The Best 24 Beam Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Beam jokes. There are some beam haze jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these beam halfway puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Beam Jokes and Puns

Prisoners attempt to escape from jail.

The first one throws a rope to the top of the fence, and quietly climbs to the top. But before his cellmate can do the same, the rope breaks.

"How will I get out now?" The unfortunate prisoner asks. The other one pulls out a flashlight.

"Don't worry," he replied, "I'll shine the light down and you can climb up the beam of light."

"Do you really think I'm that stupid?" He asked, "You'll turn it off when I'm halfway to the top!"

A man stumbles and falls into a well....

....and grasps a spindly root that stops his fall but not before he has traversed a hundred feet. His grip loosening, he cries out in desperation, "Is there anybody up there?!"

He looks up only to see a circle of the sky. Suddenly, the clouds part and amidst them comes forth a beam of bright light and a booming voice thunders, "I, the Lord am here. Let go of the root and I shall save you."

The man hesitates before he yells, "Anyone else up there?!"

Two drunk idiots are sitting on top of a building...

Staring at the moon, one of 'em says, "Give me your flashlight, I'll turn it on, aim it at the moon and then you go climb up to the moon using the beam."

"No! You idiot! What if you turn it off when I'm midway!"

(English, not my native language, apologies.)

Beam joke, Two drunk idiots are sitting on top of a building...

What did the rude prism say to the beam of light that smacked into him?

Get bent!

For all you Engineers out there;

A statically indeterminate beam walks into a bar, the bartender asks: "What do you want?" The beam replies: "Oh, just give me a moment."


Mental patients

Two mental patients escaped from the mental hospital but had to cross a river to continue there journey. One patient said to the other: I have a Flashlight as he pointed it across the river and said: you run across the beam of light! the other patient said: Do you think I am stupid...I will get half way across and you will turn the flashlight off.

Ferguson, MO

In the after hours bars where the cops in Ferguson hang out, the most popular tipple is a 'Jim Crow': that's a shot of Jim Beam, and a shot of Old Crow - served separate, but equal.

Beam joke, Ferguson, MO

Johnnie Walker, Jack Daniels and Jim Beam walk into a bar

What is this, said the bartender, Alcoholics Eponymous?

I could win an Olympic gold medal

If the women's gymnastic balance beam was a male competition too, I could win the gold medal. I've been mastering a 4 inch wood beam since I was a little kid

What medieval siege weapon has a counterweight, a pivot, and a beam?

𝔱 𝔯 𝔢 𝔟 𝔲 𝔠 𝔥 𝔢 𝔱

The fire service is attending to a man who is trapped after falling into a vat of bourbon at the Jim Beam factory.

Although, he is said to be in good spirits.

You can explore beam grips reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean beam photon dad jokes. There are also beam puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why did the light beam feel so blue?

Because it was chromatized

Apparently I need to listen more in church.

Turns out the preacher wasn't talking about Jim Beam when he asked if anyone had been drunk on the Holy Spirit.

(Engineering joke) A beam walks into a bar

The bartender asks "what do you want?"
The beam replies "give me a moment"

A drunk goes in a bar and asks for a shot of Jim Beam.

The bartender pours it and the drunk pushes it aside and asks for another shot of Jim Beam. The bartender pours it and the drunk drinks it. The bartender says, "I watched what you did and I don't understand why you pushed the first one away and drank the second one!" The drunk stated," I've been going to those AA Meetings, and they said WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T TAKE THAT FIRST DRINK!!!".

I was nervous about opening the results of my HIV test so I attached the paper to a boomerang and threw it through an electron beam...

The test came back negative!

Beam joke, I was nervous about opening the results of my HIV test so I attached the paper to a boomerang and th

If there's a Scottish man out there with a magical smile that cheers up anyone he encounters....

Then beam me up Scotty!

What did one beam of light say to the other just before they slammed into each other?

Dude, you can totally crash on my photon.

What did Jesus say before He ascended to Heaven on the 40th day of Easter?

"Beam me up, Scotty."


How do space cowboys wrangle their cattle?

A tractor beam

Two inmates languish in a pitch dark prison cell. Ben shines a torch to a tiny window 15 feet from the floor and said: "Joe, you climb up by grasping this beam of light until you reach the window. Freedom awaits!" Joe shakes his head. Ben: "Why not?"

"When I'm halfway up, you might turn off the torch..."

How do redneck aliens abduct people?

Tractor beam

A very religious man went on a safari

When he was there, he found a huge lion. The man didn't have a gun and there was no way he could outrun the lion. So, he did the only thing he could do. He got on his knees and prayed "Dear God, I was always a good Christian. Will you perform a miracle and give this lion some christian feelings".
That moment, the clouds parted and a beam of light came from above and touched the lion's heart. The lion raised his paws to the heavens and loudly prayed "Thank you Lord for this meal I'm about to receive."

PS: it was a beam of light.

PPS: 12 700 upvotes and 17 awards. Thank you so much. I haven't been this happy since Xmas.

A zoo's only gorilla dies...

so the zookeeper hires an actor to wear a gorilla costume until the zoo can get another one.

In the gorilla pen the actor makes faces, beats his chest, swings around, and soon draws a huge crowd. Encouraged, he then crawls atop a beam across the lion's enclosure, taunting the animal below. But, in horror, he lost his grip, falling into the lion's cage.

Terrified, the actor shouts, Help! Help me! Too late. The lion pounces, opens its massive jaws, and whispers urgently, Shut up! Do you want to get us both fired?!

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the beam suddenly jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working beam trajectory piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes