Bear Arms Jokes
65 bear arms jokes and hilarious bear arms puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bear arms that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bear Arms Short Jokes
Short bear arms jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bear arms humour may include short arms guns jokes also.
- A bear walks into a bar. He says to the bartender, "I'll have a............beer." The bartender responds, "what's with the big pause?" The bear holds up his arms and says, "always had 'em."
- Why did the blonde wear a tanktop to school? Because the constitution says you have the right to bear arms.
- How would the second amendment look if it was written in Canada? "The right of the people to keep and arm bears shall not be infringed"
- I was playing Arms on my Nintendo Switch and my teacher told me to put it away. "But I have the right to bear Arms!"
- I've started handing out guns to large men at gay clubs. Just exercising my right to arm bears.
- When i got my gun license, first thing i did was cut off a bear's front legs. No legal action was taken Because i had the right to bear arms
- Did you ever hear about the guy who got both his left arm and left leg chewed off by bears? Yeah I saw him a few weeks ago, he's all right
- Trump just lifted the ban on hunting hibernating bears In other words, this gun law says "You have the right to bear" arms.
- Pretty sure Betsy DeVos said the grizzly metaphor because the 2nd amendment says, The right to bear arms.
- Here in the uk we may not have the right to bear arms But we certainly have the right to bare legs.
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Bear Arms One Liners
Which bear arms one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bear arms? I can suggest the ones about arms and big arms.
- It's not a privilege for bears to have limbs. They have the right to bear arms.
- Which black actor supports the right to bear arms? More gun, free man.
- How much does it cost to stop a hungry bear from eating you? An arm and a leg
- I propose a change to California's flag This time it will be a bear but with no arms!
- Why do bear hunters always save the arms? They have the right to bear arms.
- Why do american bears have forelimbs? They have the right to bear arms
- In America you bear arms. In Russian you arm bears.
- What Do Americans and Bears have in common? They both have the right to bear arms...
- I have the right to bear arms, But no surgeon will do it.
- What was the bear protesting? his right to human arms
- Chuck Norris has the right to keep and arm bears.
- Why do people wear sleeveless shirts? They like to express the right to bear arms.
- Why did the bear eat his own arms? They were made of honey.
Bear Arms Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about bear arms you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean one armed jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bear arms pranks.
In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear.
In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful.
Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.
The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff.
His hopes were dim.
Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"
The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air.
Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.
Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I'm about to receive..."
A priest, a Baptist and a rabbi walk into a bar
A priest, a baptist and a rabbi walk into a bar and start getting sloshed.
They decide that they need to test their faith to see which one is the best. They decide the ultimate challenge is to see if they can convert a bear.
So the next day they all go out into the wood to try and meet up again at the bar that night.
The priest comes in with a broken arm and scratches all over his body and smilingly says: "I had to run around the bear and read him the entire Bible but he saw the light and he was converted."
The baptist is on crutches with two broken legs and a broken arm and his head all bandaged. He says: "I had to wrestle that bear to the ground and baptize him in the stream but he saw the light and he was converted, hallelujah!"
Then the Rabbi gets wheeled in in a full body cast. He says: "Ya know, in retrospect, I probably shouldn't have started with circumcision."
A bear is sitting at the bar....
Bartender goes up to him, "What can I get for ya?" The bear says, " I'll take a ............... Beer." Bartender asks, "What's up with the pause?" The bear lifts up his arms to the bartenders face and says, " These old things?" "I've had'em for years!!!"
A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi are at a bar.
They are arguing over who is the best at what they do. So they decide that to prove who is the best, they will go on their own into the woods and convert a bear to their respective religion. A week later, they are again at the bar. The priest say, "I saw a bear by the river and started talking to him about the Lord's word. He liked so much that he now comes to mass every week." The pastor says, "Well, I found a bear in a clearing. I started reading the bible to him. He loved it so much that he is now going to be baptized in about a week." The priest and the pastor turn to the rabbi, who has a broken arm, a collar, and several bruises. He says, "You know what, looking back, maybe I shouldn't have had started with circumcision."
So Adam was lonely.
God asked Adam, "What's wrong?"
Adam replied, "I'm lonely."
So God said, "Adam, I will make you a partner. She will wash and cook and clean for you; she will listen to what you have to say and never interrupt you. She won't nag you about your actions and she will even bear your children. She will stay loyal to you and never be influenced by other men."
