Beautiful Girl Jokes
111 beautiful girl jokes and hilarious beautiful girl puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about beautiful girl that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Beautiful Girl Short Jokes
Short beautiful girl jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The beautiful girl humour may include short pretty girl jokes also.
- Call a girl beautiful 1,000 time and she won't think twice... Call a girl fat once and she'll always remember.
Because elephants never forget - I just hired a beautiful 21 year old girl to look after my 1 year old baby. Now I have two issues: 1. How to tell this to my wife
2. Where to find a 1 year old baby - A 40 year old man asked the Trainer in the Gym, 'I want to Impress Beautiful Girls, which Machine should I use?' The Trainer replied, 'Outside the Gym, there is an ATM. Try that'
- A beautiful girl asked me in a restaurant,"Are you single?" I Happily I replied," Yes...."
She took away the extra chair in front of me. - 5 Years ago today I asked a beautiful girl out on a date. Today at 3pm I asked that same girl to marry me. Both times she said no
- What is the difference between a beautiful dress and a bottle of Whisky? A beautiful dress can make one girl look gorgeous...
A bottle of whiskey can make all girls look gorgeous. - The thing I learned from beauty and the beast: Any girl can fall in love with you given you lock her in the basement long enough.
- 8 years ago I worked up the courage to ask the shy, beautiful girl who sat next to me in history class to be my girlfriend. Today, I asked her to be my wife. She said no both times.
- This time 5 years ago, I asked the most beautiful girl I've met out for dinner, today I asked her to marry me, she said no both times.
- Tell a girl she's beautiful one hundred times and she'll not believe you. Tell her once she's fat and she'll always remember Because elephants never forget
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Beautiful Girl One Liners
Which beautiful girl one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with beautiful girl? I can suggest the ones about beautiful lady and young girl.
- Yesterday I went for a walk with a beautiful girl When she noticed me, we went for a run
- Nothing beats a beautiful girl with an amazing voice... Except Chris Brown
- What do you call a beautiful girl in Boston? A tourist.
- Today I saw the most beautiful Jewish girl in my life She Israeli preety.
- Every girl is beautiful. Sometimes it just takes the right amount of alcohol to see it.
- I saw the most beautiful girl in the picket line. She was truly striking.
- Why isn't there any beautiful girl in computer science? Because they're all 0's and 1's
- They say beautiful girls are found in every corner of the earth But the earth is sphere
- Girl, if you were a dinosaur, you'd be a Gorgeousaurus
- Hey girl, your body reminds me of Mcdonalds, because I'm loving it!
- Lipstick is a girl's beauty. Removing it is a boy's duty.
- Guy walks into a night club and spots a beautiful girl sitting at the bar.
- Bright Future Or Beautiful Girls?
- Girl you're like a car accident, cause I just can't look away.
- A beautiful girl looks good in the background of her smart friend.
Beautiful Girl Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about beautiful girl you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hot girl jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make beautiful girl pranks.
I was drinking my coffee in a coffeehouse when a beautiful girl came near my table and asked me:
"Are you alone?"
So I responded: "It's a long time that I'm alone."
"So do you mind me to take this chair?" said the girl.
I fainted...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My dad first talked to me about s**... when I was going to college.
He said, "Son, in college you're going to be surrounded by beautiful girls, so I got you something from the chemist."
"Dad," I said, "I have condoms."
And he said, "You won't need condoms, I got you some anti-depressants."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two old men, one French and one Spanish were sitting on a park bench.
When a beautiful young girl in a miniskirt walks by. Just as she passes them a breeze comes along and lifts the girl's skirt up revealing she's not wearing p**.... The French man looks at the Spanish man and says "C'est la vie" and the Spanish man exclaims back "Se la vi, tambien."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An amateur golfer playing in his first tournament
was delighted when a beautiful girl came up to him after the round and suggested he come over for a while. The fellow was a bit embarrassed to explain that he really couldn't stay all night but that he'd be glad to come over for a while. Twenty minutes later they were in he bed making love. When it was over, he got out of bed and started getting dressed.
"Hey," called the girl from beneath the covers, "where do you think you're going? Arnold Palmer wouldn't leave so early."
At that he the golfer stripped off his clothes and jumped on top of her. After they'd made love a second time, he got out of bed and put his pants back on.
"What are you up to?" she called. "Jack Nicklaus wouldn't think of leaving now." So the golfer pulled off his pants and s**... her a third time, and afterward he started to get dressed.
"C'mon, you can't leave yet," protested the girl. "Tiger Woods wouldn't call it a day."
"Lady, would you tell me one thing?" asked the golfer, looking at her very seriously. "What's par for this hole?"
And then there's me...
A man walked into a bar and saw a beautiful girl. He said to her, "you're pretty!"
"I know." She said, arrogantly.
"You have a beautiful figure!"
"I know." She said again.
"It must be nice to be born with such beautiful features!" He said.
"It is." she replied.
"And then there's me, I was born a liar." He said, before promptly leaving the bar.
Woman buys parrot
A woman walks into a pet store, and is perusing through the various animals when she comes across one of the most beautiful parrots she has ever seen. She's taken aback by the tropical beauty of this bird, and when she looks on the price tag on the cage it says 50$. The woman turns to the man at the front counter and asks "Why is a bird this beautiful being sold for this little?" The man looks up and says "Oh, that bird was originally kept in a house of prostitution, and boy does he have a mouth". The woman takes the words to heart but buys the bird anyway. She buys it, and takes it home with her. She puts the bird in the living room. Suddenly the bird squawks "NEW HOUSE NEW MADAME!" The woman is put off by this but she figures that in a few days the bird will get over it. Her daughters come home from school and the bird speaks again "NEW HOUSE, NEW MADAME, NEW GIRLS!" Again the woman is off put but she assures her kids that the bird will grow out of its old habits. The woman's husband gets back in from a day at work. The parrot takes one look at him and squawks:
"HI GARY!!"
So I took a vacation to a big city in South Korea...
... and I met this amazing girl. She was beautiful, and we had just about everything in common. 7 years after that vacation I can happily call her my wife. I think it's easy to say that we're Seoul mates.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young man walks into a ladies clothing store...
"I need to buy my girlfriend some gloves, but I don't know what size her hands are."
The beautiful young employee presses her hands into his and says, "I'm a 'small'. Does that help?"
"Oh yeah," he says. "You're hands are the exact same size as hers."
"Do you need anything else?" the young girl asks him.
"Now that you mention it, she also needs a bra and p**...."
Beautiful Girl
I once said to my girlfriend I would never stop telling her how beautiful she is.
Three years, a break up and two restraining orders later I still haven't stopped.
Made this one up myself thanks for reading.
A Pregnant women gets in a car wreck....
...and fell into a coma. When she awoke a few days later, she noticed that she wasn't carrying a child, and asked the doctor, "Doctor, what happened to my baby!?"
The doctor replies, "It's all okay. You gave birth to beautiful twins, a boy and a girl. But we needed someone to name them, so your brother came in and gave them their names."
The woman is surprised. "No, not my brother! He's not the smartest guy in the world."
"Well ma'am, he named your daughter Denise," the doctor said.
"Oh, that's not too bad. What's the boy's name?"
"Denephew."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Spaghetti s**...
I'm at the bar the other night and this beautiful woman approached me.
She said "I'll screw your brains out if you buy me a bowl of macaroni."
I said, "Really!? What are you, a pasta-tute?"
And then, that very same girl came up to me the next day and I asked her what she charged.
She said she only charged a penne.
Harassment.
So a teacher asks her students to use the word harassment in a sentence. A boy stood up and said, "Ok this is easy. I met a beautiful girl one day and harassment a lot to me"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A old man goes into confession
"Father, all my life I've been faithful, but last night, I met two beautiful blonde 21-year-old girls and I slept with them, twice each!"
"Well, when was the last time you were in confession?"
"Oh, never Father, I'm Jewish!"
"Well, why are you telling me then??"
"Are you kidding? I'm telling everyone!!"
A Jewish kid goes up to his dad...
Son: "Hey papa?"
Father: "Yes, ma' boy?"
Son: "I met this beautiful girl at temple today. I want to take her out. Can I borrow fifty bucks?
Father: "Forty bucks? What the heck are you gonna do with thirty bucks? Do I look like I have twenty bucks heres fifteen now take ten and bring me back five."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A lady walks into a pet store...
She sees a beautiful parrot with a sign on its cage: $10 OBO
The lady asks the pet shop owner, "Why so cheap?" The owner says "This bird used to live in a brothel, so he says a lot of inappropriate things." The lady can't pass up the deal and decides to get the bird anyway.
She gets the bird home and the first thing the bird says is "Finally cleaned up this dump, and the new madam isn't bad looking." The lady finds it amusing.
Her two teen daughters get home and the bird says "New w**... in the house, business will be booming tonight." The girls are shocked but laugh it off.
A few hours later the woman's husband gets home and the bird says "Hey Jim."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cannibal took his young son for a walk in the jungle.
They came across a beautiful, n**... girl lying asleep on the ground. The boy got excited and said, "Let's eat her now, Dad!" But the father said, "No, I have a better idea. Let's bring her home and eat your mother".
Two blonde girls at a traffic light
They stop at red:
-Look at that red color!
-Wow, it's beautiful.
-And the yellow!
-Such brightness!
-And the green!
-Much nature!
-Oh, it's red again, we saw it already. Let's go.
Guy is looking for a new secretary...
Jealous wife: You should not get beautiful young girl with a great body. Hire someone who is older, isn't beautiful, married, has children and does not have a great figure.
Husband: OK, when can you start?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where y'all from?
A r**... is walking on the beach.
He comes across two beautiful college girls.
The r**... says, "Hey, where y'all from?"
The two girls reply, "Yale."
The r**... then yells, "HEY, WHERE Y'ALL FROM!?"
John Snow.
John Snow was at a bar outside the great wall drinking. A beautiful girl comes inside and her eyes meet his. She likes him, so she goes and introduce herself.
-Hello, handsome. My name is Jenny Spring. What's yours?
John laughs and continues with his drink.
-Why is this funny?
John responds,
-Nothing. I just imagine how rare it would be to have 7 inches of Snow in spring...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Girl, if your beauty was represented in stocks, I'd invest everything...
Because you're at an all-time low.
(Use it to seal the deal on Valentine's Day)
A depressed frog goes to visit a fortune teller
Hoping for good news he goes to meet with a fortune teller.
The fortune teller closes her eyes, makes some strange sounds, and finally says, "You will meet a beautiful young girl that will want to know everything about you"
The frog gets excited and says, "Wow! When will I meet her? At a party?"
"No," replied the fortune teller, "in her biology class."
I came across the most beautiful girl i've ever seen today at the supermarket..
She wasn't the least bit happy, even after I offered to clean it all up and buy her a new top..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
r**... boy meets his dream girl!
A young boy comes home to his father one day after school.
"Dad, I met the most INCREDIBLE girl in the world today. She's smart, she's beautiful, AND she's funny."
Dad pats his son on the back and walks him into the kitchen, "That's great, son. I'm proud of you for finding someone you like so much."
"That's not the best part, Dad. She's a v**...."
At this point the father slams his hand down on the counter, "I forbid this relationship, son. I never want you to see this girl again. And if I find out you do, I'm going to give you the biggest whooping you ever had."
Tears stream down the son's face, "But, Dad, WHY? She's amazing and she likes me!"
"Well, son. If she ain't good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for ours."
I have been living with a beautiful girl for the last 2 months. Last week she found out..
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I was in kindergarten...
I met a really beautiful girl. We really liked each other. We were constantly kissing and holding hands, even showed our private parts, until one day the teacher came and caught us, needless to say, I got fired.
Someone asked me if i'd prefer a beautiful African girl over an average Caucasian.
The choice was pretty black and white.
You have beautiful teeth,
Me: They remind me of a song
Girl: Really? What song?
Me: Black and yellow
A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas...
and sees a beautiful blonde sitting there with her boyfriend.
He pulls out his gun, and shoots the boyfriend. Then he walks up to the girl and asks, "What a lovely girl like you doing in a place like this all alone."
Wanna dance?
Two Girls were sitting at a club. One was ugly and the another one was beautiful.
Dave walked straight to the ugly girl.
Dave: Hello!
Ugly girl: Hi!!
Dave: Wanna dance?
Ugly Girl: Yes (excited)
Dave: OK, Go and dance. I wanna talk to your friend.
Since I'm going away to college, my Dad sat me down to have a talk.
He said OK, Dan, you're going off to college. You're going to be living away from home, in a dorm, surrounded by beautiful girls. So I got you something from the drug store.
I said It's ok, Dad- I already know about condoms.
He's said No - anti-depressants.
You're a very beautiful girl
... and you have a nice personality and a beautiful smile
Girl: you just wanna get into my pants
Boy: you're intelligent as well.
I started seeing this incredibly beautiful girl.
But then my psychiatrist readjusted my meds.
A guy walks into a bar...
The guy sees a beautiful lady and walks to her.
Guy: Excuse me Miss? You dropped something.
Girl: What did I drop?
Guy: Your standards, hi my name is PandaGen
My friend asked what me what I hated the most on a beautiful girl.
Me: The ring on her finger.
My friend: What's next?
Me: The ring on my finger...
A beautiful girl...
...was giving a pedicure to a man who was at the same time also getting a shave at a salon. The man says
"What about a date later?"
"Am married", she replied.
The man said:
"So?, call your husband and tell him you are going to visit a girlfriend"
She said:
"You should tell him yourself, he is shaving you".
3 cousins are together talking about their names. The first, a raven haired beauty, says "when my mother was pregnant a rose fell from a bush and landed on her stomach so she named me Rose".
The second, a beautiful blonde, says, "when my mother was pregnant a violet landed on her stomach, so she named me Violet".
She turns to the 3rd cousin, a small crippled girl in a wheelchair, "how did u get your name, Piano??".
"Honey I'm home!', says a girl to her boyfriend.
"Where have you been?"
"I went to the beauty specialist!"
"Wasn't she there?"
A server is carrying a tray of cheese when he sees a beautiful girl walk by.
He thinks of something to say and goes in for the kill. But on his way he slips on a wet spot, sending him sliding into an ice sculpture and spilling the cheese in a straight line behind him. People get up to help and start picking up cheese off the ground. The girl goes over to the server and asks if he is okay. The server responds, "I'm fine, but it seems my slick icebreaker has turned into a cheesy pickup line."
Who's the most beautiful girl in the world who never managed to have children?
Miss Carriage
A man meets a girl in a bar
The man says to the girl "every time you smile it makes me want to take you home"
The girl replies "Your words are beautiful, are you a poet?"
The man replies "No I am a dentist"
I wanted to chat-up the girl serving in the coffee shop, so I looked at her name badge and said:
"That's a beautiful name... Trainee"
Wife is angry as husband stands!
Wife is angry as husband stands too close to a
beautiful girl in the bus,
.
.
.
.
A few minutes later the girl slaps him for
pinching..
.
.
.
.
Husband to wife:
I swear I didn't
.
.
Wife: I know, I did it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy wanks into a bar.
He sees two stunningly beautiful blondes and says,
"Hey, barman, two beers for the ladies."
One of the ladies turns to the guy and asks.
"I think you're wasting your time, sir. We're l**...."
"What's that?" asks the guy.
"It means we only like to have s**... with women" the girl responds.
To which the guy retorts: "Hey barman, three beers for us l**...."
I was with my buddy after I had an argument with my girlfriend...
I was annoyed by her behavior and was explaining to him what happened.
It's ridiculous! You can call a girl beautiful a million times, and they never believe you. Call her fat once, and they'll never forget!
My buddy turns his head and says, That's because elephants never forget.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I finally know the moral of the story "Beauty and the Beast"...
As long as you're rich and have a nice house, a girl will eventually fall for you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a girl and I wrote my number on a dollar.
I went to her and I dropped the dollar then I said: "Sorry to bother you, but this dropped from you."
But the s**... girl went and bought a sandwich with the dollar.
The problem is not here, but the problem is that the sandwich seller is texting me till midnight saying: "Did you love the sandwich beautiful?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Boy: You are very beautiful
Girl: You are only saying this because you wanna have s**... with me...
Boy: Smart, too.
An old farmer was picking apples. After filling up a bucket and walking back to the farm, he saw a group of beautiful women swimming in his pond
As he got closer, he realized they were skinny dipping. When the group noticed the old farmer approaching them, one girl shouts to him "we are not coming out until you turn away". The farmer, thinking quick, holds up the bucket of apples and says "I'm just here to feed the gator anyway"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men on a train both have black eyes.
Man 1: "how did you get that black eye?"
Man 2: "I was buying my ticket from this beautiful b**... girl and instead of saying 'a ticket to Pittsburgh' I accidentally said I wanted 'a picket to Tittsburgh' so she hit me. How about you?"
Man 1: "Yeah, something similar happened to me. I was sitting around having breakfast with my wife and I meant to say 'pass the wheaties' and I accidentally said 'you ruined my life you s**... b**...'."
An American is talking to a girl in Paris
She says her name is Belle.
"That's a pretty name"
"Thanks. It means 'beautiful'. What does 'Nick' mean?"
"Oh, I don't know. It's just something my dad came up with while shaving."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A 90 year old man walks into a brothel
Says missy, I want your most beautiful girl
Lady at the counter says mister, get out of here, you've had it
He says I did?, well then how much do I owe you?
I was waiting in a long line to order food when I saw this beautiful girl.
I was very nervous till she laughed at the pick up line.
Yesterday, a beautiful girl asked me whether I wanted to watch a movie. She said, What do you want to see?
Me: You pick.
Her: You pick.
Me: I don't care which movie. You pick.
Her: Sir, there are people behind you in line waiting to buy tickets.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy goes to the pub...
A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend, "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and we had s**... over and over again. All the positions; everything!"
His friend replies, "Wow, that's great! I bet she's a beauty, right?"
"I don't know. I never found her head."
Two pregnant women on a bench were talking to each other.
They saw a fat guy with a big belly. On seeing the fat guy, one said, " I will give birth to a handsome boy." On this the other said, " I will give birth to you a beautiful girl."
With intention to make fun of the guy , they asked the fat guy, "What are you gonna give birth to?"
He said I am gonna give birth to a young elephant and drops his pants.
" See, the trunk's coming out".
The four seasons were arguing about which of them was the best…
Winter boasts, "Well, you can build snowmen and the snow is so beautiful!"
Spring laughs, "Well sure, but come springtime, everything is so fresh and new! All the new flowers, it can't get much better than that!"
Summer rays, "Yes, but I am undoubtably the overall best season! Girls in bikinis, ice cream, nice weather. You can't top that!"
Autumn ~ *-leaves-*
A man is walking trough the red light district..
He stops at a window with a beautiful girl behind it, takes good look, knocks on the window and yells: 'HOW MUCH!!?'
She: '€50,- !!!'
He: 'THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD PRICE FOR TRIPLE INSULATED GLASS!!!'
Beautiful Russian Girl
My friend Dave just met this tall beautiful Russian girl and now they are getting married. We all knew her from college except for Dave. She looks like one of those models from a beauty pageant.
To give you an idea of her beauty, On a scale from 1 to 10 , she got a 12 inches surpise for him.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A young man is walking through the woods. Suddenly a grandmother comes out of the forest.
\- My dear, I'm enchanted princess, if you sleep with me, I will turn into a beautiful girl and execute your three wishes.
The young man, of course, is disgusted, but still three wishes ... He agrees, has s**... with his grandmother and says "come on, turn to a princess, here are my wishes..."
\- Wow, boy, you are so big and still believe in fairy tales
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Italian went to church to admit his sins.
When the father opened the confessional's window, man stated talking:
-Father, I have done sin. During ww2 in my neighborhood lived a very beautiful Jewish girl, who asked if I could hide her from the Germans.
Father answered:
-Well, that's bravery and not sin.
The man continued:
-But it wasn't just that. I started to collect "rent" in form of s**.... First once a week, but eded up to every day and twice on Sundays.
Father said:
-That time meny people surely did the same. Thus your sins are forgiven and you are free to go home.
The man still continued:
-Father, I still have one question. Should I tell the woman, that the war is over.
A daughter comes home and proudly shows off her new dress to her dad.
"Oh honey, that's a beautiful dress! What fabric is it? Is it felt?"
The girl looks confused and asks, "um, I don't know, why?"
The dad walks up to her, touches her sleeve and goes:
"Well, it is now."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Saw a beautiful g**... bus and I smiled, it didn't creep her out
Wearing mask does help.
A man's wife is close to giving birth but he has to go away on business.
He asks his brother to look after his wife. A couple days into the trip and his brother calls from the hospital.
"I have good news and bad news. Good news is you have perfectly healthy twins! A boy and a girl! The bad news is they had to put your wife under for the birth. She's fine, but they needed names for the birth certificates, so I had to name them."
Father says, "That's not bad news. I trust you. What did you name the girl?"
"Deniece."
"Oh, that's a beautiful name! I knew I could trust you. What did you name the boy?"
"Denephew"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Guy stops the car at the red light
Looks around and notices a beautiful girl.
He waves, she waves back. He winks, she winks.
He opens the window, she opens the window.
Then he asks "What's up? You also f**...?"