bean Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious bean puns

A woman goes to the doctor...

A woman goes to the doctor with a raspberry in her left nostril, a string bean in her right, a carrot in her right ear and a banana in her left. The woman says

"Doctor, I don't fell so well."

And the doctor replied

"Well for one thing, you're *definitely* not eating correctly."

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What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I bet you never heard of someone paying $20 to have a garbanzo bean on their face.

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Why does Irish bean soup have exactly 239 beans in it?

(Irish accent) Because one more and it would be too farty.

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What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?

Nobody pays to have a garbanzo bean on their face.

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How many beans are in Irish bean soup?

Two-thirty-nine. One more and it'd be too farty.

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Why is Irish bean soup made with 239 beans?

Because if you add even one more it gets "2 farty".

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Why did the Irishman only put 239 beans in his bean soup?

Because one more would be too farty

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What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?

Teargas

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Whats the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I haven't paid $500 to have a garbanzo bean in my face.

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What's the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean?

I've never paid to have a lima bean on my chest.

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What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? [NSFW]

You don't pay $200 to have a garbanzo on your face

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A girlfriend goes to her boyfriends house for the first time...

and she is obviously really nervous about meeting his parents. So they are about to begin eating dinner and her stomach is starting to feel more and more queasy; and sure enough the boyfriends mom cooked bean casserole. Several minutes pass and the girlfriend can no longer hold the pressure in her stomach so she decides to pass a little bit of gas as quietly as possible.
"Skippy!" yells the father.
She thinks 'This is great, the father thinks the dog under my chair is farting and not me!
So a couple minutes pass and she lets another fart go, a bit louder this time.
"Skippy!" yells the father again.
Now the girlfriend is gleaming, and after several more minutes decides to relieve all the pressure built up in one huge fart.
"Skippy! Get away from that bitch before she shits on you!"

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What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

Last night I didn't pay 20 bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

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What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Garbanzo bean?

You wouldn't pay money to have a Garbanzo bean on your face!

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Why do the Irish only put two hundred and thirty nine beans in their chili?

Because if they added just one more bean, it would be too farty!

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Whats the difference between a chick pea and a garbonzo bean?

Donald Trump wouldn't let a russian garbonzo bean on his face.

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What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I wouldn't pay $39 to have a garbanzo bean on my chest.

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What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

It doesn't cost me $50 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

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How do you discipline a coffee bean?

You ground it.

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The story of Mr. Bean vs. Einstein

Einstein: I will give you a question, and you will give a question to me as well. If you can't answer my question, you will give me $1, and if I can't answer your question, I will give you $1000.

Mr. Bean: OK

Einstein: (gives Mr. Bean a hard question)

Mr. Bean: (gives Einstein a dollar)

Einstein: Okay, your turn.

Mr. Bean: What is the animal that has 4 legs, and when he crosses a street has only 2 legs, and when he goes back, he has 5 legs.

Einstein: (thinking very long) I give up. I can't answer that. (Einstein gives Mr. Bean $1000)

Einstein: But what animal is that, Mr. Bean?

Mr. Bean: (gives $1 to Einstein)

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What's the difference between a Lima Bean and a Chick Pea?

Donald Trump has never had a Lima Bean on his chest.

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What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I don't get hard when a garbanzo beans on my face.

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Why was Jack scared?

Because Jack was bean stalked

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There's a blonde man, a Mexican man, and an Italian man sitting on a construction site eating lunch and...

The Mexican man opens his lunch and exclaims, "Bean burritos again?! I swear if I get bean burritos one more time I am going to jump and kill myself!" Then the Italian man opens his lunch and says, "Seriously?! Spaghetti and meatballs again?! If I get this one more time in my lunch I am going to jump and kill myself as well!" then the blonde man opened his lunch and gets a ham and cheese sammich and pretty much says the same thing as the other guys.

Then next day at lunch time the three guys go to the the top of the site and open there lunches, all of them got exactly what they had yesterday and jumped to their deaths.

At the funeral the Mexican's wife goes up to the front and says, "If only I'd known he didn't want burritos for lunch I would have made him something else!" Next the Italian's wife walks up and says, "He should have told me he didn't want spaghetti and meatballs! I just would have made him something else!" After this everyone at the funeral looks at the blonde man's wife waiting for her to say something and she just says, "Don't look at me he makes his own lunch."

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Mr. Bean and Einstein

Mr. Bean and Einstein were taking a coffee when Einstein challenges Mr. Bean to a knowledge challenge.

**Einstein**: here is the deal, Bean. I'll make you a question. If you don't know the answer you give me 1$. Then you ask me something and if I have no answers for you, I'll give you 1000$

**Mr. Bean**: Fine.

Einstein, sure of his upcoming success, proceeds to ask Bean his question.

**Einstein**: What's the basic of quantum physics?

**Mr. Bean**: ehm...
He gives Einstein $1.

**Einstein**: alright, it's your turn now.

**Mr. Bean**: What has four legs while crossing the street, five legs when sitting down and two legs while flying?

Einstein thinks once, twice... But he really can't come up with an answer so he gives Mr. Bean $1000.
But then...

**Einstein**: But what was the answer?

*Mr. Bean gives Einstein $1*.

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An Irishman and his bean soup

Why did the Irishman only want 239 beans in his soup?

Because one more would be too farty.

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What's the difference between a lima bean and a chickpea?

I've never had a lima bean on my face.

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A blond woman is driving down the road in her Volkswagon......

and she sees another blond woman sitting in a row boat in the middle of a bean field. She stops the car and yells to the woman in the boat: "What the hell are you doing?" The blonde in the boat yells back: "I'm fishing." The first woman yells: "Are you crazy? You don't fish in a bean field. You know, it's stupid bitches like you that give blondes a bad name. Why, if I knew how to swim I would come out there and kick your ass."

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Eating Hummus with my co-workers and I asked

Hey, what's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

... I've never paid $300 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

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what do you call a high Rowan Atkinson?

Baked bean.

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What's the difference between a Chickpea and a Garbanzo bean?

I won't pay 10 bucks to have a Garbanzo bean on my face

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What do you call a Mexican baptism?

Bean dip.

No offense intended(to get the racial shit stated before I get hit with it)

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Whats the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chick pea ?

I've never paid to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

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A mother takes her crying baby to the hospital.....

The doctor gets out his little exam light and ends up pulling a Lima bean out of the kids left ear, a baby carrot out of one nostril, a Skittle and two peas out of the other nostril and a hunk of pear out of the kids' right ear.

The mom cringes as she watches all of this, then asks the doctor what's wrong with the kid.

The doctor shrugs a bit and says, "I'm not sure yet, but for one thing, he certainly isn't eating right."

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What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?

Trump doesn't have a video of a garbanzo beaning on his face

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What are the most funny Bean jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Bean? Well, here are the best Bean dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Bean pick up lines to share with friends.

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