So Adam asked, "Well, what's his gonna cost me?"
"An arm and a leg," God replied.
Then Adam asked, "Well what can I get for a rib?"
Adam's companion.
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and she would be called "woman."
God said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and will freely give love and compassion whenever needed."
Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?"
God said, "An arm and a leg."
Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"
So the Bears were looking for a new quarterback.
The coach had put together the perfect team for the Chicago Bears. The only thing that was missing was a good quarterback. He had scouted all the colleges and even the Canadian and European Leagues, but he couldn't find a ringer who could ensure a Super Bowl win.
Then one night while watching CNN he saw a war-zone scene in Afghanistan . In one corner of the background, he spotted a young Afghan Muslim soldier with a truly incredible arm. He threw a hand-grenade straight into a 15th story window 100 yards away.
KABOOM!
He threw another hand-grenade 75 yards away, right into a chimney.
KA-BLOOEY!
Then he threw another at a passing car going 90 mph.
BULLS-EYE!
"I've got to get this guy!" Coach said to himself. "He has the perfect arm!"
So, he brings him to the States and teaches him the great game of football. And the Bears go on to win the Super Bowl.
The young Afghan is hailed as the great hero of football, and when the coach asks him what he wants, all the young man wants is to call his mother.
"Mom," he says into the phone, "I just won the Super Bowl!"
"I don't want to talk to you", the old Muslim woman says."You are not my son!"
"I don't think you understand, Mother," the young man pleads. "I've won the greatest sporting event in the world. I'm here among thousands of my adoring fans."
"No! Let me tell you!" his mother retorts. "At this very moment, there are gunshots all around us. The neighborhood is a pile of rubble. Your two brothers were beaten within an inch of their lives last week, and I have to keep your sister in the house so she doesn't get r**...!" The old lady pauses, and then tearfully says, "I will never forgive you for making us move to Chicago !!!!
A rabbi, a Catholic priest, and a Protestant minister are talking in a bar.
They bet each other that they can convert a bear to their religion. At dawn the next day, they meet at the edge of the forest and wish each other luck before setting out. At the end of the day, they meet each other again on three separate stretchers. The priest is all beat up. He has a broken arm and a black eye. "The bear put up a good fight", he says, "but he's coming to church on Sunday to get baptised". The minister is in worse shape than the priest. He has two black eyes, a broken arm, and a broken leg. "It was tough," he says, "but I got the bear to join the church choir, singing baritone." The rabbi is in the worst shape of the three of them. He has two black eyes and all his arms and legs are broken. "In hindsight," he says, "I guess I shouldn't have started with the circumcision."
An oldie, but goodie.
Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you! She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. "She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
The religious bear.
In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear. In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could.
The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim.Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"
The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to an abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.
Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you, God, for the food I'm about to receive...."
How many bear arms could Bear Grylls bear to bear if Bear Grylls could bear to bear bear arms?
bear
God's perfect woman
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion.
God said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes. She will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you, and she will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache, and she will freely give love and compassion whenever needed."
Adam asked God, "What will this woman cost?"
God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Adam said, "What can I get for just a rib?"
Lost Chapter In Genesis
Adam had been moping around all day in the Garden of Eden and God finally said, "Adam, what's up with all this moping?"
Adam told God that he was lonely. God said He could fix that, no problem.
In short order he could make a partner for Adam, and she would be called a "woman."
God told Adam that the woman would collect his food, cook it for him, and care for all his needs and wants. She would also agree with all his decisions and not question his authority as head of the family.
God also said that she would bear his offspring and and not bother him in the middle of the night if the kids woke up and started crying.
She would never nag him and would admit when she was wrong. She would also freely give him love and passion whenever he needed it.
Adam said, "Wow, that's a great partner! What is this woman-person going to cost me?"
And God replied, "An arm and a leg."
Adam thought for a minute, then asked, "What can I get for a rib?"
And the rest is history.
A bear walks into a bar.
The bartender asks whata ya have there big fella? The bear says " Give me a .........................................................beer." The bartender says" What's with the big pause?" The bear throws his arms up in the air and says " I DON'T KNOW I WAS BORN WITH THEM."
A polar bear walks in to a bar...
He sits down and the bar tender asks what he would like.
The polar bear says: " I'll have a..."
...
...
...
Bartender says: "a Burger?"
PB: ...
...
...
...
BT: "Some wings?"
PB: ...
...
...
PB: "a beer".
The bartender asks "why the long pause?'
The polar bear raises his arms and says "I was born with them"
Why don't grizzly's replace their legs with human arms?
Because they have the right to bear arms.
I thought we had the right to bear arms
but when I got them I was arrested for animal a**...
An American patriot with amputated arms decides to replace them.
He obtains a pair of grizzly bear arms from a black market, and attaches them on his own, with the help of a friend.
He is arrested for contribution to animal cruelty and performing medical procedures unlicensed.
When taken to court, he gives a speech defending his right to bear arms.
Officer: "Ma'am, why'd you kill that bear?"
Well, because Officer, I have the right to *bear arms*
Why do conservative gay men vote conservatively?
They want to keep the right to bear arms.
George W Bush, Barack Obama, and Trump all die and go to heaven.
Upon arriving, God asks them respectively what they believe in.
Bush said he believes in American exceptionalism, the right to bear arms, and the free market.
God said alright, you can take this seat to my right.
Obama said he believes in everyone having Healthcare, equal rights for all, and sustainability.
God invited him to take the seat to His left.
Trump said "I believe you're in my seat"
A One-Armed Bear Walks Into a Saloon..
When he enters, the piano player stops playing, the poker players put down their cards, and the room goes silent. The bear stands in the doorway a few seconds, surveying the saloon, before walking to the bar. Whiskey, he says. The bartender slides a shot glass of rotgut down the bar, which the bear snags with his good arm and gulps down. Another, he says. The bear downs the second whiskey, swivels slowly on his barstool to face the room, and announces, ** I'm lookin' fer the man that shot my paw. **
Once Upon a Time in the West, a Bear Walked into a Saloon..
As he enters, the piano stops playing, the poker players put down their cards, and the room goes silent, except for the ticking of the Grandfather clock in the corner. The bear stands in the doorway a few seconds, surveying the saloon, before walking to the bar. Whiskey, he growls. The bartender slides a shot glass of rotgut down the bar, which the bear snags with his good arm and gulps down. Another, he says. He downs the second whiskey, belches, swivels slowly on his barstool to face the room, and announces, ** Ah'm lookin' fer the man that shot muh paw. **
Once Upon a Time in the West, a One-Armed Bear Walks Into a Bar
As he enters, the piano stops playing, the poker players put down their cards, and the room goes silent, except for the ticking of the Grandfather clock in the corner. The bear stands in the doorway a few seconds, surveying the saloon, before walking to the bar. Whiskey, he growls. The bartender slides a shot glass of rotgut down the bar, which the bear snags with his good arm and gulps down. Another, he says. He downs the second whiskey, belches, swivels slowly on his barstool to face the room, and announces, ** Ah'm lookin' fer the man that shot muh paw! **
A Catholic priest is surprised by a bear in the forrest
The bear charges him and the priest quickly says a prayer,"Lord, please let this be a nice, Christian bear!"
The bear scoops him up in his arms and quietly speaks, "Lord bless this meal that I am about to receive, amen"
A worker at the Taxidermy Department Store notices some damage to a couple of grizzly exhibits
The front right leg on each of the works has been removed.
The worker sprints to the front of the store to alert his manager of the vandalism. On his way, he spies a r**... carrying the missing appendages.
"SIR!" the worker shouts. "You have damaged valuable pieces of merchandise. Exit the store. IMMEDIATELY!"
"Why?" drawls the r**... innocently. "I have the right two bear arms!"
A blonde and a police officer get into a argument after she questions why the blonde is wearing a bear suit
"I have rights you know!" says the blonde, "It says in the constitution that I have a right to bear arms".
An armed panda bear and a scientist walk into a bar.
The panda orders a sandwich, eats it, shoots the scientist, and walks out of the bar.
The scientist explains while dying: a panda bear eats chutes and leaves
First trip to the USA
My friend and I visited the USA. We landed at LAX and after an epoch, we cleared Homeland Security and got our luggage.
My friend immediately pulled out a pair of brown, furry, shoulder length gloves and pulled them on. I stared at him. He looked ridiculous - the gloves even had claws.
"What are you doing??" I asked incredulously.
""Exercising my freedom. Now I'm here, I have the right to Bear arms!"