Beau Jokes
116 beau jokes and hilarious beau puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about beau that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Beau Short Jokes
Short beau jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The beau humour may include short belle jokes also.
- What do young ladies have in common with arrows? They are all aquiver in the presence of a beau.
- I just created a new dating app for the discriminating gay southern man... It's called Beau Hunter.
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Comical & Quirky Beau Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about beau you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean beaver jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make beau pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Q: Why shouldn't girls wear skirts in winter?
A: Because their lips will get chapped!
A farmer had 3 beautiful daughters who were getting ready to go out on dates.
The first beau came to the door and said, "I'm Eddie, I'm here to pick up Betty. We're going for spaghetti, is she ready?"
No.
The second beau came to the door and said, "I'm Joe, I'm here to pick up Flo to take her to the show. Is she ready to go?"
No.
The third beau came to the door and said to the farmer. "Hello, my name is Chuck."
The farmer shot Chuck.
Wife comes out of a beauty salon and asks husband:
"So, how do I look?"
"Well, at least you tried.
.."
A beautiful woman enters a bar and sits next to a lawyer.
"Listen honey," she says, "For $50, I’ll do absolutely anything you want."
The lawyer looks around, pulls fifty dollars from his wallet and says, "Paint my house."
A government employee sat in his office, and out of boredom, decided to see what was inside his old filing cabinet.
He poked through the contents and came across an old brass lamp.
"This will look good on my mantel," he said, and took it home with him.
While polishing the lamp, a genie appeared and, as usual, granted him three wishes.
"I would like an ice-cold Coke right now."
He gets his Coke and drinks it.
Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish.
"I wish to be on an island with beautiful women, who find me irresistible."
Suddenly, he's on an island with gorgeous women eyeing him lustfully.
He tells the genie his third and last wish.
"I wish I'd never have to work again."
Instantly, he was back in his government office.
According to Apple what is the leading cause of iphone 6 overheating?
Downloading images of Candice Swanepoel.
One day a young teen was in a church for the first time and he got a seat net to a not-so-good-looking woman.
The pastor was preaching and he said: "Tell your neighbour how beautiful they are" and the boy stood up and said pastor "How can you expect me to lie in a church?"
A man is in a mall and sees a clothes store.
He sees a magnificent, brand new jacket in the shop window and decides he shall try it on and buy it.
So he walks into the shop and asks an employee: "Excuse me sir."
"How can I help you" the employee replies.
"Could I by any chance try on that jacket in your shop window?"
The employee looks at him and says "No you shall not you are to try it on in the changing rooms like everybody else!"
Hey girl, your body reminds me of Mcdonalds, because I'm loving it!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the two females who were watching a blonde walk by?
The first one said, "
I wonder whether she's a natural blonde or a bleached blonde."
Her friend said, "She's a s**... blonde."
The other said, "s**... blonde? What's that?"
The friend said, "Dyed by her own hand!"
Q: Why do Blondes wear padded shoulders?
A: So they don't get a concussion while bobbing them from head side to side as they are saying "I don't know?" whenever you ask them a question.
Q: What is a blonde doing when she holds her hands tightly over her ears?
A: She's trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: What do you call a blonde in a leather jacket?
A: Married.
Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This could be considered the ideal world for many men:
His son on the cover of a box of Wheaties.
His mistress in the centerfold of p**....
A picture of his wife on the milk carton.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Marley stopped at the town barbershop for a haircut.
After thirty-five minutes of snipping and cutting, the barber held a mirror behind Marley's head.
"How you like it?" asked the barber.
"Real fine," said the r**.... "But how 'bout making it a little longer in the back?"
Q: What do lipstick and mascara do when they get in a fight?
A: They make up.
Think of the hottest woman.
Chuck Norris did her.
Gee, that's a nice set of legs, what time do they open?
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
How can you be so sad when you are so beautiful?
Time may be a great healer but it's also a lousy beautician.
And in her smile I see something more beautiful than the stars.
Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?
If I freeze, it's not a computer virus. I was just stunned by your beauty.
I need more than 140 characters to tell you how beautiful you are.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You take away the looks, money, intelligence, charm and success and, really, there's no real difference between me and George Clooney.
You must be an angel, because your texture mapping is so divine!
Your name must be Coca Cola, because you're so-da-licious
Excuse me? Do you work at Little Ceasars? Cuz Ur Hot And I'm Ready.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
There are smart men, handsome men, rich men, s**... men and sweet men and then there is the combination of all. We call that one a "unicorn"
I live in constant fear that my kid will become a famous artist or painter and I will have thrown out about a trillion dollars of her work.
What do people wear in a trench? Trench coats.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Roses are red, so are your lips. Sit on my face and wiggle those hips.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The new iPhone X has f**... recognition. Some of you all ladies are gonna be locked out after you wash your face off.
Why do bananas have to put on sunscreen before they go to the beach? Because they might peel!
What did one pencil say to the other pencil? You're looking sharp!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs? Because they don't want to be mistaken as feminists.
I got a new pair of gloves today, but they're both 'lefts' which, on the one hand, is great, but on the other, it's just not right.
You were really beautiful until
Your 30 day trial of Photoshop ended.
A beautiful blonde woman ...
... was pulled over by a policeman.
"Is there a problem, officer?" she asked.
"Yes. There is no red light on your car. You can`t go driving around without one," came the answer.
"Oh officer. You are mistaken," she explained. "I will have you know that I am not in that kind of profession."
The Beauty of English...
Ever Noticed How Deleting One Word After The Other In A Sentence Can Lead To A Story?
e.g
Oh John Please Don't Touch Me At All...
Oh John Please Don't Touch Me At...
Oh John Please Don't Touch Me...
Oh John Please Don't Touch...
Oh John Please Don't...
Oh John Please...
Oh John...
Ohhh...
...
Beautiful Girl
I once said to my girlfriend I would never stop telling her how beautiful she is.
Three years, a break up and two restraining orders later I still haven't stopped.
Made this one up myself thanks for reading.
M'lady, What is the most beautiful thing in the world?
Is it your right thigh, or your left? Or does the answer lie somewhere in the middle?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Beauty and the beast
Belle goes to a petting zoo with her four year old daughter. She bent down to pet a small pony and started coughing from an allergic reaction to the pony's fur. She pulled out a bottle of allergy pills as her strokes on the pony became more and more e**..., eventually causing it to sprout an e**.... A worker came rushing up to her hastily saying "please put that away. There are children here." Belle responded, "oh sorry. I was feeling a little hoarse."
You ever seen a really beautiful woman that you wanna go talk to?
But then you think she's gonna freak out when you walk out of her closet?
A beautiful lady once asked me what I like in a woman.
I got six months for indecent exposure.
6.9
A beautiful thing, interrupted by a period
.
Today's a beautiful day...
After all, nothing beats Mayweather.
You can be the most beautiful woman on the planet but if you can't cook
don't worry I can
I came across the most beautiful girl i've ever seen today at the supermarket..
She wasn't the least bit happy, even after I offered to clean it all up and buy her a new top..
A beautiful woman in a bar just told me she wants to have my babies!
I'm on my way home now to get them for her.
I saw a beautiful pumpkin today...
It was gourdeous.
I have beautiful children
Thank god my wife is having affairs
Your beauty cannot be contained by the set of all real numbers.
That's because it's imaginary.
I got my beautiful wife a lovely woolie hat and a coat for Christmas.
She's gonna need it because I've just lost our house to gambling.
If everyone has a beautiful side,
I guess I'm a circle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A beautiful woman is like the perfect shot of v**...
Transparent, ice cold, and utterly tasteless.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
On the Beauty of Nordic Women...
Question: Why are Nordic women so beautiful?
Answer: Well, the Vikings didn't kidnap the ugly ones...
