Bed Sheets Jokes

68 bed sheets jokes and hilarious bed sheets puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bed sheets that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Bed Sheets Short Jokes

Short bed sheets jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bed sheets humour may include short bed sheet jokes also.

  1. Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crumby. - my 4 y.o. daughter
  2. Sherlock Holmes Sherlock Holmes is inspecting a bed. He says to Watson, "this bed is missing something." Watson replies "no sheet sherlock."
  3. I'm going to open up a store that only sells two bed covers and two snorkels. Just four sheets and goggles.
  4. My wife complains I use too much toilet paper and I should only use three sheets. Now she complains that the bed linen stinks.
  5. What is the difference between a piece of fabric with elastic around the edges, designed to go on a bed, and an unexpected bout of diarrhea when wearing sandals? One is a fitted sheet...
  6. A man has died after being suffocated under his bed sheets... The government is now calling for a blanket ban.
  7. What did the Hasidic Rabi say when he caught another man in bed with his wife? "HOLY SHEET!"
  8. Why did the Italian get thrown out of the hotel? He said "I wanna two sheet onna the bed".
  9. Why did the kid get in trouble for wearing a bed sheet ghost costume? He wore a pointy hat underneath.
  10. Successful people only sleep on bare mattresses... ...because after all that hard work you don't want to sheet the bed.

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Bed Sheets One Liners

Which bed sheets one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bed sheets? I can suggest the ones about beds and sheet paper.

  1. What does the blanket say when it falls off the bed? "Sheet."
  2. What did the blanket say as it fell off the bed? Oh sheet
  3. What's Aaron Hernandez's favorite part of a bed sheet? The tight end.
  4. What did the pillow say when it fell off the bed Sheet
  5. How do you smell once you get of bed? Like sheet.
  6. What did the blanket said when it fell from the bed? Oh sheet!!
  7. What's better than a violin on your bed? A fiddle between the sheets
  8. What did the pastor say when his blanket rose up from his bed? "Holy Sheet!"
  9. What do you call a bunch of bed bugs? A sheet-load.
  10. How do you put on a fitted bed sheet correctly the first time? Step 1: Wrong.
  11. Normal People: "Alright, time to go to bed." Insomniacs: "Let's yeet these sheets!"
  12. My baby made the bed all by himself.... Unfortunately, he used a big brown sheet.
  13. What do you call all bed linens with a thread count of less than 800? The cheap sheets.
  14. What does a gingerbread man put on his bed? Cookie sheets.
  15. How is the Japanese flag made? Menstrual bed sheets

Bed Sheets Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about bed sheets you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sheet jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bed sheets pranks.

One of the two adult female friends got married and went on honeymoon to Hawaii.
On return curious other girl asked her friend, “What sightseeing places did you go in Hawaii and what did you see?”
The honeymoon girl explained, “For seven days, I saw only the fan on the ceiling of the room and occasionally when turned around, I saw the bed sheet too.”

A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor operation.
She’s laid on a hospital trolley bed with nothing on, except a sheet over her.
The nurse pushes the trolley down the corridor towards the operating theatre, where she leaves the g**... the trolley outside, while she goes in to check whether everything is ready.
A young man wearing a white coat approaches, lifts the sheet up and starts examining her n**... body.
He puts the sheet back and then walks away and talks to another man in a white coat.
The second man comes over, lifts the sheet and does the same examinations.
When a third man does the same thing, but more closely, she grows impatient and says: “All these examinations are fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start the operation?”
The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: “I have no idea. We’re just painting the corridor.”

A man from the Census Bureau knocks on an apartment door in the projects

A black woman answers the door and the man asks, "Excuse me, Ma'am, how many people live here?"
The woman replies, "Me and my 12 children".
"Wow" the man exclaims, "I had better go get an extra record sheet so I can write down all of their names".
"No, you won't need to" she says, "I named them all Leeroy".
The man stops for a second with a puzzled look on his face. "But Ma'am, how do you call them each to dinner?"
"I just yell 'Leeroy, time for dinner!' and they all come".
"But then how do you get them to go to bed?"
"Same thing. I just yell 'Leeroy, time for bed!' and they all get to bed".
"So what do you do when you want to speak to them one on one?"
"That's easy, I just call them by their last name."

What a Night

This morning, as I lie on my bed thinking about you, I have this strong urge to grab you... because I just can't forget about last night. Late in the balmy night, unexpectedly, you came to me in my bed and what happened there still leaves a tingling sensation in me.
You appeared out of nowhere and shamelessly, without reservation, you laid on my n**... body without guilt or humiliation. You drove me crazy until you had s**... me dry. Only after you were finally satisfied did I fall asleep, but today, when I woke up, you were gone. I've searched for you everywhere, to no avail. My sheets still bear witness to last night's events, as does my body, which still shows your mark, making it that much harder to forget you.
Tonight I promise to remain awake and wait for you and as soon as you appear, I will grab you and never let you go. This time you won't disappear. And I won't rest until I squeeze the life out of you and destroy you once and for all, you d**... mosquito!

Are you a boy or a girl?

A young boy and girl are sitting in a bed, the boy asks the girl: "Are you a boy or girl?"
"I don't know" she giggled.
"I can check for you if you want" he smiled.
He went down under the sheets and she began giggling again as he came back up.
"You're a girl!"
"How do you know?"
"You're wearing pink socks!"

[My favorite] So the parents call in a babysitter

She arrives to find the boy she is to take care of crying. Bending down she ask the boy "what's wrong?" the boy then responds "I lost my teddy bear" "Oh i can be your teddy bear" she replies and, the boy agrees. The parents leave and, time passes. "Bedtime!" the boy responds "but, I cant sleep with out my teddy" "OK ill sleep together with you". With the bed sheets covering both of the the boy says "I like to put my finger in teddys' bellybutton" "OK"..... a while passes the babysitter exclaims "UM .. UM that's not my bellybutton" the boy smiles " that's not my finger"

Engineer, Physicist and Mathematician

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are sleeping in their respective hotel rooms when a problem with the hotel's electrical system causes sparks to fly from the sockets and catch fire to the wastepaper basket.
The engineer wakes up from the alarm, sees what is going on and runs to the bathroom. He fills a bucket with water, which he throws onto the wastepaper basket. Relieved that the fire is out, he goes back to bed.
The physicist wakes up from the alarm and sees what is going on. He grabs a pad of paper and a pencil, and works out how much water he will need to put out the fire. He then goes to the bathroom and fills a bucket with the precise amount of water he needs (accounting for measurement error), and proceeds to put out the fire. He then goes back to bed.
The mathematician wakes up from the alarm and sees what is going on. He grabs a pad of paper and a pencil, and works out how much water he will need to put out the fire.
"Aha! A solution exists!" And he goes back to bed.
*Alternate ending*
Later that night the hotel's electrical system fails again, causing sparks to fly from the sockets and catch fire to the bed sheets. The mathematician wakes up, considers the fire, and then takes the still-burning sheets and puts them in the wastepaper basket.
"Aha! I've reduced the problem to a previously-solved form!" And he goes back to bed.

Why did the kleptomaniac spend so much time in Bed Bath and Beyond?

He was taking a sheet.

Reading Too Far Into It

A woman decides to surprise her blind boyfriend on his birthday by having herself vajazzled in Braille.
She goes to her salon and gets a full wax, the salon girl glues the sequins around her c**... according to her careful instructions, and she rushes home and hops into bed. She calls her boyfriend and hears his cane clicking up the stairs.
"Get into bed," she says (all s**...), "I have a surprise for you."
He strips and slips between the sheets. She takes his hand and places it on the first letter on her c**....
He reads the message. Then he reads it again. And again. He gets this puzzled look on his face. "Did I spell it wrong?" the woman asks.
"Well, I can read HAPPY, and I can read BIRTHDAY", says the guy, "but I'll be d**... if I know what it says between the brackets."

A man phones home from his business trip...

His 9yo son answers and says hey.
"Hey buddy, it's dad! Wheres youre mom?"
"I will check", replies the son as he walks to his parents' bedroom and sees his mom in bed with uncle Jim. "She is playing in bed with uncle Jim"
"What?! Uncle Jim?! Tell them I will be right over!" the man fumes.
"Mom, dad says he'll be right over", says the kid. His mom starts panicking and shouting, uncle Jim jumps quickly from the window and falls in the empty pool and cracks his head. The mom rolls in sheets, exits the room and falls down the stairs and cracks her head.
The kid looks around and starts crying.
"What happened son?"
"Mom fell down the stairs abd uncle Jim jumped into the empty pool and died" he squeals.
"The pool?" Asks the man. "Is this the Goldberg house??"

I found my daughters diary and read it.

So I've been trying to get my daughter to clean up her room for a long while now, all to no avail. So yesterday when she went out, I decided that I would do it.
For the most part it was just typical teenage mess, clothes everywhere, the occasional food wrapper. However when i was cleaning out her closet, I found her diary. My initial reaction was just to put it back as i didn't want to invade her privacy, so I finished cleaning and left her room. But later that evening, my curiosity got the better of me and I got the diary, took it to my room and read it.
I was horrified to discover that she has a new boyfriend, and that they've been having s**.... She described in graphic detail all the k**... stuff they'd been doing and how she had performed o**... s**... on him. And then, just at the point I thought that the debauchery could not get any worse, you'll never guess what I came across next. Page 64, the bed sheets and my own leg a little bit.

So I went on a date with this girl last night

Things were going well, so we ended up back at her place. Then things started going REALLY well, and we ended up in her bedroom. I looked around and saw that she had a king sized bed with Communist Party sheets.
Now that's a big red flag.

Single men everywhere strain to make one major change this new year...

their bed sheets.

A French Girl gets her Period

My friend's family is French.
His sister had this huge French flag for a bed sheet.
Then one night she got her period.
Imagine her shock when she woke up on the Japanese Flag.

What do you call a beetle in the bed sheets?

John Linen

A man comes home and goes to bed with his wife...

Suddenly, he gets mad and says "floral bed sheets? Don't you know that I hate floral bed sheets?" and goes under the bed in a huff. He meets another n**... man under the bed and tells him "apparently, you don't like floral bed sheets either."

Why was the bed sheet a Patriots fan?

It spent a lot of time hanging around Aaron Hernandez

What did the man name the underwear he made out of old bed sheets?

John Linen.


An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep, but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.
She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily, he reached across, held her hand for a second, then tried to get back to sleep.
A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me."
Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a p**... on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my neck."
Angrily, he threw back the sheets and got out of bed.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"To get my teeth!"

I made my very first sheet cake and it tastes terrible!

Now my bed is not as comfortable either.

A night of drinking

After a night of heavy drinking at the bars, 3 girls meet up the next day to recall their drunkin night
Girl 1: I was so drunk last night when I got home I blew chunks for hours!
Girl 2: That's nothing! When I got home I couldn't even make it to the toilet and threw up all over my bathroom walls!
Girl 3: You think that's bad. When I got home I went straight to bed and woke up with p**... all over me and my bed sheets.
Girls 2 and 3 are laughing hysterically after hearing about their crazy night when Girl 1 quietly interrupts and says I don't think you two understand, chunks is my dog.

Nurse walks in to a patient's room

In a hospital room, a patient is lying in bed with an oxygen mask on.
A pretty, young nurse walks in and says, "I'm here to change your sheets!"
Patient says, "Please, nurse, are my t**... black?"
Nurse blushes and says, "I'm just here to change your sheets!"
Patient says, "Please, nurse, I'm begging -- are my t**... black?"
Nurse lifts up his sheet, pulls up his gown and thoroughly inspects his private parts. "Sir, it all looks fine!"
Patient slowly removes oxygen mask and says, "That was very nice, but ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?"

So, I have these friends, Richard and Alice...

And as it turns out, Richard is very strongly attracted to Alice. He asks her if the two of them can have s**..., offering her $100 and stating that he'll be done by the time she picks it up. She agrees, and gets on the bed as Richard produces his hundred dollars.
"You know you're not actually gonna get that much time, right?" Alice asked him. "I mean, the time it takes to pick up $100 is pretty small."
Richard grinned and held up his hundred dollars in quarters, before dumping them all over the bed.
Alice grinned back, rolled up the sheet, and left.

What did the comforter say to the bed sheet?

It's gonna be okay man .

Last weekend I was accused of being dyslexic at a party...

I think they were just jealous of my goat costume, because nobody else put in *any* effort. For some reason they all decided to just wear bed sheets to the goat party.

f**... under the bed sheets is no longer called a dutch oven.

It's now called a covid test. If you can smell it you don't have covid.

Moth Inspector

A man and a woman are getting it on in bed when they hear the front door open. The woman says, "It's my husband! You'd better hide."
She throws his clothes under the bed and he hides behind the curtains. Her husband comes in, sees her all hot and sweaty, and the sheets all messed up. He looks around, and sees a big bulge in the curtains, and a pair of feet sticking out underneath. He whips the curtains open, and says, "Who the h**... are you?"
The man says, "I'm the moth inspector."
The husband says, "Moth inspector? Why are you n**...?"
The man looks down and says, "d**.... I'm too late."

I let go a silent f**... in bed last night and gently lifted the sheet to let it escape, my wife shrieked 'Oh my god, that's disgusting! My eyes are watering'...

Must have been bad, she was downstairs at the time