The Best 93 Bedroom Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Bedroom jokes. There are some bedroom house jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bedroom kitchen puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Bedroom Jokes and Puns

The first time I had sex, it was in my parent's bedroom. My girlfriend giggled nervously and moaned, This is a bit awkward.


I grunted, Just ignore them.

My daughter learned to count!

My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night. My wife and I had picked her up from her friend Sally's birthday party, brought her home, and put her to bed. My wife went into the bedroom to read while I fell asleep watching the Braves game.

"Daddy," she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve. "Guess how old I'm going to be next month."

"I don't know, beauty," I said as I slipped on my glasses. "How old?"

She smiled and held up four fingers.

It is 7:30 now. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours. She still refuses to tell us where she got them.

A man comes into his bedroom and sees his wife with his best friend in bed

The man quickly takes out his gun and shoots his best friend, killing him. The wife shouts - "If you continue with that attitude you are going to end up with no friends!"

Bedroom joke, A man comes into his bedroom and sees his wife with his best friend in bed

The Heart Attack

THE HEART ATTACK

A blonde gets home from work early & hears strange noises coming from the bedroom.
She rushes upstairs only to find her husband naked lying on the bed,
sweating and panting.
'What's up?' she asks.

'I think I'm having a heart attack,' - cries the husband..
The blonde rushes downstairs to use the phone, but just as she's dialling, her four-year-old son says
"Mummy mummy, aunty Shirley is hiding in the wardrobe & she has no clothes on"

The blonde slams the phone down and storms back upstairs into the bedroom
right past her husband..rips open the wardrobe door and sure enough, there is
her sister, totally naked and cowering on the floor.
'You rotten Bitch', she screams.
'My husband's having a heart attack, and you're running around
naked playing hide and seek with the kids!!'

Blonde genies

A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.

Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.

Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in $100 bills.

Next, there's a knock at the door, so he answers it.

Standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb, and hang him by the neck until he's dead.

As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods.

It's the two blonde genies!

One blonde genie says to the other, "I can understand the first wish--having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.

I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.

But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"


My daughter came up to me and said

My daughter came up to me and said "daddy when my cat died why were its legs in the air?" I replied "well that's so Jesus can grab it to take it to heaven." "That means mummy nearly died this morning!" She said, I asked "how?"
"well when I looked in her bedroom she was screaming "Jesus I'm coming!" And if it wasn't for the postman holding her down he would have got her."

A man comes home early from work.....

A man comes home early from work and when he walks into his bedroom and finds his wife in bed with one of his best friends, he gets a gun and shoots him. His wife looks at her husband in shock and says if you continue to do this you won't have any friends.

Bedroom joke, A man comes home early from work.....

Pedophile

Johns girlfriend comes running into the house, obviously upset, goes to the bedroom and starts packing her clothes.
John comes in and asks "Honey, what's going on?
She says"I'm leaving you!"
"Leaving me?! Why?!" John asks.
She replies "I just found out you are a pedophile"
John says "Pedophile? That's a big word for a 12 year old"

Wife spices things up!

A wife, worrying about the state of her marriage, decides to spice things up in the bedroom by adding some costume play. She buys a sexy supergirl outfit and when her husband is in bed slips it on. She walks out, poses seductively and says "Superpussy". Her husband, not looking up from his crossword says "I'll have the soup thanks".

Headaches

A man and his wife are getting into bed for the night. The man brings a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin to the bedroom and sets it down on his wife's nightstand. She asks him "What's that for?" to which the man replies "That's for your headache." "Headache? I don't have a headache..." The man responds "Well then, looks like we're having sex tonight!"

A Little Girl Catches Her Parents Having Sex

One night, a little girl decides to peek inside her parent's bedroom. She is shocked by what she sees, for she catches a glimpse of mommy bouncing up and down on top of daddy.

That very next morning, she asks her mom, "Mommy, why were you hopping up and down on top of daddy?"

The mom replies, "Oh, umm, well, I was just trying to help lose weight by pushing the air out of him."

The girl says, "Well that won't work mommy."

Puzzled, the mother replies, "Well why not, honey?"

"Well, every week while you're at work, the pretty girl from across the street comes to blow him back up!"

You can explore bedroom door reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bedroom negligee dad jokes. There are also bedroom puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


A child asks his grandmother, "Grandma, whats it called when two people sleep in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?"

The grandmother replies, "Why, that's called sexual intercourse". The boy considers this, then runs outside to join his friends. A short time later the boy runs back inside and says, "Grandma, you were wrong, its called bunk beds, and Billy's Mom wants to talk to you.

An Irish priest was transferred to Texas.

Father O'Malley rose from his bed one morning. It was a fine spring day in his new west Texas mission parish. He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called the local police station.

The conversation went like this:

"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you?"

"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley at St. Ann 's Catholic Church. There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn and would ye be so kind as to send a couple o'yer lads to take care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit and recognizing the foreign accent, thought he would have a little fun with the good father, replied, "Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.......

Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye,'tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin first, which is the reason for me call.

A man comes home really really drunk....

...clenching a bouquet of flowers.

He goes to the bedroom, turns on the light and in a slurry voice he says:

"Here ya go honey, these are for you.."

To which his wife angrily replies; "Oh well that's great, I guess now you expect me to spread my legs?"

The man looks at the bouquet, then back at his wife and says:

"Why, you don't have a vase?"

The 4 rules of marriage.

A father was explaining to his son the secrets of marriage,

"Son you there are only a few things you need in a marriage:
A woman who can cook, a woman who can clean, a woman who can satisfy you in the bedroom, and lastly you need to make sure none of these women ever meet."

I got a divorce for my birthday.

When I woke up, my wife and kids forgot to wish me a happy birthday. I didn't get any birthday cards or phone calls. When I went into work my secretary wished me happy birthday and I felt really special.

We went out for a drink after work to celebrate and she invited me back to her place. She excused herself for a minute an went into her bedroom and returned with my wife, kids and all my friends.

I was sitting on the couch naked.

Bedroom joke, I got a divorce for my birthday.

Paddy has sex for the first time

After finding out Paddy had shagged his girlfriend for the first time, Murphy asked him how it was.

"It was amazing," Paddy gushed. "As we were both virgins, made it even more special; it was just a shame that we had to be fairly quiet."

"Why was that?" Asked Murphy.

"Her kids were asleep in the bedroom next door," Paddy replied.

Teddy Bears

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the after glow the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The woman says, "You can have any prize from the BOTTOM shelf."

Granny's boyfriend

A 5 yr old boy went to visit his grandmother one day.

While playing with his toys in her bedroom while Grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you dont have a boyfriend?"

Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. The comedies make me laugh. I'm really happy with the TV as my boyfriend."

Grandma turned on the TV and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she finally started hitting the backside of the TV, hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood a man.

The man said, "Hello, son, is your grandma home?"

The little boy replied, "Yeah, but she's in the bedroom banging her boyfriend."


How little stefan got a brand new watch..

Little Stefan comes in to school one morning wearing a brand new watch. His best friend, little Jenny, wants to know where the watch is from, so Johnny tell his story," I was coming from the bathroom to my bedroom when I heard a strange noise from my parent's bedroom.

I walked in and saw them bouncing up and down. Dad said I could have anything I wanted as long as I didn't tell the family. I asked for a new watch and here it is."

Jenny decides she wants one too, so night after night she listens outside her parents' bedroom for any strange noises and, sure enough, eventually she hears some banging and groaning from the other side of the door.

She walks in and catches her parents in the act, so her dad offers her anything she wants to keep quiet about the whole affair. Jenny immediately says, "I want a watch."
The dad sighs and says, "Alright, but go and stand in the corner and don't make any noise . "

Foreign Sex

A man decides he wants to have a one night stand with a foreign girl. So he meets a girl they go to the bedroom. After the first round, the man says to her, You finish? The girl shakes her head, no. So they do it again. Now the man is really tired. So he says, You finish? Again, she shakes her head. So they do it again. By now, the man is exhausted. So he says to the girl, You finish? The girl answers, No, I Norwegian .

A Wife's Headache

A man walks into his bedroom, where is wife is reading. "Honey, I brought you some aspirin for your headache."

"I don't have a headache."

"Gotcha!"

What gets bigger every time I watch my neighbor undress in her bedroom window?

The restraining order

The two old-timers...

...were having a chat over the back fence.

"You know, Chester," said one, "you should invest in some heavier curtains for your bedroom window."

"Why's that, Clem?"

"Because the ones you have now are kinda transparent. In fact, last night I could see you making love to your wife."

"Pfft! That shows how bad your eyesight is. I wasn't even home last night!"

A man walks into the bedroom where his wife is sitting on the bed...

SJGROor0jCrTF4eXKHGGTmCUiLk3pHVJh20JLl3aH03G35xVKRXXNLITJD0vnpSJGROor0jCrTF4eXKHGGTmCUiLk3pHVJh20JLl3aH03G35xVKRXXNLITJD0vnpSJGROor0jCrTF4eXKHGGTmCUiLk3pHVJh20JLl3aH03G35xVKRXXNLITJD0vnpSJGROor0jCrTF4eXKHGGTmCUiLk3pHVJh2

(NSFW) Little Johnny rides again

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.

One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

A young boy and his father are walking through a park when they see two dogs doing the dirty.


Boy: "Daddy, what are they doing?"
Dad: "Oh...uh...they're just making a puppy."
Later that night daddy and mommy put the boy to sleep and go off to their bedroom. After a couple glasses of wine they get at it. Suddenly the door opens and their son is standing at the foot of the bed.
Boy: "Daddy, what are you and mommy doing?"
Dad: "Oh...We're just making a baby."
Boy: "Well turn mommy over because I want a puppy."

My ex girlfriend and I had a safe word...

So when things would get a little too rough in the bedroom, she'd yell, "Marry me!" and I would pull out, leave her apartment, and not call her for a few weeks. Super safe.

Marriage, the real story

A husband walks into the bedroom to see his wife packing a suitcase. He asks, "What are you doing?"

She answers, "I'm moving to Nevada . I heard that prostitutes there get paid $400.00 for what I'm doing for YOU for FREE!"

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks him where he's going, he replies,

"I'm coming too. I want to see how you live on $800.00 a year."

My wife asked me to play doctor with her...

...she is now waiting for three hours in front of the bedroom.

[NSFW] A mother and father are snooping around in their son's bedroom.

Being a bit nosy, they search around the room to see if their son is hiding anything "naughty." The father checks under the bed and, in shock, sees *tons* of BDSM and bondage tapes, DVDs, and magazines.

The mother couldn't breathe. It took her a while to say "*Oh my god!* What should we do about this?!

The father replied "We shouldn't spank him, that's for sure."

I put my pants on just like everyone else

in your mom's bedroom in the morning

I'm not saying it's a mistake letting my girlfriend control the thermostat...

But two Hobbits just showed up and threw a ring into our bedroom.

Bedroom animals

A pair of newlyweds are out for drinks with a middle-aged couple who have been married for twenty years.
Having knocked back a few, the older husbandΒ turns to the newlyweds and remarks with a wink: "I bet you two are like a couple of rabbits in the bedroom."
The newlyweds laugh awkwardly at this, and then theΒ young husband asks "Well, what kind of bedroom animals are you two then?"
The older husband screws up his face and thinks about it for a moment, then exclaims wryly: "Don't know about me, but Margaret here would have to be a camel: she can go for weeks and weeks without sex."
Without missing a beat, MargaretΒ replies: "That's funny because I was thinking George here would also be a camel: two humps and it's over."

Why married guys are fat

A single guy opens the fridge, sees nothing interesting there; he goes to bed.

A married guy goes in the bedroom, sees nothing interesting there; he goes to the fridge.

I heard my son's girlfriend screaming "Oh God!" in his bedroom upstairs ...

Im so glad he found a good religious girl.

A girl takes a black guy home.

At the end of a night out on the town, a girl takes a black guy back to her house.

They're kissing and moving towards her bedroom when she looks at him with the most flirtatious eyes she can muster and says: "Is it true what they say about black guys? ;)"

To which the man responded "Of course it is baby.", stabbed her, stole her wallet and left.

A woman is woken up late one night to the sound of her husband coming home.

He crashes into the bedroom reeking of booze, with a duck under his arm.

"What the hell's going on, Steve?" asks the woman.

"What do you think of the pig?"

"That's not a pig, it's a duck."

"I wasn't talking to you."

A young child caught her parents in the bedroom last night.

The child asks,
"Mommy, what were you doing bouncing on daddy's stomach last night?"
The mother replies,
"I have to do that, or else daddy's belly gets very fat. Bouncing keeps him skinny."
"That's not going to work, you silly!" responds the child.
"Why not?" asks the mother.
"Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again."

I was at a party...

I was walking around when I realized I had left my watch on the bed in the master bedroom. I worked my way through the crowd of people and opened the bedroom door. There on the bed was a guy who was sexually assaulting a drunk girl. I walked right up to him and punched him square in the face. Nobody is going to sexually assault a girl...not on my watch.

So a dad catches his son masturbating...

A dad walks into his son's bedroom and finds him masturbating.

"Son! That is bad for you, it'll make you go blind".

"Dad, i'm over here''.

The wife and I were trying to spice things up in the bedroom...

so now I cumin her every thyme.

Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket!

Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket until the screaming stops.

Still in shock, she lurches to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

"Oh welcome home darling," he says, "my parents came for a visit, so I let them have our bedroom. I hope you said hello."

A husband walks into the bedroom...

... and hands his wife 2 Advils. She says: "But honey, I don't have a headache!" ... To which he replies: "Aha, I got you! Let's have sex then!"

A daughter is in a fierce argument with her father

The dad is yelling, she's inconsolable and crying. She finally gets sick and tired of it, and storms up to her bedroom.

Before entering, she lashes out at her father "Oh, and more thing: Jim Morrison is a terrible artist!"

The father, filled with rage yells back "Young lady, there will be NO slamming of The Doors in this house!"

A lawyer, laying on his deathbed..

... in his bedroom, called to his wife and told her to run and get the Bible as soon as possible.

Being a religious woman, she thought this was a good idea, so she ran and got it.
As soon as she returned with the Bible, the lawyer snatched it from her and began quickly scanning pages, his eyes darting left and right.

Curious, his wife asked, "What are you doing, honey?"
"I'm looking for loopholes!" he shouted.

My wife came home from work and stormed angrily into the bedroom where I was sat.

"I get the impression you aren't being loyal to me," she said.

"Why?" I frowned.

"You've been very quiet recently. And you're always hanging around with that girl from work, Rachel?"

"Rochelle." coughed a voice from the wardrobe.

My daughter walked into our bedroom to catch us having sex.

"What are you doing?" she asked in shock.
"Making you someone to play with," I said.
"A brother?" she asked excitingly.
"No, a cousin," I replied. "Now go and watch out for your mother coming home."

My girlfriend said we should experiment more in the bedroom

This morning we synthesised a new protein chain

A little kid walks into his parents' bedroom while they're having sex

The little boy asked, "What are you doing?"

His mother explains, "Your dad was full of air, so I was jumping on him to get it out."

The boy says, "That's really funny. Whenever you go out for work, your sister comes and blows him right back up."

What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs in the evening and 6 legs at night?

I've trapped it in my bedroom, send help...

Cheating wife

A guy walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch. The bartender pours him the drink and the guy downs it in one gulp.
"Wow", says the bartender, "Something bad must have happened". Yeah it did, he said.
"I came home early today, went up to the bedroom, and found my wife having sex with my best friend." The bartender pours the guy another triple shot. "This one's on the house".
The dude gulps it down once again. The bartender asks "Did you say anything to your wife ? "
The guy answers "Yea, I walked up to her, told her to pack her bag's and get out !"
"What about your friend ?" asks the bartender. "I looked him straight in the eye and said bad dog.

Rita found her husband hanging in his bedroom one morning with a note on his bed reading I can't take the critism anymore.

She quickly cut the rope, brought him down and managed to revive him.

As her husband lay in her arms and slowly opened his eyes, she said emotionally my dear…that's NOT how you spell criticism!

A mother cleaning her 12 year old's bedroom

A mum is cleaning her 12year old son's bedroom and finds a load of bondage gears and fetish magazines.

She asks her husband, "What do I do?"

He says, "I'm not sure, but whatever you do, don't spank him!"

A white woman takes a black man she met a club home...

...She takes him by the hand to the bedroom and winks at him and says: "why don't you show me if what they say about black guys is true." So he stabs her and steals her TV.

P.S: don't worry, it's ok for me to make such jokes because I'm racist.

I bought a copy of the Kama Sutra to spice things up in the bedroom with my girlfriend...

...unfortunately, it wouldn't fit inside her.

A wife comes home late one night

She quietly opens the door to her bedroom. From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two. She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine. He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"

I found my son hanging from a rope in his bedroom.

On the floor was a note saying, "I can't stand the critism anymore."

I quickly cut him down, gave him CPR and he started to breathe.

As he lay in my arms I saw his eyes slowly open and I said, "That's not how you spell criticism."

A guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm

He says, "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His wife, lying in bed replies, "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

The man says, "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."

The first time I had sex was in my parents' bedroom

My girlfriend said "it's pretty awkward".

"Just ignore them", I said.

My sister is moaning and screaming in her bedroom because she is sick.

I'm happy that her boyfriend is there to comfort her.

I was originally ok with my wife getting a white noise machine in our bedroom

turns out falling asleep to country music is harder than I thought

Why does everyone assume that just because I'm a 40 year old loser that I live in my parent's basement?

My parents don't have a basement. I live in my bedroom like a big boy.

A woman is standing naked in front of her bedroom mirror.

"I'm old, saggy and wrinkled," she sighed. Then she turned to her husband who was sitting in bed, reading. "I could really do with you saying something nice, you know."

He looked up. "Your eyesight's perfect."

People say gambling ruins lives, but it brought our family closer.

We now live in a one bedroom unit.

A woman gets home from work and hears her husband call out from the bedroom...

Husband: can you come here and help me with this clock?

The woman walks in the room and sees her husband sitting at the edge of their bed with a raging hard-on

Wife: thats not a clock

Husband: it will be when you put two hands and a face on it.

I came back home early today...

... and ask my wife in our bedroom if she's cheating on me.
She laughs.
I laugh.
The wardrobe laughs.

What a nice day.

Me and the wife had a few issues in the bedroom last night...

That's the last time I use my Sean Connery accent to ask her to sit on my face.

A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm...

...his wife wakes up and asks him what he's doing.

He says, 'Honey, this is the pig I sleep with when you have a headache.'.

The wife sneers at him and says, 'You idiot, that isn't a pig, it's a sheep!'.

The husband replies, ' I wasn't talking to you.'.

My wife suggested to spice things up with roleplaying.

I asked her what she had in mind.

Doctor and patient roleplaying she said. I'll be the doctor.

Sounds good to me! I said.

So she went to the bedroom and I waited in the hall.
I knocked on the door and hear her say: Do you have an appointment?

Well, no...

Then please wait in the waiting room

She was building up tension.

I hope my neighbor is okay tho, he had the 1 pm appointment and has been in there for hours now.

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase

He asks, "What are you doing?"

She replies, "I'm off to New York City. I read that prostitutes there get paid $400 for doing what I do for you for free."

Later, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.
"Where are you going?" she asks

"I'm coming with you. I want to see how you live on $800 a year"

I bought a girl flowers and she thought I expected something in return...

She said "oh, so you just expect me to go in the bedroom and lie on the bed with me legs up?"

I said " you don't have a vase?"

-Tahir Bilgic

I was trying to pull a girl in a bar, so I asked her 'What part of my body is as long as your thigh, contains over 120 muscles, and is an anagram of "pensi"?'

It was as she pulled my pants down in the bedroom five minutes later that I revealed the answer was my spine.

A man walks into the bedroom to see his wife packing

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"I'm off to New York," she replies. "I hear prostitutes get paid $400 doing what I do to you for free."

The husband begins packing his bags.

"What are you doing?" asked the wife.

"I'm coming with you," he said. "I wanna see how you live off $800 a year."

A woman comes home late in the night and goes quietly in the bedroom.

To her surprise, she sees male and female feet peeking out from under the blanket. Shocked and raging, she gets her baseball bat and beats and beats until all movement stops. After that she goes into the living room and sees her husband laying on the sofa. He turns to her half asleep: "Oh, you're home, darling. I'm afraid we have to sleep here tonight, My parents came for a surprise visit."

My wife wanted to get into "role play" to spice things up in the bedroom

I asked what she had in mind.
"Let's play doctor", she said.

I told her to go in the bedroom, shut the door, take off all of her clothes and wait on the bed for me.

After a half an hour I walked in, told her to lose 20 lbs. and handed her a bill for $300.

A man comes home drunk...

As he stumbles in trying to be quiet as possible not to wake up the wife...he's too drunk and knocks over a stool startling wife from sleep...

Wife, from bedroom: Bob, is that you? what was that ?

Bob: Oh nothing honey, just a stool. Be right there...

As he stumbles into the bedroom he falls over creating a loud CRASHHH

Wife: Bob? Are you OK? What was that sound???

Bob: Oh its nothing honey, i was just hanging my shirt and it fell.

Wife: How did your shirt make such a loud sound?

Bob: I was still wearing it

I bought my wife a stripper pole for our anniversary and installed it in our bedroom.

Whenever I ask her if she likes it, she just dances around the subject.

Two thieves break into a house. Once inside, they sneak into the master bedroom and tie up the naked woman they find in there.

A startled, naked, man comes out of the bathroom, sees what's happening and says, "Please, please, take whatever you want, I will even give you the combination to my safe. Just, please, untie her and let her go."

The thieves were surprised by how heartfelt the pleas from the man were. One of them says, "Wow, you must really love your wife in order to beg like that."

The man replies, "I do, and she will be home any minute!"

My wife came into the bedroom & said "Take off my bra"......

So I took her bra off.

She then said "Take off my panties"

So I took her panties off.

She then said "Stop wearing my underwear!!"

A farmer walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm....

He says: "This is the pig I have to have sex with when you're away."

His wife says: "Actually I think you'll find that's a sheep."

He says: "Actually I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

A man met a woman at a bar and she invited him home

Once there, they head straight to her bedroom. The guy sees her shelves are covered with stuffed animals. It seems a little weird, but he thinks maybe she didn't get many of them when she was younger, and now she's making up for it. Regardless, they jump in bed together.

After sex, the guy says "That was amazing. How was it for you?"

She replies "You may have anything from the bottom shelf."

I was installing a light in the attic today, when I slipped off a joist and put my foot right through the bedroom ceiling. It scared the shit out of my girlfriend.

I'm not surprised though, she kicked me out last August.

A man walks into his bedroom carrying a sheep. His wife looks horrified...

"See? See what I have to bang when you're not in the mood?"

The sheep says "Myyyyyyyy god. You weren't lying..."

An 85 year old man wanted to spice up his marriage

He went to a lingerie shop to get a sexy lingerie for his 80 year old wife. He got an expensive one and went home.

Later that night he gave it to his wife and told her to put it on. She went to the bathroom to put it on and found out that it was too small for her. She thought He does not have a great eyesight. I will go naked and he would not even know . So she entered the bedroom naked.

Her husband looked at her, squinting his eyes and muttered, Well, for the price I paid, they should have atleast ironed it .

One of my friends installed strobe lights in his bedroom.

He says the sex is the same, but his wife looks like she's moving.

Little Johnny goes to his dad with his girlfriend

"How was I born daddy?", Asks Johnny.

"An Angel came and delivered you to us while we were on vacations", hid dad replied.

"And my sister?", Johnny goes on

"Angel gave her to us in the bedroom", his dad replied again.

Johnny turns to his girlfriend and says, "See.. Nothing happens, babies aren't born that way! Let's do it."

A husband walks into his bedroom to find his wife pulling all her clothes out of the closet.

"What's going on here?"

The wife replies that she's just looking for stuff to donate.

"Why don't you just throw them out?" The husband asks.

"Dear! There are so many unfortunate people who could use these clothes!"

The husband replies without missing a beat, "Honey, I know you mean well but anyone who can afford to eat enough to fit in your clothes isn't exactly unfortunate!"

A husband rudely said to his wife that she had really let herself go and put on a lot of weight since they got married

The wife replied by saying before she got married she used to get home at night and look in the fridge but because nothing looked appealing she would go to bed. But now that she's married when she gets home at night she'd look in the bedroom but as nothing in there looks appealing she goes to the fridge.

An elderly woman phoned the police and said she saw her neighbour, naked walking around his bedroom with blinds open.

Police turn up and says to her, sorry madam, but you cannot even see his bedroom, there is a fence and a bush blocking the view.

She replies, you can if you stand on top of the wardrobe.

How did the mime keep getting laid?

He could do unspeakable things in the bedroom.

A couple goes to therapy

A couple goes to therapy to discuss their issues.

The therapist asks. So, why are we here today?

The husband quickly try to explain.

So what happened was, that I was cleaning up in the kitchen, while putting something away I spilled a bunch of dried herbs all over the place. My wife then yells for help with folding the sheets in the bedroom and I simply replied.

"I can't right now, I have too much thyme on my hands"

I met a girl last night & after so flirting asked her if she wanted to come home with me to play "Doctor"?

So when we got to my place, I left her sitting on my couch with a bunch of out dated magazines on the end table for 2 1/2 hours before I came out of my bedroom.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bedroom closet jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bedroom bed piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes