Beatles Jokes

What are some Beatles jokes?

What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?

They are both living off of dead beatles.

"Beatles or Stones?" I asked my son.

"Why can't I just have something normal for dinner?" he pleaded

The Beatles all walk into an orange underwater vehicle

Oops, wrong sub

(I heard this one a while back, sorry) Why can't you use a the restroom at a Beatles reunion concert?

Because there is no John.

What would it take to reunite The Beatles?

2 Bullets

Dad is obsessive compulsive about his vinyl and owns every single Beatles record except for one..

I think he needs Help.

What would The Beatles have been called if Ringo never joined?

The Beatless

Whats yellow and lives off dead beatles?

Yoko Ono

I found out about this cool underground band called The Beatles.

Well actually only about half of them are underground at the moment.

It's a shame The Beatles didn't make the submarine in that song green.

That would've been sublime.

The Truth About The Beatles

John was the brain

Paul was the heart

George was the spirit

Ringo was the drummer

What does Yoko Ono and a spider have in common?

They both live off of dead beatles.

What would reunite the Beatles?

2 more bullets

The Beatles were sitting in the studio, making up ideas for new songs.

Paul: Anyone got any ideas for how we should end Hey Jude?

John: Nah.

George: Nah.

Ringo: Nah.

What's yellow and lives off dead beetles?

Yoko Ono.


The Beatles have reformed and have brought out a new album. It's mostly drum and bass.

What's yellow and feeds on dead beatles?

Yoko Ono

What does it take to have a Beatles reunion?

2 more bullets

So The Beatles and their producer, George Martin, were in the studio......

Paul: Any ideas on how to end Hey Jude?

John: Nah

George: Nah

Ringo: Nah

George Martin: Nah

Paul: Perfect!

What do you call the Russian version of The Beatles "Let It Be"?

So Be It.

Who is the drummer for the Mexican Beatles?

Gringo Starr

Shakespeare & The Beatles walk into a pub...

...Landlord says, "sorry mate, you're barred and those guys are banned".

What can bring The Beatles back together?

Two more bullets.

Where are all the old Beatles records stored?

The Lennon closet.

Fun fact: taking a can of bug spray to my phone will delete half my music library

by killing all of The Beatles

Why won't hipsters listen to the Beatles until Ringo Starr and Paul McCartney die?

Because they only want to listen to the Beatles when they're underground

(Taken from Cyanide and Happiness comics)

Why do Flat Earthers hate The Beatles?

Because the Earth is round, it turns them off.

What's an unvaccinated kid's favorite Beatles song?

When I'm Four

What did the octopus say to his girlfriend at the Beatles concert?

I wanna hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand...

Courtesy of my dad when I was 5.

If The Beatles were from Hawaii...

What would they have called their song, "Hello Goodbye?"

In 1969, the Beatles originally wrote one of their hit songs for a Broadway version of Peter Pan. Captain Hook's right hand man wanted to Broker a truce that would give Hook the ability to fly and give Peter and the Lost Boys safety from pirates. It ended with a big event where Hook and Peter flew..

Come together, right now... over Smee.

Really disappointed with the new Beatles album

It's all drum & bass

Did you hear what happened to Jude from the Beatles song?

He died of a Sodium overdose.

I'm such a hipster...

I'm such a hipster that I won't listen to the Beatles until they're all dead. That way I can say I was a fan when they were underground.

Son: Dad can you tell me your favorite Beatles lyric?

Son, son, son, here it comes:

What do dung beatles like on their hotdogs?


My girlfriend gifted me the entire Beatles back catalogue on tape.

I'm cassette for life.

"Come together right now over me."

That can be either a Beatles lyric or a bukkake slogan.

I feel sorry for the first drummer of the Beatles.

All he got was a stupid street named after him, while Ringo Starr got the love and affection of tens of women.

I'd like to see a group of Wilfred Brimley impersonators form a Beatles cover band.

They would be called The Diabeatles.

What does it take for a Beatles reunion?

Two Bullets.

What does it take to bring the Beatles together?

Two bullets

I tried buy only some of the songs off of a Beatles album

But the store owner said they all come together

Yo mama so stupid

She sprayed Raid on The Beatles

If you remove Ringo Starr from The Beatles, what do you get?

The Beatless

Why can't you go to the bathroom at a Beatles concert?

There's no John!

What did the Beatles eat when they were in India?

Naan, naan, naan, naanaanaanaan!

Imagine if I was asked to be a backup for Ringo Starr by the Beatles

You may say I'm a drummer but I'm not the only one...

It's really naive to agree with the Beatles and say money can't buy you love...

Match fixing in tennis is a real problem.

Sex is like listening to the Beatles

Your parents do it and it somehow doesn't make it less cool.

Shout out to CH, because I heard it here.

My Wife Said Shes Going To Jump Off A Cliff Because Of My Obsession...

With The Beatles, at first I didn't believe her. But then I Saw Her Standing There.

(Possibly repost) a dad is in his car with The Beatles on the radio while his kids are in the back

Dad: Aren't the Beatles amazing?

Eldest son: But we're nothing like them.

The other kids agree.

Second eldest son: Actually I kinda liked Martha My Dear.

Third eldest son: No, Something is better.

Youngest son: I liked Octopus ' Garden actually.

Eldest son: The Continuing Story Of Bungalow Bill is better, you morons!


How to make Beatles jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Beatles to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Beatles? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Beatles pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes