The Best 72 Bean Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Bean jokes. There are some bean farty jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bean green beans puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Bean Jokes and Puns

How many beans are in Irish bean soup?

Two-thirty-nine. One more and it'd be too farty.

What do you call a Mexican baptism?

Bean dip

What did one bean say to the other?

How you bean doing.

Bean joke, What did one bean say to the other?

What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?

Nobody pays to have a garbanzo bean on their face.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? [NSFW]

You don't pay $200 to have a garbanzo on your face


Whats the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I haven't paid $500 to have a garbanzo bean in my face.

How did Jack know exactly where to find the goose in the giant's castle?

He had *bean stalking* her.

Bean joke, How did Jack know exactly where to find the goose in the giant's castle?

Dem puns...

Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine beans in Irish Bean Soup?

Because if there be one moar, it'd be too farty!

A young man starts a new job at a construction site

During his lunch break, he asks an older man what he's carrying in his lunch box.

"It's a thermos, it keeps cold things cold and hot things hot."

"Oh wow, I have to get me one of those!" Said the young man

The next day, the older man sees the younger man carrying a thermos.

"I see you got a thermos. What do you got in it?" He asks.

The young man replies, "Ice tea and hot bean soup!"

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

Last night I didn't pay 20 bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I wouldn't pay $39 to have a garbanzo bean on my chest.

You can explore bean beaner reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bean edamame dad jokes. There are also bean puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What do you call an Hispanic gentleman who drives a hybrid car?

A green bean.

Why is Irish bean soup made with 239 beans?

Because if you add even one more it gets "2 farty".

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I don't pay to have a garbanzo bean on my face

(There's a slight pause between garbanzo and bean when speaking the joke)

Why did Jack cross the road?

Because he was bean stalked.....

Eating Hummus with my co-workers and I asked

Hey, what's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

... I've never paid $300 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

Bean joke, Eating Hummus with my co-workers and I asked

Why does Irish bean soup have exactly 239 beans in it?

(Irish accent) Because one more and it would be too farty.

You know the difference between a chick pea and a garbonzo bean?

Nobody will pay to watch a garbonzo bean

What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?

Teargas


What do they call Muhammad Ali on bean night?

Gaseous Clay

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? (From u/cherryslurpee)

I won't pay 100 bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

What type of bean results in premature death?

Sean Bean

How many beans are in Irish Chili?

239, because if there was 1 more it would be "Too Farty".

A woman goes to the doctor...

A woman goes to the doctor with a raspberry in her left nostril, a string bean in her right, a carrot in her right ear and a banana in her left. The woman says

"Doctor, I don't fell so well."

And the doctor replied

"Well for one thing, you're *definitely* not eating correctly."

What's the difference between a Lima Bean and a Chick Pea?

I never payed a hundred bucks to have a Lima Bean on my face.

Doctors Office

A guy walks into a doctors office. He has a piece of lettuce on his head, a string bean coming out of his nose and a carrot sticking out of his ear.

The doctor says, "I can see your problem right away, you're not eating right."

what do you call a high Rowan Atkinson?

Baked bean.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean?

I've never paid to have a lima bean on my chest.

Why was Jack scared?

Because Jack was bean stalked

Sean Bean is the Narrator for Civilization VI

So I guess he dies after the Bronze Age or ...?

"Waiter, what kind of soup is this?"

"It's bean soup, sir."
"Never mind what it's been, what is it now?"

Beans!

A group of beans were traveling around France...

They ended up in Cannes.

What's the difference between a garbonzo bean and a Russian chick pea?

Trump never paid money to see a garbonzo bean!

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

It doesn't cost me $50 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

What do you call a bean that lives overseas?

A broad bean.

What did one green bean say to the other green bean?

"How ya bean?"

What did one sand dune say to the other sand dune?

"How ya dune?"

What did the green bean say to the sand dune?

"How ya bean dune?"

Whats the difference between a lima bean and a chickpea?

I wouldn't pay $200 to have a lima bean on me.

Why did the Irishman not add one more bean to his 239 bean soup?

Because it would have been too farty.

How do you discipline a coffee bean?

You ground it.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

Trump has never paid to see a garbanzo bean on a bed the Obamas slept in.

A mother takes her crying baby to the hospital.....

The doctor gets out his little exam light and ends up pulling a Lima bean out of the kids left ear, a baby carrot out of one nostril, a Skittle and two peas out of the other nostril and a hunk of pear out of the kids' right ear.

The mom cringes as she watches all of this, then asks the doctor what's wrong with the kid.

The doctor shrugs a bit and says, "I'm not sure yet, but for one thing, he certainly isn't eating right."

Did you hear about the coffee bean that committed murder?

It was sentenced to death by decaffeination.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

There's no video of Trump paying to have Russian garbanzo bean on him.

I found a green vegetable in the shape of a clock. But I won't eat it.

Not for the time bean

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I don't get hard when a garbanzo beans on my face.

What do you call an environmentally conscious Mexican?

A green bean.

What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?

Trump doesn't have a video of a garbanzo beaning on his face

Whats the difference between a chick pea and a garbonzo bean?

Donald Trump wouldn't let a russian garbonzo bean on his face.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbonzo bean?

I've never paid 300 dollars to have a garbonzo bean on my face.

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I bet you never heard of someone paying $20 to have a garbanzo bean on their face.

What is one bean plus four beans?

FAVA BEANS!!!!!

What's the difference between a Lima Bean and a Chick Pea?

Donald Trump has never had a Lima Bean on his chest.

Why do the Irish only put two hundred and thirty nine beans in their chili?

Because if they added just one more bean, it would be too farty!

What's the difference between a green bean and a chickpea?

I wouldn't pay $50 to see a green bean.

What is the first name of Mr. Bean?

Piratesofthecarib

A man is dining in a restaurant and he turns to the waiter.

"Waiter, waiter. What is this I am eating?"

The waiter says: "It's bean soup, sir."

"I don't care what it has been, I want to know what it is."

There's been a rumor going around recently that Rowan Atkinson can't please his wife

Apparently he missed her bean

Carobs grow on carob trees in warm climates. They are frequently transported to other regions by air.

Usually by pilots of the carob bean.

Why didn't the trains at the station leave after the passengers boarded?

If they wanted to leave, they would have gone to the leavetion.



I apologize, it's a terrible joke. But I made it up on the spot and it caused my daughter to snort the bean sprout she was eating into her nose.

What's the difference between a kidney bean and a chickpea?

Politicians won't pay $500 to have a kidney bean on their face.

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face.

Sorry if this is recycled, I just heard it a second ago

I used to can beans for a living,

In Heinz sight it wasn't a bad job.

The definition of an asparagus:

A bean with aspirations of becoming a paintbrush.

What's the difference between a Garbanzo bean and a chick pea?

Well I've never had a garbanzo bean on my chest before

Rowan Atkinson visits Mexico , goes to a restaurant and orders a burrito.

The burrito was huge and Rowan couldn't finish it , he picks up his plate goes to the chef and says
"That was the best burrito ever"
The chef replies
"Thank you senor but you missed a bean"

Albert Einstein challenged Mr. Bean

Einstein said to Mr. Bean: "I'll ask you a question.​If you can't answer correctly, you'll give me one dollar. Then you ask me a question. If I can't answer correctly, I'll give you 1000 dollars.

Einstein: asks a question.

Mr. Bean after a little while: gives Einstein one dollar.

Einstein says: Okay, it's your turn.

Mr. Bean asks: What's an animal that has four legs, but when it's crossing a street, it has three legs and when it's on the other side of the street, it has only two?

Einstein: Thinks hard for a while.

Einstein says: I give up. *Gives 1000 dollars to Mr. Bean*

Einstein asks: What is it?

Mr. Bean: gives a dollar to Einstein.

Just traded my girlfriend for a bean burrito.

Food for thot.

What do you call a gay bean?

A Les-bean

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I wouldn't let a garbanzo bean on me.

What do you call a sunburnt vegan?

A baked bean

Why couldn't Jack, from Jack and the Beanstalk, go up to the castle in the sky anymore?

He's already bean there

I met an Irishman who cooked beans and he would just use exactly 239 beans per pot. I asked him, why? He said

If I added just one more bean, it would be too farty!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bean soybean jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bean pod piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes