Bedtime Jokes

55 bedtime jokes and hilarious bedtime puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bedtime that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make your bedtime stories funnier with a few bedtime jokes! Need some jokes for your bedtime routine? We have some hilarious bedtime jokes for you to share with your girlfriend, boyfriend, or kids. Whether it's a "knock-knock" joke or a few mom jokes, we guarantee you'll be able to put your family to sleep with a smile.

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Funniest Bedtime Short Jokes

Short bedtime jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bedtime humour may include short bed time jokes also.

  1. I told my daughter, Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field. Puzzled, she asked, What's that got to do with anything? I chuckled, "Well, that means..." "It's pasture bedtime!
  2. I walked past a field of cows at 3 AM and saw that they were all wide awake. I said, "Surely it's pasture bedtime?"
  3. My personal trainer told me to drink a protein shake everyday at 3 in the morning. But that's whey past my bedtime.
  4. When I was young, at bedtimes... My mum used to tell me fairy stories with a happy ending. Just one of the benefits of having a masseuse as a parent I guess.
  5. Bedtime with Bezos What does Jeff Bezos do before he gets into bed???
    He puts his PyjAMAZON!!
  6. I told my daughter, "Go to bed. The cows are in the field." Puzzled, she asked, "What's that got to do with anything?"
    I told her, "That means it's pasture bedtime!"
  7. I told my daughter.... "Time for bed the cows are sleeping!"
    She said "what's that supposed to mean"?
    I said back " well it's pasture bedtime"
  8. Go to sleep I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"
    I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
  9. A child was sent to jail for staying up past his bedtime He got charged with resisting arrest.
  10. My girlfriend thinks my bedtime routine is perverted I mean, I hit the sack, and then I got to bed. What's the problem?

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Bedtime One Liners

Which bedtime one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bedtime? I can suggest the ones about nap time and night stand.

  1. When is bedtime at Michael Jackson's house? When the big hand touches the little hand.
  2. What did the momma cow say to her baby cows? It's pasture bedtime
  3. If you notice cows sleeping in a field... does that mean it's pasture bedtime? :)
  4. When do cows go to sleep? When it's pasture bedtime
  5. What do you call it when 2 seniors stay up past their bedtimes? An election.
  6. What did the momma cow say to the calf when it was up too late? It's pasture bedtime.
  7. My bedtime is 9:11pm... So I never forget.
  8. What do cows tell their calves at bedtime? Dairy tales.
  9. Recent study shows leading cause of dehydration in children: Bedtime.
  10. What did the mama cow say to the baby cow? "It's pasture bedtime."
  11. What did the bull say to his calf at 9pm? It's pasture bedtime!
  12. What did Momma Cow say to her calf after sundown? It's *pasture* bedtime!
  13. Meatballs told Spaghetti to go to bed.. ..because it was pasta bedtime.
  14. Why did the macaroni leave the party? It was pasta his bedtime.
  15. What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales!

Bedtime Story Jokes

Here is a list of funny bedtime story jokes and even better bedtime story puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My friend asked if I could help him write a bedtime story for his kids. I thought "what a novel idea".
  • My girlfriend wanted me to read her a bedtime story Jokes on her, every story is a Bedtime Story when you're in a coma.
  • How do you start a Mexican bedtime story? Juans upon a time.
  • My favorite bedtime story... the one where the cow jumps over the place where little boy blue is blowing the man on the moon.
Bedtime joke, My favorite bedtime story...

Uplifting Bedtime Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends

What funny jokes about bedtime you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean goodnight jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bedtime pranks.

A boy finds his Grandfather sitting out on the porch completely n**... from the waist down.

And he says, "Grandpa, where are your pants?"
The old man replies, "It was your Grandmother's idea. Yesterday I complained about having a stiff neck after sitting out here shirtless, so she suggested I stay out here pantsless before bedtime."

Why Floyd Mayweather can't get his daughter to go to bed

Floyd's daughter: Hey Daddy, can i stay up and watch TV?
floyd mayweather: No it's past your bedtime and you're suppose to go to sleep
Floyd's daughter: Well can you at least read me a bedtime story until i fall asleep?
Floyd Mayweather: Fine you can watch TV as long as you want

A dad puts his kids down for bedtime

He says, "You're fat and s**...!"

How do you know it's bedtime at Kevin Spaceys house?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

I wake up happy, slowly get angrier, then eventually start lightening up and by bedtime I've come full circle and am happy one again

I've got pi-polar disorder

Old washing machine

Husband is walking behind his wife and says, Your bottom is getting so big it looks like an old washing machine.
The woman keeps quiet and keeps walking.
Bedtime comes round and the husband starts getting amorous.
Wife says, I'm not starting the old washing machine for such a small load. You'll have to do it by hand!

It was bedtime at Micheal Jackson's house

Wade didn't want to go to bed so MJ said ok how about I show you a magic trick first, will you go to bed after?
Wade agreed
They had a shower and sat on the edge of the bed in their gowns.
MJ Said ok now for the magic trick, come here and sit on my lap...
Young Wade sits on his lap.
MJ asks Can you feel my finger sliding up your bottom?
Yes! exclaims wade
Look says MJ wiggling his fingers. No Hands

Bedtime joke

One night I tucked my son in bed, and he wanted me to tell him a joke.
Tell you what, let's each try to think up a word that starts with 'F' and ends with 'uck.' His eyes widen to the size of saucers.
Let's see, I continue... I've got 'Firetruck,' what do you got?

A man was having trouble getting his wife to make love to him anymore

So one night just before bedtime, he offered her a glass of water and two aspirins.
What are you giving me these for? , asked the wife. I don't have a headache.
Great! said the man. Let's get started.

Mrs. Patel was reading little Rajinder a bedtime story. He asked, "what will I be when I grow up?" She replied, "you can be anything you want to be."

"Anything?" he asked.
"Yes, you can be anything you want to be. You can be a cardiologist, radiologist, anesthesiologist, neurologist...."

When I tried to give my 3 yo a kiss at bedtime he hid under the blanket. What are you doing? I asked.

I'm playing hide-'n-cheek

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents' house the week before Christmas.

At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers.
The younger boy began praying at the top of his voice. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE!"
the older brother leaned over and nudged his younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf."
"No, but Grandma is!" the little brother replied

Bedtime joke, What did the momma cow say to the calf when it was up too late?

jokes about bedtime