Beam Light Jokes
26 beam light jokes and hilarious beam light puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about beam light that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Share These Beam Light Jokes With Friends
Quirky and Hilarious Beam Light Jokes to Let the Chuckles Begin.
What is a good beam light joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
A very religious man went on a safari
When he was there, he found a huge lion. The man didn't have a gun and there was no way he could outrun the lion. So, he did the only thing he could do. He got on his knees and prayed "Dear God, I was always a good Christian. Will you perform a miracle and give this lion some christian feelings".
That moment, the clouds parted and a beam of light came from above and touched the lion's heart. The lion raised his paws to the heavens and loudly prayed "Thank you Lord for this meal I'm about to receive."
PS: it was a beam of light.
PPS: 12 700 upvotes and 17 awards. Thank you so much. I haven't been this happy since Xmas.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Prisoners attempt to escape from jail.
The first one throws a rope to the top of the fence, and quietly climbs to the top. But before his cellmate can do the same, the rope breaks.
"How will I get out now?" The unfortunate prisoner asks. The other one pulls out a flashlight.
"Don't worry," he replied, "I'll shine the light down and you can climb up the beam of light."
"Do you really think I'm that s**...?" He asked, "You'll turn it off when I'm halfway to the top!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Mental patients
Two mental patients escaped from the mental hospital but had to cross a river to continue there journey. One patient said to the other: I have a Flashlight as he pointed it across the river and said: you run across the beam of light! the other patient said: Do you think I am s**......I will get half way across and you will turn the flashlight off.
How do you arrest a beam of light?
You put it in a prism cell.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Old joke
Two mental patients were planning their escape from the psych ward.
1st guy: "Once we get to the roof, I'll turn on the flashlight, and you can slide down the beam of light."
2nd guy: "I may be crazy, but I'm not s**...! How do I know you won't turn the flashlight off?"
Why did the light beam feel so blue?
Because it was chromatized
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two blondes were running from the cops as they had just been caught sneeking over the border into Mexico.
They dashed up to a fence and climbed over it, lights and sirens running behind them.
As they arrived on the other side, they came face to face with a long river.
One blonde said to the other. "Here I'll shine this flashlight over the water and you can walk accross the beam of light."
The other said: "What do you think I am, s**...!? I'll get halfway accross and you'll turn it off!"
Two inmates languish in a pitch dark prison cell. Ben shines a torch to a tiny window 15 feet from the floor and said: "Joe, you climb up by grasping this beam of light until you reach the window. Freedom awaits!" Joe shakes his head. Ben: "Why not?"
"When I'm halfway up, you might turn off the torch..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did one beam of light say to the other just before they slammed into each other?
Dude, you can totally c**... on my photon.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the rude prism say to the beam of light that smacked into him?
Get bent!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two men are locked in a cell inside of an insane asylum
The first man says to the second Hey listen, I have a plan to get us out of here.
Really?! Ok go on replies the second man.
The first man says okay well you see I'm going to take this flashlight here, turn it on, and aim it at the window over there and then you hop on the beam of light and walk to the window on it and escape.
The second man gives the first man a dirty look and says You think I'm sooooo s**... dont you....... I know as soon as I get on the beam you're just gonna turn the light off.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two patients are trying to escape a mental hospital
They devise a plan to get up to the rooftop and jump from one building to another. When they get there, the first patient jumps across to the next building with ease, but his friend was scared that he wouldn't make it if he jumped. The first patient thinks for a while then comes up with an plan.
P1: "I know! I'll just shine my flashlight to you and you can use the beam to walk towards me."
The second patient thinks for a moment and replies :
"What am I, s**...? You'll just turn the light of when I get halfway across."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Fishing on the Ohio river
There was an old h**... on the Kentucky side and a r**... on the Ohio side. The h**... wasn't catching anything while the r**... was. So the h**... yelled across the river and asked how the r**... was catching all those fish. The r**... yelled back and said that he needed to be on this side of the river. The h**... was upset and yelled back that there was no bridge. The r**... told him he would turn on his flashlight and the h**... could walk across the light beam. The h**... thought about it for a minute and said "nah, I'll get half way across and you'll turn off the light"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Killing Joke
There were two guys locked up in an insane asylum together. One night, they decide that they hate it there, and they want to escape. So, they make it onto the roof top, and just across a narrow gap, they see rooftops of the town, stretching into moonlight, into freedom.
The first guy jumps across right away, without a problem. But the second guy didn't, because he was afraid of falling. So the first guy says "Hey, I have this flashlight with me! I'll shine it between the buildings and you can walk across the beam and join me!"
But then the second guy says "What, do you think I'm f**...' crazy? You'd just turn the light off when I'm halfway across."
"61...61...61..."
A man was walking by a tall wall surrounding a hospital, what he thought was an insane asylum. He heard low voices moaning and groaning and saying, "61...61...61..." over and over again. It was odd and unsettling. It was a bit creepy. And he wondered what the heck was going on behind those walls. His pace slowed as the voices got a little louder and more organized...
"61! 61! 61!"
He noticed a small beam of light coming out of a small hole about waist high. It was his chance to see what was happening.
As he bent over and peered into the hole, a stick poked through it and jabbed him right in the eye.
"OUCH!" he shouted, as he fell back on his behind.
The voices then happily started shouting, "62! 62! 62!"
Jesus is always watching.
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'
Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
Two Lunatics Escape The Asylum.
there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum and one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moon light... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. Y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea... He says 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' But the second guy just shakes his head. He says 'Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!'
A Burglar Broke Into a House...
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight Off, and froze.
When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so He could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'
Freaked out, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice.
Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.'
The burglar relaxed.. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you ?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A tourist is lost in the deepest part of the Amazon...
Once there was a tourist lost in the deepest part of the Amazon. After a few days, he finds himself suddenly surrounded by hundreds of blood-thirsty natives. He looks up to the sky and says, "Oh my God, I'm s**...!!"
All of a sudden, the sky opens up, and there is a beam of light streaming down on him, and a voice booms out, "No, you are NOT s**.... Pick up that stone at your foot, and smash it onto the skull of the chief."
So the tourist looks down, and sees the stone. He picks it up, and bashes the life out of the chief, who is standing right in front of him. The chief is down on the ground, bleeding and lifeless, with his tribesmen in shock and disbelief.
Now, the sky opens up once again, and the voice booms out... "NOW, you're s**...."
Jesus is watching you
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, after a bit, he shook his head and continued. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard a voice....say, 'Jesus is watching you.'
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. 'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yep', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he is watching you.' The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'I'm Moses.' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The same kind of people that would name their Rottweiler Jesus.'
Jesus is watching
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'
Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in
the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
Two guys in a lunatic asylum
There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum… and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moon light stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. he's afraid of falling. So then, the first guy has an idea… He says, 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' but the second guy just shakes his head. He says, 'Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!
Share These Beam Light Jokes With Friends
Beam Light One Liners
Which beam light one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with beam light? I can suggest the ones about signal light and led lighting.
- How do you arrest a beam of light? You put it in a prism cell.
- Why did the light beam feel so blue? Because it was chromatized
- What did the rude prism say to the beam of light that smacked into him? Get bent!