Ridiculous Bee Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter
My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She's at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died.
Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.
If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye?
Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
If there's a bee in my hand, what's in my eye?
Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
ITT: People who want to kill me, people who think I am their dad, more puns about bees, puns about beer, "oh I get it", and "this joke is more like a riddle"
Spelling bee judge: "Your word is 'seaward'."
Contestant: "C-U-N..."
Judge: "DEAR GOD PLEASE STOP."
God initially planned to use wasps to pollinate flowers.
But in the end, he went with plan Bee.
The other day I visited the thrift shop and picked up an old record album called 'Sound of Wasps'.
When I got home and played it I realised it didn't sound anything like wasps!
Turns out I'd been playing the Bee side.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
Wasabi
I'll let myself out now.
What do you call a bee that lives in America?
A USB.
A woman is playing golf...
... when she gets stung by a bee. She goes into the clubhouse and tells an employee what has happened:
Woman: "Hello, I was stung by a bee."
Man: "Where were you stung?"
Woman: "Between the first hole and the second hole."
Man: "Your stance is too wide."
God initially planned to use wasps to make honey.
But in the end, he went with plan Bee.
Yesterday my wife got stung by a bee while golfing
I asked where, and she informed me it was between the first and second holes. Being the helpful type, I advised her that her stance was too wide.
You can explore bee beeswax reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bee buzz dad jokes. There are also bee puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
A man runs out of petrol
A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.
"What seems to be the problem?'' asked the bee.
"I'm out of petrol,'' the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank.
After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
`"Try it now,'' said the bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
"Wow,'' the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my petrol tank?''
"BP,'' answered the bee.
A woman ran screaming into the pro shop at the golf course...
"I just got stung by a bee between the first and second hole!"
The guy at the counter said "Your stance is too wide".
2 guys walk into a bar
"Hey donkey get the beers in" shouts o**... to the other.
The man walks up to the barman and stutters " two bee... two bee... two beers please?" the barman starts to pour the mans beer when the guys friend shouts "Donkey! get me some nuts too"
The man stood at the bar says to the barman " two pa... two pa.. two packets of nuts too please"
The barman says to the guy "That's a bit mean, why does he call you donkey?" and the man replies "It's OK, He aw... he aw.. he always calls me that"
Go away bee, don't bother me.
A wise man once told me, if a bee is bothering you, don't swat or run away, just stand still and look right at it, because seeing is believing.
A woman is out playing golf...
...and she gets stung by a bee. It's annoying, but she finishes her game. Afterwards, she's having a drink in the clubhouse and mentions to one of the golf pros hanging out there what happened.
"Oh that's too bad," he says. "Where did you get stung?"
"Right between the first and second hole," she tells him.
"Hmmm," he says, "Sounds like your stance is too wide."
Why did the CIA t**... the Russian wasp?
Because he was a cagey bee agent.
Two cavemen are waiting at the doctor's office
The first says, "Me name Phil. Me get bee sting. Why you here?"
The second one, covered in blood, smiles and says, "Me name Mike. Me get hit by boulder during rock slide."
The first says, "That must hurt! Why you look so happy?"
The second says, "Me celebrating. It's Mike Ache Day!"
So, I just tried a new drinking game.
I put in the Bee Movie, and every time they make a bee pun, I take a shot.
Unfortunately, I could only get buzzed.
What do bees make joke
Logan: Patton and I don't have pet names for each other !
Virgil: Uh huh...
Virgil: So do you know what bees make ?
Logan: Honey ?
Patton from the other room: Yes babe ?
Virgil: Don't lie to my face again !
What do you call a s**... Bee
A Whorenet
At the spelling bee
Judge: Your word is "there."
Me: In a sentence please.
Judge: They're parking their car over there.
A lady walks into the pro shop to complain about bee stings
A lady walks into the pro shop to complain about bee stings while she is golfing.
The pro asks: where'd you get stung?
Between the first and second hole , she answers.
The pro replied: your stance is too wide .
Golf lessons
A young woman has been taking golf lessons. She has just started playing her first round of golf when she suffers a bee sting. The pain is so intense she decides to return to the clubhouse.
Her golf pro sees her come into the clubhouse and asks, "why are you back so early? What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee"
"where?" he asks.
"between the first and second hole," she replies.
He nods knowingly and says, "apparently your stance is too wide."
What do you call a bee hive with no exit?
Un-bee-leave-able
God's plan to use wasps to pollinate didn't work out.
So he had to resort to Plan Bee.
I found a vinyl record of Wasp Sounds at a charity shop...
...when I got home I put it on to listen to it - it was all wrong - the buzzing noises was nothing like wasp sounds.
Then I realised - I was playing the Bee side!
My brother is in the ER right now because of a bee sting that swelled his head,
Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with a shovel.
How do you catch a s**... bee?
With a hornet.
Lady golfer
A lady comes up to the clubhouse after playing playing a few holes and she is fuming
She says
"A bee stung me"
The man at the desk replies
"where did the bee sting you
The lady replies
"Between hole 1 and 2"
The man at the desk says
"That's your problem, your stance is too wide"
Today I brought home a record I found at Goodwill. It was called "Sounds Wasps Make"...
I put it on my record player and thought, "This doesn't sound anything like wasps!" Then I realized I was playing the bee side.
What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind?
A Maybe.
What floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee?
Nothing.
What do you call a bee that was born in the States?
A USB...
I'll see myself out.
A guy looking to become a bee farmer went to a seasoned Apiarist and asked if he could buy some bees off him to start up a hive. The Apiarist said he had plenty to spare and was having a sale for 50 bees for $50...
The man bought the bees, went home and began putting the bees into the empty hive; he counted each one to make sure he got his moneys worth but by the end of the gruelling task he realized he had not 50 but 51 bees. He called the seasoned Apiarist and asked why he was given 51 bees when the sale was for 50.
The Apiarist replied: >!that's a free-bee!<
My dad always told me that if a bee is bothering you, stare at it intently instead of trying to swat it.
Because ….seeing is bee leaving.
A lady golfer was stung by a bee.
So she went back to the clubhouse, and met with the club manager. The manager asked her "Where did you get stung?" The lady replied "Oh, between the first and second holes." The manager then said, "Well, obviously, your stance is too wide."
A woman got stung by a bee on the golf course
As she was allergic to bee stings, she frantically ran to the clubhouse to get help. "I've been stung by a bee," she cried to the clubhouse attendant. "Where were you stung?" he asked. "Between the first and second hole," she said. He replied, "I think your stance may be a little too wide."
I got a vinyl album of wasp sounds the other day. Played it, didn't sound anything like wasps!
Turns out I was playing the bee side
What bee produces milk?
A boo-bee
A wife tells her husband that she's discovered his secret f**... via his search history...
"It was a weird one for sure," she says, "but I think I can make it work without being too embarrassed, as long as you don't film it." He accepts.
Later that night, he asks her if she wants to try it. She smiles, begins to undress, and goes "SKIPPITY BEE BOP BEE BOP DUP-A DUAAA"
Stop me if you've heard this one...
A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, You are back early, what's wrong? I was stung by a bee! she said. Where? he asked. Between the first and second hole. she replied. He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide.
What is Russia's most secretive insect?
Cagey Bee.
A man is doing a crossword and asks his wife for help.
Husband: Body of water, three letters.
Wife: Bay.
Husband: Flying insect with stinger, three letters.
Wife: Bee.
Husband: To hush someone, four letters.
Wife: shhh.
Husband: Boat Noah built, three letters.
Wife: Ark.
Husband: DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO
A man, a squirrel, and 2 bees are going on a road trip.
On the road, they run out of gas so the man pulls over. One of the bees says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further. It works, until they run out of gas again.
The second bee steps up and says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further. It works, until they run out of gas for the third time.
This time the squirrel chimes in and says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further.
But the man says, Don't bother, she only runs on BP.
Mike Tyson was arrested at a 5th grade sitting bee his first time judging
The word was Dictate.
[Spelling Bee Contestant] Can you use it in a sentence?
[Mike Tyson] She liked the way my Dictate
I'll tell you what's a dangerous insect...
....That Hepatitis Bee
A Bee on a Fly
(Disclaimer) this is a repost from something I saw a long time ago, so if someone could get a source that'd be very cool
A bee is riding on the back of a fly. The fly turns around, and asks, hey, are you a bee?
In which the bee replies, I might bee.
The fly then says, dude, that's the worst pun I have ever heard.
The bee responds, I know man, I made it up on the fly.
A male bee dies after s**...
I guess you could call that a honey nut cheerio
What do you get when a bee is stuck in a garage ?
Garbage.
When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings
You know she's a keeper.
A lady runs up to a golf pro giving a lesson ...
... and says "Help! I've just been stung by a bee!". The golf pro asks where. The lady says "Between the first and second holes." The pro says, "Well, I can tell you right now your stance is way too wide."
A couple walk Into the clubhouse after a round of golf.
The pro asks "how was you round?" The husband says "it was good but my wife got stung by a bee". "Where did she get stung?" "Between the first and second hole". The pro says "well her stance was too wide."
A woman who is playing golf gets stung by a bee.
She rushes into the pro shop and says "I've been stung by a bee! I've been stung by a bee!
The pro say "Where?"
The woman says "Between the first and second hole."
The pro says "Your stance is too wide."
A woman was playing a round of golf
A woman was playing a round of golf when a bee stung her.
Fearing an allergic reaction she ran to the clubhouse and told the pro that she had been stung.
He asked where and she said between the first and second holes.
He replied "your stance is too wide".
This ones for the kids: What did the bee say to the flower?
Hey bud!
A boy and his father are playing catch
A boy and his father were playing catch in the front yard when the
boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it.
"That was a honey bee," his father said,"one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without honey for a week."
Later the boy saw a butterfly so he ran over and stomped it.
"That was a butterfly," his father said, "one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without butter for a week."
The next morning the family had sat down for breakfast. The boy ate his plain toast (no honey or butter.)
Suddenly a cockroach ran from under the stove. His mother stomped it.
The boy looked at his father and said, "Are you going to tell her or
should I"?
At the Spelling bee
Judge: Your word is 'Invulnerable'.
Me: I-N-V-U-
Judge: I am pretty awesome.
A woman golfer walks up to a grounds keeper..
A woman golfer walks up to a grounds keeper and says, "I just got stung by a bee!" "Where at??" Asks the grounds keeper. "Between the first and second hole." Replied the woman. The grounds keeper looks her up and down and says, "Well, It sounds like your stance is too wide."
Cr
A young woman had been taking golf lessons all week long.
She'd just begun her first game of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense, she couldn't continue her game. She decided to go back to the clubhouse and get some medical attention.
Her golf Pro saw her enter the clubhouse and asked,
"Why are you back so soon?" What's wrong?"
"I was stung by a bee," she answered.
"Where?," he asked.
"Between the first and second holes," she replied.
He nodded his head knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide."
"Your word is their..."
"Your word is their," said the spelling bee judge.
The contestant, confused, asked for a sentence.
"They're looking for their dog over there," replied the judge.
A child was competing in a spelling bee and was doing quite well, until the moderator said: "your word is 'inward' "....
Spelling bee contestant: "N-I-G-G..."
Moderator: "Jesus no, stop please! "
Women playing golf goes to doctor
She tells the doctor while playing golf a bee stung her between the first hole and the second hole, the doctor replies your stance is to wide
Please pray for my mother-in-law. She was taken to hospital this morning. A bee landed on her face. Luckily she wasn't stung.
I was too quick with the s**....
There's a type of bee that after it stings you, you pass out and it tries to have s**... with you.
It's a Cos-Bee.
Why couldn't the bee dress as a ghost for Halloween?
Because people are offended by seeing Boo Bees.
TIL: A fly will drink so much v**... it can hardly stand, but a bee will only take a little sip.
Just enough to get buzzed.
Taking a lesson because her golf game had been going so badly, a woman had just started her first round when she was stung by a bee.
Distraught and rather angry and disheartened besides, she went back into the clubhouse and told the golf pro about the incident.
"Where did it sting you?" he asked.
"Between the first and second hole," she replied.
The pro shook his head and quickly exclaimed: "That's your problem right there. You have your feet too far apart.
A teacher asks her student
Teacher: What does a Bee gives us?
Student: Honey
Teacher: What does a cow gives us?
Student: Milk
Teacher: What does a fat pig gives us?
Student: Homework
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.
Have you ever realised how pretty the second letter of the word hive is?
I've always said that beauty is in the I of the bee holder
You hear about the kid who lost the spelling bee on the word "dairy"?
...I told him there's no use crying over misspelled milk.
