Beans Jokes

Funniest Beans Short Jokes

Short beans jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The beans humour may include short banana jokes also.

1. What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I bet you never heard of someone paying $20 to have a garbanzo bean on their face.
2. Saw a homeless man eating a tin of baked beans and I thought it was really sad, so I walked over to him and said... "I think you're supposed to open that first"
3. What's the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean? I've never paid to have a lima bean on my chest.
4. What's the difference between a hippie girl and a can of beans? You would still eat the beans after a month in the woods
5. A barista was accused of stealing coffee beans by his boss. However, when they looked into the case, they found that there were no grounds to press charges.
6. Why don't gardeners ever tell secrets during the spring equinox? Because the potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears and the beans stalk!
   
7. What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? It doesn't cost me $50 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.
8. What do you call it after cowboys eat beans at high noon? A toot-out at the O.K. Corral.
   (Don't be mean. Inspired by my 2 month old.)
9. I heard that beans were John Lennon's favourite vegetable.... .....up until he decided to give peas a chance.
10. How do you make Turkish coffee? You grind up 1.5 million armenian coffee beans and lie about it for a century.

Share These Beans Jokes With Friends

Beans One Liners

Which beans one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with beans? I can suggest the ones about bread and berry.

1. What happens when you eat beans with onions? tear gas!
   (Written by my 9 yr old son)
2. I got banned from the secret cooking society… For spilling the beans.
3. I tried to send Sean Bean a death threat He mistook it for a job offer. :(
4. How do you make a neato burrito? With cool beans.
5. Why do green beans meditate? To find inner peas!
6. Life is like a bag of jelly beans Everyone hates the black ones
7. looking back, I wish I'd bought my baked beans online... Heinz site's a wonderful thing
8. What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion? Teargas
9. what can u make with onions and baked beans? tear gas
10. My friend jack claims he can communicate with vegetables.. Jack and the beans talk.
11. How do you discipline a coffee bean? You ground it.
12. What do Japanese kittens take to school for lunch? A bean-toe box!
13. Why was Jack scared? Because Jack was bean stalked
14. Why were the coffee beans upset? Because they were grounded.... Or black I am not sure.
15. What role do green beans play in Thanksgiving dinner? The casse-role.

Baked Beans Jokes

Here is a list of funny baked beans jokes and even better baked beans puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• what do you call a high Rowan Atkinson? Baked bean.
• What would you call a 100 year old can of baked beans? Has-beens.
• I want to open a bar that serves nothing but expensive beer and baked beans. I'll call it Farts & Crafts.
• *From Ian Ross, not mine* - A mum was asked 'Why is your daughter crying?' 'She has five baked beans stuck up her nose.'
  'And why is your son crying?'
  'He wants his lunch back.'
• What do you call a sunburnt vegan? A baked bean
• What do you call it when a car full of Mexicans catches fire? Baked beans
• Why weren't the baked beans heating up? They were just chilling
• During my school days I was living on baked beans. A house would probably have been a smarter option.
• Where do the baked beans end up after travelling around Australia? In Cairns
• Chuck Norris, not Duke, stole the recipie for Bush's Baked Beans.

Coffee Beans Jokes

Here is a list of funny coffee beans jokes and even better coffee beans puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• My online coffee bean order wasn't eligible for overnight delivery. They told me they only ship ground.
• Doctor, my girlfriend grinds her teeth while sleeping. Dr: Put some coffee beans in her mouth and set the alarm for 7:30am
• Recently a robber stole 300 cups worth of coffee beans How does he sleep at night.
• Why can you trust a coffee roaster? Because he never spills the beans :-)
• What do you get when you put coffee beans in the ground? Ground coffee
• In which Olympic event do coffee beans win gold? The decafalon
• What did the coffee shop owner's wife say when she discovered he wasn't using Free Trade beans? "That's grounds for divorce!"
• My wife made coffee this morning and I ended up with a piece of coffee bean in my teeth at the weekly department meeting. My lawyer has informed me this qualifies as grounds for divorce.
• Where did the coffee bean find his soul mate? Grinder
  (Thanks, Ellen)
• Chuck Norris doesn't use a coffee maker, he puts the coffee beans in his mouth and boils them with his rage.

Jelly Beans Jokes

Here is a list of funny jelly beans jokes and even better jelly beans puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What happens when you stick your hand in a jar of jelly beans? The black ones steal your watch.
• Why did the old man put jelly beans in his pill organizer? He had dementia.
• jelly bean challenge
• Jelly bean challenge
• What's your favorite kind of jelly? Beans
• Why do elephants paint their toe nails? To hide in a box of jelly beans. Ever see an elephant in a box of jelly beans? Must work pretty well!
  my aunt introduced this one to me.
• How do you find an elephant hiding in a jar of jelly beans? You don't. It's hiding.
• Jelly Beans are a lot like people. No one likes the black ones.

Chili Beans Jokes

Here is a list of funny chili beans jokes and even better chili beans puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• why does traditional Irish chili only have 239 beans in it? ...if it had one more, it would be "teew faarty"
• Why do cowboys eat beans by the campfire? Because it's kinda chili
• How does William Shakespeare make chili? With beans? Or not with beans?
  That is the question.

Green Beans Jokes

Here is a list of funny green beans jokes and even better green beans puns that will make you laugh with friends.

• What do you call an environmentally conscious Mexican? A green bean.
• I found a green vegetable in the shape of a clock. But I won't eat it. Not for the time bean
• What's the difference between a green bean and a chickpea? I wouldn't pay $50 to see a green bean.
• What do you call an Hispanic gentleman who drives a hybrid car? A green bean.
• Why did the green bean go to jail? He was disturbing the peas.
• Why did the Green Giant get a new lid? Because he always spills the beans.
• What do you get when you cross green beans and one plate? Dr sews people
  LOL GET IT

Hilarious Beans Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about beans you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rice jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make beans pranks.