Beach Jokes
150 beach jokes and hilarious beach puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about beach that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Whether you're sunbathing on the beach, surfing the waves, or just hanging out with your significant other, these beach jokes will help you make the most out of your summer vacation! From lifeguards to sand castles, these beach jokes will have everyone in stitches. So grab your sunscreen, wave goodbye to the summer heat, and get ready to laugh at these hilarious beach jokes!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Beach Short Jokes
Short beach jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The beach humour may include short seashore jokes also.
- A gorgeous woman waved to me at the beach yesterday. But there was no way I was swimming out that far, to talk to her.
- Nobody was scared when the clown invasion started at the beach I mean, it's just one boat they said. How bad can it be? .
- When my grandfather died we scattered his remains in the sea Everyone on the beach panicked because we didn't cremate him...
- I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, shark! Help!"
I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him. - sin and cos are lying down next to each other on the beach when all of a sudden sin jumps on top of cos. cos shouts "what are you doing?" sin replies, "im trying to get tan."
- I was on the beach with my daughter. After a while, she turned to me and said, "Dad, you look like a lobster."
"Oh no," I replied, "Am I burning?"
She said, "No. Just very ugly." - 2 blondes were walking along a beach when one said, "Look! A dead bird!" The other looked up.
- Swimming in the Ocean I while back I was sitting on a beach in Mexico watching this guy in the ocean screaming "HELP SHARK, HELP!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
- I took my metal detector to the beach today expecting to find antiques of great value. Beach better have my money
- Where are you when you're eating an Eggo on the beach and you drop it in the sand? San Diego
(thought of this myself, it's better spoken)
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Beach One Liners
Which beach one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with beach? I can suggest the ones about ashore and coast.
- What do you call a waffle on a California beach? A Sandy Eggo.
- What does a guy with 2 right feet wear to the beach? Flop-Flops
- I sneaked onto a beach early this morning. The coast was clear.
- If you smoke seaweed on the beach... ...do you experience high tide?
- Mathematical joke - Why did Sin go to the beach? Cos he wanted a Tan
- TIL there's a city named after a waffle dropped on the beach San Diego
- Why didn't the derivative of sec(x) go to the beach? Because secant tan.
- What was the first thing Hellen Keller noticed at the beach? The volleyball net.
- What did barack obama say when he dropped his shell at the beach? Oh no Michelle !
- Why did the obtuse triangle go to the beach? Because it was more than 90 degrees.
- I think someone just called me a "beach"... But I can't be shore.
- What did one solstice say to the other at the beach? "I'm absolutely "solar" powered!"
- Someone asked me about my opinion on beaches I said that I wasn't shore.
- My mother does unspeakable things at the beach. She sells sea-shells on the seashore.
- What do you call a beach with crooked waves? A Scoli-ocean!
Beach Sand Jokes
Here is a list of funny beach sand jokes and even better beach sand puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I told my friend to not worry about being hungry at the beach. Because of all the sand which is there.
- If you go to the beach and forget your lunch, what can you eat? Just eat the sand which is there.
- I would never go hungry if I got stranded on a beach Because of all of the sand which is there
- Do you know why you'll never go hungry at the beach? Because of the sand which is there.
- Why do seagulls go to the beach? Because of the sand, which is there!
- We are the sand. The wind will blow us. The ocean will beat us. Life is a beach.
- What do you do after you make a rough castle on the beach? You sand it!
- If a sorceress from the desert and an enchantress from the beach both hugged a magus from a badlands... ...would it be a sand witch sandwich?
- Why did the drowned sailor's wife punch the sand? Because that beach stole her man.
- God and the Devil are walking on the beach.... God sees something shiny in the sand. He picks it up an declares "look its religion". The Devil says "give it to me, I'll organize it".
Beach Boys Jokes
Here is a list of funny beach boys jokes and even better beach boys puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The Beach Boys Walk Into A Bar Bartender: Round
BB: Round?
Bartender: Get a Round
BB: I'll get a Round - Imagine if people referenced the Beach Boys more often! Wouldn't it be nice?
- Heard a Beach Boys song that sang, We could be married…And then we'd be happy… And I was like Whoa, fellas - you can't have it both ways.
- What did the hair stylist do when the Beach Boys came on? The barber ran
- I can't believe I forgot to bring sunscreen to the beach.... ...boy was my face red.
- What do the beach boys and animal shelters have in common? Pet sounds
- What did the beach boys play at their reunion show? Wouldn't it be nice if we were younger.
- The Beach Boys found some South African money on the floor. "Rand."
"Rand."
"Get a rand."
"I get a rand." - Trump boy is throwing millions of dollars into the water at the beach. He was adding to his off-shore account.
Beach Volleyball Jokes
Here is a list of funny beach volleyball jokes and even better beach volleyball puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I've been watching women's beach volleyball, and just ten minutes into the game there's already a wrist injury. Gonna have to use my other hand.
- The German women's beach volleyball team plays against the Brazilian women's beach volleyball team. Who wins? The audience
- Why would you really want to win a game of beach volleyball on a hot and sunny day? Because defeat hurts.
- I got the chance to watch a women's final for beach volleyball last night... What a semi!!
- How do you spot a blind guy at Olympic Beach VolleyBall? It's not hard and they're usually wearing black and white stripes.
- They're claiming a cover up. The burkini beach volleyball team lost.
Beach Towel Jokes
Here is a list of funny beach towel jokes and even better beach towel puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did the sea otter say to the fish sunning himself on a white towel at the beach? What's up my nigiri?
Experience Instant Grins & Giggles with Playful Beach Jokes
What funny jokes about beach you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ocean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make beach pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blonde genies
A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.
Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Next, there's a knock at the door, so he answers it.
Standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux k**... outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb, and hang him by the neck until he's dead.
As the k**... are walking away, they remove their hoods.
It's the two blonde genies!
One blonde genie says to the other, "I can understand the first wish--having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.
I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.
But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wishes
A woman was walking on the beach when she spotted a lamp almost buried in the sand. She picked it up, dusted it off, and to her surprise a genie popped out.
"Thank you for releasing me from my thousand-year imprisonment! I will grant you the traditional three wishes as a reward. And since you are married, your husband will get double of whatever you wish for."
"But I hate my husband," the woman protested. "He cheated on me and spent all our money -- I've already filed for divorce."
The genie shrugged and told her it was genie law. "OK, whatever," she said, "Give me a hundred million dollars." *p**...!* There were stacks and stacks of newly minted $100 bills piled in front of her. "So, does that mean my husband has *two* hundred million now?"
"Yep," the genie said.
"OK... for my second wish, I want a 100,000 square foot mansion." *p**...!* There was a huge mansion right up on the bluff, and the deed was in her pocket. "So, does that mean my husband gets *two* mansions?"
"Yes indeed. Now, what would you like for your final wish?"
She thought about it for a minute, then snapped her fingers and said, "Genie -- scare me half to death!"
A joke my Dad made up (says lots bout Dad): A philosopher and a nudist are at a beach resort...
The philosopher asks the nudist, "have you read marx? And the nudist replies, "why, yes! But I think it's the wicker chairs."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Mexican, a Black guy and a White guy are walking down the beach...
They find a bottle and the Mexican guy decides pick it up and rub it. A genie comes out of the bottle and speaks to them and grants them each one wish.
The Mexican guy goes first and says, "I wish that all my Mexican brethren and I could be transported back to our native homeland and we could all be happy there."
The genie grants his wish and p**..., the Mexican guy disappears.
Now it's the black guy's turn. He says, "I wish that all my African brothers and I could all go back to our motherland and be happy, prosperous and free."
The genie grants his wish and p**..., the Black guy disappears.
Now it's the white guy's turn.
The white guy pauses for a moment, scratches his head and says "Are you telling me that all the b**... and Mexicans are gone from America?
The genie nods his head and says yes.
The white guy makes up his mind and says, "Ok, well i'll have a Coke, thanks."
A man was walking along the beach with his mother-in-law...
