beatles Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious beatles puns

What do Ethiopians and Yoko Ono have in common?

They are both living off of dead beatles.

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"Beatles or Stones?" I asked my son.

"Why can't I just have something normal for dinner?" he pleaded

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The Beatles all walk into an orange underwater vehicle

Oops, wrong sub

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(I heard this one a while back, sorry) Why can't you use a the restroom at a Beatles reunion concert?

Because there is no John.

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What would it take to reunite The Beatles?

2 Bullets

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Dad is obsessive compulsive about his vinyl and owns every single Beatles record except for one..

I think he needs Help.

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What would The Beatles have been called if Ringo never joined?

The Beatless

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Whats yellow and lives off dead beatles?

Yoko Ono

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I found out about this cool underground band called The Beatles.

Well actually only about half of them are underground at the moment.

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It's a shame The Beatles didn't make the submarine in that song green.

That would've been sublime.

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The Truth About The Beatles

John was the brain

Paul was the heart

George was the spirit

Ringo was the drummer

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What does Yoko Ono and a spider have in common?

They both live off of dead beatles.

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What would reunite the Beatles?

2 more bullets

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"Beatles or Stones?" I asked my son.

"Why can't we have something normal for dinner?" He said

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The Beatles were sitting in the studio, making up ideas for new songs.

Paul: Anyone got any ideas for how we should end Hey Jude?

John: Nah.

George: Nah.

Ringo: Nah.

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What's yellow and lives off dead beetles?

Yoko Ono.

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The Beatles have reformed and have brought out a new album. It's mostly drum and bass.

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What's yellow and feeds on dead beatles?

Yoko Ono

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What does it take to have a Beatles reunion?

2 more bullets

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What do you call the Russian version of The Beatles "Let It Be"?

So Be It.

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A guy is in a bathroom stall having a shit when he hears the guy in the next cubicle singing.

"Hey," he says. "I know that tune. That's The Beatles."

"Very good," says the guy in the next stall.

"Would you like to hear some of The Stones?" he says.

The guy pauses, and says, "Yes, go on then."

"OK," he grunts. "Let me just push a bit harder."

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Who is the drummer for the Mexican Beatles?

Gringo Starr

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What would it take to reunite the Beatles?

Two more bullets

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Shakespeare & The Beatles walk into a pub...

...Landlord says, "sorry mate, you're barred and those guys are banned".

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What can bring The Beatles back together?

Two more bullets.

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Where are all the old Beatles records stored?

The Lennon closet.

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Why won't hipsters listen to the Beatles until Ringo Starr and Paul McCartney die?

Because they only want to listen to the Beatles when they're underground

(Taken from Cyanide and Happiness comics)

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Why do Flat Earthers hate The Beatles?

Because the Earth is round, it turns them off.

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Fun fact: taking a can of bug spray to my phone will delete half my music library

by killing all of The Beatles

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What did the octopus say to his girlfriend at the Beatles concert?

I wanna hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand...




Courtesy of my dad when I was 5.

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If The Beatles were from Hawaii...

What would they have called their song, "Hello Goodbye?"

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In 1969, the Beatles originally wrote one of their hit songs for a Broadway version of Peter Pan. Captain Hook's right hand man wanted to Broker a truce that would give Hook the ability to fly and give Peter and the Lost Boys safety from pirates. It ended with a big event where Hook and Peter flew..

Come together, right now... over Smee.

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I'm such a hipster...

I'm such a hipster that I won't listen to the Beatles until they're all dead. That way I can say I was a fan when they were underground.

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Did you hear what happened to Jude from the Beatles song?

He died of a Sodium overdose.

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Son: Dad can you tell me your favorite Beatles lyric?

Son, son, son, here it comes:

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I'd like to see a group of Wilfred Brimley impersonators form a Beatles cover band.

They would be called The Diabeatles.

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What are the most funny Beatles jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Beatles? Well, here are the best Beatles dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Beatles pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes