The Best 63 Battery Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Battery jokes. There are some battery nokia jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these battery recharge puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Battery Jokes and Puns

People say that Steve Jobs died too soon.

But I think his death was a fitting metaphor for apples attitude to battery life.

Battery

An old woman mistook me for an employee at the supermarket.

She asked, "how much does just one AA battery cost?"

I had one in my pocket, but it was dead. I handed it over and said, "Here, no charge."

What does a 9 volt battery, and a pretty girls bumhole have in common?

People tell you not to, but you're still going to put your tongue on it.

Battery joke, What does a 9 volt battery, and a pretty girls bumhole have in common?

The police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks.

The police charged one and let the other one off.           

Busted!

A couple days ago a couple kids in high school were busted behind their school. One was eating firecrackers and the other was drinking battery acid.

They were taken to court by the police. The judge thought long and hard what their punishment should be, but just ended up charging the one, and he let the other one off.


Old couple in church...

An old couple is sitting in church one morning, listening to a sermon, when the wife whispers, "I just let out a silent fart. What should I do?"

Her husband whispers back, "Well, for starters, you can put a new battery in your hearing aid."

An Elderly Couple

An elderly couple Pauline & Frank were recently attending a church service at their retirement village.

About halfway through the service, Pauline took a pen and paper out of her purse, and wrote a note and handed it to Frank.

The note said:" I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

Frank scribbled back: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

Battery joke, An Elderly Couple

We had a outage at my place this morning...

We had a outage at my place this morning and my PC, laptop,
TV, DVD, iPad & my new surround sound music system were all shut down.
Then I discovered that my iPhone battery was flat and to top it off it
was raining outside, so I couldn't play golf.
I went into the kitchen to make coffee and then I remembered that this
also needs power, so I talked with my wife for a few hours.

She seems like a nice person.

Unnecessary Arrests

The other day, a police officer was walking through the park. He saw two kids. One of the kids was eating fireworks. The other was drinking battery acid. The officer immediately arrested both kids and brought them to the station. When they got there, the officer's superior told him to let one of the kids off and charge the other one.

If meat is murder...

...then is cake battery?

The Energizer Bunny was found dead today from sexual exhaustion

His battery was put in backwards and he just kept coming and coming and coming.

You can explore battery pacemaker reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean battery energizer dad jokes. There are also battery puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I was in Feruson, got jumped by 5 black guys

It started right up, they said I just need to replace the battery.

I was in Ferguson last night and got jumped by 5 black guys!

The car started right up, they just said it just needs a new battery. What nice gentlemen i thought to myself.

A falling battery killed a man today.

It was charged with murder.

I got jumped by three black men downtown the other day...

They were quite polite the whole time they were jumping me. Even gave me directions to the nearest auto parts store so I could get a new car battery.

I got jumped by five black guys in Baltimore.

The car started right up but they said I'd need a new battery.

Battery joke, I got jumped by five black guys in Baltimore.

An elderly couple was sitting together in church...

The wife leans over to the husband and says "I just let out a really long and silent fart. What should I do?"
The husband replies "Change the battery in your hearing aid."

How does an Apple Watch owner know that it's midday?

It's already run out of battery.

Ever wonder why you don't see the energizer bunny anymore?

He got arrested for battery.


iPod Shuffle

Today, I was playing my iPod on shuffle. The song, "This is Not the End" by The Bravery came on. The next song was "This is the End" by She Wants Revenge. It was followed by "The End." by My Chemical Romance. As soon as the songs finished, the battery promptly died. I think my iPod left a suicide note.

An elderly couple was attending church services.

About halfway through, she leans over and says to him: "I just had silent passing of gas, what do you think I should do?"
He leans over to her and replies:
" Put a new battery in your Hearing Aid."

What does a 9 volt battery have in common with a girls arsehole?

You know its wrong but sooner or later your going to lick it.

Why did the lead acid battery have to tell the truth?

Because if it didn't it would be Li-ion.

How much does a dead battery cost?

It's free of charge

Did you hear about the Energizer Bunny?

A judge charged him with battery.

I had to remove the battery from my carbon monoxide detector.

The constant beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick.

An elderly couple are at the cinema...

About halfway through the film, the wife leans over and says to her husband, 'I just let out a silent fart; what do you think I should do?'

He replies, 'You should put a new battery in your hearing aid.'

I feel like a battery

because I am not included in anything :(

Samsung Gn7 user here. despite all the abuse they're getting I was surprised that it's actually a really great phone

I mean the battery life alone just blew me away

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 didn't have a removable battery and blew up in everybody's pocket

iPhone's from the future.

2016: iPhone 7=no headphone jack

2017: iPhone 8=no battery

2018: iPhone 9=no screen

2019: iPhone 10=no phone at all, just pay Apple $1000

What fuels electronics but drains a relationship?

Battery

Some say Steve Jobs died too young.

Others say it was simply an homage to Apple's attitude towards battery life.

When Microsoft and Apple ship faulty products

Microsoft: We will fix that faulty battery timer through a software update. *never fixes it though*

Apple: *quietly removes the battery timer*

The police arrested two suspicious men in a car park today.

One was drinking battery acid and the other was eating fireworks.
They charged one and let the other one off.

An elderly couple is in church. The wife says to the husband, "I've let out one of those silent farts, what do I do?"

The husband says, "Change the battery in your hearing aid."

I really hate people who brag about their expensive stuff

Sent from my iPhone 7 Plus

EDIT : had to manage as my MacBook Pro ran out of battery

Sodium Chloride and Sulphuric Acid were in jail

Turns out they were in for assault and battery

Tesla have announced they are going to build the worlds biggest battery.

Yet it still won't last a day on an iPhone

Four engineers get into a car.. The car won't start

The Mechanical engineer says: "It's a broken starter".

The Electrical engineer says: "Dead battery".

The Chemical engineer says: "Impurities in the gasoline".

The IT engineer says: "Hey guys, I have an idea how about we all get out of the car and get back in".

A police officer caught two kids

playing with a firework and a car battery. He charged one and let the other one off.

Think New Yorkers don't get along? I just saw two complete strangers share a cab...

One took the wheels and tires, the other took the battery and the radio.

At night court, a man was brought in and set before the judge.

The judge said, "State your name, occupation, and
the charge."
The defendant said, "I'm Sparks, I'm an electrician,
charged with
battery."
The judge winced and said, "Bailiff! Put
this man in a dry
cell!"

Two kids were arrested last night. One ate a battery, the other ate fireworks.

They charged the first, and let the other one off.

Energizer Bunny Arrested

Charged with battery.

A woman turns to her husband sitting in church one Sunday morning and quietly says,

I've just let a silent fart. What should I do?

Her husband leans over to her and replies, Get a new battery for your hearing aid.

So i beat a guy up with a dead iphone

charged for battery.

Robin: The batmobile won't start. Batman: Check the battery

Robin: What's a tery

An electrical engineer, a mechanical engineer, and an IT admin are in a car that won't start.

Electrical Engineer: "It has to be the battery. Let's check that."

Mechanical Engineer: "No, I think it's the engine. Let's check that instead."

IT Admin: "How about this? Let's all get out of the car and get back in."

What's the difference between Chris Brown and a Tesla Model S?

The Tesla gets fewer battery charges in a year

Robin was having problems starting the Batmobile

And then he went to Batman "The Batmobile won't start!"

"Have you checked the battery?"

"What's an Ery?"

iPhone Found Dead

Later charged with battery

What happenes when you beat up an electrician?

You get charged with battery

My wife was giving a speech at her parents' wedding anniversary, and my phone battery ran out in the middle of recording it.

Now I'll never hear the end of it.

A bra, a battery, and a set of jumper cables walk into a bar...

The battery and cables sit down at a table while the bra approaches the bartender.

Bra says, "Three pints, please."

Bartender replies, "I'm not serving you."

The bra asks why not.

Bartender answers, "Because you're clearly off your tits and your friends look like they're about to start something."

Confucius say: Man who hurts another gets charged with battery.

Man who kills another gets charged with electricity.

A guy shocked himself trying to steal an electric car.

He was charged with battery.

A man was found electrocuted, with only a car battery in the room.

Police are still looking for leads.

Recently got run over by a guy in a Tesla, thought he got away but:

He's currently being charged with battery now

A man had been feeling ill, so he went to his doctor.

The doctor ran a battery of tests, then came back into the examination room. "Sir, I'm sorry," he said, "but we've discovered you have a terminal illness."

"Oh God!" the man said. "How long do I have?!"

"Ten -- " the doctor said.

"Ten what?!" the man interrupted. "Years?! Months?! Weeks?! Days?!"

"Nine, eight, seven..."

Karen

Police arrested two Karens yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one - and let the other off.

A man has to fart in a bus..

He said oh shit I gotta fart! But i guess the people won't notice because the music is too loud. So I just gotta do it matching the rhythm of the sound..
He did it! After he's done,
the people clapped their hands and
his earphones alarmed battery low.

One liner

If you hit a person with an electric car will you be charged for battery?

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the battery charger jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working battery duracell piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes