Be Happy Jokes
98 be happy jokes and hilarious be happy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about be happy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Be Happy Short Jokes
Short be happy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The be happy humour may include short keep smiling jokes also.
- My Tinder bio says that I have a corner office with views of the entire city, drive a $500,000 vehicle, and that I'm paid to travel. My dates never seem too happy when I tell them I'm a bus driver.
- A child asks his father what "gay" means The father says it means happy to his son, to which the son replies "Dad are you gay?" The father laughs and says "no son I have a wife".
- The best years of my life were spent in the arms of another man's wife... Thank you for everything, Mom.
Happy Mothers' Day! - How many anti-vaxxers does it take to change a light bulb? None. They're happy living in the dark
- Lots of guys aren't too happy with getting a "dad bod" eventually in life. But I'd say im pretty excited for it Because it's the closest thing I'm gonna get to having a father figure in my life
- I like my women like I like my mathematical constants. Round and irrational.
Happy pi day everyone! - My teacher told me to tuck my shirt in. I said, "Why?"
"Because it *looks* like you've just had s**...," he said, zipping his trouser. - My wife's birthday is in two days, and she told me that she would be happy as long as I get her something with a lot of diamonds in it. She's gonna love this pack of playing cards.
- Sad news....I lost my job as a stage designer, I wasn't very happy but left without making a scene.
- As a non-American, I love seeing Americans saying Happy 4th of July. It's the only time Americans pronounce dates correctly.
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Be Happy One Liners
Which be happy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with be happy? I can suggest the ones about enjoy life and happy feel.
- I named my kid Bob Ross He was a happy little accident.
- Tomorrow is 2-22-22 Happy Twos-day
- Happy ramadan to all my Muslim brothers and sisters! This month, lunch is on me.
- 99.99% of people are idiots I'm just happy I belong to the 1%
- Where is happiness made? At the satisfactory.
- How to be cool A) Use happy sunglasses emoji
B) - Happy Halloween... Why did the ghost enter the bar... For the BOOOOS
- My wife and I were happy for 20 years.. ..then we met.
- What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher!
- 7 dwarfs in bed feeling happy Happy got out so they started feeling grumpy
- I was shocked to read this. Statistically 6 out of 7 dwarves aren't Happy
- I got mugged by 6 dwarves... .... not Happy.
- I just took an IQ test and I am SO happy... Thank God it came back negative!
- 7 dwarves in a bath and they all felt Happy So Happy got out.
- What blood type do happy people have? B Positive.
Comedy Be Happy Jokes to Make Your Friends Giggle
What funny jokes about be happy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean happiness jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make be happy pranks.
A Genie once granted me one wish, so I said I just want to be happy .
So now I'm living in a little cottage with 6 dwarfs, working in a mine and singing ?'Whistle while you work…….' ?
I don't see why we Brits don't celebrate the 4th of July. Surely 239 years of being officially separate from America is something to be happy about.
A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven
A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven. God himself was there and told him he would be happy to answer any questions the man might have - about anything across the entirety of Space and Time.
So of course the man said - "Was I right? Is the earth actually flat?" and God chuckled and said "Of course not".
The man shook his head in disbelief, shaken to his very core, before murmuring "...this goes even higher than I thought..."
When I was a child, I didn't like eating sprouts.
I told my mom I wasn't hungry.
She said:
the children in Africa would be happy with sprouts!
I replied:
and the moms in Africa would be happy with a child that's not hungry!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
s**... is like a gas station...
Sometimes you get full service, sometimes you have to ask for service, and sometimes you have to be happy with self service.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Arab man slapped his wife, and she was insulted.
She went to her father and told him, "An eye for an eye. My husband has slapped me, and you must avenge me"
So her father asked, "On which cheek did did he slap you?"
"He slapped my left cheek."
So the father s**... his daughter on the right and said, "Be happy, I have avenged you. You can tell your husband that he has slapped my daughter, but I have slapped his wife"
*Joke borrowed from Les Miserables, written in 1862.*
Jack was very fat and his wife was worried about him, so she made him see the doctor...
The doctor weighed him and said, "You must lose 30 kg. Eat only fruits and vegetables and jog 5 km a day for the next 100 days. Then give me a call and tell me how much you weigh."
Jack went home and did what the doctor told him. 100 days later, Jack called the doctor.
"Jack here. You will be happy to know that I have lost 30 kg."
"Excellent," said the doctor.
"There is just one problem," Jack said. "I am 500 km from home!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Mexican, a Black guy and a White guy are walking down the beach...
They find a bottle and the Mexican guy decides pick it up and rub it. A genie comes out of the bottle and speaks to them and grants them each one wish.
