Bay Jokes

What are some Bay jokes?

Why did the chef add extra oregano to the sauce?

He was making up for lost thyme.

Thank you, thank you. I'll just show myself out now.

*Wow, thanks! I was expecting a much chilier reception, but your warm comments have kept those fears at bay (that's what you get for encouraging me :)*

A tip for Snowden.

Apparently he is traveling all of the world but if you never want to appear in front of an American judge there is only one place to go...



Guantanomo bay

What has 100 teeth and keeps Godzilla at bay?

My zipper

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.

Why do seagulls live by the sea?

Because if they live by the bay, they would be bagels!

Breaking News: NFL responds to lost revenue from kneeling controversy

Breaking News: The NFL announced today that because of lost revenue due to kneeling, an NFL Team had to be cut. Tampa Bay and the Green Bay Packers will be combining forming the Tampacks. They will be good for only one period and will have no second string...

Three apprentice vampire bats

Three apprentice vampire bats are taken out to a farm and told to get as much blood as they can find by their teacher. 15 minutes go by and the first vampire bay returns with a little bit of blood on his teeth.
'Where did you get that blood' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? That's where I got it.' the bat replied.

Shortly after the second vampire bat returns with blood dripping from his snout.
Where did you get that blood' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? Do you see that cow beyond the chicken? That's where I got it.' the second bat replied.

Some time later the third bat returns with his whole face caked in blood.
Where did you get that blood!' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? Do you see that cow beyond the chicken? Do you see that wall beyond the cow? I didn't.'

More NFL news

NFL CUTS ONE TEAM

The NFL announced today that for financial reasons they had to eliminate one team from the league.

They've decided to combine the Green Bay Packers and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and form one team, causing many layoffs but saving millions of dollars in costs.

They will be known as the TAMPACKS.

Unfortunately, they're only good for one period and have no second string.

What do you call a beach where you go to shoot gorillas and break Islamic law?

Haram Bay

Oh, jokes from 7 year-olds are cool now? From my son last night: "Why do sea gulls fly over the sea?"

Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bay gulls ("like bagels, get it Dad?").

I saw a golf buggy parked in a disabled bay today...

**I thought to myself, 'I wonder what his handicap is?'**

If a seagull flys over the sea, then what flys over the bay?

A bagel!
(Came up with this Louis CK style slapstick literature at 5 years old, give me bronze)

How do terrorist surfers spend free time at Guantanamo Bay?

WATERBOARDING!!!

The Net Neutrality issue made me come to the sad realization...

I'll finally have to start paying for movies I get from Pirate Bay.

What do you call a seagull that flies by the bay?

a bagel

Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay...

Sounds great to anyone who doesn't know what either of them are.

What do you call a seagull that lives by the Bay?

I don't know, but it won't shut up about the app it's developing.

Do you know what they feed you at Guantanamo Bay?

Well after being there for 30 years, neither do I!

A guy scores a ticket for a Green Bay Packers home game....

Finds his seat about 20 rows up on the 50 yard line behind the Packers bench. As the stadium begins to fill up a nice looking middle aged woman comes and sits in a seat just in front of him. The game starts and he can't help but notice that the seat beside this woman remains vacant. At half time the seat is still vacant so he asks the woman about it. She tells him: "My husband and I have had season tickets for these seats for many years. my husband has recently passed away and I don't see any sense in letting them both be vacant." The man replies: "Well, couldn't you find a friend or family member to use the other ticket?" And she says: "Well, no. They're all at the funeral."

When Transformers was filmed in Detroit

Michael Bay had to use CGI to repair buildings

What do Monica Lewinsky and the Green Bay Packers have in common?

They both love Clinton-Dix.

What's the most expensive thing at Guantanamo Bay?

The water bill.

What does Michael Bay use to tell a story?

Explosition.

If a seagull lives by the sea...

If a seagull lives by the sea, what do you call a bird that lives by the bay?

A Bay Gull

What do you call a high security U.S. prison in China?

Wonton-amo Bay

Buccaneers Anthrax Scare

Tampa Bay, Florida, Sept. 26, 2014.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers football practice was delayed nearly two hours today after a player found a mysterious white powdery substance on the practice field.

Coach Lovie Smith immediately suspended practice and called in local authorities.

Forensic scientists determined the powdery substance unknown to the players was the goal line.

Practice was resumed after it was determined the players were unlikely to encounter it again any time soon.

What do Marylanders call their ex-girlfriends?

Old Bay.

A beer a day

...Keeps the wife and kids at bay.

Why do seagulls hang out by the sea and not the bay?

Because they're not bagels...

If you scream three times...

At night, if you lock yourself in a bathroom with lights off and scream Allahu Ackbar three times the CIA will come through your mirror and take you to Guantanamo Bay.

An idea for a TV series

It's all about a young Irishman who makes his living collecting seaweed and herbs along the shores of Galway Bay, and his adventures as he travels to all the local town markets to sell them.

Working title: "Duffy the Samphire Purveyor"

What's it called when someone messes with unpurchased product in central Florida?

Tamper Bay

What do Michael Bay and a priest offer a young boy?

Hollywood and Holy wood respectively.

Waterboarding at Guantanamo Bay sounds super fun if you don't know what either of those things are.

What do you call Nazis from San Francisco?

Bay Aryans

A clown and a little boy are walking through the woods late at night. A pack of wolves bay in the distance.

The little boy says "I'm scared". The clown says "You're scared? I gotta walk back alone."

Why do seagulls swim by the sea and not by the bay?

Then they'd be bagels!

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, but....

Unaffordable health care keeps them at bay.

Why can't Micheal Bay be a farmer?

Because he dosen't have a plot.

What spice is guaranteed to make your girlfriend walk out on you?

Bay Leaves

What do you call a Chinese prison in Cuba?

Wanton-amo bay

What did the blue crab call his ex girlfriend?

Old Bay

There was a bay guard

He had this job for many years, but he retired at 45. He decided that he would try to make juice and sell it for extra cash.


He bought everything needed, and began. However, he could never make any juice. He learned a valuable lesson that day:

Bay guards can't be juicers.

The score at the end of the 3rd quarter last night was 56-0.

Atlanta felt so bad about what they were doing to the Bucs that they walked off the field at the start of the 4th.

4 plays later Tampa Bay finally scored.

in india, muslim guy used to get divorce just bay saying the word 'talaq' 3 times. i found a joke based on it.

Wife: What I really hate about this house is the lack...

Husband: the lack....

Wife: the lack!

Husband: the lack?

Wife: yeah the lack of...

Husband: the lack o-

Wife: aye Dobby has no master. Dobby is a free elf

Husband: Damnnnnnn Fatima.

How is using the Pirate Bay like hiring a prostitute?

Only nerds brag about doing it

Did you see the headline about the film director who stormed off set after someone filled his trailer with herbs?

Michael Bay Leaves

Why can't a seagull fly over the bay

Because then it would be a bagel

The captain's supple young bride...

... fell into the bay at low tide.
You could tell by the squeals
that some of the eels
had found a dark place to hide.

Real estate available on Guantanamo Bay! Don't worry about rent -

Boarding is free!

I wonder...

I wonder if a stripper has ever given a lap dance to a horse veterinarian to the song "Sitting on the Dock of the Bay."

What's the difference between Michael Bay and a catholic priest?

One gives Hollywood and the other gives holywood.

Why do seagulls live by the Sea..?

..Because if they lived by the Bay, they would be bagels!

Honestly this cracked me up when I first heard it.

What do you get when Hurricane Chris tries to sell a large body of water connected to an ocean?

eBay bay

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink...

Not if Guantanamo Bay has anything to say about it.

What's every movie critic's favorite cooking ingredient?

Michael Bay Leaves.

Thank god Green Bay is known for their cheese.

The fudge packers just doesn't have the same ring.

George R.R. Martin tweeted that he directed 2016. This year will be Michael Bay...

Oh wait that was 2001

What's a spice with explosive flavor?

MICHAEL BAY LEAF

If seagulls fly over the sea, what flies over the bay?

Your mom.

Seagull mystery

if seagulls fly over the bay, would they be BAY-GELS?

What do you call a seagull flying over the bay?

A baygull

I'm really looking forward to the next stop on my Mediterranean cruise.

The captain said we're just a few clicks out from Harem Bay.

Why's Guantanamo Bay full of actors?

Because they all shot pilots.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away,

but a bowl of beans keeps everyone at bay.

Why don't seagulls live by the bay?

Because then they'd be called baygulls.

Whenever I'm watching paint dry I like to listen to James Bay

... Just to really complete the experience

My SO thinks this is a very funny joke... is it?

Q: Where do ballerinas go to get their torrents?

A: The Pirouette Bay

Why does James Bay have to be so indecisive?

First he wants me to hold back the river, then he wants me to let it go!

Why don't seagulls fly over the bay?

Then they'd be baygulls.

How do you change a light bulb at GuantΓ‘namo Bay?

Wait... there are still people being held prisoner at GuantΓ‘namo Bay?

Sean Connery used to sing Otis Redding songs as lullabies to his baby son.

He was ten years old before he realised the dock of the bay wasn't actually covered in excrement.

Why does sweden have so many somalis?

They have a pirate bay......

Which is better Pirate Bay or Pirate Bae?

Pirate Bae, because it never goes down.

Why do seagulls cross the sea?

Because, if they crossed the bay they would be baygulls.

I'm sorry.

How to make Bay jokes?

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