The Best 72 Batteries Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Batteries jokes. There are some batteries iphones jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these batteries lithium puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Batteries Jokes and Puns

It's said that Jesus could walk on water...

Thats nothing! Stephen Hawking ran on batteries

What do non-alcoholic beer and a vibrator without batteries have in common?

They both fill you up, but lack the buzz

The Silent Fart

An old couple were sitting in Church and the wife noticed that people were staring at her.

She leaned across to her husband and whispered, "I've just let go a silent fart. What do you think I should do?"

He said, "I think you should get fresh batteries for your hearing aid."

Batteries joke, The Silent Fart

Lady barges into radio shack

She grabs at the nearest employee and exclaims:

"I need a pack of double A batteries RIGHT NOW!"

The employee, flustered, replies: "All right, stay calm and just ... come this way", as he gestures her to follow him with a wave of his fingers.

She yells "If I could do that, I wouldn't need the batteries!"

I was playing a prison simulator when the batteries in my keyboard died.

Now I can't escape.


We had a big storm on the weekend, we had a blackout and you couldn't go outside. After a while the batteries on my laptop and phone had run out so I read the newspaper and finished my latest book. After that there was nothing to do so I sat down and talked to my wife for an hour or so.

She seems quite nice.

Two thieves were caught with a load of stolen batteries and fireworks...

...one of them was charged, and the other was let off.

Batteries joke, Two thieves were caught with a load of stolen batteries and fireworks...

So the batteries in my flashlight ran out...

You'd think I'd be sad, but really I was delighted.

An elderly couple sits in church

The old lady leans over and whispers, "I just let out a really big silent fart, what should I do? "
The old man says, "you should replace the batteries in your hearing aid. "

"Enough with the boys, I need a real man..."

...I said to myself while taking out the batteries from my Game Boy and putting them into a vibrator.

Beer without alcohol is like a vibrator with no batteries...

It fills you up nicely but lacks the buzz...

You can explore batteries potholder reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean batteries recharge dad jokes. There are also batteries puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Last week I got a vibrator stuck inside of me so I went to the doctors...

...this morning when the batteries went flat

I can sympathize with batteries.

I never get included in anything either.

Grandma and Grandpa

Grandma and Grandpa are sitting at church on Easter Sunday, and Grandma leans over and whispers, "I just let out a silent fart, what should I do?"

Grandpa leans back and replies, "You should get new batteries for your hearing aids!"

What's the difference between a thug and a phone charger?

A phone charger charges batteries, but a thug has battery charges

What batteries do turtles use?

Durashells

Batteries joke, What batteries do turtles use?

i heard they were giving away batteries down the local discount store

turns out they were free of charge.

Words Ending With OR

A teacher asks a class to name a living object that eats things ending in OR.

First little boy says, "Alligator."

"Very good," replies the teacher.

Second little boy says, "Predator."

"Yes, very good," replies the teacher.

Little Johnny then says, "vibrator, Miss."

Teacher replies, "That's a big word but it doesn't actually eat anything does it?"

Little Johnny then says, "Well, my sister has a big one and she says it eat batteries like there's no tomorrow!"

I know pretty well how batteries must feel

I'm rarely ever included in things either.


I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector today

The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.

How much do used batteries cost?

Nothing, they are free of charge.

Just recently sold all my dead batteries

free of charge

The police arrested 2 kids today

One was eating batteries and the second was eating fireworks

They charged the first one and let the other off

My wife felt guilty

I found her using a vibrator. She said she was denying me my pleasure. She's using the batteries from the remote

I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide alarm...

...the loud ringing noise from it was giving me a headache and making me dizzy.

An abacus doesn't need batteries

you can always count on it

Someone stole my empty batteries....

But it's ok, they were free of charge!

I'm so broke this chrismas...

I'm just going to wrap batteries with a note that says ^*แด›แดสs ^ษดแดแด› ^ษชษดแด„สŸแดœแด…แด‡แด…

I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector.

All the beeping was giving me a headache and making me sleepy.

No, I'm not addicted to taking batteries out of clocks.

I can stop at any time I want.

I know how batteries feel...

I'm rarely included in things either.

(Shamelessly stolen)

Jesus may have been offended

Elderly couple in church during Easter mass. Wife turns to husband and says, "I have just done a silent fart, what should I do?" Husband says, "put new batteries in your hearing aid!"

An old couple is sitting in church

The wife turns to the husband and says, "I just let out a silent fart. What should I do."

"Put new batteries in your hearing aids."

The batteries in my flashlight died

I was delighted

It's okay batteries

No one includes me either.

Jesus may have walked on water...

But Stephen Hawking can run on batteries

A teacher asked her third grade class to

name things that ended with tor that eat things.
The first little boy said, Alligator.
Very good James, that's a big word.
The second boy said, Predator.
Yes, that's another big word Alan. Very well done.
Little Johnny says, Vibrator.
After nearly falling off her chair, she says, That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn't eat anything.
Well my mother has one and she says it eats frickin' batteries like there's no tomorrow!

Does anyone wanna buy used batteries?

They're free of charge.

A woman walks into a convenience store...

"I need four D batteries," she says.

The cashier nods and motions to her with a finger. "Come this way."

"If I could come that way, I wouldn't need four D batteries!"

What's the difference between a flashlight and a fleshlight?

One takes C batteries and the other takes D's.

Old lady in a fancy restaurant leans over to her hubby and says , I've done a silent fart what should I do?

Husband says 'change the batteries in your hearing aids

I gave away all my dead batteries today..

free of charge.

I had to take the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector

The constant beeping gave me a headache and made me feel sick.

Someone gave me a box of dead batteries...

...at least they were free of charge.

I totally understand how batteries feel...

I'm rarely ever included in things either.

I have a lot in common with batteries...

I'm also never included

I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide alarm today

The loud beeping was giving me a headache.

Classic church joke

An old couple was sitting in church when the wife says, "I just let out a silent fart. What should I do?" Her husband responded, "Change the batteries in your hearing aids."

An elderly couple was sitting in a church...

An elderly couple was sitting in a church and the woman turned to her husband and said "I farted silently, what should I do now?"

The husband replied, "You need to change the batteries for your hearing aid"

Today I realized that I am like batteries.

I'm never included in anything, either.

Robin says to Batman:

- Batman, batremote to battv doesn't work!
- Did you check batteries?
- What are teries?

A woman goes into the doctor and tells him she was masturbating a little too furiously, and her vibrator got stuck.

The doctor examines her and tells her, "Well, the bad news is, it's going to cost $1000 to remove it."

The woman says, "Well, how much does it cost just to change the batteries?"

The cost of living has gotten really high.

My wife started having sex with me again because she can't afford batteries.

During my job interview I was asked: After a long week how do you normally recharge your batteries

Apparently through high voltage nipple clamps wasn't the answer they were expecting.

Hey sir, how much for the box of dead batteries

They're free of charge

My wife asked if she could have some peace and quiet while she tried to cook dinner

So I took the batteries out of the smoke alarm

The cost of living has gotten so high that my wife began having sex with me again

so she wouldn't have to buy batteries.

After Generation Z, the next generation should be called generation AA

It would fit even better because they will be the generation to grow up with batteries inside everything.

Two old ladies were attending a church service

And about half way through one says:

"I just did a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

The other woman proceeds to lean over slowly and say:

"Put some new batteries in your bloody hearing aids!"

I put some batteries in my mouse yesterday

And now I'm banned from the pet store

Just gave away a whole bunch of old batteries...

Totally free of charge.

My wife asked if she could have a little peace and quiet while she cooked dinner

So I took the batteries out of the smoke detector.

What do you call the game Operation without the batteries?

Autopsy

I've finally had it with my carbon monoxide detectors.

All this beeping has been giving me such a bad headache. I'm going to take the batteries out right away.

My mum has a small shop near the beach, where you can buy batteries ...

She sells C cells by the seashore.

Batteries

This year I'm getting my kids a set of batteries for christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.

As I was inserting my third battery into my new toy gift...

My dad remarked that this wasn't the kind of puppy that needed batteries.

Merry Christmas!

There was a woman selling batteries in the park today..

She sells C-cells by the seesaw

My remote control batteries died out today.

So I gave them away, free of charge.

Elderly couple in church. Wife turns to husband and says "I've just done a silent fart, what should I do?"

Husband says "put new batteries in your hearing aid."

Why didn't the AA batteries work on my flesh light?

Because my flesh light only takes a D.

What's a clock when you take the batteries out?

Ticked off.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the batteries energizer jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working batteries vibrator piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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