The Best 69 Bee Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Bee jokes. There are some bee bumblebee jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bee zombee puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Bee Jokes and Puns

My wife got stung by a bee on the forehead. She's at the ER now, her face all swollen and bruised, she almost died.

Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with my shovel.

If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye?

Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.

If there's a bee in my hand, what's in my eye?

Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

ITT: People who want to kill me, people who think I am their dad, more puns about bees, puns about beer, "oh I get it", and "this joke is more like a riddle"

The other day I visited the thrift shop and picked up an old record album called 'Sound of Wasps'.

When I got home and played it I realised it didn't sound anything like wasps!

Turns out I'd been playing the Bee side.

What did the sushi say to the bee?

Wasabi

I'll let myself out now.


What do you call a bee that lives in America?

A USB.

A woman is playing golf...

... when she gets stung by a bee. She goes into the clubhouse and tells an employee what has happened:

Woman: "Hello, I was stung by a bee."

Man: "Where were you stung?"

Woman: "Between the first hole and the second hole."

Man: "Your stance is too wide."

Yesterday my wife got stung by a bee while golfing

I asked where, and she informed me it was between the first and second holes. Being the helpful type, I advised her that her stance was too wide.

A man runs out of petrol

A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.

"What seems to be the problem?'' asked the bee.

"I'm out of petrol,'' the man replied.

The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank.

After a few minutes, the bees flew out.

`"Try it now,'' said the bee.

The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.

"Wow,'' the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my petrol tank?''

"BP,'' answered the bee.

A woman ran screaming into the pro shop at the golf course...

"I just got stung by a bee between the first and second hole!"

The guy at the counter said "Your stance is too wide".

Go away bee, don't bother me.

A wise man once told me, if a bee is bothering you, don't swat or run away, just stand still and look right at it, because seeing is believing.

You can explore bee beeswax reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bee buzz dad jokes. There are also bee puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A woman is out playing golf...

...and she gets stung by a bee. It's annoying, but she finishes her game. Afterwards, she's having a drink in the clubhouse and mentions to one of the golf pros hanging out there what happened.

"Oh that's too bad," he says. "Where did you get stung?"

"Right between the first and second hole," she tells him.

"Hmmm," he says, "Sounds like your stance is too wide."

Why did the CIA torture the Russian wasp?

Because he was a cagey bee agent.

Two cavemen are waiting at the doctor's office

The first says, "Me name Phil. Me get bee sting. Why you here?"

The second one, covered in blood, smiles and says, "Me name Mike. Me get hit by boulder during rock slide."

The first says, "That must hurt! Why you look so happy?"

The second says, "Me celebrating. It's Mike Ache Day!"

So, I just tried a new drinking game.

I put in the Bee Movie, and every time they make a bee pun, I take a shot.

Unfortunately, I could only get buzzed.

What do bees make joke

Logan: Patton and I don't have pet names for each other !

Virgil: Uh huh...

Virgil: So do you know what bees make ?

Logan: Honey ?

Patton from the other room: Yes babe ?

Virgil: Don't lie to my face again !

What do you call a slutty Bee

A Whorenet

At the spelling bee

Judge: Your word is "there."

Me: In a sentence please.

Judge: They're parking their car over there.

Golf lessons

A young woman has been taking golf lessons. She has just started playing her first round of golf when she suffers a bee sting. The pain is so intense she decides to return to the clubhouse.
Her golf pro sees her come into the clubhouse and asks, "why are you back so early? What's wrong?"

"I was stung by a bee"

"where?" he asks.

"between the first and second hole," she replies.

He nods knowingly and says, "apparently your stance is too wide."


God's plan to use wasps to pollinate didn't work out.

So he had to resort to Plan Bee.

My brother is in the ER right now because of a bee sting that swelled his head,

Luckily I was close enough to hit the bee with a shovel.

How do you catch a slutty bee?

With a hornet.

Lady golfer

A lady comes up to the clubhouse after playing playing a few holes and she is fuming

She says

"A bee stung me"

The man at the desk replies

"where did the bee sting you

The lady replies

"Between hole 1 and 2"

The man at the desk says

"That's your problem, your stance is too wide"

What do you call a bee that can't make up its mind?

A Maybe.

What floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee?

Nothing.

What do you call a bee that was born in the States?

A USB...



I'll see myself out.

A lady golfer was stung by a bee.

So she went back to the clubhouse, and met with the club manager. The manager asked her "Where did you get stung?" The lady replied "Oh, between the first and second holes." The manager then said, "Well, obviously, your stance is too wide."

A woman got stung by a bee on the golf course

As she was allergic to bee stings, she frantically ran to the clubhouse to get help. "I've been stung by a bee," she cried to the clubhouse attendant. "Where were you stung?" he asked. "Between the first and second hole," she said. He replied, "I think your stance may be a little too wide."

I got a vinyl album of wasp sounds the other day. Played it, didn't sound anything like wasps!

Turns out I was playing the bee side

What bee produces milk?

A boo-bee

A wife tells her husband that she's discovered his secret fetish via his search history...

"It was a weird one for sure," she says, "but I think I can make it work without being too embarrassed, as long as you don't film it." He accepts.

Later that night, he asks her if she wants to try it. She smiles, begins to undress, and goes "SKIPPITY BEE BOP BEE BOP DUP-A DUAAA"

Stop me if you've heard this one...

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. The golf pro saw her heading back and said, You are back early, what's wrong? I was stung by a bee! she said. Where? he asked. Between the first and second hole. she replied. He nodded and said, Your stance is far too wide.

A man is doing a crossword and asks his wife for help.

Husband: Body of water, three letters.

Wife: Bay.

Husband: Flying insect with stinger, three letters.

Wife: Bee.

Husband: To hush someone, four letters.

Wife: shhh.

Husband: Boat Noah built, three letters.

Wife: Ark.

Husband: DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO

A man, a squirrel, and 2 bees are going on a road trip.

On the road, they run out of gas so the man pulls over. One of the bees says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further. It works, until they run out of gas again.

The second bee steps up and says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further. It works, until they run out of gas for the third time.

This time the squirrel chimes in and says, Don't worry, I'll pee in the tank. It'll get us a little further.

But the man says, Don't bother, she only runs on BP.

Mike Tyson was arrested at a 5th grade sitting bee his first time judging

The word was Dictate.

[Spelling Bee Contestant] Can you use it in a sentence?

[Mike Tyson] She liked the way my Dictate

I'll tell you what's a dangerous insect...

....That Hepatitis Bee

A Bee on a Fly

(Disclaimer) this is a repost from something I saw a long time ago, so if someone could get a source that'd be very cool

A bee is riding on the back of a fly. The fly turns around, and asks, hey, are you a bee?
In which the bee replies, I might bee.

The fly then says, dude, that's the worst pun I have ever heard.

The bee responds, I know man, I made it up on the fly.

A male bee dies after sex

I guess you could call that a honey nut cheerio

What do you get when a bee is stuck in a garage ?

Garbage.

When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, smelling of honey and covered in bee stings

You know she's a keeper.

A couple walk Into the clubhouse after a round of golf.

The pro asks "how was you round?" The husband says "it was good but my wife got stung by a bee". "Where did she get stung?" "Between the first and second hole". The pro says "well her stance was too wide."

A woman who is playing golf gets stung by a bee.

She rushes into the pro shop and says "I've been stung by a bee! I've been stung by a bee!

The pro say "Where?"

The woman says "Between the first and second hole."

The pro says "Your stance is too wide."

A woman was playing a round of golf

A woman was playing a round of golf when a bee stung her.

Fearing an allergic reaction she ran to the clubhouse and told the pro that she had been stung.

He asked where and she said between the first and second holes.

He replied "your stance is too wide".

This ones for the kids: What did the bee say to the flower?

Hey bud!

A lady runs up to a golf pro giving a lesson ...

... and says "Help! I've just been stung by a bee!". The golf pro asks where. The lady says "Between the first and second holes." The pro says, "Well, I can tell you right now your stance is way too wide."

At the Spelling bee

Judge: Your word is 'Invulnerable'.

Me: I-N-V-U-

Judge: I am pretty awesome.

A woman golfer walks up to a grounds keeper..

A woman golfer walks up to a grounds keeper and says, "I just got stung by a bee!" "Where at??" Asks the grounds keeper. "Between the first and second hole." Replied the woman. The grounds keeper looks her up and down and says, "Well, It sounds like your stance is too wide."

Cr

A boy and his father are playing catch

A boy and his father were playing catch in the front yard when the
boy saw a honey bee. He ran over and stomped it.

"That was a honey bee," his father said,"one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without honey for a week."

Later the boy saw a butterfly so he ran over and stomped it.
"That was a butterfly," his father said, "one of our friends, and for
stomping him you will do without butter for a week."

The next morning the family had sat down for breakfast. The boy ate his plain toast (no honey or butter.)

Suddenly a cockroach ran from under the stove. His mother stomped it.

The boy looked at his father and said, "Are you going to tell her or
should I"?

A young woman had been taking golf lessons all week long.

She'd just begun her first game of golf when she suffered a bee sting. Her pain was so intense, she couldn't continue her game. She decided to go back to the clubhouse and get some medical attention.

Her golf Pro saw her enter the clubhouse and asked,
"Why are you back so soon?" What's wrong?"

"I was stung by a bee," she answered.

"Where?," he asked.
"Between the first and second holes," she replied.

He nodded his head knowingly and said, "Then your stance is too wide."

"Your word is their..."

"Your word is their," said the spelling bee judge.
The contestant, confused, asked for a sentence.
"They're looking for their dog over there," replied the judge.

A child was competing in a spelling bee and was doing quite well, until the moderator said: "your word is 'inward' "....

Spelling bee contestant: "N-I-G-G..."

Moderator: "Jesus no, stop please! "

Women playing golf goes to doctor

She tells the doctor while playing golf a bee stung her between the first hole and the second hole, the doctor replies your stance is to wide

Please pray for my mother-in-law. She was taken to hospital this morning. A bee landed on her face. Luckily she wasn't stung.

I was too quick with the spade.

There's a type of bee that after it stings you, you pass out and it tries to have sex with you.

It's a Cos-Bee.

Taking a lesson because her golf game had been going so badly, a woman had just started her first round when she was stung by a bee.

Distraught and rather angry and disheartened besides, she went back into the clubhouse and told the golf pro about the incident.

"Where did it sting you?" he asked.

"Between the first and second hole," she replied.

The pro shook his head and quickly exclaimed: "That's your problem right there. You have your feet too far apart.

What do you call an American Bee?

A USB.

A teacher asks her student

Teacher: What does a Bee gives us?

Student: Honey

Teacher: What does a cow gives us?

Student: Milk

Teacher: What does a fat pig gives us?

Student: Homework

Why couldn't the bee dress as a ghost for Halloween?

Because people are offended by seeing Boo Bees.

A woman is stung by a bee on a golf course

She goes into anaphylactic shock due to an allergy and they take her to a doctor.

"Where was she stung?", asked the doctor.

"Between the first and second hole.",

"Well she may need to work on her stance."

Did you hear about the bee that became a russian spy?

He always was a cagey bee

A man goes to the doctor

A man goes to the doctor and says, "I've been stung by a bee! Can you put some ointment on it?"

The doctor says, "Sure, but I think the bee flew away already."

(Courtesy of my 10 year old)

What's smarter than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee

A group of primary school students were participating in a local spelling bee.

A keen young boy steps before the judges and is told, "Your word is spider."

Not quite sure as to how to spell it, the boy asks, "Could you please use it in a sentence?"

A judge replies, "A spider has eight eyes."

The boy then states, "S-P-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-D-E-R."

A woman returned home from a round of golf.

Her husband asked how it went. She replied, "Well, OK, but I got stung by a bee." He responded, "Where did it sting you?" She said, "Between the first and second hole," whereupon he exclaimed, "I told you your stance was too wide!"

What do you call a bee that comes from US?

USB !!

sorry, I am going to shoot myself now!

What do you call a bee that still moves after you kill it....

A zom-bee

If I am holding a bee, what is in my eye?

Beauty.

Because beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Breaking: Spelling Bee Official Pronounced Dead.

He then used it in a sentence.

What did the sushi say to the bee?

Wasabi

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bee apiarist jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bee apiary piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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