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Battery Jokes

187 battery jokes and hilarious battery puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about battery that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh out loud with these battery jokes about charging, life, car, Duracell, lithium, and pacemaker batteries! Whether you’re discussing volts or recycling, these jokes explore the lighter side of batteries. Make sure to charge up your laughter with these battery jokes!

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Funniest Battery Short Jokes

Short battery jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The battery humour may include short charger jokes also.

  1. An elderly couple is in church. The wife says to the husband, "I've let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?" The husband says, "Change the battery in your hearing aid."
  2. I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector. The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.
  3. I got jumped by five black guys in Baltimore. The car started right up but they said I'd need a new battery.
  4. I was in Feruson, got jumped by 5 black guys It started right up, they said I just need to replace the battery.
  5. I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide alarm today The loud beeping was giving me a headache.
  6. Some say Steve Jobs died too young. Others say it was simply an homage to Apple's attitude towards battery life.
  7. I went to the store and said to the worker, "I need a battery so I can tell the time." He asked, "Is it for a clock?" I answered... "I don't know! That's why I need the battery!"
  8. Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 didn't have a removable battery and blew up in everybody's pocket
  9. I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector. All the beeping was giving me a headache and making me sleepy.
  10. Robin tells Batman "I can't get the batmobile started" Batman: check the battery
    Robin: what's a tery?

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Battery One Liners

Which battery one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with battery? I can suggest the ones about fuel and electric.

  1. I can sympathize with batteries. I never get included in anything either.
  2. How does an Apple watch owner know that it's midday? It's already run out of battery.
  3. I gave away all my dead batteries today.. free of charge.
  4. Jesus may have walked on water... But Stephen hawking can run on batteries
  5. Robin: The batmobile won't start. Batman: Check the battery Robin: What's a tery
  6. I was arrested for drinking battery acid. But I wasn't charged.
  7. I totally understand how batteries feel... I'm rarely ever included in things either.
  8. How much do used batteries cost? Nothing, they are free of charge.
  9. What do you call the game Operation without the batteries? Autopsy
  10. The batteries in my flashlight died I was delighted
  11. How are LGBTQ folks like batteries? Usually, they are not included.
  12. No, I'm not addicted to taking batteries out of clocks. I can stop at any time I want.
  13. I know pretty well how batteries must feel I'm rarely ever included in things either.
  14. Would you like a dead battery? They're free of charge!
  15. iPhone Found Dead Later charged with battery

Battery Charge Jokes

Here is a list of funny battery charge jokes and even better battery charge puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's the difference between Chris Brown and a Tesla Model S? The tesla gets fewer battery charges in a year
  • In a fit of rage, a friend of mine ran over a pedestrian with his electric car. He will be charged with battery.
  • The police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. The police charged one and let the other one off.           
  • The police arrested 2 kids today One was eating batteries and the second was eating fireworks
    They charged the first one and let the other off
  • How much does a dead battery cost? It's free of charge
  • Two kids were arrested last night. One ate a battery, the other ate fireworks. They charged the first, and let the other one off.
  • Why was the Energizer Bunny thrown in jail? Because he was charged with battery.
  • The police arrested two suspicious men in a car park today. One was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks.
    They charged one and let the other one off.
  • Does anyone wanna buy used batteries? They're free of charge.
  • Just recently sold all my dead batteries free of charge

Battery Charging Jokes

Here is a list of funny battery charging jokes and even better battery charging puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A robot went on a crime spree in our neighbourhood right before it ran out of battery. The cops are refusing to charge the perpetrator.
  • What happenes when you beat up an electrician? You get charged with battery
  • i heard they were giving away batteries down the local discount store turns out they were free of charge.
  • My remote control batteries died out today. So I gave them away, free of charge.
  • You know those boxes full of dead batteries you see in supermarkets? The ones due for recycling. Did you know you can just take them? They're free of charge.
  • Karen Police arrested two Karens yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other off.
  • I was falsely accused of throwing batteries at people All charges were dropped
  • So i beat a guy up with a dead iphone charged for battery.
  • Did you hear about the Energizer Bunny? A judge charged him with battery.
  • Why did the Energizer Bunny go to jail? He was charged with Battery
    I know...it's bad...but it had to be shared.
Battery joke, Why did the Energizer Bunny go to jail?

Car Battery Jokes

Here is a list of funny car battery jokes and even better car battery puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I was in Ferguson last night and got jumped by 5 black guys! The car started right up, they just said it just needs a new battery. What nice gentlemen i thought to myself.
  • A police officer caught two kids playing with a firework and a car battery. He charged one and let the other one off.
  • A guy shocked himself trying to steal an electric car. He was charged with battery.
  • A man was found electrocuted, with only a car battery in the room. Police are still looking for leads.
  • Did you know that when someone gets run over by a Tesla it isn't considered Vehicular Manslaughter? They call it electric car battery!
  • Batman and Robin were on the car... "The car isn't working", says Robin.
    "Check the battery", says Batman.
    "What's an tery, Batman?"
  • A man was found electrocuted in a room with a car battery. The battery was dead, so there were no charges.
  • One liner If you hit a person with an electric car will you be charged for battery?
  • Why did the electric car go to court? It was charged with battery
  • I had to take my Model S in for service yesterday. I could hear loud roars coming from underneath the car. Tesla said it was normal and coming from the Li- Ion battery.

Battery Life Jokes

Here is a list of funny battery life jokes and even better battery life puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • People say that Steve Jobs died too soon. But I think his death was a fitting metaphor for apples attitude to battery life.
  • They Just Released Stephen Hawking's Last Words "1 percent battery life remaining. Please find nearest charger and plug in device"
  • What did x æ a-12 got when he was given a lithium iron battery, to reboot himself? Li-Fe
  • The newest iPhone 6 Plus has an excellent battery life, thanks to... ...the energy generated by the perpetual motion of Steve Jobs rolling in his grave.
  • Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
  • Some people say Steve Jobs died to early... but I'd say its an appropriate metaphor for his companies policy on battery life
  • The Nokia 3310 was ahead of its time... Dust proof, water proof, had a nearly infinite battery life, indestructible, AND no audio jack!
  • With the release of the 0.31 version of Pokemon Go, my battery life has been amazing!! It turns out the game uses much less battery when you aren't playing.
  • A man gazes out his window, pondering the mysteries of life... Because his phone ran out of battery.
  • Batteries have a tough life. They're either working or dead.
Battery joke, Batteries have a tough life.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about battery can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of battery puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Hilarious Fun Battery Jokes to Bring Joy & Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about battery you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean power jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make battery prank.

The Energizer bunny was just releases from prison.

He was charged with battery.
. . .

Battery

An old woman mistook me for an employee at the supermarket.
She asked, "how much does just one AA battery cost?"
I had one in my pocket, but it was dead. I handed it over and said, "Here, no charge."

What does a 9 volt battery, and a pretty girls bumhole have in common?

People tell you not to, but you're still going to put your tongue on it.

Busted!

A couple days ago a couple kids in high school were busted behind their school. One was eating firecrackers and the other was drinking battery acid.
They were taken to court by the police. The judge thought long and hard what their punishment should be, but just ended up charging the one, and he let the other one off.

Old couple in church...

An old couple is sitting in church one morning, listening to a sermon, when the wife whispers, "I just let out a silent f**.... What should I do?"
Her husband whispers back, "Well, for starters, you can put a new battery in your hearing aid."

An Elderly Couple

An elderly couple Pauline & Frank were recently attending a church service at their retirement village.
About halfway through the service, Pauline took a pen and paper out of her purse, and wrote a note and handed it to Frank.
The note said:" I just let out a silent f**..., what do you think I should do?"
Frank scribbled back: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

We had a power outage today...

...and my PC, laptop, TV, DVD, iPad & surround sound music system were all shut down.
Then I discovered that my phone battery was flat and I couldn't charge it.To top it off it was snowing outside. So I couldn't play golf and I couldn't fish. I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this also needs power. So does the microwave. So popcorn won't happen.
So I talked with my wife for a few hours. She seems like such a nice person.

We had a outage at my place this morning...

We had a outage at my place this morning and my PC, laptop,
TV, DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music system were all shut down.
Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat and to top it off it
was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf.
I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this
also needs power, so I talked with my wife for a few hours.
She seems like a nice person.

Unnecessary Arrests

The other day, a police officer was walking through the park. He saw two kids. One of the kids was eating fireworks. The other was drinking battery acid. The officer immediately arrested both kids and brought them to the station. When they got there, the officer's superior told him to let one of the kids off and charge the other one.

Why was the circuit arrested?

Because it was charged with battery!

Saw an ad for a used battery in the paper today:

"Slightly rusty, in need of repair but has potential"

If meat is m**......

...then is cake battery?

The Energizer Bunny was found dead today from s**... exhaustion

His battery was put in backwards and he just kept coming and coming and coming.

A falling battery killed a man today.

It was charged with m**....

I got jumped by three black men downtown the other day...

They were quite polite the whole time they were jumping me. Even gave me directions to the nearest auto parts store so I could get a new car battery.

My wife depleted the power on my phone when I needed it the most.

Yet I'm the one who is charged of battery...

An elderly couple was sitting together in church...

The wife leans over to the husband and says "I just let out a really long and silent f**.... What should I do?"
The husband replies "Change the battery in your hearing aid."

Just charged my phone

Let's see how long the battery will la

Ever wonder why you don't see the energizer bunny anymore?

He got arrested for battery.

iPod Shuffle

Today, I was playing my iPod on shuffle. The song, "This is Not the End" by The Bravery came on. The next song was "This is the End" by She Wants Revenge. It was followed by "The End." by My Chemical Romance. As soon as the songs finished, the battery promptly died. I think my iPod left a s**... note.

I had to change the battery in my clock.

It was about time.

An elderly couple was attending church services.

About halfway through, she leans over and says to him: "I just had silent passing of gas, what do you think I should do?"
He leans over to her and replies:
" Put a new battery in your Hearing Aid."

What does a 9 volt battery have in common with a girls a**...?

You know its wrong but sooner or later your going to lick it.

What's the difference between a t**... and a phone charger?

A phone charger charges batteries, but a t**... has battery charges

Why did the lead acid battery have to tell the truth?

Because if it didn't it would be Li-ion.

My phone got arrested today...

It was charged with battery.

An elderly couple are at the cinema...

About halfway through the film, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent f**...; what do you think I should do?'
He replies, 'You should put a new battery in your hearing aid.'

So a policeman see's two kids in a street corner

One's drinking battery acid while the other is eating fireworks
So the policeman charged one and let one off

I feel like a battery

because I am not included in anything :(

What's the similarity between Chris Brown being released and Pokemon Go being released?

An increase in battery cases.

A police officer found two kids walking the streets. One had a battery and the other had a firecracker.

He charged one and let the other one off

Did you hear what happened to Lithium?

He was arrested for battery charges. Some say he's bi-polar.

Samsung Gn7 user here. despite all the a**... they're getting I was surprised that it's actually a really great phone

I mean the battery life alone just blew me away

what do u call a turtle running on a 9V rechargeable battery?

Dura-Shell

iPhone's from the future.

2016: iPhone 7=no headphone jack
2017: iPhone 8=no battery
2018: iPhone 9=no screen
2019: iPhone 10=no phone at all, just pay Apple $1000

What fuels electronics but drains a relationship?

Battery

what does a 9 volt battery and your girlfriend's a**... have in common?

Even though you know you shouldn't you give them both a lick

I attacked a stranger with a sock full of dead AAA Duracells

Kind of ironic that I was charged with battery

Did you hear about the guy who got pulled over?

The cops received a warrant and were able to search his car and they opened the glove box and ended up finding sodium chloride and a nine volt...
He got charged with assault and battery

When Microsoft and Apple ship faulty products

Microsoft: We will fix that faulty battery timer through a software update. *never fixes it though*
Apple: *quietly removes the battery timer*

I really hate people who brag about their expensive stuff

Sent from my iPhone 7 Plus
EDIT : had to manage as my MacBook Pro ran out of battery

Sodium Chloride and Sulphuric Acid were in jail

Turns out they were in for assault and battery

Tesla have announced they are going to build the worlds biggest battery.

Yet it still won't last a day on an iPhone

A police officer is doing his patrol when he sees two men arguing.

He goes to approach, when suddenly it gets physical. The first man throws a packet of sodium chloride at the second, and the second responds by throwing a bunch of 9 volts at the first.
The officer arrests them for a salt and battery.

A Saudi king let me juice up my phone with his portable power source.

I was charged with a Sultan battery.

I get angry when my cellphone battery dies

My therapist suggested that I find an outlet.

Four engineers get into a car.. The car won't start

The Mechanical engineer says: "It's a broken starter".
The Electrical engineer says: "Dead battery".
The Chemical engineer says: "Impurities in the gasoline".
The IT engineer says: "Hey guys, I have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in".

Think New Yorkers don't get along? I just saw two complete strangers share a cab...

One took the wheels and tires, the other took the battery and the radio.

At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge.

The judge said, "State your name, occupation, and
the charge."
The defendant said, "I'm Sparks, I'm an electrician,
charged with
battery."
The judge winced and said, "Bailiff! Put
this man in a dry
cell!"

Energizer Bunny Arrested

Charged with battery.

A woman turns to her husband sitting in church one Sunday morning and quietly says,

I've just let a silent f**.... What should I do?
Her husband leans over to her and replies, Get a new battery for your hearing aid.

Why is it a crime to put condiments on your power supply?

Because it's assault and battery.

Why did the Energizer Bunny go to jail?

because he was charged with battery

An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and an IT admin are in a car that won't start.

Electrical Engineer: "It has to be the battery. Let's check that."
Mechanical Engineer: "No, I think it's the engine. Let's check that instead."
IT Admin: "How about this? Let's all get out of the car and get back in."

Robin was having problems starting the Batmobile

And then he went to Batman "The Batmobile won't start!"
"Have you checked the battery?"
"What's an Ery?"

I bet in 2000 years they're gonna be digging up the rubble of our destroyed earth and they'll find a Nokia still on half battery.

How is a 9 volt battery like an a**hole?

It may be wrong, but sooner or later you're gonna put your tongue on both of them.

So I bought Master of Puppets today

I noticed there was a song missing. When I asked the store clerk later about it, he said "Battery not included".

The energiser bunny was arrested today

He was charged with battery

What did the little battery yell when it stepped on a lego?

AAA

A man was arrested last night for drinking battery acid...

He was later charged.

My wife was giving a speech at her parents' wedding anniversary, and my phone battery ran out in the middle of recording it.

Now I'll never hear the end of it.

Battery joke, My wife was giving a speech at her parents' wedding anniversary, and my phone battery ran out in the

jokes about battery

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these battery jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.