Bee Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Bee puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Bee

My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She's at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died.

Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.

If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye?

Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

If there's a bee in my hand, what's in my eye?

Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

ITT: People who want to kill me, people who think I am their dad, more puns about bees, puns about beer, "oh I get it", and "this joke is more like a riddle"

What did the sushi say to the bee?

Wasabi

I'll let myself out now.

What do you call a bee that lives in America?

A USB.

A woman is playing golf...

... when she gets stung by a bee. She goes into the clubhouse and tells an employee what has happened:

Woman: "Hello, I was stung by a bee."

Man: "Where were you stung?"

Woman: "Between the first hole and the second hole."

Man: "Your stance is too wide."

Yesterday my wife got stung by a bee while golfing

I asked where, and she informed me it was between the first and second holes. Being the helpful type, I advised her that her stance was too wide.

A man runs out of petrol

A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.

"What seems to be the problem?'' asked the bee.

"I'm out of petrol,'' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank.

After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

`"Try it now,'' said the bee.

The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.

"Wow,'' the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my petrol tank?''

"BP,'' answered the bee.

Go away bee, don't bother me.

A wise man once told me, if a bee is bothering you, don't swat or run away, just stand still and look right at it, because seeing is believing.

A woman is out playing golf...

...and she gets stung by a bee. It's annoying, but she finishes her game. Afterwards, she's having a drink in the clubhouse and mentions to one of the golf pros hanging out there what happened.

"Oh that's too bad," he says. "Where did you get stung?"

"Right between the first and second hole," she tells him.

"Hmmm," he says, "Sounds like your stance is too wide."

Why did the CIA torture the Russian wasp?

Because he was a cagey bee agent.

So, I just tried a new drinking game.

I put in the Bee Movie, and every time they make a bee pun, I take a shot.


Unfortunately, I could only get buzzed.

What do bees make joke

Logan: Patton and I don't have pet names for each other !

Virgil: Uh huh...

Virgil: So do you know what bees make ?

Logan: Honey ?

Patton from the other room: Yes babe ?

Virgil: Don't lie to my face again !

What do you call a slutty Bee

A Whorenet

At the spelling bee

Judge: Your word is "there."

Me: In a sentence please.

Judge: They're parking their car over there.

Golf lessons

A young woman has been taking golf lessons. She has just started playing her first round of golf when she suffers a bee sting. The pain is so intense she decides to return to the clubhouse.
Her golf pro sees her come into the clubhouse and asks, "why are you back so early? What's wrong?"

"I was stung by a bee"

"where?" he asks.

"between the first and second hole," she replies.

He nods knowingly and says, "apparently your stance is too wide."

God's plan to use wasps to pollinate didn't work out.

So he had to resort to Plan Bee.

My brother is in the ER right now because of a bee sting that swelled his head,

Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with a shovel.

How do you catch a slutty bee?

With a hornet.

Lady golfer

A lady comes up to the clubhouse after playing playing a few holes and she is fuming

She says

"A bee stung me"

The man at the desk replies

"where did the bee sting you

The lady replies

"Between hole 1 and 2"

The man at the desk says

"That's your problem, your stance is too wide"

What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind?

A Maybe.

What floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee?

Nothing.

What do you call a bee that was born in the States?

A USB...



I'll see myself out.

A woman got stung by a bee on the golf course

As she was allergic to bee stings, she frantically ran to the clubhouse to get help. "I've been stung by a bee," she cried to the clubhouse attendant. "Where were you stung?" he asked. "Between the first and second hole," she said. He replied, "I think your stance may be a little too wide."

What bee produces milk?

A boo-bee

Stop me if you've heard this one...

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, You are back early, what's wrong? I was stung by a bee! she said. Where? he asked. Between the first and second hole. she replied. He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide.

A wife tells her husband that she's discovered his secret fetish via his search history...

"It was a weird one for sure," she says, "but I think I can make it work without being too embarrassed, as long as you don't film it." He accepts.

Later that night, he asks her if she wants to try it. She smiles, begins to undress, and goes "SKIPPITY BEE BOP BEE BOP DUP-A DUAAA"

Mike Tyson was arrested at a 5th grade sitting bee his first time judging

The word was Dictate.

[Spelling Bee Contestant] Can you use it in a sentence?

