Battleship Jokes

What are some Battleship jokes?

A joke from my old physics professor..

How Long is a battleship. True or false?

False. How Long is a man from China.

Battleship is a completely unrealistic movie...

Everyone knows that Rihanna doesn't fight back.

How do you win at battleship in one turn?


The captain of a battleship sees a light in the heavy fog...

The captain called to the signalman, "Signal that ship: We are on a collision course, advise you change course 20 degrees."
Back came a signal, "Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees."
The captain said, "Send, I'm a captain, change course 20 degrees."
"I'm a seaman second class," came the reply. "You had better change course 20 degrees."
By that time, the captain was furious. He spat out, "Send, I'm a battleship. Change course 20 degrees."
Back came the flashing light, "I'm a lighthouse."

How do you sink a French battleship?

Put it in water.

I was playing Battleship with my tumor...

I won though, my last hit was B9.

Change Your Course...

Heard this from some friends, thought I'd post this here.

On a very dark night, a Captain of a battleship saw a light headed on a collision course.

He sent a warning message: "Change your course 15 degrees East!". He receives the reply: "You change your course 15 degrees West!".

Annoyed he sends another message: "I am a Navy Captain, now change your course!". He receives another reply: "I'm a seaman 2nd class, I suggest you change your course, sir!".

Angry, the captain sends another message: "I am a battleship! I will not change course!". Again he receives another reply: "I'm a light house! Your call.".

Why do they put barcodes in every Swedish battleship?

So they can Scandinavian.

Why did the battleship keep swearing?

It had turrets.

My friend asked me if I liked playing battleship

It's hit or miss.

What did the Navy battleship captain say to his first mate during a skirmish?

I think I'm feeling C6

How do you sink a Polish battleship?

Put it in water

A First Mate turns to his Captain and says...

"Captain! There is a light ahead and we are receiving a transmission that we should veer to the left."

The Captain grabbed the radio and said, "This is a fully armed battleship. Veer right or be destroyed."

The voice on the radio responded, "This is a lighthouse. Your move."

Which space on a Battleship grid guarantees victory?


What do a battleship and a belly button ring have in common?

They're both Naval units.

Et tu, Brute?

You sunk my battleship!

My friend asked me what I thought about worship.

I told him I prefer a battleship over a warship.

Battleship Go

I'll be ready when they come out with a Battleship Go. That way I can go about sinking ships and call my ship the S.S. Loose Lips.

Why does the US analyze its battleship blueprints in Norway?

Because it's the best place to scan-da-navy-in.

A large battleship has taken damage and is sinking...

The captain gathers everyone on deck and explains the situation, and solemnly asks if anyone knows any good prayers. The yeoman steps up and says that years of seminary have made him and the Lord really close and he has just a prayer for this situation.

The captain says "Good, you get to stay behind we only have enough life jackets for everyone else."

Why does German beat the game BATTLESHIP every time??

Because they are great at sinking ships

(Just a joke, no offense to anybody)

What do you call the cook on a Soviet battleship?

The khrushchev

How to make Battleship jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Battleship to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Battleship? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Battleship pick up lines to share with friends.

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