Beast Jokes
77 beast jokes and hilarious beast puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about beast that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Beast Short Jokes
Short beast jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The beast humour may include short beaver jokes also.
- The thing I learned from beauty and the beast: Any girl can fall in love with you given you lock her in the basement long enough.
- What is the difference between a unicorn and a carrot? One is a funny beast and the other is a bunny feast.
- Scotsman on holiday: what's yon beast over there? Canadian: That's a moose!
Scotsman: Och, If that's a moose, how big are your cats? - What's the difference between your mom and an alpaca? One's a hairy beast that spits and the other's native to South America.
- If a Lama with one L is a holy man in Tabet, and a 2 L's is a beast of burden, then what is a three L Lama? A big fire in Boston
- It makes sense why Emma Watson is in both Beauty and the Beast and Harry Potter Both of the main characters are harry
- Disney is already working on a sequel to Beauty and the Beast... They're calling it The French Prince in Belle's Snare.
- I just read that in an alternate ending to Beauty and the Beast the Beast turns ravenous and eats Cogsworth He was delicious, but the whole process was time consuming.
- They're making a new Beauty and the Beast where the princess is brain damaged and everyone picks her up to do curls. She is a dumb Belle
- A boy to his mother: Do you know how much suffering the poor beast had to endure for you to get this fur coat? My boy, you mustn't talk so disrespectfully about your father.
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Beast One Liners
Which beast one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with beast? I can suggest the ones about monster and beard.
- What has 125 teeth and prevents a savage beast from escaping? My zipper.
- What's the only prize that Gaston won in Beauty and the Beast? The No Belle prize.
- Crocodiles; these prehistoric beasts can grow up to 20 feet! Although most just grow 4.
- What's 668? The Neighbor of the Beast.
- What do you call a fat Irish werewolf? O'beast
- What separates man from beast? Divorce
- What type of beasts of burden do weird farmers keep? Unorthodoxen.
- Why do the clothes in Beauty and the Beast look so old-fashioned? Tailors old as time…
- I got drunk last night and woke up next to a beast! So I know I got home safely.
- I can be the Taco Beast... ...If you're my Taco Belle!
- 668 – The neighbour of the beast.
- At my prime I was A Beast. Today I'm merely Obese.
- What do you call a group of vegan satanists? The Beasts of Seitan.
- Has the harsh winter turned you into a snow beast? Not Yeti.
- What has 65 teeth and holds back the beast? My pants zipper.
Beauty And The Beast Jokes
Here is a list of funny beauty and the beast jokes and even better beauty and the beast puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Gaston from Beauty and the Beast says he eats 5 dozen eggs every day... He must be a millionaire!
- I finally know the moral of the story "Beauty and the Beast"... As long as you're rich and have a nice house, a girl will eventually fall for you.
- We could be like beauty and the beast... Will you be my beast ?
- While watching Beauty and the Beast with my girlfriend, I got that very special feeling... Where I knew I would do anything to bone Emma Watson.
- Didn't realise there were so many black characters in Beauty and the Beast. The bookkeeper.
Madam Garderobe.
Plumette.
... Belle. - BUSINESS COMPANY TOWN 'Beauty and the Beast' won't be shown in Malaysia after Disney refuses to cut gay scene Disney's argument was: "Things don't just disappear Malaysia! This aren't airplanes!"
- There's a movie called beauty and the beast. Imagine if roles were reversed and it was handsome and the feminist.
- Why is Gaston (from Beauty and the Beast) like Al Gore? They both lost and got a no Belle prize.
- If your coworker has a picture of herself and her dog labeled "Beauty and the Beast" you shouldn't ask her which one is which.
- New Disney sequel co-produced with Miramax & TWC Beauties and the Beast
Beauty Beast Jokes
Here is a list of funny beauty beast jokes and even better beauty beast puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is the Beasts (Beauty and the Beast) favorite kind of food? Taco Belle
- Why did the fat girl refuse to play in "The beauty and the beast?" Because she's s**..., too
Cheeky Beast Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity
What funny jokes about beast you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean beetle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make beast pranks.
Traveling Circus
A circus stopped in a small town. An elephant escaped and found its way into an old woman's garden. Not recognizing the beast, she frantically called the sheriff. "Sherrif, there's an enormous awful beast in my garden, and it's pulling up my petunias with its tail". "Oh?" said the sheriff. "and what is it doing with the petunias?". "Sheriff, if I told you, you'd never believe me!"
Beauty and the beast
Belle goes to a petting zoo with her four year old daughter. She bent down to pet a small pony and started coughing from an allergic reaction to the pony's fur. She pulled out a bottle of allergy pills as her strokes on the pony became more and more e**..., eventually causing it to sprout an e**.... A worker came rushing up to her hastily saying "please put that away. There are children here." Belle responded, "oh sorry. I was feeling a little hoarse."
You hear some creature making noises in the distance. "Quick! Quick! Quick, quick, quick!" you hear it exclaim. What kind of beast is it you hear?
A duck.
...
with hiccups.
Why don't the Beastie Boys juggle vegetables anymore?
Because they kept making the beets... MMMMMM DROPPPPP
A Warrior Cuts off the head of a Hydra formed by fusing 8 mythical beast,
and 2 heads Grows in it place,
he cuts those off and 4 grows,
he cuts those off and 8 grows,
he cuts those off and 16 grows,
he cuts those off and 32 grows,
he cuts those off and 64 grows,
he cuts those off and 128 grows,
he cuts those off and the Hydra Dies because the Hydra was made of 8 bits.
They've discovered King Kong was indeed heterosexual...
...it was b**... that killed the beast.
Here are some few movie jokes:
The Shining: A family's first Airbnb experience goes very wrong.
• The Lord of the Rings: Group spends nine hours returning jewelry.
• Titanic: Everyone tries the ice-bucket challenge.
• Beauty and the Beast: Stockholm syndrome works.
• The Chronicles of Narnia: Kid comes out of the closet.
TIL that excessive consumption of raw egg white can cause brittle hair, rashes, fungal infection, and anemia...
I then imagined the hairless, hideous, and weak beast Gaston should have looked like.
The Circus needed a new act...
there were 2 performers gunning for the opportunity: a beatiful woman and a man badly dressed.
The woman started her act, which was lion taming: she stripped stark n**..., entered the lion´s cage, and made the beast postrate and lick her entire body, from head to toes.
The ringmaster was impressed, and asked the other performer:
"Can you do better than that?"
"Yes, and I dont even need to be whipped"
If 6**... is the mark of the beast...
... and the beast is pure evil wouldn't 25.8069758011278803 technically be the root of all evil?
Two archers are sipping pints in a pub.
The first archer says, "Did you see the new leathersmith? He's a beast of a man with eyes as black as night."
To which the second archer replies, "Aye, he makes me quiver".
Yo momma so fat...
That I would compare her to a cow but my religon prohibits me from comparing a horrid beast to such a sacred animal.
Naughty Limerick
There was once a man of great fame,
Who thought every beast he could tame.
But deep in his soul,
The man was a troll,
And that's how you just lost the game.
What did the mystical fire breathing beast say when he was really tired getting out of bed?
"Man, I'm really dragon this morning!"
If the Beast got Febreeze for his lady's room...
...would that make him the Fresh Prince of Belle's Air?
I saw the rarest beast on the way home from work yesterday.
An audi driver actually used his signal while changing lanes.
Researchers say Bigfoot was finally discovered and captured on a mountain trail recently. Despite it's enormous size, it proved easy to capture due it's very low intelligence. The head researcher was shocked by just how fat and dumb it was. The beast will be held in captivity for a while.
In related news, your mom won't be returning from her hike anytime soon.
A young country girl (Mary) was walking down through the village with a large bull
Mr Jones stops her and says : Young Mary, where are you taking that beast?
Im taking him to farmer Giles so that the bull can mate with his cows. She replied
Can't your father do that? Asks mr Jones
No sir, says Mary, It must be the bull that does it.
What's the difference between a pervert and a dead bee?
One is a seedy beast and the other is a bee deceased.
My Club
A hunter walking through the jungle found a huge, dead rhino with a pigmy standing beside it. Amazed, he asked, "Did you kill that?" The pigmy said, "Yes." The hunter asked, "How could a little guy like you kill a huge beast like that?" The pigmy said, "I killed it with my club."
The astonished hunter asked, "How big is your club?" The pigmy replied, "There's about 60 of us."
A wannabe rich woman once bought an expensive fur coat
A wannabe rich woman once bought and expensive fur coat which didn't sit well with her 14 year old daughter.
Mom, do you realise that some poor, dumb beast had to suffer so you could get that? She said
The woman, infuriated by her daughter's comment said 'how dare you speak about your father like that!'
the Beastie Boys are releasing a five part anthology.
Parts a-d are free.
But you gotta fight for your right to part-e.
A 90 year old man is getting checked by his doctor
after the checkup the doctor sais "I heard that you have a new girlfriend, and at your age"
The old man answers "yes, she's only 19 years old, and a beast in the sheets. We have s**... thrice a day and it's always great!"
The Doctor, surprised, comments "You know, s**... is hard work for the body, and at that age the heart may give up from the stress"
The old man grins tothlessly and says "Well, if she dies, she dies.".
The Beastie Boys have released a 5 part documentary! Parts A through D are freely available to download, but
You have to fight for your right to Part E!
whats the difference between a Politician and a Werewolf?
one of them is an inhuman beast who has thrown away their humanity and has no concern or care for the people they hurt.
the other is a werewolf
the Beastie Boys are finally releasing a four-part Anthology collection.
Parts A through C will be free. However you have to fight for your right to Part D