[Mike Tyson] She liked the way my Dictate

I'll tell you what's a dangerous insect...

....That Hepatitis Bee

A Bee on a Fly

(Disclaimer) this is a repost from something I saw a long time ago, so if someone could get a source that'd be very cool

A bee is riding on the back of a fly. The fly turns around, and asks, hey, are you a bee?
In which the bee replies, I might bee.

The fly then says, dude, that's the worst pun I have ever heard.

The bee responds, I know man, I made it up on the fly.

When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings

You know she's a keeper.

A couple walk Into the clubhouse after a round of golf.

The pro asks "how was you round?" The husband says "it was good but my wife got stung by a bee". "Where did she get stung?" "Between the first and second hole". The pro says "well her stance was too wide."

A woman who is playing golf gets stung by a bee.

She rushes into the pro shop and says "I've been stung by a bee! I've been stung by a bee!

The pro say "Where?"

The woman says "Between the first and second hole."

The pro says "Your stance is too wide."

This ones for the kids: What did the bee say to the flower?

Hey bud!

A lady runs up to a golf pro giving a lesson ...

... and says "Help! I've just been stung by a bee!". The golf pro asks where. The lady says "Between the first and second holes." The pro says, "Well, I can tell you right now your stance is way too wide."

A woman golfer walks up to a grounds keeper..

A woman golfer walks up to a grounds keeper and says, "I just got stung by a bee!" "Where at??" Asks the grounds keeper. "Between the first and second hole." Replied the woman. The grounds keeper looks her up and down and says, "Well, It sounds like your stance is too wide."


Cr

A boy and his father are playing catch

A boy and his father were playing catch in the front yard when the
boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it.


"That was a honey bee," his father said,"one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without honey for a week."


Later the boy saw a butterfly so he ran over and stomped it.
"That was a butterfly," his father said, "one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without butter for a week."


The next morning the family had sat down for breakfast. The boy ate his plain toast (no honey or butter.)


Suddenly a cockroach ran from under the stove. His mother stomped it.


The boy looked at his father and said, "Are you going to tell her or
should I"?

A young woman had been taking golf lessons all week long.

She'd just begun her first game of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense, she couldn't continue her game. She decided to go back to the clubhouse and get some medical attention.

Her golf Pro saw her enter the clubhouse and asked,
"Why are you back so soon?" What's wrong?"

"I was stung by a bee," she answered.

"Where?," he asked.
"Between the first and second holes," she replied.

He nodded his head knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide."

"Your word is their..."

"Your word is their," said the spelling bee judge.
The contestant, confused, asked for a sentence.
"They're looking for their dog over there," replied the judge.

A child was competing in a spelling bee and was doing quite well, until the moderator said: "your word is 'inward' "....

Spelling bee contestant: "N-I-G-G..."

Moderator: "Jesus no, stop please! "

Women playing golf goes to doctor

She tells the doctor while playing golf a bee stung her between the first hole and the second hole, the doctor replies your stance is to wide

Please pray for my mother-in-law. She was taken to hospital this morning. A bee landed on her face. Luckily she wasn't stung.

I was too quick with the spade.

There's a type of bee that after it stings you, you pass out and it tries to have sex with you.

It's a Cos-Bee.

Taking a lesson because her golf game had been going so badly, a woman had just started her first round when she was stung by a bee.

Distraught and rather angry and disheartened besides, she went back into the clubhouse and told the golf pro about the incident.

"Where did it sting you?" he asked.

"Between the first and second hole," she replied.

The pro shook his head and quickly exclaimed: "That's your problem right there. You have your feet too far apart.

What do you call an American Bee?

A USB.

A teacher asks her student

Teacher: What does a Bee gives us?

Student: Honey

Teacher: What does a cow gives us?

Student: Milk

Teacher: What does a fat pig gives us?

Student: Homework

Why couldn't the bee dress as a ghost for Halloween?

Because people are offended by seeing Boo Bees.

A woman is stung by a bee on a golf course

She goes into anaphylactic shock due to an allergy and they take her to a doctor.

"Where was she stung?", asked the doctor.

"Between the first and second hole.",

"Well she may need to work on her stance."

A man goes to the doctor

A man goes to the doctor and says, "I've been stung by a bee! Can you put some ointment on it?"

The doctor says, "Sure, but I think the bee flew away already."

(Courtesy of my 10 year old)

What's smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee

A woman returned home from a round of golf.

Her husband asked how it went. She replied, "Well, OK, but I got stung by a bee." He responded, "Where did it sting you?" She said, "Between the first and second hole," whereupon he exclaimed, "I told you your stance was too wide!"

A group of primary school students were participating in a local spelling bee.

A keen young boy steps before the judges and is told, "Your word is spider."

Not quite sure as to how to spell it, the boy asks, "Could you please use it in a sentence?"

A judge replies, "A spider has eight eyes."

The boy then states, "S-P-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-D-E-R."

Spelling bee in heaven.

A married woman named Harriet was very ill and passed away. When she ascended into heaven, an angel was waiting for her. The angel said, "You can be allowed into heaven, if you spell a word for me." Harriet replies, "OK, what's the word?"
"The word is love."
"L-O-V-E, love." Harriet spells.
"Welcome to heaven, but before you go in, can you watch the gate for me? I have to go do something. If someone comes up you know what to do" the angel asks.
"Okay," and the angel flies away. A couple minutes later her husband, Harry, comes to Heaven. Harriet asks him,
"What are you doing here," and he replies,
"I got so lonely back at home, that I decided to kill myself to come here with you." Harriet then says,
"Well, you have to spell a word to pass to heaven." Harry says,
"Okay, what's the word." Harriet says,
"Czechoslovakia."

Little Timmy was playing in the garden

Little Timmy was playing in the garden, and squashed a honey bee. His dad saw, and was so angry that he said 'No honey for a month!' Then he saw Little Timmy swat a butterfly, and he said 'No butter for a month, and you have to come inside now!' Meanwhile, his mum was cooking dinner. A cockroach ran across the kitchen, and she panicked and crushed it under her foot just as Little Timmy and his dad walked in. Little Timmy looked at his dad and said 'Do you want to tell her, or shall I?'

What do you call a bee that comes from US?

USB !!

sorry, I am going to shoot myself now!

Breaking: Spelling Bee Official Pronounced Dead.

He then used it in a sentence.

If I am holding a bee, what is in my eye?

Beauty.

Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

What's even more impressive than a talking dog ?

A spelling bee!

What is Barry Gibb better at than the rest of the Bee Gees?

Staying Alive

What is the only type of bee that produces milk?

A boobee

At the Bee Prom...

A young bee nervously flies around hoping to grab a dance with the queen bee. Finally he musters up the courage and talks to her. She looks at him and says "I'll dance with you if you get me some fruit punch"
Excited, the bee zooms to get the punch. He sees the line for nachos, the ice cream machine, the honey line, but after hours of searching he realizes...
There is no punch line

A woman is golfing with some friends.

After sinking her first putt, she's on her way down the path to the second tee when she gets stung by a bee. She rushes the short distance back to the clubhouse, hoping to find a doctor.

She bumps into the resident golf pro, who says, "What can I help you with?"

The woman tells him she's been stung by a bee.

The pro asks, "Oh really, where?"

The lady replies, "Between the first and second hole."

To that the golf pro states, "Well, first of all, your stance is way too wide."

What type of Bee gives Milk?

A BooBee!

A woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so bad that she ran to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, What's wrong?

I was stung by a bee! she said. Where? he asked. Between the first and second hole. she replied. He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide.

How come new and knew were not allowed words at the gay pride spelling bee?

Because they are homophonic.

For my wife's birthday, I got a guy to follow her all day making bee noises.

She really wanted a hummer.

How do Australian bees please the queen bee?

They bee hive

A woman walks into a police station and says "Help, Ive bee raped by a consultant"

The policeman on duty says "Consultant? thats pretty specific. Do you know him?"
The woman replies "No I dont know him"
The policeman asks "Then how do you know he's a consultant?"
The woman answers "Because he kept his jacket on and made me do all the work"

A woman gets a golf lesson.

A woman goes to her local golf course and gets a lesson from the course pro. After the lesson she decides to play a round to reinforce what she learned. But after only 20 minutes the golf pro sees her back at clubhouse. "What happened" asks the pro. She replies "I was stung by a bee while playing and didn't feel like continuing". "Oh no, where at" replies the golf pro. She says "between the first and second hole".

"Oh, I see" says the pro, "your stance is too wide".

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes