The Best 80 Beans Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Beans jokes. There are some beans lentils jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these beans green beans puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Beans Jokes and Puns

Why do they only put 239 beans in each can?

If they put one more in it would make the beans too farty.

What happens when you stick your hand in a jar of jelly beans?

The black ones steal your watch.

Why don't Mexicans have BBQs?

Because the beans keep falling through the grill.

Beans joke, Why don't Mexicans have BBQs?

what can u make with onions and baked beans?

tear gas

Why does the hipster make crappy coffee?

The beans are always under-ground.


How many beans are in Irish bean soup?

Two-thirty-nine. One more and it'd be too farty.

What do you call a bunch of high Mexicans?

Baked Beans

Beans joke, What do you call a bunch of high Mexicans?

Can you tell me why the Irish only put 239 beans in their chili?

well me boy, one more would be "twofarty".

Mitch Hedberg-type joke.

I saw a bible supply store on the way over here. I did not realize bibles required supplies. I was under the impression they came fully equipped. "Hey, you coming to the revival this weekend? No, man, my bible wants to go camping. We have to stop at store. For supplies. Like a tiny can of beans. And a little tent."

Why are there only 239 beans in Irish stew?

Because one more, and it'd be too farty.

A prostitute goes to the doctor...

...and the doctor says You are pregnant. Do you know who the father is? The prostitute replies, If you ate a can of beans, could you tell me which one made you fart?

You can explore beans parmesan reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean beans okra dad jokes. There are also beans puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Baked Beans.

One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

Did you hear about the cannibal that only ate beans?

Human Beans.

looking back, I wish I'd bought my baked beans online...

Heinz site's a wonderful thing

What's the difference between a hippie girl and a can of beans?

You would still eat the beans after a month in the woods

Dem puns...

Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine beans in Irish Bean Soup?

Because if there be one moar, it'd be too farty!

Beans joke, Dem puns...

Why did the Irishman put 239 beans in the soup pot?

Because any more would be too farty.

Why is Irish bean soup made with 239 beans?

Because if you add even one more it gets "2 farty".

Jack and the beanstalk

Does everybody know the guy in Jack and The Beanstalk who trades the magic beans for Jacks cow?

Cause I guess you could call him a Stalk Broker


I want to open a bar that serves nothing but expensive beer and baked beans.

I'll call it Farts & Crafts.

Did you hear about the man who burnt down a field full of beans?

He really razed some pulses.

Why were the coffee beans upset?

Because they were grounded.... Or black I am not sure.

Doctor, my girlfriend grinds her teeth while sleeping.

Dr: Put some coffee beans in her mouth and set the alarm for 7:30am

Irish chili

How many beans do you put in Irish chili? Two hundred and thirty-nine.

Why? Because one more would be two-farty.

Did you know that Irish only put 239 beans in their chili??

If they added just one more, it would be too-farty!

Why did the old man put jelly beans in his pill organizer?

He had dementia.

Why does Irish bean soup have exactly 239 beans in it?

(Irish accent) Because one more and it would be too farty.

Why do green beans meditate?

To find inner peas!

What would you call a 100 year old can of baked beans?

Has-beens.

What happens when you eat beans with onions?

Tear gas!

(Written by my 9 yr old son)

How many beans are in Irish Chili?

239, because if there was 1 more it would be "Too Farty".

How do you make a neato burrito?

With cool beans.

Life is like a bag of jelly beans

Everyone hates the black ones

Husband: Guests are coming tonight.

What's for dinner?

Wife:I am not well today, so there's only green beans.

Husband:No worry. I have an idea. When the guests arrives you'll welcome them and I'll go to the kitchen and drop one utensil and then you'll say "what happen" . Then I'll say "oh no!! I dropped the chicken " . Then again drop another utensil and say "I dropped the spaghetti. Now we only left with green beans."

*Guest arrives*
Wife: Welcome. Please make yourself comfortable.

* loud sound comes from the kitchen *

Wife: Everything alright, honey?

Husband: Sh**t. I dropped the beans.

A prostitute walks into the doctor's office.

The doctor does some exams and after getting the results back realises the woman is pregnant.

"Do you know who the father is?" Asks the doctor.

The prostitute proclaims, "Well doc, if you ate a can of beans would you know which one made you fart?"

My mom keeps asking me who made a mess at the dinner table

I spilled the beans

I heard Dunkin Donuts has a cold brew now.

Cool beans.

Why did the Irish man only eat two hundred and thirty nine beans?

If he ate one more, it would be too farty!

I should start a store that sells wheat and beans.

It would be called "Gluten And Tootin"

Why do Mexicans eat beans for dinner?

So they can have bubble baths.

If I ate beans and you ate beans how old would we be?

I'd be farty and you'd be farty too.

What do you get when you mix beans and onions?

Tear gas

I got banned from the secret cooking society…

For spilling the beans.

Why do the Irish only eat 239 beans at a time?

Because one more would be too farty.

A pregnant prostitute is visiting her Dr.

When he asks her if she knows who the father is.

She answers, "oh for goodness sakes! If you eat a can of beans do you know which one makes you fart!"

What do you call a group of stoned Mexicans?

Baked beans

I only ate 239 beans.

Just one more and I'd be too farty.

What do you get if you eat onions and refried beans?

Tear Gas

Why do Irish stews have only 239 beans in them?

Because if there was one more, it would be too farty.

Why can't you trust fajitas?

Because they tend to spill the beans.

I used to be a member of the secret cooking society...

They kicked me out for spilling the beans.

Why do Irish people only use 239 beans in their soup?

Because adding another would be too farty.

Why do Irish people only put 239 beans on their toast?

Because one more would be two farty. 😊

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I don't get hard when a garbanzo beans on my face.

Why did the Irishman only eat 239 beans?

if he'd had one more it would have been too farty.

How do you sell beans for the price of beef?

Make vegan burger.

I opened a can of expired beans

It let out an uncanny smell.

Why do the Irish only put two hundred and thirty nine beans in their chili?

Because if they added just one more bean, it would be too farty!

Why do Irish people only put 239 beans in their chili?

If they add one more it would be too farty.

How do you punish your coffee beans?

You ground it.

Why do the Irish only put 239 beans in their soup?

Because one more and they would get too farty

My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with legumes.

Jack and the Beans talk.

Fun fact! Irish soups only use 239 beans

If they used one more, it would be two-fahrty...

What do you call it after cowboys eat beans at high noon?

A toot-out at the O.K. Corral.

(Don't be mean. Inspired by my 2 month old.)

This is a portuguese joke so idk how well it will be in English but...

A man orders rice and beans in a restaurant. When his meal comes he notices a little fiber in his food and tells the waiter. The waiter then explains theres nothing to worry about, its just from the sack of beans. However the man still insists on getting another plate. The waiter, complying, yells out to the chef "yo beans, make another plate".

An Irish guy is making chili for a fall cookoff

He just recently immigrated and forgot the recipe back home.

He goes to his wife, 'Mary, I forgot the recipe. How many beans am I supposed to put in?'

Mary responds: '239.'

Why my love?

Mary: any more would be too farty

If you find beans in a beanery and cans in a cannery....

What do you find in a country?

I decided to eat my baked beans through my nose.

In Heinz sight, it was a terrible decision.

becca: [fries beans]

**rebecca:** *[refries beans]*

Saw a homeless man eating a tin of baked beans and I thought it was really sad, so I walked over to him and said...

"I think you're supposed to open that first"

She said she was stripping to feed her kids.

Yet she got pissed at me when I stuck a can of green beans in her garter.

*From Ian Ross, not mine* - A mum was asked 'Why is your daughter crying?'

'She has five baked beans stuck up her nose.'

'And why is your son crying?'

'He wants his lunch back.'

I met an Irishman who cooked beans and he would just use exactly 239 beans per pot. I asked him, why? He said

If I added just one more bean, it would be too farty!

Nation dialogue

You know, I was very Hungary one day, so I went to go Czech the fridge. I managed to find some Turkey that was leftover from Thanksgiving, but it was all covered in Greece. So I closed the fridge and Czech'd the pantry. I saw a Canada beans, so I grabbed them and microwaved them, but it exploded. My mom says that Iran out of diversity with food, and that I needed to expand on that. She also mentioned we need to get groceries. I said "Denmark my words, I shall go to the grocery store!".

Guy walks into the doctor's office...

A guy with green beans stuck in his ears goes to the doctor.

"Doc, ya gotta help me," he moans, "I feel terrible."

The doctor says, "Well I can tell just by looking at you, you're not eating right."

Why does the Irishman always put exactly 239 beans in his soup?

Because one more would be too farty.

My buddy says he can communicate with vegetables.

Jack and the beans talk.

Why did the Irishman put only 239 beans in his stew?

Because if he put one more it would be two forty.

A guy at the whorehouse

So a guys going down on this hooker in a whorehouse. He's eating and eating and all of a sudden gets some corn in his mouth. Well, he thinks thats kind of gross but chalks it up to a fluke and keeps on eating. A few minutes later he gets some carrots in his mouth. Again he thinks thats kind of gross and odd but again chalks it up to a fluke. Well he goes back to eating and eating and this time gets some beans in his mouth. He looks up from eating and says to the hooker, Damn lady, are you sick or something ..... she responds

No but the guy before you was

LOL

My mate Jack thinks he can talk to vegetables, or so he claims.

Honestly mate, jack and the beans talk

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the beans farty jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working beans artichokes piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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