Bears Fans Jokes
9 bears fans jokes and hilarious bears fans puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bears fans that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Bears Fans Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good bears fans joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
So the Bears were looking for a new quarterback.
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you", the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get r**...!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!
What does a Bears fan do when his team wins the Superbowl?
He turns off his Xbox, and goes to bed.
What do maggots and Alabama fans have in common?
They can both live off a dead bear for years.
What's the difference between Marty McFly and a Bears fan?
Eventually, Marty McFly stopped going back to 1985.
I'm married to several sweet bears
I'm a big fan of polygummy.
So me and my pal George went down the river to get some firewood when an angry bear began to charge!
George explained we weren't Packers fans, so the property owner didn't charge us for trespassing.
Some football fans are stranded in the woods
There are 3 of them.
One liverpool fan, one hartlepool fan and an arsenal fan.
They decide that they are going to need some food if they are to survive.
They set a trap and manage to capture a bear.
"We can't eat bear meat!" the arsenal fan shouts, "we're going to die if we don't" the liverpool fan replies, the hartlepool fan agrees with the liverpool fan.
They then decide how they are going to split the bear.
"I'll have the liver since I'm from liverpool" says the liverpool fan,
"I'll have the heart since I'm from hartlepool" says the hartlepool fan, and the arsenal fans shrieks "I'm not hungry".
A Chicago Bears' fan, a Minnesota Viking's fan, and a Detroit Lions' fan find a genie in a bar...
The 3 fans are sitting at the bar when suddenly, a genie comes out of a bottle of v**... the bartender opens.
[](/sp)
The genie says to the bartender: "Congratulations, you have released me from my prison, and to repay you for that, I shall allow you to make 3 wishes your heart most desires and make them come true." The bartender faints from the sheer sight of a real genie in his bar.
[](/sp)
Seeing this, the genie says: "Well, it looks like he's not waking up. You three gentlemen are the only here, so you'll have to split the wishes to 1 each. What do your hearts most desire?"
[](/sp)
The Chicago Bears' fan says: "I want all Minnesota Vikings' fans were shot and thrown out of a bridge."
[](/sp)
The Minnesota Vikings' fan says: "Oh yeah, well I want all Chicago Bears' fans were lynched and choked to death."
[](/sp)
They kept battling each other, throwing one insult after another. Meanwhile, the genie turned to the Detroit Lions' fan and asks the same question: "What do you wish for ?"
[](/sp)
The 3rd fan says: "Me? I want a cup of coffee."
Goldilocks and the Three Bears (American Football Fans Will Understand)
Mama bear and Papa bear are getting a divorce after the fiasco with Goldilocks, but they must decide custody of baby bear.
The judge takes baby bear aside, and asks politely, "Would you like to live with Papa Bear?"
"No," Baby Bear answers, "Papa Bear beats me!"
"Oh no." the judge replies. "Then you can live with Mama Bear."
"No!" Baby Bear exclaims. "She beats me too!"
"Oh dear." Says the judge. "Well then, who do you want to live with?"
"I want to live with the Chicago Bears because they never beat anyone!"*
*This isn't true as the Bears are the best team ever.
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