A Beautiful Woman Loves Growing Tomatoes
A beautiful woman loves to garden, but can't seem to get her tomatoes to turn red. She asks her neighbor, "What do you do to get your tomatoes red?" He replies, "Twice a day I stand in front of my tomato garden and expose myself. My tomatoes turn red from blushing so much. "The woman decides to do the same thing. So twice a day for two weeks she exposes herself to the garden. Her neighbor asks, "How did it go? Did you tomatoes turn red?" "No," she replies, "but my cucumbers are enormous."
You have beautiful teeth,
Me: They remind me of a song
Girl: Really? What song?
Me: Black and yellow
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Beautiful women are like velociraptors
Despite my neurotic obsession, they are unlikely to be found in my house.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A beautiful blonde walks up to a craps table...
She bets ten thousand on one roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel luckier when I'm n**...."
She strips down and rolls the dice. When she sees the dice she jumps for joy screaming "I won! I won!" She hugs the dealers, takes her winnings and leaves.
Finally, one of the dealers asks, "What did she roll?" The other says, "I thought you were watching!"
It goes to show: Not all blondes are dumb, but men will always be men.
Beauty is only skin deep ...
but ugly goes all the way to the bone!
You're a very beautiful girl
... and you have a nice personality and a beautiful smile
Girl: you just wanna get into my pants
Boy: you're intelligent as well.
On a particularly beautiful day, I took my young son to the park. He was playing on the jungle gyms, and I was standing with the other parents, watching our kids play. I turned to one of the fathers and asked, "So which one's yours?"...
"Oh, I haven't decided yet," he said.
Why isn't there any beautiful girl in computer science?
Because they're all 0's and 1's
A beautiful woman tried to strangle me today.
She really took my breath away.
A beautiful girl asked me in a restaurant,"Are you single?"
I Happily I replied," Yes...."
She took away the extra chair in front of me.
A beautiful girl...
...was giving a pedicure to a man who was at the same time also getting a shave at a salon. The man says
"What about a date later?"
"Am married", she replied.
The man said:
"So?, call your husband and tell him you are going to visit a girlfriend"
She said:
"You should tell him yourself, he is shaving you".
The four most beautiful words in our common language:
I told you so.
Who's the most beautiful girl in the world who never managed to have children?
Miss Carriage
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The most beautiful feeling in the world is the day you fall in love..
after that everything is b**....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A beautiful blonde strode angrily into the large store,
A beautiful blonde strode angrily into the large store and slapped a package on the counter, and loudly expressed her dissatisfaction.
The clerk asked, "What's the problem? Wouldn't your cat eat them?"
The woman's eyes got very large, and she whispered, "Do you mean to tell me that p**... Treats' are meant for 'cats'?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A beautiful woman...
In fact the most beautiful s**... woman I have ever seen walked into the store I was working at. I told myself, "don't get a hard on. Don't get a hard on."
Sure enough, she had a hard on.
The beauty industry:
For men: This can be used as a shampoo, body wash, face wash, lotion, mouth wash, tooth paste, engine degreaser, spackle, or sunscreen
For women: We've specially formulated this moisturizer for your left elbow
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The beautiful wife
One day a man walks up to his wife with a question. "Honey, why are you both so beautiful and so s**...?"
She responds: "Well, god made me so beautiful so that you would be attracted to me."
The man nods.
"And he made me so s**... so that I would be attracted to you."
Do you ever see a beautiful woman and think to yourself you have to go say something?
Then you realize its a bad idea because she's probably going to freak out when you walk out of her closet?
The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched.
At least, that's what the restraining order says.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A beautiful p**... attended a high profile function..
When it was time for introductions you could hear, I am Dr this and that, professor this or that, Barristers, engineers this and that.
When it was the turn of the p**..., she calmly said she is a Civil Engineer.
Another curious engineer in the room got interested and asked her for area of specialization.
The lady calmly responded "I demolish erections"
They say beautiful girls are found in every corner of the earth
But the earth is sphere
