Bean Counter Jokes
3 bean counter jokes and hilarious bean counter puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bean counter that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Amusing & Witty Bean Counter Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What is a good bean counter joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Preparations for parenthood.
Not sure you are prepared to be a parent, here are some tips to get you started.
Women: to prepare for maternity, put on a bathrobe and stick a giant beanbag chair down the front and leave it for 9 months. After the 9 months, empty out approximately 10-20% of the beans.
Men: to prepare for paternity, go to your local drug store, dump the contents of your wallet on the counter and give it the pharmacist. Then, go to the supermarket and arrange to have your salary direct-deposit to their headquarters. Go home, pick up the paper and read it for the very last time.
Something on our Sausages
THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED TODAY
I had to go to the corner shop to get some bread and ketchup as we ran out yesterday.
I went in got my medium warburtons loaf and the classic bottle of heinz beans and joined the queue.
When I was the second person to the counter the man in front of me put down some condoms
I then proceeded to put the ketchup directly behind the condoms
The man then looked at the condoms and ketchup and turned to look me in the eye
Then (I think it was just instinct) i said 'I see we both have something to put on our sausages
I laughed, he laughed, the cash lady laughed and the three women behind me laughed it was one of the greatest moments of my life!
There's this lady who works in a bank...
... her name is Patricia Wack, but all her friends and colleagues call her Pattie. She's very good at her job. One of those people who pays painful and pedantic attention to detail, does everything by the book, and is generally a bit annoying, but does a great job as a bank teller.
One day, while she's going about her daily tasks, a frog hops up onto her counter.
"I want a loan," says the frog.
"Have you filled out the application?" asks Patricia.
"No," replies the frog. "I don't need to bother with all that b**.... Just go and get your manager. I've dealt with him before, and he'll give me the loan."
"Hang on," says Patricia, "I don't see any paperwork or ID, and I don't know the first thing about you. I don't know if you're having me on, or trying to defraud the bank. What's your name?"
"Kermit Jagger," says the frog.
"Now you're really having me on," says Patricia. "Get out of this bank before I call the police."
"No, seriously, go talk to your manager," says the frog. He digs around in his pocket and pulls out a Mr Bean Bobblehead. "Take this and give it to him. He'll know what it is."
Patricia reluctantly takes the toy, and walks upstairs to her manager's office. She knocks on the door, and he waves her in.
"What is it, Pattie?" He asks.
"Well, sir, there's a frog downstairs wanting a loan, but has none of the necessary documents or ID. He says he knows you, and to give you this." With that she places the bobblehead on the manager's desk.
The manager looks at it for a little while, smiles and says, "No worries, Pattie. You can go ahead and approve him up to $20,000."
"But sir!!! He has no ID or credit history with him! He didn't bring any paperwork, and won't do this by the book at all! What's going on, anyway? And what is that... toy that he made me bring to you, anyway?? What's that got to do with it?"
The manager sighs, leans forward, and says, "It's a nick-nack, Pattie Wack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
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