Beautiful Girl Jokes

111 beautiful girl jokes and hilarious beautiful girl puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about beautiful girl that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Beautiful Girl Short Jokes

Short beautiful girl jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The beautiful girl humour may include short pretty girl jokes also.

  1. Call a girl beautiful 1,000 time and she won't think twice... Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.
    Because elephants never forget
  2. I just hired a beautiful 21 year old girl to look after my 1 year old baby. Now I have two issues: 1. How to tell this to my wife
    2. Where to find a 1 year old baby
  3. A 40 year old man asked the Trainer in the Gym, 'I want to Impress Beautiful Girls, which Machine should I use?' The Trainer replied, 'Outside the Gym, there is an ATM. Try that'
  4. A beautiful girl asked me in a restaurant,"Are you single?" I Happily I replied," Yes...."
    She took away the extra chair in front of me.
  5. 5 Years ago today I asked a beautiful girl out on a date. Today at 3pm I asked that same girl to marry me. Both times she said no
  6. Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she wont pay attention but call her fat once and she will never forget. Thats because elephants never forget.
  7. What is the difference between a beautiful dress and a bottle of Whisky? A beautiful dress can make one girl look gorgeous...
    A bottle of whiskey can make all girls look gorgeous.
  8. The thing I learned from beauty and the beast: Any girl can fall in love with you given you lock her in the basement long enough.
  9. 8 years ago I worked up the courage to ask the shy, beautiful girl who sat next to me in history class to be my girlfriend. Today, I asked her to be my wife. She said no both times.
  10. This time 5 years ago, I asked the most beautiful girl I've met out for dinner, today I asked her to marry me, she said no both times.

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Beautiful Girl One Liners

Which beautiful girl one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with beautiful girl? I can suggest the ones about beautiful lady and young girl.

  1. Yesterday I went for a walk with a beautiful girl When she noticed me, we went for a run
  2. Nothing beats a beautiful girl with an amazing voice... Except Chris Brown
  3. What do you call a beautiful girl in Boston? A tourist.
  4. Today I saw the most beautiful Jewish girl in my life She Israeli preety.
  5. Every girl is beautiful. Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.
  6. I saw the most beautiful girl in the picket line. She was truly striking.
  7. So this beautiful girl checked me out today. The total was a little under $10.
  8. Why isn't there any beautiful girl in computer science? Because they're all 0's and 1's
  9. They say beautiful girls are found in every corner of the earth But the earth is sphere
  10. Girl, if you were a dinosaur, you'd be a Gorgeousaurus
  11. Hey girl, your body reminds me of Mcdonalds, because I'm loving it!
  12. Q: Why shouldn't girls wear skirts in winter?
    A: Because their lips will get chapped!
  13. Lipstick is a girl's beauty. Removing it is a boy's duty.
  14. Guy walks into a night club and spots a beautiful girl sitting at the bar.
  15. Bright Future Or Beautiful Girls?

Beautiful Girl Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about beautiful girl you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hot girl jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make beautiful girl pranks.

My dad first talked to me about s**... when I was going to college.

He said, "Son, in college you're going to be surrounded by beautiful girls, so I got you something from the chemist."
"Dad," I said, "I have condoms."
And he said, "You won't need condoms, I got you some anti-depressants."

I met a beautiful girl in the park.

I met a beautiful girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet. As we were making love, I thought .... "These taser guns are well worth the money."

Two old men, one French and one Spanish were sitting on a park bench.

When a beautiful young girl in a miniskirt walks by. Just as she passes them a breeze comes along and lifts the girl's skirt up revealing she's not wearing p**.... The French man looks at the Spanish man and says "C'est la vie" and the Spanish man exclaims back "Se la vi, tambien."

An amateur golfer playing in his first tournament

was delighted when a beautiful girl came up to him after the round and suggested he come over for a while. The fellow was a bit embarrassed to explain that he really couldn't stay all night but that he'd be glad to come over for a while. Twenty minutes later they were in he bed making love. When it was over, he got out of bed and started getting dressed.
"Hey," called the girl from beneath the covers, "where do you think you're going? Arnold Palmer wouldn't leave so early."
At that he the golfer stripped off his clothes and jumped on top of her. After they'd made love a second time, he got out of bed and put his pants back on.
"What are you up to?" she called. "Jack Nicklaus wouldn't think of leaving now." So the golfer pulled off his pants and s**... her a third time, and afterward he started to get dressed.
"C'mon, you can't leave yet," protested the girl. "Tiger Woods wouldn't call it a day."
"Lady, would you tell me one thing?" asked the golfer, looking at her very seriously. "What's par for this hole?"

And then there's me...

A man walked into a bar and saw a beautiful girl. He said to her, "you're pretty!"
"I know." She said, arrogantly.
"You have a beautiful figure!"
"I know." She said again.
"It must be nice to be born with such beautiful features!" He said.
"It is." she replied.
"And then there's me, I was born a liar." He said, before promptly leaving the bar.

Hot woman with baby carriages

Isn't it just so dissapointing to see a beautiful girl with a baby carriage, the only consolation is when you notice that the baby is half black. Because then at least you know she's single.

Woman buys parrot

A woman walks into a pet store, and is perusing through the various animals when she comes across one of the most beautiful parrots she has ever seen. She's taken aback by the tropical beauty of this bird, and when she looks on the price tag on the cage it says 50$. The woman turns to the man at the front counter and asks "Why is a bird this beautiful being sold for this little?" The man looks up and says "Oh, that bird was originally kept in a house of prostitution, and boy does he have a mouth". The woman takes the words to heart but buys the bird anyway. She buys it, and takes it home with her. She puts the bird in the living room. Suddenly the bird squawks "NEW HOUSE NEW MADAME!" The woman is put off by this but she figures that in a few days the bird will get over it. Her daughters come home from school and the bird speaks again "NEW HOUSE, NEW MADAME, NEW GIRLS!" Again the woman is off put but she assures her kids that the bird will grow out of its old habits. The woman's husband gets back in from a day at work. The parrot takes one look at him and squawks:

A young man walks into a ladies clothing store...

"I need to buy my girlfriend some gloves, but I don't know what size her hands are."
The beautiful young employee presses her hands into his and says, "I'm a 'small'. Does that help?"
"Oh yeah," he says. "You're hands are the exact same size as hers."
"Do you need anything else?" the young girl asks him.
"Now that you mention it, she also needs a bra and p**...."

Beautiful Girl

I once said to my girlfriend I would never stop telling her how beautiful she is.
Three years, a break up and two restraining orders later I still haven't stopped.
Made this one up myself thanks for reading.

A Pregnant women gets in a car wreck....

...and fell into a coma. When she awoke a few days later, she noticed that she wasn't carrying a child, and asked the doctor, "Doctor, what happened to my baby!?"
The doctor replies, "It's all okay. You gave birth to beautiful twins, a boy and a girl. But we needed someone to name them, so your brother came in and gave them their names."
The woman is surprised. "No, not my brother! He's not the smartest guy in the world."
"Well ma'am, he named your daughter Denise," the doctor said.
"Oh, that's not too bad. What's the boy's name?"


So a teacher asks her students to use the word harassment in a sentence. A boy stood up and said, "Ok this is easy. I met a beautiful girl one day and harassment a lot to me"

A old man goes into confession

"Father, all my life I've been faithful, but last night, I met two beautiful blonde 21-year-old girls and I slept with them, twice each!"
"Well, when was the last time you were in confession?"
"Oh, never Father, I'm Jewish!"
"Well, why are you telling me then??"
"Are you kidding? I'm telling everyone!!"

How to pick up chicks at the gym

Pasted from Facebook:
A man asks a trainer in the gym: I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use? Trainer replies: Use the ATM

A lady walks into a pet store...

She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO
The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway.
She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing.
Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New w**... in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off.
A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."

A cannibal took his young son for a walk in the jungle.

They came across a beautiful, n**... girl lying asleep on the ground. The boy got excited and said, "Let's eat her now, Dad!" But the father said, "No, I have a better idea. Let's bring her home and eat your mother".

Two blonde girls at a traffic light

They stop at red:
-Look at that red color!
-Wow, it's beautiful.
-And the yellow!
-Such brightness!
-And the green!
-Much nature!
-Oh, it's red again, we saw it already. Let's go.

Guy is looking for a new secretary...

Jealous wife: You should not get beautiful young girl with a great body. Hire someone who is older, isn't beautiful, married, has children and does not have a great figure.
Husband: OK, when can you start?

Where y'all from?

A r**... is walking on the beach.
He comes across two beautiful college girls.
The r**... says, "Hey, where y'all from?"
The two girls reply, "Yale."
The r**... then yells, "HEY, WHERE Y'ALL FROM!?"

John Snow.

John Snow was at a bar outside the great wall drinking. A beautiful girl comes inside and her eyes meet his. She likes him, so she goes and introduce herself.
-Hello, handsome. My name is Jenny Spring. What's yours?
John laughs and continues with his drink.
-Why is this funny?
John responds,
-Nothing. I just imagine how rare it would be to have 7 inches of Snow in spring...

Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and they will never notice. Call her ugly once and she'll never forget.

Because elephants never forget.

Girl, if your beauty was represented in stocks, I'd invest everything...

Because you're at an all-time low.
(Use it to seal the deal on Valentine's Day)

A depressed frog goes to visit a fortune teller

Hoping for good news he goes to meet with a fortune teller.
The fortune teller closes her eyes, makes some strange sounds, and finally says, "You will meet a beautiful young girl that will want to know everything about you"
The frog gets excited and says, "Wow! When will I meet her? At a party?"
"No," replied the fortune teller, "in her biology class."

Boy To Girl

Boy : You are the most funniest & most beautiful girl I've ever met.
Girl : You just want to screw me , Don't you ?
Boy : Wow ! and smart too ... !

A Man Met a Beautiful Girl in a Bar

and wooed her until he brought her back home for some love making. After an hour the guy asked her "Are you finish?", to which the girl shook her head.
He then continues to make love to her for another hour. "Are you finish?" The girl shook her head again. He then goes on again for another 15 minutes until he's completely exhausted.
He asked her "Are you finish?"
The girl replied "No, I'm German"

I came across the most beautiful girl i've ever seen today at the supermarket..

She wasn't the least bit happy, even after I offered to clean it all up and buy her a new top..

A woman passes out while giving birth to her twins leaving her immature, witty brother to name them.

She wakes up and immediately asks her brother what he named her new born girl. He replies,"Denise". Surprised she says,"That's a beautiful name, what about my baby boy"? He responds with a grin from ear to ear, "Denephew".

r**... boy meets his dream girl!

A young boy comes home to his father one day after school.
"Dad, I met the most INCREDIBLE girl in the world today. She's smart, she's beautiful, AND she's funny."
Dad pats his son on the back and walks him into the kitchen, "That's great, son. I'm proud of you for finding someone you like so much."
"That's not the best part, Dad. She's a v**...."
At this point the father slams his hand down on the counter, "I forbid this relationship, son. I never want you to see this girl again. And if I find out you do, I'm going to give you the biggest whooping you ever had."
Tears stream down the son's face, "But, Dad, WHY? She's amazing and she likes me!"
"Well, son. If she ain't good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."

I have been living with a beautiful girl for the last 2 months. Last week she found out..

So a redhead, brunette, and blonde walk into a bar...

This bar has a magic mirror that consumes anyone who lies
The redhead comes in and says "I think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world" and she gets s**... in
The brunette comes in and says "I think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world" and she gets s**... in
The blonde comes in and says "I think-" and she gets s**... in

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today..

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today.
Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having s**... right there and then.
God, I love my new Taser...

When I was in kindergarten...

I met a really beautiful girl. We really liked each other. We were constantly kissing and holding hands, even showed our private parts, until one day the teacher came and caught us, needless to say, I got fired.

An old man goes to the gym...

An old man goes to the gym and asks a trainer, "I want to impress young beautiful girls. What's the best machine I can use?"
The trainer responds, "The ATM"

I asked a beautiful homeless girl if I could taker her home with me.

She said, "Yes!" With a big smile... But that quickly changed when I walked away with the cardboard box that she lived in.

I was walking in the park...

..and I saw a beautiful girl. I went up to her, spark flew, she fell at my feet and before I knew it we were having s**....
God do I love my new taser.

Wanna dance?

Two Girls were sitting at a club. One was ugly and the another one was beautiful.
Dave walked straight to the ugly girl.
Dave: Hello!
Ugly girl: Hi!!
Dave: Wanna dance?
Ugly Girl: Yes (excited)
Dave: OK, Go and dance. I wanna talk to your friend.

Since I'm going away to college, my Dad sat me down to have a talk.

He said OK, Dan, you're going off to college. You're going to be living away from home, in a dorm, surrounded by beautiful girls. So I got you something from the drug store.
I said It's ok, Dad- I already know about condoms.
He's said No - anti-depressants.

You're a very beautiful girl

... and you have a nice personality and a beautiful smile
Girl: you just wanna get into my pants
Boy: you're intelligent as well.

A beautiful girl...

...was giving a pedicure to a man who was at the same time also getting a shave at a salon. The man says
"What about a date later?"
"Am married", she replied.
The man said:
"So?, call your husband and tell him you are going to visit a girlfriend"
She said:
"You should tell him yourself, he is shaving you".

3 cousins are together talking about their names. The first, a raven haired beauty, says "when my mother was pregnant a rose fell from a bush and landed on her stomach so she named me Rose".

The second, a beautiful blonde, says, "when my mother was pregnant a violet landed on her stomach, so she named me Violet".
She turns to the 3rd cousin, a small crippled girl in a wheelchair, "how did u get your name, Piano??".

"Honey I'm home!', says a girl to her boyfriend.

"Where have you been?"
"I went to the beauty specialist!"
"Wasn't she there?"

A server is carrying a tray of cheese when he sees a beautiful girl walk by.

He thinks of something to say and goes in for the kill. But on his way he slips on a wet spot, sending him sliding into an ice sculpture and spilling the cheese in a straight line behind him. People get up to help and start picking up cheese off the ground. The girl goes over to the server and asks if he is okay. The server responds, "I'm fine, but it seems my slick icebreaker has turned into a cheesy pickup line."

A man meets a girl in a bar

The man says to the girl "every time you smile it makes me want to take you home"
The girl replies "Your words are beautiful, are you a poet?"
The man replies "No I am a dentist"

A man asks a trainer in the gym

I want to impress that beautiful girl, which machine can I use? Trainer answers, use the ATM

A guy wanks into a bar.

He sees two stunningly beautiful blondes and says,
"Hey, barman, two beers for the ladies."
One of the ladies turns to the guy and asks.
"I think you're wasting your time, sir. We're l**...."
"What's that?" asks the guy.
"It means we only like to have s**... with women" the girl responds.
To which the guy retorts: "Hey barman, three beers for us l**...."

I met a beautiful girl down at the park today

Sparks flew, she fell at my feet, and we wound up having s**... right then and there!
Gosh I love my new taser

I saw a girl and I wrote my number on a dollar.

I went to her and I dropped the dollar then I said: "Sorry to bother you, but this dropped from you."
But the s**... girl went and bought a sandwich with the dollar.
The problem is not here, but the problem is that the sandwich seller is texting me till midnight saying: "Did you love the sandwich beautiful?"

I was sitting on a train yesterday and saw this stunningly beautiful Thai girl.

I thought to myself, Please don't get an e**..., Please don't get an e**... . But she did.

A frog

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline. His personal psychic advisor tells him, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog is thrilled, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party?" "No," says his advisor, "In her biology class."

Boy: You are very beautiful

Girl: You are only saying this because you wanna have s**... with me...
Boy: Smart, too.

A man walks into a bar, with a newt on his shoulder.

He passes the night trying to chat up every girl he sees, but sadly to no avail, since everyone is wierded out by his newt.
Finally, he sees a beautiful girl and strikes up a conversation with her. After a few moments of talking, she questions him about the newt.
"What's his name?" The girl ask him.
"Tiny" the man responds.
"Oh whys he named that?" The girl questions.
"Because he's my newt"

An old farmer was picking apples. After filling up a bucket and walking back to the farm, he saw a group of beautiful women swimming in his pond

As he got closer, he realized they were skinny dipping. When the group noticed the old farmer approaching them, one girl shouts to him "we are not coming out until you turn away". The farmer, thinking quick, holds up the bucket of apples and says "I'm just here to feed the gator anyway"

Two men on a train both have black eyes.

