Be Jokes
135 be jokes and hilarious be puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about be that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Share These Be Jokes With Friends
Be Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good be joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Twenty years from now, kids are gonna think "Baby it's cold outside" is really weird, and we're gonna have to explain that it has to be understood as a product of its time.
You see, it used to get cold outside
What's the difference between a police officer and a bullet?
When a bullet kills someone else, you know it's been fired
Why did it take the police so long to show up to Capitol Hill today?
Because they had to go home and change first.
Liberals are acting like Trump is going to kill all the g**..., make slavery legal again, and take away women's rights....
Like he's a Muslim or something.
North Koreans believe they live in the best country in the world because they're brainwashed by the government and the media.
When every American knows that America is the best country in the world.
When I was growing up # was pound, not hashtag
Good thing it changed, since "pound metoo" would've been sending the wrong message
I hope elon musk never gets involved in a scandal
Elongate would be really drawn out.
So Tekashi69 could face life in prison
Which is nice because we might finally get to see a mumble rapper completing a sentence
Imagine if Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight...
There would be mass confusion.
My girlfriend dressed up as a policewoman and told me I was under arrest on suspicion of being good in bed.
After 2 minutes all charges were dropped due to a lack of evidence.
If Facebook buys Gmail, instead of 'mark as read' the feature will be called,
'Mark has read'.
"You're telling me that I'm losing my job because donald trump won the election? WHY, BECAUSE I'M BLACK?!"
"Mister President, we've been over this..."
Why is girlfriend one word but best friend is two words?
Because your best friend gives you space when you need it.
By legalizing Cannabis and same-s**... marriage we finally interpreted the bible correctly:
**"A man who lays with another man should be s**...."** [Leviticus 20:13 esv]
Edit1: a typo
Edit2: thanks for the gold humorous stranger!
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a worm?
One of them is a slimy, loathsome creature incapable of complex thought, the other one actually shows up when it rains.
Can we ban "yo momma" jokes from this sub? They're old, s**... and have been done by literally everyone hundreds of time
Just like yo mamma
I asked my wife if I was the only one she's been with.
She said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights".
What's the difference between the US Capitol and Mordor?
One does not simply walk into Mordor
Why is EA the worst gaming company in America?
Because Ubisoft is in France.
Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.
One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.
If Queen Elizabeth accidentally farts during dinner, the other guests are supposed to pretend like nothing happened.
Noble gases should have no reaction.
A man takes his seat at the World Cup final. He looks over and notices there's an extra seat in between himself and the next guy.
The man says, "Who would ever miss the World Cup final?
The guy replies, "Well that was my wife's seat. We have been to the last five World Cup finals together, but sadly she passed away.
The man says back, "That's terrible, but couldn't you get another close family member to come with you?
The guy says, "No. They're all at the f**...."
Share These Be Jokes With Friends
Women Will Be Women Jokes
Here is a list of funny women will be women jokes and even better women will be women puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I like my women like I like my whiskey. 12 years old and mixed up with coke.
Disclaimer: This is just a joke, i do not condone the practice of mixing whiskey with coke. - I like my women like I like my coffee I've never had coffee but it smells really nice
- After my wife died I couldn't look at women for 20 years But when I got out of prison, it was totally worth it
- A Roman soldier is bragging to his friend: 'You'll never guess with how many women I've slept!' 'Mmm?'
'Not that many!' - I like my women like I like my slaves Educated and free.
- My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what... She couldn't do either!
- I like my women like I like my passwords Short and insecure
- How many trans women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one, and you don't even need the lightbulb. Just tell her she's a lovely girl, and she'll brighten up the room instantly.
- What's the difference between the Taliban and Texas? The Taliban requires women to wear masks
- The women I meet in bars have the WORST pickup lines... They're like, "Hey, what's your friends name?" Never works on me ladies.
Men Will Be Men Jokes
Here is a list of funny men will be men jokes and even better men will be men puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Why do the election results take so long? It's a race between two 70+ year old men. What do you expect?
- I saw 2 men in matching outfits I asked them if they were gay They arrested me
- You know there's no official training for garbage men? They just pick it up as they go along.
- There are 3 men on a boat and 4 cigarettes, they don't have a lighter, how do they smoke? they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter.
- Caitlyn Jenner becomes a super hero but doesn't know what group to join... She's still deciding whether to be an Ex-men or a Trans-former
- What do you call the sexuality where you're attracted to men and women but neither are attracted to you? Bi-yourself.
- Why are all Jewish men circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything that's not 10% off
- If men call short women petite. What do women call short men? Friends.
- What rock group has four men that don't sing? Mount Rushmore.
- To the women who say "Men are only interested in one thing" Have you ever considered being more interesting?
Be Happy Jokes
Here is a list of funny be happy jokes and even better be happy puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel. My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I'm a bus driver.
- A child asks his father what "gay" means The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?" The father laughs and says "no son I have a wife".
- The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife... Thank you for everything, Mom.
Happy Mothers' Day! - What does gay mean? asked a son to his father.
"It means 'happy,'" the father answered.
"Oh," replied the son, "so are you gay, then?"
"No, son, I have a wife." - A boy asks his father Dad, what does 'gay' mean? Father: It means 'to be happy'.
Son: Are you gay?
Father: No, son. I have a wife. - How many anti-vaxxers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They're happy living in the dark
- I named my kid Bob Ross He was a happy little accident.
- Lots of guys aren't too happy with getting a "dad bod" eventually in life. But I'd say im pretty excited for it Because it's the closest thing I'm gonna get to having a father figure in my life
- Tomorrow is 2-22-22 Happy Twos-day
- I like my women like I like my mathematical constants. Round and irrational.
Happy Pi Day everyone!
It Pays To Be Yourself Jokes
Here is a list of funny it pays to be yourself jokes and even better it pays to be yourself puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Breaking News: Bill Gates has agreed to pay for Trump's wall On the condition he gets to install windows.
- Word is Hollywood executives are mad about Elliot Page transitioning from a woman to a man... Now they'll have to pay him 20% more...
- Donald Trump has decided to take just $1 as his salary for the job of the President instead of the usual 400,000. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes.
- How do you get an art major off your front porch? Pay for the pizza!
- I was dismayed this afternoon when my wife told me my 6 year old son wasn't actually mine. She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
- a guy got an Interview for a job with EA Boss: the second part of your resume is missing
Applicant: for the second part you have to pay 20$
Boss: welcome on board - Amber Heard's net worth is $2.5 million and she now has to pay Johnny Depp $15 million... Yeah, she's forever going to be in Depp!
- Mexico called. They are willing to pay for the wall now.
- Congratulations to me! I just made my last mortgage payment! I still owe like $262,000, but I'm just not going pay them any more.
- My friend said that he couldn't afford to pay his huge water bill... So, I sent him a 'Get well Soon' card.