Bean Jokes

Following is our collection of beaner humor and farty one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Bean puns for adults, dirty edamame jokes or clean green beans gags for kids.

There is an abundance of soybean jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 71 funniest jokes on bean. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any pod witze you can hear about bean.

The Best jokes about Bean

Albert Einstein challenged Mr. Bean

Einstein said to Mr. Bean: "I'll ask you a question.​If you can't answer correctly, you'll give me one dollar. Then you ask me a question. If I can't answer correctly, I'll give you 1000 dollars.

Einstein: asks a question.

Mr. Bean after a little while: gives Einstein one dollar.

Einstein says: Okay, it's your turn.

Mr. Bean asks: What's an animal that has four legs, but when it's crossing a street, it has three legs and when it's on the other side of the street, it has only two?

Einstein: Thinks hard for a while.

Einstein says: I give up. *Gives 1000 dollars to Mr. Bean*

Einstein asks: What is it?

Mr. Bean: gives a dollar to Einstein.

A woman goes to the doctor...

A woman goes to the doctor with a raspberry in her left nostril, a string bean in her right, a carrot in her right ear and a banana in her left. The woman says

"Doctor, I don't fell so well."

And the doctor replied

"Well for one thing, you're *definitely* not eating correctly."

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I bet you never heard of someone paying $20 to have a garbanzo bean on their face.

Why does Irish bean soup have exactly 239 beans in it?

(Irish accent) Because one more and it would be too farty.

What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?

Nobody pays to have a garbanzo bean on their face.


How many beans are in Irish bean soup?

Two-thirty-nine. One more and it'd be too farty.

Why is Irish bean soup made with 239 beans?

Because if you add even one more it gets "2 farty".

What do you get when you cross a bean and an onion?

Teargas

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? [NSFW]

You don't pay $200 to have a garbanzo on your face

Whats the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I haven't paid $500 to have a garbanzo bean in my face.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a lima bean?

I've never paid to have a lima bean on my chest.


What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

Last night I didn't pay 20 bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

Why do the Irish only put two hundred and thirty nine beans in their chili?

Because if they added just one more bean, it would be too farty!

Whats the difference between a chick pea and a garbonzo bean?

Donald Trump wouldn't let a russian garbonzo bean on his face.

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I wouldn't pay $39 to have a garbanzo bean on my chest.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

It doesn't cost me $50 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

How do you discipline a coffee bean?

You ground it.

The story of Mr. Bean vs. Einstein

Einstein: I will give you a question, and you will give a question to me as well. If you can't answer my question, you will give me $1, and if I can't answer your question, I will give you $1000.

Mr. Bean: OK

Einstein: (gives Mr. Bean a hard question)

Mr. Bean: (gives Einstein a dollar)

Einstein: Okay, your turn.

Mr. Bean: What is the animal that has 4 legs, and when he crosses a street has only 2 legs, and when he goes back, he has 5 legs.

Einstein: (thinking very long) I give up. I can't answer that. (Einstein gives Mr. Bean $1000)

Einstein: But what animal is that, Mr. Bean?

Mr. Bean: (gives $1 to Einstein)

What's the difference between a Lima Bean and a Chick Pea?

Donald Trump has never had a Lima Bean on his chest.


What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I don't get hard when a garbanzo beans on my face.

Why was Jack scared?

Because Jack was bean stalked

There's a blonde man, a Mexican man, and an Italian man sitting on a construction site eating lunch and...

The Mexican man opens his lunch and exclaims, "Bean burritos again?! I swear if I get bean burritos one more time I am going to jump and kill myself!" Then the Italian man opens his lunch and says, "Seriously?! Spaghetti and meatballs again?! If I get this one more time in my lunch I am going to jump and kill myself as well!" then the blonde man opened his lunch and gets a ham and cheese sammich and pretty much says the same thing as the other guys.

Then next day at lunch time the three guys go to the the top of the site and open there lunches, all of them got exactly what they had yesterday and jumped to their deaths.

At the funeral the Mexican's wife goes up to the front and says, "If only I'd known he didn't want burritos for lunch I would have made him something else!" Next the Italian's wife walks up and says, "He should have told me he didn't want spaghetti and meatballs! I just would have made him something else!" After this everyone at the funeral looks at the blonde man's wife waiting for her to say something and she just says, "Don't look at me he makes his own lunch."

Mr. Bean and Einstein

Mr. Bean and Einstein were taking a coffee when Einstein challenges Mr. Bean to a knowledge challenge.

**Einstein**: here is the deal, Bean. I'll make you a question. If you don't know the answer you give me 1$. Then you ask me something and if I have no answers for you, I'll give you 1000$

**Mr. Bean**: Fine.

Einstein, sure of his upcoming success, proceeds to ask Bean his question.

**Einstein**: What's the basic of quantum physics?

**Mr. Bean**: ehm...
He gives Einstein $1.

**Einstein**: alright, it's your turn now.

**Mr. Bean**: What has four legs while crossing the street, five legs when sitting down and two legs while flying?

Einstein thinks once, twice... But he really can't come up with an answer so he gives Mr. Bean $1000.
But then...

**Einstein**: But what was the answer?

*Mr. Bean gives Einstein $1*.

There's been a rumor going around recently that Rowan Atkinson can't please his wife

Apparently he missed her bean

Eating Hummus with my co-workers and I asked

Hey, what's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

... I've never paid $300 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

what do you call a high Rowan Atkinson?

Baked bean.

A mother takes her crying baby to the hospital.....

The doctor gets out his little exam light and ends up pulling a Lima bean out of the kids left ear, a baby carrot out of one nostril, a Skittle and two peas out of the other nostril and a hunk of pear out of the kids' right ear.

The mom cringes as she watches all of this, then asks the doctor what's wrong with the kid.

The doctor shrugs a bit and says, "I'm not sure yet, but for one thing, he certainly isn't eating right."

What's the difference between a chick pea and a garbanzo bean?

Trump doesn't have a video of a garbanzo beaning on his face

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

Trump has never paid to see a garbanzo bean on a bed the Obamas slept in.

Did you hear about the coffee bean that committed murder?

It was sentenced to death by decaffeination.

Just traded my girlfriend for a bean burrito.

Food for thot.

A man is dining in a restaurant and he turns to the waiter.

"Waiter, waiter. What is this I am eating?"

The waiter says: "It's bean soup, sir."

"I don't care what it has been, I want to know what it is."

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

There's no video of Trump paying to have Russian garbanzo bean on him.

I found a green vegetable in the shape of a clock. But I won't eat it.

Not for the time bean

What do you call an environmentally conscious Mexican?

A green bean.

What do you call a Mexican baptism?

Bean dip

What's the difference between a green bean and a chickpea?

I wouldn't pay $50 to see a green bean.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbonzo bean?

I've never paid 300 dollars to have a garbonzo bean on my face.

How many beans are in Irish Chili?

239, because if there was 1 more it would be "Too Farty".

Whats the difference between a lima bean and a chickpea?

I wouldn't pay $200 to have a lima bean on me.

Dem puns...

Why are there two hundred and thirty-nine beans in Irish Bean Soup?

Because if there be one moar, it'd be too farty!

What's the difference between a Garbanzo bean and a chick pea?

Well I've never had a garbanzo bean on my chest before

How did Jack know exactly where to find the goose in the giant's castle?

He had *bean stalking* her.

What's the difference between a garbonzo bean and a Russian chick pea?

Trump never paid money to see a garbonzo bean!

What type of bean results in premature death?

Sean Bean

Einstein vs. Mr. Bean

The two were conversing.

Einstein challenged Mr. Bean, stating that if Bean couldn't answer Einstein's question, Bean would have to give him $1 as self-punishment.

Bean could also ask Einstein a question in return, and if the genius couldn't answer, he would have to give up $1000.

Einstein asked a very complicated question to which Bean had no answer.

Frustrated, Bean gave him a dollar. Now it was his turn.

B: "What animal has 4 legs, but only has 2 when he crosses the street, but 5 when he comes back?"

Stumped, Einstein gave him $1000.

E: "Good one. But tell me, what is this animal?"

Mr. Bean gave him a dollar.

What's the difference between a kidney bean and a chickpea?

Politicians won't pay $500 to have a kidney bean on their face.

What did one bean say to the other?

How you bean doing.

Carobs grow on carob trees in warm climates. They are frequently transported to other regions by air.

Usually by pilots of the carob bean.

"Waiter, what kind of soup is this?"

"It's bean soup, sir."
"Never mind what it's been, what is it now?"

Sean Bean is the Narrator for Civilization VI

So I guess he dies after the Bronze Age or ...?

What is the first name of Mr. Bean?

Piratesofthecarib

What is one bean plus four beans?

FAVA BEANS!!!!!

What do you call an Hispanic gentleman who drives a hybrid car?

A green bean.

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face.

Sorry if this is recycled, I just heard it a second ago

Mr. Bean vs Einstein

*Einstein*: I will give you a question and you will give me one. If you can't answer my question, you will give me $!, and if I can't answer your question, I'll give you $1000!

*Mr. Bean*: Okay.

*Einstein*: What is a light year a measure of?

*Mr. Bean*: *Gives Einstein $1*

*Einstein*: It's a measure of distance! Okay, your turn.

*Mr. Bean*: What is the animal that has 4 legs, and when he crosses a street he only has 2 legs, and when he goes back, he only has 5 legs?

*Einstein*: *(Thinks very hard)*... I don't know, I can't answer that...*(Einstein gives Mr. Bean $1000)*

*Einstein*: But what animal is that, Mr. Bean?

*Mr. Bean*: *Gives Einstein $1*

Why didn't the trains at the station leave after the passengers boarded?

If they wanted to leave, they would have gone to the leavetion.



I apologize, it's a terrible joke. But I made it up on the spot and it caused my daughter to snort the bean sprout she was eating into her nose.

Why did Jack cross the road?

Because he was bean stalked.....

Beans!

A group of beans were traveling around France...

They ended up in Cannes.

Why did the Irishman not add one more bean to his 239 bean soup?

Because it would have been too farty.

I used to can beans for a living,

In Heinz sight it wasn't a bad job.

The definition of an asparagus:

A bean with aspirations of becoming a paintbrush.

A guy sat down in a restaurant and ordered a bowl of bean soup.

"I'm sorry," the waitress said, "but the customer next to you had the last bowl." The guy could see that the other customer had left most of his soup.

"Could I have that?" he asked.

"Sure." So he started eating--but halfway down he discovered a dead mouse.

"Ugh," he said, "I just found a dead mouse in the soup."

"That's as far as I got too," said the other man.

What do you call a bean that lives overseas?

A broad bean.

What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean?

I don't pay to have a garbanzo bean on my face

(There's a slight pause between garbanzo and bean when speaking the joke)

Why did the bean sell his car?

The back seat didn't have enough legume.

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? (From u/cherryslurpee)

I won't pay 100 bucks to have a garbanzo bean on my face.

I just watched "the Martian" - What an unrealistic movie...

...Sean Bean survives.

What did one green bean say to the other green bean?

"How ya bean?"

What did one sand dune say to the other sand dune?

"How ya dune?"

What did the green bean say to the sand dune?

"How ya bean dune?"

What's the difference between a Lima Bean and a Chick Pea?

I never payed a hundred bucks to have a Lima Bean on my face.

You know the difference between a chick pea and a garbonzo bean?

Nobody will pay to watch a garbonzo bean

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes