beaver Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious beaver puns

How many animals can you fit in a pair of pantyhose?

A couple calves,
an ass,
ten little piggies,
a beaver,
a shit load of hares,
and a fish that no one can seem to find!

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If a lesbian cock blocks another lesbian

Is it considered a Beaver dam?

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How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?

10 little piggies, 2 calves, a beaver, an ass, some hares, and a fish that no one can seem to find.

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How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?

2 calves, an ass, a beaver, a shit load of hares, and a fish nobody can find.

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So there's these two beavers...

one is named Joe and the other, Steven. Joe and Steven have a fire. Joe decides he's hungry so he grabs a pan and some sticks.

Steven runs over and says "Joe what are you doing?" And says "im just grilling up some sticks."

Steven immediately smacks the pan from Joe's paw and says

"JOE THATS A NON STICK PAN"

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Why was the beaver mad

because no one came to his damn party.

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How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?

2 calves, an ass, a beaver, a camel toe, a bunch of hares and a fish no one can find.

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What did the river say when it saw the beaver coming?

Well I'll be dammed

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Pantyhose

How many animals can you fit in a pantyhose?
10 little piggies
2 calves
1 ass
1 beaver
A bunch of hares and..
1 fish that no one can find.

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How many animals can you get into a pair of tights?

10 little piggies, 2 calves, 1 beaver, 1 ass, 1 p*ssy, thousands of hares and a dead fish no one can ever find.

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Why was the beaver homeless?

He just couldn't give a dam.

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How many animals can you fit in a pair of women's pantyhose?

Fifteen:
Ten little piggies, two calves, an ass, a beaver, and a dead fish no one can find.

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What's the worst part about being a beaver?

It's a lot of dam work.

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Beaver...

This little girl takes a shower with her mom. She looks up and says "mom what are those?" "Those are my breasts" the mother replied. "You will get these when you get older." Then the little girl looks down and says "mom what's that?" "That is my beaver, you will get hair on your when you get older."

The little girls parents had to leave town and she had to stay the night with her grandma. Later they took a shower and the little girl says "Grandma are those your breasts?" She says "Yes, did your mom teach you that?" Then the girls looks down and says "is that your beaver?" "Yes, your mom taught you that? "Yes grandma."

The little girl returns home a couple days later and is having dinner with her parents and says "Mom, dad, I think grandma is sick." The mother says "Why do you say that honey?" the girls replies "grandma's beaver has gray hair and it's tongue is hanging out."

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A twelve year old boy asks his dad what a vagina is?

The father says "That's what a woman's private area is, and that is where babies come from"

The boy asks "What's a beaver?", the father replies "That's just another name for it".

The boy then asks "What's a pussy", the father replies "That is just another name for the vagina, it's where babies come from"

The boy says "Dad, what's a cunt?"

The father says, "That's the rest of the woman"

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What do you call a Canadian tampon?

A beaver dam

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How many animals can you fit in a pair of leggins?

2 calves, 1 ass, a beaver, a shit load of hares, a camels toe and a fish that no cunt can find!

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[NSFW] Johnny was playing outside...

When he really had to go to the bathroom. He runs in and his grandma was about to take a shower. He looks at her crotch and says, "What's that?" She says, "Well, it's a beaver Johnny." The next day the same thing happens, except his mom is taking the shower. He says, "Mom I know what that is. It's a beaver, but I think grandma's is dead because it's tongue is hanging out."

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What did the beaver say when he chipped his tooth?

Dam it!

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There was a beaver god, named Buck...

Buck owned a store that sold houses to other beaver gods. Buck was very picky about who can and can't come into the store, so he stood by the door every day to make sure that only beaver gods came in.

One day, dog god named Susan walked into the store with her pet donkey, Harry. Susan always gave Harry too much to eat, so Harry was very heavy for a donkey his size.

Infuriated that someone other than a beaver god would come into his store that sold houses specifically to beaver gods, Buck walked over to the dog and said...

"Listen here, bitch. You need to take your fat ass and get out of my god dam store."

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Do you know why Canada has "the Beaver" as it's national symbol?

Because Canada is the best "damn" country in the world!

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Three men enter a hunting contest...

The rules of the contest are simple: A contestant must enter the woods, shoot an animal, return to the judges, and tell them how he shot it.

So the first man goes into the woods, and about an hour later he returns with a freshly shot beaver.
The judges ask, "So how'd you shoot it?"
The hunter replies, "I followed the tracks... I followed the tracks... and BAM! I shot the beaver.

Then the second man goes into the woods, and about 3 hours later he returns with a freshly shot deer.
The judges ask, "So how'd you shoot it?"
The hunter replies, "I followed the tracks... I followed the tracks... and BAM! I shot the deer.

Then the third man walks into the woods. The judges wait, and wait, and wait for almost a day. Eventually, the man is gone so long that they send out a search party for him. After hours of searching, they find the hunter. He is crawling along the ground, covered with blood and bruises, and both of his legs are missing. He groans with agony, and it's clear that he doesn't have much time left.

They scream, "Oh my god, what happened to you?"
With his last painful breaths, the hunter pulls a judge close and whispers into his ear, ""I followed the tracks... I followed the tracks... and BAM! I got hit by a train."

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A wife tells her husband her underwear cost $300...

The husband screams "Three hundred dollars!? That's outrageous!" The wife says "Well you don't wrap a beautiful jewel in newspaper".

The husband replies "Yeah, but you don't gift wrap a dead beaver, either".

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Three blondes are walking in the forest...

..when they come to a set of tracks. The first one decides she is gonna try her best to look smart in front of the other two and claims that based by the look of the tracks they belong to a badger. The second trying not to be outdone claims that the first had it all wrong and they were definitely raccoon tracks. The third blonde then decides to argue her case and claims the tracks belong to a beaver. The three are still arguing 10 minutes later when the train hits them.

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How many animals can fit into a pair of pantyhose?

Ten pigs, two calves, one beaver, and an ass.

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Where does a beaver priest live?

In a God Dam House!

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A toothless beaver walks into a pub and asks...

...is the bar tender here?

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Anyone here eat a beaver before?

I hear they taste pretty dam good.

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Where do beavers go to cash their paychecks?

The riverbank.

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How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?

2 calves,
an ass,
a beaver,
a whole bunch of hairs,
and a fish that you just can't seem to find

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Are you a beaver?

...'cuz damn.

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I saw a beaver movie last night.

And it was the best dam movie I'd ever seen.

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Two beavers are looking over a river.

One turns to the other and says, "Dam it."

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What's worse than finding a dead monkey on your piano?

Finding a diseased beaver on your organ.

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For real now, how many animals can you fit into one single pair of panty hose

2 calves, an ass, a beaver, an assload of hares, 1 cameltoe and 1 fish Noone can find

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What are the most funny Beaver jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Beaver? Well, here are the best Beaver dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Beaver pick up lines to share with friends.

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