I just found out I couldn't use "beef stew" as a password. Apparently it's not stroganoff.
- Google said I couldn't use "beef stew" as my password. It's not stroganoff.
- I tried to make my password "Beef stew"... ... but got the error message "your password is not stroganoff"
- What ever you do, don't use 'beef stew' as your computer password. Apparently its not stroganoff...
- Beef stew isn't a good password it's not Stroganoff
- I just told a cow that he's being watched. I always like to make beef stew.
- New Password So I tried to make my new password 'beef stew.'
But it wasn't stroganoff. - How do you program a computer to make beef stew? You use bullion logic.
Roast Beef Jokes
Here is a list of funny roast beef jokes and even better roast beef puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- "Doctor, doctor!" "I've roast beef in one ear, Yorkshire pudding in the other ear and gravy all down my legs!"
Doctor: "Hmmm. I don't think you're eating properly." - My doctor tells me that a healthy serving of red meat is the size of a deck of cards. Tonight I ate 52 slices of roast beef.
- My wife is angry because I brought home a B.L.T. instead of a roast beef sandwich. Oops, wrong sub.
- Q: What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
A: You can roast beef but you cant pee soup. - Roast beef and pork are both pulled from the oven The pork says to the beef, "we meat again".
(Courtesy of my 8 year old) - I was addicted to lunch meats, but I quit cold turkey. I'm still hooked on salami and roast beef though.
- A hot dog walks into a bar The bartender says, "We don't serve sandwiches here."
The hot dog says, "That's ok. I came for the roast beef." - What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup. Anyone can roast beef, but it's not easy to pea soup.
- Guest at a restaurant! Guest at a restaurant: I refuse to eat this roast beef. Please call the manager!
Waiter: That's no use. He won't eat it either. - What's the difference between roast beef and forest fires? Anyone can roast beef but only YOU can prevent forest fires.
Comical Beef Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter
What funny jokes about beef you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean pork jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make beef pranks.
Why do astronomers put beef in their shampoo?
for meatier showers.
What did the chef say when he cooked up moose meat instead of beef?
"Oh no! I've made a huge MooseSteak!"
A 1-2-3 punch of cow jokes
**What do you call a cow with 2 legs?**
*Lean beef.*
**What do you call a cow with no legs?**
*Ground beef.*
**What do you call a m**... cow?**
*Beef strokinoff.*
A man walks up to a counter and says . . .
A man walks up to a counter and says, "Gimme a kielbassi sandwich and a beer."
"Ah," says the person behind the counter. "You must be Polish."
The customer becomes irate. "Now, just a minute," he says, "I happen to take offense at that! Why are you assuming that just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer I must be Polish?"
"Well-"
"If I ordered a plate of spaghetti, would you assume I'm Italian?"
"Well, no."
If I ordered corned beef and cabbage, would you assume I'm Irish?"
"No."
"Then why," said the customer, "are you assuming I'm Polish just because I ordered a kielbassi sandwich and a beer?"
"Well . . . this is a hardware store."
A newlywed Asian couple are on the first night of their honeymoon and have saved it for marriage
The husband says to his wife, "What do you want to do? We can try anything you want."
The wife says, "I want 69."
The husband replies, "You want beef with broccoli?"
Willpower
I'd just come out of the shop with a roast beef sandwich, large chips, ear of corn, & a jumbo sausage. A poor, homeless man sat there and said 'I haven't eaten for two days.'
I told him, 'I wish I had your will power.'
My dad's favorite joke.
A lady walks into a cafe and orders a burger from the cashier. She notices the cook isn't wearing a shirt and curiously watches him prepare her food. He takes a handful of ground beef and slaps it against his hairy stomach, flips it over, and does the same to the other side. Appalled, the lady looks at the cashier and says, "Eww, that's *disgusting*!" The cashier replies, "If you think that's g**..., you should see him make donuts."
If 2 vegetarians argue...
... do they have beef?
3 bad dad jokes
I use these back to back to back all the time.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
FSHHHHHHHH
Why did the top bun and bottom bun of the Big Mac get in a fight?
There was bad beef between them
I only eat beef raised on m**......
I like it when the steaks are high.
What do you call a herd of m**... cattle?
Beef strokanoff.
What are the Russians eating for thanksgiving?
Beef with turkey
If two vegetarians are arguing
Is it considered a beef?
What do you call a cow m**...?
Beef s**... off
If two vegans don't like each other..
Is it still considered beef?
What do you call an epileptic cow?
Beef jerky
I saw a man on the street with a sign saying he was hungry.
I told him I had an extra sandwich and he could pick which one he wanted, turkey or roast beef. He looked at both sandwiches for about 30 seconds, them threw up his hands and ran off.
I wondered for a second, then I remembered,
"Beggars can't be choosers"
Please enter your new password
WEBSITE: Please enter your new password
ME: beef
WEBSITE: Sorry. Your password is not stroganoff
credit goes to my girlfriend
If two vegetarians get into a fight, would it still be called a beef?
Not sure, depends on what's at steak.
What do you call an overweight average ogre eating beef flavored yogurt?
A mediocre meaty ogre eating meaty yogurt.
What do you call a cow that masturbates?
Beef Jerky
What do you call a cow having a seizure?
Beef jerky
If two vegans are arguing...
Is it still considered beef?
My brother has a beef eating disorder and I'm worried
His life is at steak
A black women named betty goes to a butcher shop.
Betty: Can I get a half pound of beef?
Butcher: No Black Betty, ham or lamb.
What do you call a m**... cow?
Beef stroganoff.
My favorite joke I was told as a child.
Vegans are good people
They never have beef with anyone.
What do you call a cow with epilepsy?
Beef Jerky
Why are vegetarians never involved in Any drama?
They can't stand beef
Hindus and vegans must be great friends
they never have beef
Why isn't beef a good password
It isn't stroganoff
What does a school cafeteria and the KSI vs Logan Paul fight have in common?
Their beef is fake
If a mass of beef fat is 'tallow', and mass of pig fat is 'lard', what is a mass of human fat called?
'American'.
Just kidding, it's actually called 'Yo Momma'.
During this pandemic I'm buying lots of stocks.
Beef stock, chicken stock, fish stock. Soon I'm going to be a bouillon-ere!
A boy returns home from running an errand for his quarantined grandfather.
He says, "Grandpa, I got all the groceries you wanted! All together, it came to $47.22. Here's your change."
Grandpa says, "My goodness, the world is expensive nowadays. When I was a boy your age, I could get five pounds of potatoes, three loaves of bread, two pounds of beef, a jug of milk, a tin of tobacco for my dad, and a handful of my favorite candies, all for about five cents.
"Can't do that today, though. No sir-ee Bob."
"Why is that, grandpa?" asks the boy.
"Too many f**...' cameras."
Remember the good old days when you can walk into a gas station with $1 and walk out with two bags of chips, beef jerky, and a drink?
Nowadays, there's cameras everywhere.
What do rappers and vegans have in common?
Fake beef
What do you call a cow...
...w/ no legs? Ground beef.
...w/ 1 leg? Stake.
...w/ 2 legs? Lean beef.
...w/ 3 legs? Tri-tip.
...w/ 4 legs? A cow, you d**....
...w/ 4 legs in the air? High stakes.
...w/ 5 legs? Chernobull.
...w/ no hind legs? An udder drag.
...w/ a twitch? Beef jerky.
I could keep going but I've milked this joke dry
What do Spanish people call leftover beef?
Reincarne
What do you call a cow with parkinson's disease?
Beef jerky
I couldn't get $GME, so I got CHKN, BEEF, and VGTBL stock instead.
I hope to become a bouillionaire!
You can't use BeefStew as a password
It's not stroganoff
When two meat-eaters fight, it's called beef.
When two vegans fight, it's called a tofeud.
What do you call a h**... in a cow pasture?
A beef jerky.
Whats the only group of people that cant argue
Vegans. They don't want the beef
I think I figured out the source of the beef between Kyle Rittenhouse and LeBron James.
Kyle has LeBron sorely outclassed in both shooting and defense.
When Love Fades......
Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's lovely voice from the kitchen.
"What would you like for dinner, my Love. . . Chicken, beef or lamb?"
I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."
She replied "You're having soup, a\*\*hole. I was talking to the cat."
I've decided to start investing in stocks
First chicken, then beef, and now vegetable. I know it's risky, but I know one day it will pay off and I'll be a bouillonaire!
If two vegans have an disagreement
Is it still called a beef?
