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Beat Your Meat Jokes

72 beat your meat jokes and hilarious beat your meat puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about beat your meat that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Beat Your Meat Short Jokes

Short beat your meat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The beat your meat humour may include short beating the meat jokes also.

  1. I used to work for a specialty butcher. We had a motto.. You can beat our prices, but you can't beat our meat!
  2. I wasn't allowed to eat dessert tonight til after I masterbated... Because how can you have any pudding if you don't beat your meat?
  3. A restaurant is attracting a lot of attention with their new slogan It proudly proclaims: "Beat the meat with organic vaggies"
  4. Why is Rocky so relaxed before his fights? Because he's good at beating the meat.
  5. What do you call a cow who's beating his meat? Beef stroganoff
  6. My local butcher got fired for being abusive today. They said he was beating his meat on the job :(
  7. Honestly my parents would prefer I come out as gay rather than I come out as a vegan. It's okay for a guy to beat my meat, but I'm not allowed to to buy a beet over meat.
  8. What do you call a chef that masturbates? A meat-beating meat-beater.
  9. Vegans don't beat their meat They beat their celery stick.
  10. I think my Uncle was a renowned chef. He knows how to beat my meat.

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Beat Your Meat One Liners

Which beat your meat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with beat your meat? I can suggest the ones about beating your meat and meat.

  1. Vegans don't beat their meat They beat their "0% dairy all organic tofu"
  2. I walked in on my son beating his meat I didn't know he got a job at the deli!
  3. What did the butcher say to do incase there was a fire? Grab your meat and beat it
  4. How do you introduce an exhausted red vegetable to a steak? "Beat beet, meet meat."
  5. How does a chef relax? He beats his meat
  6. Why can men never be vegans Vegans can't beat their meat
  7. What is the difference between fish and meat? If you beat your fish, it will die.
  8. What do competitive butchers say to each other? I will beat your meat!
  9. The celibate butcher is pretty successful in his occupations. Nothing beats his meat!
  10. What was the butcher doing when he got caught? Beating his meat.
  11. If you beat your meat on an airplane... Is that considered hi-jacking?
  12. I try not to beat my meat... But sometimes it's hard though
  13. Why was the butcher fired? Because he was caught *beating his meat*!
  14. Why dating a vegan is so boring? Because she dont beat the meat
  15. Does Mr. Freeze have to let his meat thaw... ...before he beats it?

Beat Your Meat Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about beat your meat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean roast beef jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make beat your meat pranks.

Q: Why did the butcher get fired from his job?
A: He was caught beating his meat.

I saw a picture of a cute girl while preparing to cook my chicken

So I decided to beat my meat

A priest and a rabbi are stuck in an elevator .

They strike up a friendly conversation and after a while, the priest asks the rabbi, "Tell me, did you ever, in a moment of weakness, partake in the eating of bacon."
The rabbi said, "Yes. I was staying at a motel where no one knew me and it was on the breakfast buffet."
The priest nods, empathetically. The rabbi then asks the priest a question. "Did you ever...you know...do anything?"
The priest replied, "Yes, in a period of weakness during my first year in seminary. I was feeling lonely and down and well... I m**...."
"I see," the rabbi nodded, knowingly, before adding. "Well that sure beats meat."

Why was the chef mad?

Because he was beating his meat

Be a vegetarian...

Beat the meat.
...wait. Not like that.

This guy testifies about his guru

"Guruji", he says, " has reformed me completely. With his guidance and blessing I have given up smoking, gambling, eating meat, alcohol, drugs, s**... with prostitutes, gay s**..., killing h**..., cheating and stealing, beating my wife and kids, and r**... animals!"
The guru is pleased and the audience applauds. But there the guys wife interrupts "There is one thing that he has still not given up!"
"Eh? What is that one thing?" asks the guru.
"Lying!" replies the wife.

Whats the difference between a steak, an egg, and a b**...?

You can beat your meat and beat an egg, but you sure cant beat a b**...

What's the difference in a dog, some meat, and a b**...?

You can beat your dog, you can beat your meat, but you can't beat a b**....

Do you know what beats meat?

a hand.

You ever been to the butcher with the chastity f**...?

Say what you will about the lifestyle, but his meat simply can't be beat.

Why can't the cop stop beating his meat when the lights are off?

Because it looks black

Soviet Breadline

At one of USSR's breadlines during the Perestroika, a man in the crowd is mumbling to himself. "No bread, no milk, no meat, what a shame".
Two policemen walking the beat hearing his mumbling walk up to him, and say:
"Comrade, if you said that 40 years ago you'd be shot, so just shut up and stand in line like everybody else"
As the policemen leave, the man turns back to the crowd and says:
"Not only we don't have bread or milk, but I was just told we ran out of bullets too."

Little Timmy walks in on his dad beating his meat

Timmy: What are you doing daddy?
Dad: This is called m**..., son. You'll be doing it soon enough
Timmy: Why?
Dad: My arms are getting tired

I told my dad the s**... club had the best steaks in town. He told me what their slogan should be.

You can't beat the meat here.

My hand is tired from beating meat all day

I'm a butcher

Interview:so what are your achievements in life?

I was the first to beat my meat in 2018

One cannibal walks up to another

Cannibal 1:I was up all night beating my meat.
Cannibal 2: At least have the decency to call her your wife.

Not like the others

Which of these is not like the others:
Wife, meat, dog, b**...
b**...!
You can beat the other three but nothing beats a b**....

If I smoke some strong w**... and beat my meat...

Am I a chronic masturbator?

What is it called when a black man beats his meat?

Animal a**...

If I beat my meat to Jeffrey Star am I gay?

I mean dudes basically a girl and a real life trap

During the annual cavemen conference ...

Greg : so I kept rubbing this rock against another rock until it became very thin and now I can cut vegetables,meat using this . I call this "The Knife" .
Chief Gogo : wow , I thought no-one can beat Gorg's invention of using wheat flour and water to create a new food called "bread" but yours is a worthy contender
Greg " that's not it ,chief "
And then places a piece of bread on the stone and takes the knife in his hand
" What I'm about to do will blow your mind " .

I think I have a theory on why we fap when it's cold

When there's no heat to beat,
You just beat the meat.

What does my meat have in common with my kids?

I beat both of them 10 times a day.

Confucius Say

Man who argues with wife beats only meat

I beat my meat

I'm a woman

Last night, I was beating my meat for 9 hours straight.

Cooking is so hard.

Whats a difference between my meat and my game controller?

I stop ragefully beating my meat in november.

What do the butcher and I have in common?

We both beat our meat to every cow we see

If a normal guy m**... is called "beating his meat"...

...does it mean when a guy paralyzed from waist down m**..., he's "beating his veggies"?

So my buddy and I were driving down a country road and see a sheep with it's head stuck in the fence.

Now, like any good ol Montana boy I know a good opportunity when I see it. I pull over and walk up to the sheep and unzip my pants and start giving it to her. I'm really give'n her the boots when I look over and my buddy is jacking off. I mean, he's really beat'n his meat. Kinda freaked out I stop and ask 'ya wanna turn?'. He runs over and sticks his head in the fence.

Since vegans can't beat their meat what do they call m**...?

Stem cell research.