The Best 37 Bedtime Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Bedtime jokes. There are some bedtime drowsy jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bedtime doze puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Bedtime Jokes and Puns

When do cows go to sleep?

When it's pasture bedtime

A boy finds his Grandfather sitting out on the porch completely nude from the waist down.

And he says, "Grandpa, where are your pants?"
The old man replies, "It was your Grandmother's idea. Yesterday I complained about having a stiff neck after sitting out here shirtless, so she suggested I stay out here pantsless before bedtime."

Don't let your teenage son or daughter drink too many calorific bedtime drinks.

You may end up with an oval teen.

Bedtime joke, Don't let your teenage son or daughter drink too many calorific bedtime drinks.

My bedtime is 9:11pm...

So I never forget.

Why Floyd Mayweather can't get his daughter to go to bed

Floyd's daughter: Hey Daddy, can i stay up and watch TV?

Floyd Mayweather: No it's past your bedtime and you're suppose to go to sleep

Floyd's daughter: Well can you at least read me a bedtime story until i fall asleep?

Floyd Mayweather: Fine you can watch TV as long as you want

When is bedtime at Michael Jackson's house?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?

Juans upon a time.

Bedtime joke, How do you start a Mexican bedtime story?

A dad puts his kids down for bedtime

He says, "You're fat and stupid!"

My friend asked if I could help him write a bedtime story for his kids.

I thought "what a novel idea".

I walked past a field of cows at 3 AM and saw that they were all wide awake.

I said, "Surely it's pasture bedtime?"

My girlfriend wanted me to read her a bedtime story

Jokes on her, every story is a Bedtime Story when you're in a coma.

You can explore bedtime bed reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bedtime groucho dad jokes. There are also bedtime puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

My favorite bedtime story... the one where the cow jumps over the place where little boy blue is blowing the man on the moon.

Just before bedtime ,I'm sitting at the edge of the bed pulling my boxers off.....

My wife says "you spoil those dogs"

What did Momma Cow say to her calf after sundown?

It's *pasture* bedtime!

What time is bedtime in Roy Moore's household?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

My personal trainer told me to drink a protein shake everyday at 3 in the morning.

But that's whey past my bedtime.

Bedtime joke, My personal trainer told me to drink a protein shake everyday at 3 in the morning.

How do you know it's bedtime at Kevin Spaceys house?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

I wake up happy, slowly get angrier, then eventually start lightening up and by bedtime I've come full circle and am happy one again

I've got pi-polar disorder

Old washing machine

Husband is walking behind his wife and says, Your bottom is getting so big it looks like an old washing machine.

The woman keeps quiet and keeps walking.

Bedtime comes round and the husband starts getting amorous.

Wife says, I'm not starting the old washing machine for such a small load. You'll have to do it by hand!

What did the momma cow say to her baby cows?

It's pasture bedtime

I like my women how I like my bedtime.


Why did the macaroni leave the party?

It was pasta his bedtime.

A child was sent to jail for staying up past his bedtime

He got charged with resisting arrest.

What did the farmer say to his cows at night?

It's pasture bedtime.

Meatballs told Spaghetti to go to bed..

..because it was pasta bedtime.

How do kids know when it's bedtime at Neverland Ranch?

When the big hand touches the little hand.

What do cows tell each other at bedtime?

Dairy tales!

It was bedtime at Micheal Jackson's house

Wade didn't want to go to bed so MJ said ok how about I show you a magic trick first, will you go to bed after?
Wade agreed
They had a shower and sat on the edge of the bed in their gowns.
MJ Said ok now for the magic trick, come here and sit on my lap...
Young Wade sits on his lap.
MJ asks Can you feel my finger sliding up your bottom?
Yes! exclaims wade

Look says MJ wiggling his fingers. No Hands

Recent study shows leading cause of dehydration in children:


What did the mama cow say to the baby cow?

"It's pasture bedtime."

A man asked a scholar if it is okay to scratch your hand while in pilgrimage...

Hey guys, it is bedtime now and am pretty depressed after a long bad day. Remembering this story-found in Arabic literature-made me chuckle so I hope it will brighten your day too.

A man asked a scholar if it is okay to scratch own arm while in pilgrimage?

The scholar: yes, you can.

Man: to what extent?

The scholar: until you see the bones!!!

Bedtime joke

One night I tucked my son in bed, and he wanted me to tell him a joke.

Tell you what, let's each try to think up a word that starts with 'F' and ends with 'uck.' His eyes widen to the size of saucers.

Let's see, I continue... I've got 'Firetruck,' what do you got?

A man was having trouble getting his wife to make love to him anymore

So one night just before bedtime, he offered her a glass of water and two aspirins.

What are you giving me these for? , asked the wife. I don't have a headache.

Great! said the man. Let's get started.

My girlfriend thinks my bedtime routine is perverted

I mean, I hit the sack, and then I got to bed. What's the problem?

If you notice cows sleeping in a field...

does that mean it's pasture bedtime? :)

Go to sleep

I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"

I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."

Mrs. Patel was reading little Rajinder a bedtime story. He asked, "what will I be when I grow up?" She replied, "you can be anything you want to be."

"Anything?" he asked.

"Yes, you can be anything you want to be. You can be a cardiologist, radiologist, anesthesiologist, neurologist...."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bedtime tata jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bedtime nap piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes