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Bean Jokes

158 bean jokes and hilarious bean puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bean that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Make your day with a hearty serving of hilarious Bean Jokes! From puns about jelly bean to casseroles with soya and green beans, we've got all of your favorite types of bean jokes to give you a good laugh. Whether you're a fan of Mr. Bean or coffee beans, we have you covered with funny bean-related one-liners.

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Funniest Bean Short Jokes

Short bean jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bean humour may include short banana jokes also.

  1. What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I bet you never heard of someone paying $20 to have a garbanzo bean on their face.
  2. What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean? Nobody pays to have a garbanzo bean on their face.
  3. Why can't a farmer keep secrets on her farm? Because the corn has ears, the potatoes have eyes and the beans stalk.
  4. Saw a homeless man eating a tin of baked beans and I thought it was really sad, so I walked over to him and said... "I think you're supposed to open that first"
  5. Can you tell me why the Irish only put 239 beans in their chili? well me boy, one more would be "twofarty".
  6. Whats the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I haven't paid $500 to have a garbanzo bean in my face.
  7. What's the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean? I've never paid to have a lima bean on my chest.
  8. What's the difference between a hippie girl and a can of beans? You would still eat the beans after a month in the woods
  9. A barista was accused of stealing coffee beans by his boss. However, when they looked into the case, they found that there were no grounds to press charges.
  10. What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? Last night I didn't pay 20 bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

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Bean One Liners

Which bean one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bean? I can suggest the ones about berry and bung.

  1. What happens when you eat beans with onions? tear gas!
    (Written by my 9 yr old son)
  2. I got banned from the secret cooking society… For spilling the beans.
  3. I tried to send Sean Bean a death threat He mistook it for a job offer. :(
  4. How do you make a neato burrito? With cool beans.
  5. Why do green beans meditate? To find inner peas!
  6. Life is like a bag of jelly beans Everyone hates the black ones
  7. looking back, I wish I'd bought my baked beans online... Heinz site's a wonderful thing
  8. What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion? Teargas
  9. What do you get when you mix beans and onions? Tear gas
  10. what can u make with onions and baked beans? tear gas
  11. My friend jack claims he can communicate with vegetables.. Jack and the beans talk.
  12. How do you discipline a coffee bean? You ground it.
  13. Gas is still $1.29 if you know where to go. Taco Bell bean burritos.
  14. What do Japanese kittens take to school for lunch? A bean-toe box!
  15. I've been banned from the Secret Cooking Society... I kept spilling the beans.

Garbanzo Bean Jokes

Here is a list of funny garbanzo bean jokes and even better garbanzo bean puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? It doesn't cost me $50 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.
  • What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I wouldn't pay $39 to have a garbanzo bean on my chest.
  • What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I don't get hard when a garbanzo beans on my face.
  • Eating Hummus with my co-workers and I asked Hey, what's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?
    ... I've never paid $300 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.
  • What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea? They are the same thing, silly.
  • What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean? Trump doesn't have a video of a garbanzo beaning on his face
  • What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? Trump has never paid to see a garbanzo bean on a bed the Obamas slept in.
  • What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? There's no video of Trump paying to have Russian garbanzo bean on him.
  • What's the difference between a Garbanzo bean and a chick pea? Well I've never had a garbanzo bean on my chest before
  • What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I wouldn't let a garbanzo bean on me.

Sean Bean Jokes

Here is a list of funny sean bean jokes and even better sean bean puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Sean Bean is the Narrator for Civilization VI So I guess he dies after the Bronze Age or ...?
  • I just watched "the Martian" - What an unrealistic movie... ...Sean Bean survives.
  • My mother heard about Sean Beans recent marriage. "I think it's his fifth marriage." says Dad.
    "Wow." says Mom. "His marriages are like his roles in film. Short Lived."
  • I asked Sean and Shawn what their favorite kind of food is, they replied Sean: Beans
    Shawn: Bhawns
  • Nothing is certain but death, taxes and Sean Bean dying in a movie ...and I'm not completely sure about the first two.
  • How does Sean Bean get it both ways? He should be Seen Been or Shawn Bawn FFS
  • TIL Sean Bean is immortal And that dying in movies is the only way he can experience death
  • You couldn't kill Sean Bean if he was wearing a red shirt.
  • Sean Bean dies. There, I just ruined almost every movie he's in.
  • "Winter is coming..." "Aye, and so am I." *ugnhhh*
    Sean Bean, nooo!!
Bean joke, "Winter is coming..."

Mr Bean Jokes

Here is a list of funny mr bean jokes and even better mr bean puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What is the first name of Mr. Bean? Piratesofthecarib
  • Mr bean made the whole world laugh without saying a word But when i say a joke they would throw me out of the car.
  • I saw Mr. Bean in Han Solo's ship in Chicago today! Basically we saw The Bean in Millennium Park...
  • What's your favorite kind of bean? Mine is Mr.
  • Mr Bean bought a cow Do U Know Why Mr.BEAN Bought A Brown Cow???
    2 Get Chocolate Milk!!
  • Feminists are like Mr. Bean They do s**... stuff and everybody laughs at them!

Kidney Bean Jokes

Here is a list of funny kidney bean jokes and even better kidney bean puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between a kidney bean and a chickpea? Politicians won't pay $500 to have a kidney bean on their face.
  • I don't recommend eating kidney beans the night before church... ...I've been sitting in my own pew all morning.
  • White kidney bean extract-The Doctor's recommendations
  • A person sells their kidney beans
  • A guy goes into a grocery store and says, "I'd like a can of kidley beans." The grocer says, "Don't you mean kidney beans?"
    The man says, "I said kidley, d**... I?"

Jelly Bean Jokes

Here is a list of funny jelly bean jokes and even better jelly bean puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What happens when you stick your hand in a jar of jelly beans? The black ones steal your watch.
  • Why did the old man put jelly beans in his pill organizer? He had dementia.
  • jelly bean challenge
  • Jelly bean challenge
  • What's your favorite kind of jelly? Beans
  • Why do elephants paint their toe nails? To hide in a box of jelly beans. Ever see an elephant in a box of jelly beans? Must work pretty well!
    my aunt introduced this one to me.
  • How do you find an elephant hiding in a jar of jelly beans? You don't. It's hiding.
  • Life is like a packet of jelly beans. No one likes the black ones!
    (No offense meant)
  • What does the world and jelly beans have in common? Everyone hates the black ones.
  • Jelly Beans are a lot like people. No one likes the black ones.
Bean joke, Jelly Beans are a lot like people.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about bean can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of bean puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Uproarious Bean Jokes to Share with Friends

What funny jokes about bean you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean bread jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make bean prank.

How many beans are in Irish bean soup?

Two-thirty-nine. One more and it'd be too f**....

What do you call a Mexican baptism?

Bean dip

What did one bean say to the other?

How you bean doing.

Why did the green bean go to jail?

He was disturbing the peas.

A guy sat down in a restaurant and ordered a bowl of bean soup.

"I'm sorry," the waitress said, "but the customer next to you had the last bowl." The guy could see that the other customer had left most of his soup.
"Could I have that?" he asked.
"Sure." So he started eating--but halfway down he discovered a dead mouse.
"Ugh," he said, "I just found a dead mouse in the soup."
"That's as far as I got too," said the other man.

How did Jack know exactly where to find the goose in the giant's castle?

He had *bean stalking* her.

The perfect Irish bean stew

(In an Irish accent)
Why does d' perfect Irish stew require exactly two hundred n' terty nine beans?
Because if you added one more it'd be two f**....

Dem puns...

Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine beans in Irish Bean Soup?
Because if there be one moar, it'd be too f**...!

A young man starts a new job at a construction site

During his lunch break, he asks an older man what he's carrying in his lunch box.
"It's a thermos, it keeps cold things cold and hot things hot."
"Oh wow, I have to get me one of those!" Said the young man
The next day, the older man sees the younger man carrying a thermos.
"I see you got a thermos. What do you got in it?" He asks.
The young man replies, "Ice tea and hot bean soup!"

Two magic beans...

Two magic beans are in a court house. One of them wants a restraining order against the other.
The reason?
He's bean stalking her

What do you call an Hispanic gentleman who drives a hybrid car?

A green bean.

I have a Latvian Joke

Man has potato, man trade potato for magic bean.
Magic bean grow into tentacles, r**... daughter.

Why is Irish bean soup made with 239 beans?

Because if you add even one more it gets "2 f**...".

A true Irish bean soup is made with exactly 239 beans...

..if you were to add one more bean, it would be too f**....

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I don't pay to have a garbanzo bean on my face
(There's a slight pause between garbanzo and bean when speaking the joke)

¿Cómo frijoles?

How you bean?

Today I m**... while watching a Rowan Atkinson film.

I love a good bean flick

Why did Jack cross the road?

Because he was bean stalked.....

Why does Irish bean soup have exactly 239 beans in it?

(Irish accent) Because one more and it would be too f**....

You know the difference between a chick pea and a garbonzo bean?

Nobody will pay to watch a garbonzo bean

What do they call Muhammad Ali on bean night?

Gaseous Clay

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? (From u/cherryslurpee)

I won't pay 100 bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

What's better than having a garbanzo bean on your face?

Having a chickpea on your face.

What type of bean results in p**... death?

Sean Bean

How many beans are in Irish Chili?

239, because if there was 1 more it would be "Too f**...".

A woman goes to the doctor...

A woman goes to the doctor with a raspberry in her left nostril, a string bean in her right, a carrot in her right ear and a banana in her left. The woman says
"Doctor, I don't fell so well."
And the doctor replied
"Well for one thing, you're *definitely* not eating correctly."

What's the difference between a Lima Bean and a Chick Pea?

I never payed a hundred bucks to have a Lima Bean on my face.

Doctors Office

A guy walks into a doctors office. He has a piece of lettuce on his head, a string bean coming out of his nose and a carrot sticking out of his ear.
The doctor says, "I can see your problem right away, you're not eating right."

what do you call a high Rowan Atkinson?

Baked bean.

Two beans on the east coast of Australia

Ended up in Cairns.

Why was Jack scared?

Because Jack was bean stalked

What's another name for a Soy Mocha Latte?

3 bean soup

"Waiter, what kind of soup is this?"

"It's bean soup, sir."
"Never mind what it's been, what is it now?"

Why did the bean sell his car?

The back seat didn't have enough legume.

Beans!

A group of beans were traveling around France...
They ended up in Cannes.

Whats the difference between a Russian garbanzo bean and a Russian chickpea?

A president has never been blackmailed into treason over a video of him paying to have a Russian garbanzo bean on his face.

What's the difference between a garbonzo bean and a Russian chick pea?

Trump never paid money to see a garbonzo bean!

How come there can't be more than 239 beans in an Irish bean soup?

Because one more would make it
"Too f**..."

What do you call a bean that lives overseas?

A broad bean.

What did one green bean say to the other green bean?

"How ya bean?"
What did one sand dune say to the other sand dune?
"How ya dune?"
What did the green bean say to the sand dune?
"How ya bean dune?"

Whats the difference between a lima bean and a chickpea?

I wouldn't pay $200 to have a lima bean on me.

Why did the Irishman not add one more bean to his 239 bean soup?

Because it would have been too f**....

A mother takes her crying baby to the hospital.....

The doctor gets out his little exam light and ends up pulling a Lima bean out of the kids left ear, a baby carrot out of one nostril, a Skittle and two peas out of the other nostril and a hunk of pear out of the kids' right ear.
The mom cringes as she watches all of this, then asks the doctor what's wrong with the kid.
The doctor shrugs a bit and says, "I'm not sure yet, but for one thing, he certainly isn't eating right."

What's the difference between a garbonzo bean and a chic pea?

Trump never saw a garbonzo bean on a hotel bed.

Did you hear about the coffee bean that committed m**...?

It was sentenced to death by decaffeination.

I found a green vegetable in the shape of a clock. But I won't eat it.

Not for the time bean

What do you call an environmentally conscious Mexican?

A green bean.

This is a....

Bean and cheese conversation. Nachos.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

Chickpeas don't get reposted every single friggin day you unfunny b**....

Whats the difference between a chick pea and a garbonzo bean?

Donald Trump wouldn't let a russian garbonzo bean on his face.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbonzo bean?

I've never paid 300 dollars to have a garbonzo bean on my face.

What is one bean plus four beans?

FAVA BEANS!!!!!

What's the difference between a Lima Bean and a Chick Pea?

Donald Trump has never had a Lima Bean on his chest.

Why do the Irish only put two hundred and thirty nine beans in their chili?

Because if they added just one more bean, it would be too f**...!

What's the difference between a green bean and a chickpea?

I wouldn't pay $50 to see a green bean.

A man is dining in a restaurant and he turns to the waiter.

"Waiter, waiter. What is this I am eating?"
The waiter says: "It's bean soup, sir."
"I don't care what it has been, I want to know what it is."

There's been a rumor going around recently that Rowan Atkinson can't please his wife

Apparently he missed her bean

Carobs grow on carob trees in warm climates. They are frequently transported to other regions by air.

Usually by pilots of the carob bean.

What country has the coldest bean stew

Chile

Why didn't the trains at the station leave after the passengers boarded?

If they wanted to leave, they would have gone to the leavetion.

I apologize, it's a terrible joke. But I made it up on the spot and it caused my daughter to snort the bean sprout she was eating into her nose.

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face.
Sorry if this is recycled, I just heard it a second ago

I used to can beans for a living,

In Heinz sight it wasn't a bad job.

The definition of an asparagus:

A bean with aspirations of becoming a paintbrush.

Bean joke, The definition of an asparagus:

jokes about bean

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these bean jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.