The Mexican guy goes first and says, "I wish that all my Mexican brethren and I could be transported back to our native homeland and we could all be happy there."
The genie grants his wish and p**..., the Mexican guy disappears.
Now it's the black guy's turn. He says, "I wish that all my African brothers and I could all go back to our motherland and be happy, prosperous and free."
The genie grants his wish and p**..., the Black guy disappears.
Now it's the white guy's turn.
The white guy pauses for a moment, scratches his head and says "Are you telling me that all the b**... and Mexicans are gone from America?
The genie nods his head and says yes.
The white guy makes up his mind and says, "Ok, well i'll have a Coke, thanks."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why is a dog better than your wife ?
Lock your dog and your wife in the trunk of your car and open it after a bit
Guess who'll be happy to see you
If you think your husband or wife is your best friend than think about this.
If you lock them and your dog in your trunk for 3 hours. Who do you think is going to be happy to see you when you open the trunk.
My daughter made this tonight: What's the favourite song of sloths?
Don't Hurry, Be Happy
Dogs vs Girlfriends
If you ever want to see who is more loyal, your dog or your girlfriend, just take both of them in their sleep and put them in the trunk of your car. Drive around for a couple of hours, park, open the trunk, and see which one will be happy to see you.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If I travelled back in time 100 years and went around calling everyone "gay"...
They'd all be happy
Don't be sad...
Don't be sad when a bird craps on your head. Be happy that dogs can't fly.
Give a cat a box and he'll be happy for a day
Teach a cat to box and start wondering what you're doing with your life
Give a Redditor an upvote and he'll be happy for a day.
Suspend a man's Reddit account and he'll be happy for a lifetime.
A man goes to the doctor...
and he says to the doctor: "Doctor I take a dump every morning at exactly 7:30, and I hate that it happens that early every day.
The doctor replies: "Well, you should be happy. You are blessed with amazing intestines. Some people would kill for that!"
To which the man says: "Yeah, that's great and all but I don't wake up until 8."
A black boy asks his white parents
"Daddy why are your and mommy's faces so bright if mine is so dark?" says the kid. The dad looks at him and goes: "Jimmy the party was so wild you should be happy you're not barking now".
The man's best friend
You know the phrase "the dog is the man's best friend"?
Well, I can prove it's true!
Just lock up your wife and your dog in the trunk of your car and one hour later... guess who is gonna be happy to see you!!
I've invented a new game. You use small breath mints as playing pieces in the old-fashioned match-3-in-a-row game. I'd be happy to teach you my strategy for winning this game, but I'll have to charge you a small fee:
Call it a Tic Tac Tic-Tac-Toe Tactics Tax.
At Christmas we all deserve to be happy, so I got a puppy for my wife...
... it was a good trade
Eleven Years ago Greece won Euro 2004
Today, Greece would be happy with 2004 Euros.
A child asks his father how to be happy. He replied, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married..."
"...and then it was too late."
Why did the man wrap his house in gift wrap?
He was told he'd be happy if he started living in the present.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The best bet ever made
One day, a man went to his boss and said, "I bet you $2,000 that I can pee in that cup over there 30m away". The boss replied, "Deal!". The man proceeded to pee all over the floor. The boss is dancing with joy, as the secretary walks in and says "F*c**...". "What?" asks the boss. "HE BET ME $400,000 THAT HE WOULD PEE ALL OVER YOUR FLOOR AND YOU'D BE HAPPY ABOUT IT!"
Dream achieved
If you are dreaming that you peed on yourself and you woke up and realize that you really peed on yourself , dont cry dont be upset be happy that you have achieved your dream.
At the Pearly Gates
Upon arrival at the Pearly Gates, you are allowed one wish for anyone you left behind, back on earth. St. Peter explained this to a woman who had just recently arrived, and asked what her one wish would be.
"Well, I just wish my son would get married and be happy."
"Look lady, I said one wish. Make up your mind!"
If you're unhappy when single, you won't be happy in a relationship.
Happiness come from DRUGS not relationships.
Heard a Beach Boys song that sang, We could be married…And then we'd be happy…
And I was like Whoa, fellas - you can't have it both ways.
Don't try to steal anything at the Samsung store
The guardians of the galaxy won't be happy.
If you lock up your girlfriend and dog in the trunk of a car for an hour...
which one is gonna be happy to see you when you open it up?
Wife is not going to be happy
My wife said "you treat this place like a hotel"
She will regret that when I give her a low score on TripAdvisor for 'rude staff'
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Walk The Line
A cop is doing standard patrol when he notices a car swerving all over the road. He quickly turns on his siren and pulls the guy over. Alright, says the cop, when the man gets out of the car. Walk in a straight line. I'd be happy to, says the drunk just stop moving the s**... line.
Husband: they say that you can't be happy and sad at the same time
Wife: you have the biggest one between all your five brothers
How do you know that a dog is a man's best friend?
Take your girl and your dog, and lock them in the back of a car, return in 5 hours, which one do you think will be happy to see you?
A husband and wife are sitting together at breakfast...
The husband is reading a paper and says "Look honey, according to this article, it's impossible to be happy and sad about the same thing." She thinks for a second and says "Oh yeah? Between you and all your brothers, you're "the biggest.""
I'm filling in for my friend today ...
His patients won't be happy when they learn that I never went to dental school.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A r**... makes a phone call
The man on the other end picks up. "Hello?"
The r**..., voice nervously shaking, says, "Sir, I-I'd like to ask permission to m-marry your daughter. We're in love."
The man replies, "Of course you have my permission. You're my son and I want you to be happy."
Fan's of Marvel should be happy with the election results.
Looks like you'll be getting a Civil War sequel much earlier than anticipated.
3 1/2 Inches is the avg size a woman needs to be happy.
MasterCard, Visa, American Express, ect...
What's the difference between your dog and your girlfriend?
If you lock both of them in your trunk all day, only one of them will be happy to see you when you open it
I'm going to name my ankles "Swishers"
Because those joints are always getting rolled.
*I struggled a lot with the wording, I'd be happy to take suggestions on how to make it hit better*
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bitchfight
A man calls the police:'Help me, there are 2 women fighting over me'.
Police: 'you should be happy about that, and not calling us'.
The man: 'Yes, but the ugly one is winning'.
And out of the chaos, a voice spoke; "Smile and be happy, for it can always be worse"
And I smiled, and I was happy, and it did get worse.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man is at his wife's f**...
He looks very sad. Then the priest came to him and said: " Don't worry son, 6 months from now you'll find a beautiful woman and you'll be happy again."
The man was shocked. He said: "6 months???? What am i going to do tonight?"
Valentines day is here....
But i have nothing to be happy about ... things are so bad even my fantasies wanna be just friends.
Every woman would be happy to have a new dress...
But she would be even happier to fit into an old one!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife said, "When I die, I want everyone at my f**... to be happy, not sad and depressed."
I said, "Don't worry. They will be."
Why is Santa white?
Because that's the only way to convince people to be happy for a guy to come down their chimney while they slept
A man asks his friend what the difference is between a mailbox and a hippo's backside.
The friend immediately replies "I don't know."
"Well then I'd be happy to help you mail your letters."
Two Sail fish...
Two sail fish was swimming along. One got attacked, lost it's sail, and swam around for days depressed. The other, seeing his friends unhappiness decided to give him his. So his friend said to him: "You're so unselfish."
I admit, it isn't that good, but if it gets a chuckle, I'll be happy.
What did the mother nut say to her son nut?
If I EVER cashew doing that again, I walnut be happy
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Knock on the door at 2 AM
A husband and wife are sound asleep, when at 2 AM there's loud b**... on the door and a man shouting Can you give me a push please?
The husband wakes up and hears it, but buries his head under the blankets and tries to sleep again.
A few minutes later, the b**... continues, and the wife wakes up to hear Can you give me a push please?
The wife turns to her husband and says Ah go on, give the man a hand. Wouldn't you be happy if someone helped you when your car broke down?
Reluctantly the husband gets dressed, stumbles down the stairs and walks out the door. Once outside, he can't see the man. He shouts where are you?
The man replies right here, on the swing!
Pavlovian pick-up line
Is that saliva in your pocket, or have you just been conditioned to be happy to see me?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
When I was about 9 years old, my mom forced me to go with her to the f**... of a friend of hers that I didn't know.
When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the f**... to end. Then a man approached me and said:
"Enjoy life, boy. Be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn't enjoy mine."
He patted my head and left.
Before leaving, my Mom forced me to say goodbye to the dead person. When I looked in the coffin, I was startled to see the man who was talking to me in the corner was the same one in the coffin.
For several years, I was not able to sleep properly because of nightmares.
Years later, I discovered that the dead man had a twin brother.....
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I thought I blew my chance to be happy with the girl of my dreams, the moment I said,
"Just because I'm your brother, doesn't mean I can't give it to you rough!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My wife was furious when i told her my supervisor offered me a raise in exchange for s**....
I thought she'd be happy I got a promotion.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Women shouldn't complain when a man doesn't put the seat down...
They should be happy that we put it up to begin with.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A great man once said, "Don't be sad it's over. Be happy it happened."
Then he killed himself.
Classic h**....
How could I ever be happy
If I was born crying?
Jared from Subway should be happy…
… He will have a life time supply of foot-longs where he's going.
The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead.
I told a genie that for my third and final wish, I wanted my family to be happy.
And i started fading.
You can tune a piano, but you can't...
be happy about being a piano tuner your whole life
I Broke Up With My Girlfriend Today
I told her I was straight. Because there's no way I could be happy with her.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My death will be tragic, I already know. No seriously, not a single person will be happy. Mostly because...
I am not an o**... donor.
What did the cheerful man tell the sad child?
If you can't be happy, at least be sadeerful!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My Senior Quote
"Don't be sad because it's over, be happy because it happened."
-Adolf h**...
Kennedy, Charles De Gaul, and Khrushchev ask god. . .
Kennedy: God, when will my people be happy?
God: 25 years.
Kennedy weeps and walks away.
Charles De Gaul: God, when will my people be happy?
God: 50 years.
Charles De Gaul weeps and walks away.
Khrushchev: God, when will my people be happy?
God weeps and walks away.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The Russian President Vladimir Putin called Barack Obama with an emergency request
Mr President, we need help. Our largest c**... factory has exploded, the Russian President explained. My people now have no method of birth control! This is a true disaster!
Vladimir, said Obama, the American people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you.
We do need your help, said Putin.
Could you possibly send one million condoms to tide us over? No problem, I'm on it, said Obama.
Oh, and one more small favour, please? said Putin. Yes? said Obama.
Can you supply the condoms red in colour and at least ten inches long and four inches in diameter?
No problem, replied Obama, and with that, he hung up and called the CEO of Durex. I need a favour, you've got to make one million condoms right away and send them to Russia.
Consider it done, said the CEO of Durex.
Great! Now listen, they have to be red in colour, ten inches long and four inches wide.
Easily done. Anything else?
Yes, says Obama. Print 'MADE IN USA, SIZE MEDIUM' on each one.
You should be happy we're having turkey, rather than the turkey have us.
If you were a TSA agent, I would be happy to get a body scan.
A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
A joke I heard from Walter Matthau
Three old men are talking and the first old man goes if I could do a good number 1 , just a number one for three seconds I'd be happy with myself
The second goes if I could do a solid number 2, just a quick, swift number 2 I'd be satisfied
The third guy goes well I do an awesome number 1 , like Niagara Falls , every morning at 7:30, then number 2 , like Mt St Helens every morning at 7:32 and I just hate it
The two other men ask why do you not like that ?
The third guy says it's because I don't get out of bed until 9
An anti vaxxer dies...
An anti vaxxer died, and to her surprise found herself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven. God himself was there and told her he would be happy to answer any questions the woman might have - about anything across the entirety of Space and Time. So of course the woman said - "Was I right? Are vaccines a huge conspiracy after all?" and God chuckled and said "Of course not".
The woman shook her head in disbelief, shaken to her very core, before murmuring "...this goes even higher than I thought..."
Either you can be happy...
...or you can be an art major.
So, a physicist finds themselves conversing with their god
"God, " they inquired, "how does time work for you?"
God replies, "Everything is a part of me. To compare, 1 of your minutes is but a billionth of 1 of my own."
The physicist thinks for a bit and then queries further, "God, do you use such a scale for everything?"
God nods, "Yes, as all things are part of me."
At this the physicist grins, "If that's the case, could you spare a dollar?"
God grins back, "I'd be happy to, but you'll need to wait a minute."
Jewish guy runs home from work, panting and trying to catch his breath.
He plops down at the kitchen table, where his wife was cooking dinner.
Wife asks, "What happened Motek? Why are you so exhausted?"
Guy says with a huge smile, "Chooki, instead of taking the bus home from work today, I ran all the way behind it and saved $2.50!"
He was extremely proud of himself and thought his wife would be happy with him for saving money.
Instead his wife screams, " Ben-zona! Why didn't you run behind a taxi, and save $15?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Black t**...
An older man is in the hospital. A nurse walks in and he asks, "Are my t**... black?" The nurse, taken by surprise replies, "I'm sorry?" So he asks again "Are my t**... black?" Nurse shakes her head but decides to check for him, after all she is a nurse. She lifts his robe, takes his t**... in hand, lifts and inspect them. She lowers his robe, raises back up to him and says " Mr. Johnson, you'll be happy to hear your t**... aren't black." He looks at her, removing his oxygen mask and says, "That's great and all but are my test results back?"
Sometimes, accidents can be happy ones.
Just like you son...
