bdsm Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious bdsm puns

TIFU by accidentally cheating on my wife at a BDSM convention with a woman who was wearing the same leather mask

Whoops, wrong sub

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Mom finds a large number of BDSM magazines beneath her sons bed.

Calls her husband up to the room to show him and discuss.
"What do you think we should do?" she asks.
Father frowns and responds "Well I guess spanking him is out of the question"

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I used to be into BDSM, bestiality, and necrophilia...

But then I realized I was just flogging a dead horse.

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[NSFW] A mother and father are snooping around in their son's bedroom.

Being a bit nosy, they search around the room to see if their son is hiding anything "naughty." The father checks under the bed and, in shock, sees *tons* of BDSM and bondage tapes, DVDs, and magazines.

The mother couldn't breathe. It took her a while to say "*Oh my god!* What should we do about this?!

The father replied "We shouldn't spank him, that's for sure."

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A woman is cleaning her 12-year old son's room...

...when she finds several BDSM porn magazines stashed under his bed. Concerned, she takes her find to her husband and asks "What do we do about this?"

"Well," says the dad "We obviously can't spank him."

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Did you hear about the first time offender who was in to BDSM?

He got off with nothing but a slap on the wrist.

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I need advice. I was whipping someone in a gimp mask during a BDSM session, but when he took it off - it wasn't my husband.

Whoops, wrong sub.

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Little Johnny's mother was cleaning his room...

and while putting his clothes away notices some BDSM magazines tucked under his socks.

Unsure of what to do, Little Johhny's mother waits till her husband gets home and shows him the magazines.

Mother: I don't want this smut in my house, how are we going to punish him?
Father: I have no idea, but I'm sure as hell not spanking him.

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Someone at a BDSM convention asked me what investments he should make

I told them to invest in stocks and bonds

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I used to be a necrophiliac zoophile into BDSM.

Then I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

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One day a mom was cleaning her son's room and in the closet she found some BDSM porn DVDs

Needless to say she was very upset. She took it all and waited until his father came home and showed it all to him. He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word. 

She finally asked him, " What should we do about this?" 

Dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him.

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Whats the difference between a bdsm slavegirl, and a mosquito?

The mosquito stops sucking if you slap it.

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What do you call a furry that is into bdsm?

A subwoofer.

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I used to be into BDSM, beastiality, and necrophilia...

But I realized I was just beating a dead horse.

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Did you hear about the hose that was into BDSM?

It had a few kinks.

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I've got a problem with people who are into BDSM

I just want to strangle them.

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Mom says to Dad:

"I've found a BDSM magazine under our son's bed. What are we supposed to do about it?"
Dad replies: "I don't know honey, but I think, hitting him would be very wrong."

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A man came home to his wife who had the BDSM equipment out [NSFW]

Wife: "Come and play with me"
Man: "Okay..."

He tied her down, and one of the things the woman was into was using objects that aren't meant for sexual use for her pleasure.

So, the man went into the backyard and got a wooden post from the fence.

He walked back in and slid the post up the woman's ass, but it slid out. He tried again and again, but every time it fell out. The man asked himself what could be wrong.

And then he realized, there was just simply too much reposting on this sub.

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What do you call a math teacher who's really into BDSM?

A denominatrix.

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A Mother walks into her son's room and finds a BDSM magazine.

She asks her husband what they should do about it, to which he replies "well, we definitely shouldn't spank him."

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I used to be into BDSM, homosexuality, bestiality and necrophilia.

Then after a while I realized I was just beating off a dead horse.

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An older woman's husband dies during a bdsm session.

She decides to do something crazy with her life, and buys a Harley, gets a few tattoos, and goes out in search of the Hell's Angels.

When she finds them they give her an initiation test.
"You ever killed a man?" They ask.
"Yep" she says. "Killed my husband."
"You ever steal anything?" They ask.
"Oh all the time." She replies.

"You ever been picked up by the fuzz?"

"Sure have, and strung up by my nipples".

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A Mother is cleaning her kids room...

She finds a bunch of BDSM gear and fetish mags. She shows her husband

Mom: What do we do?

Dad: I'm not sure, but whatever you do you better not spank him!!

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Mom Cleaning Son's Room and Finds a BDSM Magazine...

This mad her very upset. She put it back under his bed until his father got home and showed him.

He gave it a look and handed it right back to her without a word, so she asked him, 'What should we do about this?'

Dad paused and said, 'Well I don't think you should spank him.'

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What do you call a dog that's into BDSM?

A subwoofer.

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What do you call a BDSM enthusiast who lost her equipment?

A Ropeless Homantic

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Im a guy who's into BDSM, necrophilia, and beastiality.

Am i just flogging a dead horse?

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I started cheating on my wife for better BDSM

Whoops, wrong sub.

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What did the busy BDSM enthusiast say to avoid coming into work?

"Sorry, my hands are tied!" ^^im ^^^so ^^^^sorry

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TIFU by whipping the wrong person at the BDSM club.

Whoops, wrong sub.

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They've finally figured out how to get rid of BDSM

The clampdown starts this week

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The opposite of BDSM is BDHM

Baby, don't hurt me

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50 Shades of Little Johnny

Johnny's Mum was cleaning under his bed when she found a stash of BDSM magazines.

A bit concerned she asks Johnny's Dad what he thinks she should do.

Johnny's Dad responds "whatever else you do, don't spank him"

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What is a BDSM couple's favorite dessert?

Whipped cream pie.

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Hank Hill has opened up a BDSM store and sex parlour selling

Pro-pain and pro-pain accessories

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What are the most funny Bdsm jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Bdsm? Well, here are the best Bdsm dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Bdsm pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes