The Best 77 Beard Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Beard jokes. There are some beard waistcoat jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these beard mustache puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Beard Jokes and Puns

I was on vacation in Tahiti and decide to go for a one day boat trip

The skipper was sailing along islands when I saw on a really tiny one a man with a long beard, torn-down clothes and no shoes waving at us, screaming. He was very, very far and I didn't understand a word he was saying. I asked the skipper:
- Who is this guy?
- Dunno, he have been there for six months, waves at me every day.

An older man walks into a bar...

...wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, "Going to a party?"

"Yeah, a costume party," the man answers, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."

"But you look like Abe Lincoln," protests the bartender.

"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."

Confucius say...

Confucius say man with beard face rough time!

Beard joke, Confucius say...


An Eskimo was riding across the tundra on his snowmobile, when it started sputtering. The Eskimo cruised into town, and stopped at a mechanic's shop. After five or ten minutes, the mechanic returns and says, "Look's like you just blew a seal." The Eskimo replied, "Do I have something in my beard?"

Can beards get dandruff?

Or does my girlfriend have pubic lice?

I was thinking of shaving my beard

But it really grew on me.

My friend and I are in a beard growing contest

Right now it's neck and neck.

Beard joke, My friend and I are in a beard growing contest

Daddy, there's a man at the door with a beard!

Tell him I already have one.

A bearded guy

A bearded, middle-eastern guy boards a plane. As soon as he enters he shouts "hijack!". All the passengers are scared to death. Some start crying. Then a white guy from the back stands up and says "oh hi Ahmed, didn't expect to see you here.."

I used to dislike the idea of having a beard ...

but it slowly grew on me.

I've recently been going out with one of a set of twins...

And I nearly kissed the wrong one the other day.

But I've come up with a great way to tell the difference between the two; mine's the one without the beard.

You can explore beard turban reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean beard goatee dad jokes. There are also beard puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

I would shave my beard...

but it's kind of grown on me.

When i was younger i never thought i'd have a beard

....But eventually it started to grow on me.

Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?

A barber.

You'd be surprised how easy it is to pick up girls

All it takes is a respectful attitude, a low key vibe, a breezy sense of humour, a nice beard, duct tape, and a baseball bat.

I haven't shaved my beard in a couple days

It's starting to grow on me

Beard joke, I haven't shaved my beard in a couple days

Who shaves every hour everyday and still has a beard?

The barber

Why can't Black Beard use the N-word?

He always says it with a hard "arrr."

A man went to the vet for advice to curb his racist dog that kept barking at his Asian neighbour.

"Muzzle him" the vet advised.

The man paused, and exclaimed, "could be, he does have a big beard"

A Rabbi and a Priest are walking along the road....

....and they see a boy approach. The priest nudges the rabbi and says, "Hey lets screw this kid." The rabbi scratches his beard and replies "out of what?"

At first I wasn't sure about my beard

But it's growing on me

Went to shave my beard but decided not to, the longer I keep it, the more it grows on me.

Sure this is old but actually thought this the other day.

I was invited to a party and was told "dress to kill"

Apparently a turban, beard, and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind

I'm unsure whether I like my beard.

But it's growing on me.

At first I didn't like my beard..

But now it's starting to grow on me.

They don't bury an Amish man with his beard.

They bury him with shovels.

At first I didn't want a beard...

But now it's really growing on me.

I used to know a guy who shaved around six or seven times a day and still had a beard at the end of the day

He was a Barber.

I always shave my beard after having sex

... so I can remind my wife for how long we've not been doing it.

A man wakes up one morning to find that he's grown a thick beard and is wearing a turban....

He, being very concerned and disoriented, calls his boss in order to see if he can get the day off.

Man: "Boss, I just woke up with a turban and a long, thick beard. I think I need a day to figure things out."

Boss: " So what are you saying....?"

Man: "I'm calling in Sikh."

What do you call the first Neck beard Presidents wife?

First M'Lady

Hey... Nice beard

Thanks, it's growing on me


What's the difference between your beard and your ex?

Your beard always comes back (inspired by an oddly satisfying post)

There's a new razor designed for dyslexics.

It's the best thing since sliced beard.

Who shaves many times a day but still has a beard?

The barber.

Man with a beard a 100 years ago: "Ok, I'll go chop down some trees."

Man with beard today: " I found a great face mask that's gluten and cruelty free."