Man 1: "how did you get that black eye?"
Man 2: "I was buying my ticket from this beautiful b**... girl and instead of saying 'a ticket to Pittsburgh' I accidentally said I wanted 'a picket to Tittsburgh' so she hit me. How about you?"
Man 1: "Yeah, something similar happened to me. I was sitting around having breakfast with my wife and I meant to say 'pass the wheaties' and I accidentally said 'you ruined my life you s**... b**...'."

A 90 year old man walks into a brothel

Says missy, I want your most beautiful girl
Lady at the counter says mister, get out of here, you've had it
He says I did?, well then how much do I owe you?

I was waiting in a long line to order food when I saw this beautiful girl.

I was very nervous till she laughed at the pick up line.

Man goes to a gym

And asks a trainer in the gym: "I want to impress this reeally beautiful girl, which machine can I use?"
The trainer replied Use the ATM outside the gym!!!"

Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me whether I wanted to watch a movie. She said, What do you want to see?

Me: You pick.
Her: You pick.
Me: I don't care which movie. You pick.
Her: Sir, there are people behind you in line waiting to buy tickets.

A guy goes to the pub...

A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had s**... over and over again. All the positions; everything!"
His friend replies, "Wow, that's great! I bet she's a beauty, right?"
"I don't know. I never found her head."

The four seasons were arguing about which of them was the best…

Winter boasts, "Well, you can build snowmen and the snow is so beautiful!"
Spring laughs, "Well sure, but come springtime, everything is so fresh and new! All the new flowers, it can't get much better than that!"
Summer rays, "Yes, but I am undoubtably the overall best season! Girls in bikinis, ice cream, nice weather. You can't top that!"
Autumn ~ *-leaves-*

A man is walking trough the red light district..

He stops at a window with a beautiful girl behind it, takes good look, knocks on the window and yells: 'HOW MUCH!!?'
She: '€50,- !!!'

Tell a girl she's beautiful a million times and she'll never notice

Call her fat once and she'll never forget it.
Elephants never forget.

I joined a gym and said to the trainer, I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?

He said, Try the ATM outside.

A daughter comes home and proudly shows off her new dress to her dad.

"Oh honey, that's a beautiful dress! What fabric is it? Is it felt?"
The girl looks confused and asks, "um, I don't know, why?"
The dad walks up to her, touches her sleeve and goes:
"Well, it is now."

Tell a girl she's beautiful one hundred times and she'll not believe you. Tell her once she's fat and she'll always remember

Because elephants never forget

Saw a beautiful g**... bus and I smiled, it didn't creep her out

Wearing mask does help.

A frog goes to a fortune teller

A frog goes to a fortune teller and asks him to tell about his future.
Teller: You will encounter a very beautiful girl in your life and you will lose your heart to her.
Frog: (Being excited) Where will I meet her ?
Teller: In a biology class.

A man's wife is close to giving birth but he has to go away on business.

He asks his brother to look after his wife. A couple days into the trip and his brother calls from the hospital.
"I have good news and bad news. Good news is you have perfectly healthy twins! A boy and a girl! The bad news is they had to put your wife under for the birth. She's fine, but they needed names for the birth certificates, so I had to name them."
Father says, "That's not bad news. I trust you. What did you name the girl?"
"Oh, that's a beautiful name! I knew I could trust you. What did you name the boy?"

Real happiness

A Russian, a Frenchman and an Englishman were discussing the meaning of real happiness
The English said "real happiness is reading a good book on a rainy night with a hot cup of tea by your side"
The Frenchman said : "non mon ami, real happiness is to meet a beautiful girl make love to her, then you go your separate ways never meeting again"
The Russian : "no you are both wrong, real happiness is when secret police come to your house in middle of night and tell you: Ivan Ivanovich you arrested for conspiracing against the state and you tell them : sorry Ivan Ivanovich lives next door."