She was complaining about how much of a good-for-nothing husband he was to her daughter, when he saw a bottle on the ground. He picked it up, wondering what it was, when a genie popped out. The genie told the man he could make 3 wishes, but when he saw the mother-in-law, said whatever the man got, the mother-in-law would get double. The man thought for a while and agreed. "I would like 1 million dollars," the man said. "Your wish is granted," said the genie. 1 million dollars was added to the man's banking account, and 2 million to the mother-in-law's. She starts complaining, "Thanks a lot, now I'll have to manage all this money, why do you have to be so selfish?!" The next wish was for a large house, and that wish was granted. This meant the mother-in-law would have a house twice as big, and started complaining about how she would have to clean such a large house, and the taxes would be expensive.
For the man's final wish, he wished to be beaten half to death.
A Shlep on the Beach
A woman is at the beach with her grandson when a huge wave suddenly washes the boy out to sea. Grief-stricken, she falls on her knees, looks up to the sky and implores: "Oh God, return my grandson to me and I'll give all my money to the synagogue and devote my life to prayer and good works!"
Suddenly, the clouds part, the sky clears and another wave washes the boy back on the beach, completely unharmed. Once again the woman looks up to the heavens and cries out:
"He had a hat!"
A man stumbles across an old lamp.....
A man was walking along a California beach and stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up and rubbed it and out popped a genie.
The genie said, "OK, You released me from the lamp, blah blah blah. This is the fourth time this month and I'm getting a little sick of these wishes so you can forget about three... You only get one wish!"
The man sat, and thought about it for a while and said, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I'm scared to fly and I get very seasick. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?"
The genie laughed and said, "That's impossible!!! Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Think of how much concrete, how much steel!! No, think of another wish."
The man said "OK, I will try to think of a really good wish". Finally, he said, "I've been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don't care and that I'm insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women, know how they feel inside and what they're thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they're crying, know what they really want when they say "nothing," know how to make them truly happy."
The genie said, "Do you want that bridge to be two lanes or four?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Yet another genie in the lamp joke
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.'
'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' p**...! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas, and the love of my life.' p**...! He's gone.
'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'
A UNIX Salesperson
A unix salesperson named Lenore
Loved her job, but loved the beach more.
She devised such a way
to combine work and play:
She sells C-shells by the seashore
Photo Album
A young boy was looking through
the family album and asked his
mother, "Is this you on the beach?
Mother says "Yes, it is"
Son asks "Who's this guy with you with all the
muscles and curly hair?"
"That's your father."
"Then who's that old bald-headed
fat man who lives with us now?"
I booked an hotel in kenya on walking distance from the beach...
You can't imagine how far those kenyans will walk.
[source: philip geubels, Belgian comedian]
What do you call a mathematician at the beach?
A tan gent.
What did one ocean say to the other?
Nothing, it just waved.
Sea what I did there?
I'm shore you did.
Laugh, you son of a beach!
A Man Finds a Magic Lamp While Walking Down the Beach
He rubs the lamp and out pops a genie! The Genie says "I'll grant you three wishes BUT!!!! There is a catch. Whatever you wish for every lawyer in the world will receive double."
After thinking long and hard and about his decision the man finally answers. "I'd like a A 1963 Ferrari 250 GTO."
"Done" says the genii and snaps his fingers. The man instantly feels the weight of the keys in his pocket.
"I'd like $500,000 tax free" says the man.
"Done" Says the Genii. And the man reaches into his other pocket to find a Powerball ticket.
Finally the man takes a deep breath and wishes his third and final wish.
"I wish to donate a kidney."
Three men shipwreck on an island known for cannibals.
As they wander the jungle they are captured by these cannibals and put in a cage. The biggest and ugliest cannibal approaches the cage and says
"Now we're fun loving cannibals and we like to play games. We'll give you a chance to escape for our amusement, with one item of your choice. If you get to the beach, then you'll be taken back to society. If you fail we shall kill you, skin you, eat you, and turn you into a canoe. Good luck."
The first man wants to go the traditional route and chooses a gun. As he runs to the beach, he runs out of ammo and the cannibals catch him, skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The second man asks for a horse. They begrudgingly give him their only horse, and he rides towards the beach, but the cannibals spear him off the horse and skin him, eat him, and turn him into a canoe.
The third man asks for a fork. The cannibals give him a funny look and fetch him a fork. The man begins to stab himself all over. The cannibals ask him why he's making their job easier and he yells
"Try and make a canoe out of me now!"
A mathematician tries to go to the beach...
A mathematician tried to go to the beach to get a tan, but he couldn't find it cos there were no sines.
The English and the Scots.
A Englishman and a Scot are walking along the beach when the Englishman kicks over a lamp and a genie appears. He grants them one wish each. The Englishman says "I wish a hundred foot tall and 100 feet wide wall surrounded England, and no-one can get in or out." The genie snaps his fingers and says "It is done." He then turns to the Scot, who says "Fill it with water."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Where y'all from?
A r**... is walking on the beach.
He comes across two beautiful college girls.
The r**... says, "Hey, where y'all from?"
The two girls reply, "Yale."
The r**... then yells, "HEY, WHERE Y'ALL FROM!?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my fiance that we should get married on a n**... beach.
That way we can really see who the best man is.
I went to this restaurant on the beach in Florida and ordered something called the Pelican Burger.
It was good, but the bill was enormous.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the man with dandruff who got eaten by a shark?
They found his head and shoulders on the beach
A woman walking down the city sidewalk with an adult lion is confronted by a police officer
He: "Lady, you must take that animal directly to the zoo!"
She: "I will do that right away, officer."
The next day, the officer is exasperated to see her and the lion walking down the sidewalk again.
He: "I told you to get that animal to the zoo!"
She: "That was yesterday. Today we are going to the beach."
I just made this one up so cut me some slack...
A man and his wife are at the beach and she catches him staring at a beautiful woman. Predictably she gets mad at him.
Man: Honey, you know I only have eyes for you!
Wife: Then why are you ogling that woman over there?
Man: My dear, I assure you it doesn't mean anything. It is purely for educational purposes.
Wife: What do you mean?
Man: I've always wanted to study a broad!
(I'm sorry)
A Jewish grandmother is walking on the beach with her grandson...
Suddenly, a rogue wave comes in and sweeps the grandson out to sea. Distraught, the grandmother looks to the sky and says, "Oh god, i have always been true and faithful to you. Please bring my grandson back." And with that, another wave comes in and deposits the grandson safely on the shore. The grandmother once again looks to the sky and says, "He had a hat."
4 college students are having a great time on spring break.
So they decide to spend an extra week away from class. One of the students calls his professor, and says "prof, we are stuck in Daytona beach. We won't be able to make it back in time for exams because the tire on our car blew. We need to get it fixed before we head back".
The prof says "no problem. Your safety comes first. Do what you need to, and when you get back the four of you can write the exam at that point".
So the students live it up for another week. Drinking. Partying. Etcetera.
When they get back to school a week later, the prof welcomes them, sits them each in different rooms, and hands them the exam.
When they turn the page over to start writing, they find their exams have only one question: "which tire?"
Where's your bin?
A man sees that his neigjhbnour doesn't have his wheeled trash bin.
"Hey bub, where's ya bin`"
"I took a little vacation for a few weeks,"
"No. I meant where's your bin?"
"Told ya, vacation, at the beach!"
"No man. Where's ya wheely bin?"
"Ok, fine! I've wheely been to jail! Happy now?"
Dad joke heard at the beach
Recently, I was on vacation and at a beach and a father and his kids were playing catch in the water next to me.
This kid who had to be about six or seven yells out, "dad, I'm going to try some trash talk. Ready? Your skills are as rusty as a tin can! Get it dad? *trash* talk?"
I was dying. That kid is going to make a great dad.
A genie gives a man three wishes...
One day a man was waking along the beach when he tripped over a lamp. He turned around and kicked the lamp out of anger. A few seconds later, a genie popped out of the lamp.
Reluctantly, the genie said, "Even though you kicked me, I still have to give you three wishes. However, because of what you did, I will also give twice what you wish for to the person you hate the most: your boss."
So the man agreed and made his first wish. "I want lots of money", he said. Instantly 22 million dollars appeared in the man's bank account and 44 million appeared in his boss' account.
For his second wish, the man wished for a couple of sports cars. Instantly a Lamborghini, Ferrari and Porsche appeared. At the same time two of each car appeared outside of his boss' house.
Finally the genie said, "This is your last wish, you should choose carefully," and to this the man replied, "I've always wanted to donate a kidney..."
In honor of the Powerball
A man comes home one day and says, "Guess what honey? Pack your bags, I won the lottery!" The wife squeals with delight and says, "That's great! Should I pack for the mountains or the beach?" He says, "I don't care, just get out!"
Saw some kids building sandcastles on the beach so I ran and jumped on one of them.
Then I wrecked his sandcastle.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A white man tells a black man
Why do people call you color man ?? To what the black man answers " I don't know
When I was born; I was black.
When I started to grow, I was black.
When I go to the beach I'm black.
When I have a cold I'm still black.
When I have panic I'm black.
When I'm sick I'm black.
even when I die I continued to be black.
Instead you my friend
When you're born you're pink.
When you start to grow you are white.
When you go to the beach you look red.
When you're cold you look blue.
When you have panic you look yellow.
When you're sick you look green.
When you die you turn gray ....
And they still dare to call me a color man
Bert and Ernie are at the beach on a hot summer's afternoon...
Bert pulls out his cooler and opens it up.
"Do you want some ice cream, Ernie?"
"Sure Bert."
What do you call a beach where you go to shoot gorillas and break Islamic law?
Haram Bay
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the midget get kicked off a n**... beach?
People got seriously annoyed with him sticking his nose into everybody's business.
My 8 year old brother came up to me and asked if I wanted to hear a joke, this is how it went
Bro," what washes up on a tiny beach?"
Me," No idea."
Bro," a microwave."
Followed by about 2 seconds of me not getting it then laughing for a solid minute
I named my dog Shark to make him sound tough...
For some reason, people go into a panic when he runs off on the beach.
What is the definition of stalking?
When two people takes a long, romantic walk on the beach, but only one of them knows about it
A Life Guard is walking along a beach
A Life Guard is walking along a beach when she sees a man splashing around feverishly in the ocean. "Help, shark! Help!" he cries.
The Life guard laughs, because she knows the shark will never help that man.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Went to a n**... beach today and let me tell you- I had a lot of women's attention.
I could just feel them dressing me with their eyes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An American and a Mexican are sitting at the beach when a genie offers both of them one wish.
The American says:
"I'd like a 5-mile-high wall around the US so that no foreigners or i**... Chinese goods can enter without our government's permission." And voilá the wall is built.
The genie then asks the Mexican what he wants:
"Fill it with lava."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
n**... Beach
Two parents take their son on a vacation to a n**... beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water. The son comes running up to his mom and says..."Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are." So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got!"
A physicist, a biologist, and a chemist go to the beach...
The physicist looks out over the ocean and says "I want to go into the water and study the fluid dynamics." The physicist then walks into the ocean and drowns. Then the biologist looks out over the ocean and says "I want to go into the water and study the local marine life." The biologist then walks into the ocean and drowns. Lastly, the chemist looks out over the ocean and says "I have come to a conclusion, physicists and biologists are soluble in water!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's another name for a n**... beach?
A junk yard.
Two retired business men sitting on a beach.
Mike: Nice to meet you. I'm a retired businessman. When my store burned down, rather than rebuilding I took the insurance money and retired here.
John: You know, I'm a retired businessman, too. When a flood washed away my store I took the insurance money and retired here, too.
Mike is silent for a while then he asks John, "How do you start a flood?"
Heard about the man with chronic dandruff who was attacked by a shark?
They found his head and shoulders on the beach.
I'm at the beach with my friend. He's a huge prankster.
He's just gone way out into the water with some of that red food colouring.
Hasn't moved for about ten minutes. Brilliant.
What did the woman say to Kevin Spacey on the beach?
Could you please move, you're in my son.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So this old guy is lying face down in the sand on a n**... beach.
A hot blonde comes along and starts rhythmically smacking his buttocks like drums.
Then the g**... flips around, grins toothlessly at her and says, Why don't you play the flute instead of the bongos?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A wife went to the beach and didn't return. A husband called the police.
The police came in a week.
- We have 3 news for you: good, bad and great.
- Let's start with the bad one.
- Your wife drowned - we pulled her out of the water.
- And what is the good news?
- We have picked up a bucket of large c**... from her body.
- And what is the great news?
- We'll pull it out again tomorrow. Let's go for a beer!
Dolphin joke...made it up myself today. :)
An aquarium guide brought a group of visitors around to see the dolphins, which were split up into two tanks. In the first tank the dolphins were all having fun, playing around with a beach ball. In the second tank the dolphins were training, working hard on a new trick. One of the visitors asked the guide, "So is this tank for the more serious dolphins?" The guide said, "Yes, for all intensive porpoises."
What does Black Panther like to do on vacation?
Wakanda beach.
A man decided to sunbathe on the beach.
He took all of his clothes off, except that he covered his private parts with a hat to prevent a sunburn. As he's sunbathing, a woman walks past him. She looks at the man and snidely remarks:
"A true gentleman would always tip his hat for a lady."
To which the man replies:
"Ma'am, if you were a true lady, it would tip itself."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I took my wife to the beach today and now she's mad at me. I thought she wanted to watch me drop frozen waffles along the shore and trick a bunch of communists into eating them.
After all, I could've sworn she said her dream was to see the sandy Eggo c**... con.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks up to a woman at a n**... beach...
A man walks up to a woman at a n**... beach.
"Hi, my name is Ed." he says.
"What's it short for?" she asks.
Thoughtful, he looks down a moment, before answering,
"I dunno, it's always been like that."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is lying on a nudist beach wearing only a hat covering his c**...
When all of a sudden a woman passes by who remarks, "If you were even the tiniest bit of a gentleman, you would lift and tip your hat to a lady."
He replies, "If you were even the tiniest bit of a s**... woman, the hat would lift by itself."
A thief stole a sine and a cosine.
He took the two identities to a beach. However, they were too heavy for him to carry. He wanted to keep them under the sand, but the beach was so narrow that it could only contain one of them: sine or cosine.
He decided that, using his mathematical skills, that he would stack sine over cosine - but that resulted in tan! He did not want to get tan. So he stacked cosind over sine...
and then he got cot.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I hope that when Kim Kardashian goes to the beach, she doesn't swim.
The last thing we need is more plastic in the ocean.
A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man's truck and said, Why are these penguins in your truck?
The man replied, These are my penguins. They belong to me.
You need to take them to the zoo, the policeman said.
The next day, the officer saw the same guy driving down the road. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo! the officer said.
I did, the man replied. And today I'm taking them to the beach.
A German lifesaver carries a dog that nearly drowned from the beach...
He plopped it down on the sand and did CPR, as the dog's owner watched nervously from aside.
The dog spat out water and stood up— the lifesaver saved it.
"Oh my goodness, thank you so much for saving my dog!" the owner said, "Are you a vet?"
"Vet? VET???" the German excalimed, "I'M LITERALLY SOAKING!"
My grandfather killed six Germans at Normandy beach.
Not as heroic as it sounds, though, he just did it last week.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A desert island with six women
A bloke found himself stranded on a desert island with six women. To keep it fair, it was decided he would service a different woman every night and have Mondays free. After a few months the man was exhausted, realising how tiring it was to perform constantly every night except one. Then one day, to his joy, he found a man washed up on the beach who would be able to take some of the workload from him. However, his hopes were shattered when the man's first words were, "Hi, gorgeous, how about the kiss of life?"
'Oh f\*c**...,' thinks the man, 'there goes Mondays.'
A man named Jeff was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him.
The officer looked in the back of Jeff's truck and said, Why are these penguins in your truck?
Jeff replied, These are my penguins. They belong to me.
You need to take them to the zoo, the policeman said.
The next day, the officer saw Jeff driving down the road once again. He pulled him over again. He saw the penguins were still in the truck, but they were wearing sunglasses this time. I thought I told you to take these penguins to the zoo! the officer said.
I did, Jeff replied. And today I'm taking them to the beach."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I love going to the beach, having a seat, and pull sand up to my c**...
Makes the c**... feel more at home.