The beard or me. You must choose.

A guy decides to grow a beard and his girlfriend hates it. She finally tells him: it's time to choose me or the beard.

He says: "What? Choose between the love of my life and a source of irritation that needs constant attention and tending? That's an easy decision....The hard question is who gets the apartment?"

I was sleeping with two twins for while in my 20s....

My friends all asked, "how can you tell them apart?" I replied, "well...Sharon has long blonde hair, and Derek has a beard."

What do you call an adult male who believes that a man with a white beard hands out stuff for free?

A communist

Native American run deep in my bloodline. That's why I can't grow facial hair.

I have Apache beard.

My friend glued a fake beard on to look like Jason Momoa

I don't think he could pull it off very well

I used to know a guy who shaved around six or seven time's a day

I used to know a guy who shaved around six or seven time's a day and still have a beard at the end of the day, he was a barber.

I never liked the idea of having a beard

Then it grew on me

Why did Waldo grow a manbun, a beard and start meditating three times a day?

Waldo found himself

I used to not like my beard.....

But now it's growing on me.

My dad is a rugged ex-Marine with a salt-and-pepper beard...

He's a seasoned veteran.

Someone told me they like my beard. I said "Thanks me too...

... it's really growing on me."

A guy was robbed in the park.

He called the police. After 10 minutes, a policeman arrived.

He asked: "Can you describe the person?"

The guy answered: " Yeah. It was a man, he had a beard, was really big, approximately 1.95m."

The policeman looked confused and said: "Wow, that's a pretty long beard. can't be too hard to find him!"

What did the teenage boys right leg say to the left leg?

Hey look! The little ones growing a beard!

What kind of facial hair does a teenage Native American have?

Apache beard

I decided to start growing a beard. I look really ugly.

Also I have a beard now.

I originally wasn't thrilled at my girlfriend's idea for me to have a beard...

But it's growing on me.

I wasn't sure how I felt about having a beard

But now that I think about it, it has really grown on me.

I asked my boyfriend if he wanted to grow a beard

At first he said no, and that he'll think about it.

But then it grew on him.

If a bearded man makes vases...

Is he a hairy potter?

i didnt like my beard at first...

...but its growing on me

My grandpa just walked into the room with a young man wearing skinny jeans and a beard.

I said, Who is this, grandpa?

Grandpa: He's my hip replacement.

My friend visited me months after I moved and said sweet beard . I said...

Thanks, it's growing on me .

My friend suggested I grow my beard.

At first I wasn't sure if I liked it, but after a couple of weeks it started growing on me.

What does an African neck beard mosquito say?


When I picked up my date I explained how I had shaved off my entire beard for her.

Then I looked at her and asked why she hadn't done the same for me

If you ever need to look like you have a beard, glue a rabbit to your face.

And presto-chango, facial hare!

I'm sporting a quarantine beard. I didn't like it at first.

But it's growing on me.

I Didn't Like My Beard...

...but it grew on me.

I thought I'd hate having a quarantine beard.

But, honestly, it's growing on me.

My wife told me to get a beard...

the ideas growing on me

At first I didn't like my beard

but it's grown on me.

My friends Grandpa told us this when we were about 14, What did the one leg say to the other leg?

Check out Shorty he's growing a beard!

To those bearded men in turbans who tried to convert me to your religion

You make me Sikh!

Then I said "your beard makes you look thinner"

...but that didn't seem to cheer her up

What do you call a religious beard?

Faith-al hair.

My wife told me I should shave my beard.

A few months ago, I would have maybe agreed with her, but now it has really grown on me.

Why isn't every man in a red suit with a beard Santa?

Because correlation doesn't imply Claus-ality.

I walked into the shop, glimpsing my beard covered in snow as I entered

"You're a few weeks late aren't you Santa?" the girl behind the counter joked, smiling.

"Ho, ho, ho!" I fired back at her, in an uncharacteristic misogynistic outburst.

I tried growing a beard over lockdown but couldn't pull it off.

Then I tried using a razor instead and that was much more effective.

All this time I've been looking forward to when I can get a proper haircut again, and thinking I'll shave off this lockdown beard of mine.

But over the past year, it's gradually grown on me.

Chuck Norris

They wanted to add Chuck Norris' face to Mount Rushmore, but the granite is not hard enough for his beard.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the beard movember jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working beard stache piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes