Bear And Rabbit Jokes
40 bear and rabbit jokes and hilarious bear and rabbit puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bear and rabbit that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Fun-Filled Bear And Rabbit Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What is a good bear and rabbit joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Bear and the Rabbitt
One day in the great forest a magical frog was walking down to a water hole. This forest was so big that the frog had never seen another animal in all his life. By chance today a bear was chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.
The frog called for the two to stop. The frog said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant you both three wishes. Bear, you go first." The bear thought for a minute, and being the male he was, said, "I wish for all the bears in this forest, besides me, to be female."
For his wish, the rabbit asked for a c**... helmet, and immediately put it on. The bear was amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.
It was the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest were female as well."
The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and gunned the engine. The bear was shocked that the rabbit was asking for these s**... things, after all, he could have asked for money and bought the motorcycle.
For the last wish the bear thought for awhile and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, besides me, were female."
The rabbit grinned, gunned the engine, and said, "I wish that the bear was gay." and rode off as fast as he could.
A Bear's Tale
One day, a bear was chasing a rabbit in a forest. As they were running, they found a magical turtle. The turtle said that if they stopped fighting, he would give them 3 wishes each. They both agreed, and the bear said his first wish. "I would like every bear in this forest, except for me, to be a female," stated the bear, as he was forever alone. The rabbit asked for a motorcycle. The bear was confused, and wondered why the rabbit hadn't just asked for unlimited money, so he could buy a motorcycle, but none the less gave the turtle his second wish. "I would like every bear in this country, except for me, to be female," excitedly exclaimed the bear. The rabbit asked for a biking helmet. Once again, the bear was stunned by the rabbit's stupidity, and made his final wish. The bear enthusiactically said,"I would like every bear in the world, excluding me, of course, to be a female." Then came the rabbit's turn for his final wish. The rabbit looked right into the bear's eyes, revved up the engine of his motorcycle he was sitting on, and said, "I wish that all the male bears in the world were gay."
Bear and Rabbit
A bear and a rabbit both live in the woods. The two have been friends for as long as they can remember; they go everywhere with each other and do everything together.
One day, as they wander the woods, they find a magic genie lamp. They eagerly rub the lamp and out comes a genie. He says in a deep voice, "I am the all-powerful genie, and I can grant anything you desire. Unfortunately, I am only allowed to grant three wishes."
The bear immediately decides that he gets two of the wishes, and the rabbit, being the smaller and weaker of the two, is left with only one.
The bear first says, "I wish all of the female bears in the world loved me," to which the genie says, "It is done." He then states, "I wish I was the only male bear in all the forest," to which the genie once again replies, "It is done."
The rabbit who has been sitting on the side the whole time has been getting angry with his old friend the bear. When the genie asks him his wish, he refuses to be outdone.
He says, "For my wish, I wish the bear was gay."
Cops
The LAPD, the FBI, & the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten black bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay, okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit."
The NYPD, The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals.
The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The NYPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!'
The bear and the rabbit
A rabbit is minding his own business when a random bear comes and treat ens to eat the rabbit. The bear chases the rabbit until they find a magic lamp and they decide to rub it together. The expected gene appears and let's them both have 3 wishes each. The bear goes first and says " I wish for all the other bears in the forest to be females" and it was done. The rabbit then wishes for a lifetime supply of carrots at his house and it is granted. The bear then says " I want all the other bears in the country to be female" and it is granted. The rabbit's second wish is for a rabbit sized motorcycle and it is granted. Now the bear very confused about why the rabbit is wishing for such small things says " And for my last wish, I want all the other bears in the world to be female!". The gene grants the wish. The rabbit then says with a smile on his face "I wish that bear was gay." then drives off in his motorcycle.
Chicago Police Department
In an effort to determine the top crime fighting agency in the country, the president narrowed the field to three finalist, the CIA, the FBI, and the Chicago Police.
The three remaining contenders were given the task of catching a rabbit which was released into the forest.
The CIA went into the forest. They placed animal informants throughout. They questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigation they concluded that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI went into the forest. After two weeks without a capture, they burned the forest killing everything in it, including the rabbit. They made no apologies. The rabbit deserved it.
The CPD went into the forest. They came out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear was yelling "Okay, Okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit".
A bear and a rabbit
So a bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods one day. Just as the bear was about to get the rabbit, they stumble over a lamp, and a genie pops out.
They genie tells them that since they both found him, they both get three wishes. He asks the bear for his first wish.
"I want to be the most handsome bear in the world." The genie nods his head, and the wish was granted. He turns to the rabbit.
"I would like a helmet." The genie nods, and a small rabbit-sized helmet appears on his head.
"I wish that only the most beautiful women bears lived in these woods.", said the bear, and with a nod of the genie's head, it was granted.
"I would like a motorcycle." says the rabbit, and a rabbit-sized motor cycle appears next to him.
"For my final wish, I wish that there were no other male bears for hundred of miles of here." said the bear, smiling with the genius of his plan. The genie nods, the wish is granted, and he looks at the rabbit one last time.
The rabbit hopped on his motorcycle, revved the engine, and said, "I wish the bear was gay." and drove off.
(My favorite joke)Who is best at apprehending criminals?
The CIA, the FBI, and the Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later dragging a badly beaten bear. The bear is screaming, "Okay, okay! I'm a RABBIT!! I'm a RABBIT!!"
The Rabbit, The bear, and The genie.
A bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods. The rabbit trips on a glistening metal object. The bear quickly picks up the object which appears to be a silver oil lamp.
A genie appeared forth.
The genie looked at the bear then the rabbit, then back at the bear.
"Alright, which of you schmucks freed me?"
"Me" the bear and rabbit said simultaneously.
The genie looked at the rabbit, then back at the bear. "Alright, I'm in a good mood, so you both get three wishes. Who's going first?"
The bear volunteered. "I wish all the other bears in this forest were female" He said.
"I wish I had a motorcycle" said the rabbit.
"Done and done" said the genie. Next wish?
The bear got a dumb smile and said "I wish all the other bears in the surrounding forests were female."
The rabbit hopped on the motorcycle. "I wish I was wearing a helmet"
"Alright. easy enough."
The bear a grin across his face yelled "I wish all the other bears in the world were female!"
The rabbit revved the engine, put on some goggles and as he sped away yelled "I wish the bear was gay!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A bear is chasing a rabbit in the woods...
The happen upon a stream where a frog yells at them,
"I'm a magical frog. I'll grant each of you 3 wishes since your the first to grace me with your presence on over a hundred years"
"ok but i go first," says the bear. "I wish every bear in this forest, except for me, were female!" And p**...! All the bears are female.
"Ok ok my turn, I wish for a helmet!" Says the rabbit.
p**...! A helmet appears in his hands.
"you're an idiot rabbit. Such a waste of a wish... I wish all the bears in the next forest over were female!"
p**...! His wish is granted.
"i wish for the worlds fastest dirt bike." Says rabbit.
p**...! His wish is granted.
"For my final wish, i wish all the bears in the world, except for me, are female!"
p**...!
Rabbit gets on his new dirtbike and revs the engine a few times before saying, "Frog, for my final wish." He paused to rev his engine one more time. "I WISH BEAR WAS GAY!" and he took of into the woods.
3 Blonds in the Forest
.... came upon some tracks. The first blond said, "are these deer tracks?" The other two said, "Oh no,these aren't deer tracks." The second blond said, "These have to be rabbit tracks!" In disagreement, the other two blonds said, "No, I don't think these are rabbit tracks." The third blond said, "I know I know!!! These are bear tracks!!!" Again, the other two blonds said, "No, these aren't bear tracks." ...They kept arguing on and on until a train came by and hit them.
There was a bear and a rabbit.
There was a bear and a rabbit walking through the woods, right, and they found a magic lamp. Since it was dirty they decided to clean it. So when they were done with that a magic genie came out of the lamp. So the genie was like "I shall grant you both three wishes since you both found me." So the bear went first and said "I wish I was the sexiest bear in the forest", so the genie obliged. Next the rabbit went and he said "I wish I had a motorbike." Then for the bear's next wish he said "I wish all the female bears had the hots for me." So now all the girls loved this guy. Next the rabbit went and he said "I wish I had motorbike gear." And so now he had motorbike gear. The bear went next and he said "I wish all the other male bears were gone", and so he became the only male bear in the forest. The rabbit got on his motorbike and started to ride off. "What of your last wish, master.", and the rabbit said, for his third and final wish, "I wish the bear was gay".
27
A small rabbit was simply hopping around a large hole of which the bottom was yet to be seen. Our jolly fellow was hopping around the edge, saying:
, , , , , , , ...... and so on and so forth
A bear walks up to the the rabbit with a quizzical look on his face.
"Why our you saying that number while jumping around this hole?" asked the bear. The rabbit responded nothing. So the bear decided to look over the edge of the hole, the rabbit the swiftly pushed the bear over the edge, making him fall to it's demise. The rabbit then proceeded to hop around the hole again, this time saying:
28, 28, 28, 28, 28, 28, 28, 28, 28, 28, 28, 28, 28, 28, 28......
So rabbit and bear were walking through the forest...
...when they meet a fairy. She grants both of them three wishes.
Bear says without thinking: "I wish all lady bears in this forest had a crush on me!"
Rabbit wishes himself a motorcycle helmet, and both wishes are immediately granted. Next, bear thinks a bit and then says: "I wish all lady bears in the whole world had a crush on me!"
Rabbit wishes himself a motorcycle, and both wishes are granted.
Now bear thinks a quite a while and then shouts: "I wish all bears on this world were lady bears!"
Rabbit puts on his helmet, gets on the motorcycle, starts the motor and says over his shoulder: "I wish bear was gay!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Cool Joke
So there is this bear and this rabbit walking together in the woods. They come across this mysterious lamp. Of course they rub it, and a genie comes out. The genie says they get six wishes, three each. Meanwhile the bear is like "Oh yeah! Time to get some wishes!" and the rabbits just like "Oh this is cool I guess." So the bear goes first, he wishes that all the male bears in his forest are turned into females. The genie grants his wish. The rabbit goes and he says "I guess I want a helmet." The bear thinks to himself "Why would you wish for a helmet when you can have anything." The bear takes his second wish. He wishes for all the male bears in the neighboring forest to be females. He gets his wish. The rabbit then wishes for a motorcylce. The bear is now excited at his wishes and is really wondering why the rabbit is getting all of these s**... things. The bear then goes on to wish for ALL the bears in the world, except for him, to be female. His wish is granted. By this time the bear is super excited. Now the rabbit takes his last wish. He gets on his motorcylce, puts his helmet on, and says "I wish that bear was gay" and drives off.
*EDIT- Changed p**... to lamp.
the bear and his list
It's rumored in the forest, that the bear has a deathlist with the names of all animals he's going to kill. All of the animals are worried about that rumor.
The deer decides first to go to the bear's cave and ask him out about his list.
Deer: "Is it true, that you have a deathlist?"
Bear: "Yes, that's true."
Deer: "And is my name on the list?"
Bear: "Yep."
In panic, the deer runs out of the cave and into the woods. The next day the other animals find the deer's corpse in the forest - brutally murdered and without his head.
Then boar also decides to ask out the bear about his list and visits him in his cave.
Boar: "So there's your list..."
Bear: "Yes, that's my list."
Boar: "You know... is my name on it?"
Bear: "Yes, your name is on my list."
Same as the deer, the boar flees in panic and the next day the animals also find the boar's corpse in the forest.
So the rabbit starts to think about the situation. He decides also to visit the bear.
Rabbit: "So, bear, I heard you have a death list."
Bear: "Yes, I have a deathlist."
Rabbit: "And is my name on this list?"
Bear: "Yes, your name is also on my list."
Rabbit: "Okay... is it possible to delete my name from the list?"
The bear just responds: "Sure, no problem."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One day, down in the mystical forest, a magical frog is hopping towards a water hole...
The forest is so enormous that the frog have never laid eyes on another animal before. But today, by chance a bear is chasing after a rabbit to have for dinner.
The frog called for the two to stop and said, "Because you are the only two animals I have seen, I will grant both of you three wishes. Bear, you can go first." The bear thought for a moment, and being the male he said, "I wish for all the bears in this forest, apart from me, to be female."
For his wish, the rabbit asked for a c**... helmet, and immediately put it on. The bear is amazed at the stupidity of the rabbit, wasting his wish like that.
It's the bear's second turn for a wish. "Well, I wish that all the bears in the next forest are female as well."
The rabbit asked for a motorcycle and immediately hopped on it and roared the engine. The bear is shocked that the rabbit is asking for such idiotic items, because after all, he could have asked for money and bought the bike.
For the last wish the bear thought for a while and then said, "I wish that all the bears in the world, apart from me, are female."
The rabbit grinned, roared the engine, and said, "I wish that this bear is gay."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A bear and a rabbit are fighting in the woods.
Along comes the magical turtle of the forrest and says to them "if you two stop fighting I will grant you each 3 wishes." As to both bear and rabbit agree. First wish the bear says "I wish all the bears in this forrest except for me to be female" the rabbit without even hesitating says "I want a bike!". The bear looks at him in shock trying not to yell at him fpr such a s**... wish. Second wish the bear goes "I want all the bears in this forrest and the next forrest other than me to be female" the rabbit starts laughing and says "I want a bike!". Bear gets mad again at the bad wish rabbit ignores him. Third wish bear goes "I want all the bears in the world other than me to be female" at this point the rabbit is in tears from laughing, he puts on his helmet gets on his bike and as hes driving away he yells "I wish the bear was gay!"
The KGB, the FBI and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at catching criminals
The Secretary General of the UN decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The KGB goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is screaming: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
The secret services of the USA, Israel and Russia argue about which is most effective.
An impartial Swiss judge releases a rabbit into thick woods and instructs them to find it.
The CIA and NSA conduct months of testing, hacking and spying before concluding that rabbits don't exist.
The Mossad torches the forest and proudly proclaims that the rabbit has been taken care of.
The FSB goes into the adjacent woods. An hour later, it comes out dragging a bloodied bear, who howls "Okay, I'm a rabbit, I'm a rabbit!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Attorney General
The attorney general decides to hold a contest to see which organization is the best at policing. SO he gets the FBI, the CIA, and the LAPD together, and tells them "I've released a rabbit into the wilderness, find it, and bring it to me." So the FBI goes in, and two hours later, they come out, and the Agent In Charge says "We found the rabbit, but he had committed no crimes, so we let him go." AG says "Bull, you didn't find the rabbit." So the CIA goes in, and 4 hours later, they come out, and the Director of Operations says to the AG, "We found the rabbit, interrogated him for two hours, and found the he was a t**..., so we flipped him, and released him back into the wild." AG says "Bull, you didn't find the rabbit." So the LAPD goes in. 15 minutes later, a bloodied, beaten bear runs out of the woods screaming "I'm the rabbit, I'm the rabbit!"
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