Battered Jokes
93 battered jokes and hilarious battered puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about battered that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Never heard a battered joke before? Read this article to find out if it's something to laugh at or if battered women, fish and sausage have any connection. Learn the history and origin behind the term "battered" and the popular dishes like chippy, tempura and gladiators. Discover why there isn't a better name for these delicacies.
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Funniest Battered Short Jokes
Short battered jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The battered humour may include short beaten jokes also.
- A woman was being perused by two men. One was a baker and one was a poet,
She had to make up her mind for batter or verse. - I signed up to volunteer at a pro-life bake sale I'll be selling cups of uncooked batter and insisting they're actually cupcakes
- For my first cake day I was just going to do a repost of someone else's cake joke. But then I thought....
Nah, I could do batter. - Hundreds of women are battered in the US every day And all this time I've just been eating them raw...
- why did the wife of the fish and chips fetishist file for divorce? she was sick of being a battered woman
- My Kids Got p**... at Me for Cooking pancake this Morning Seems he was their favorite rabbit
- I'm never buying a fish fryer from Linkin Park ever again. I fried so hard, and got sole far, but in the end it doesn't even batter!
- For my sixth cake day I was going to just repost someone elses cake day joke. But then I thought to myself...
Nah, I'm batter than that! - What's the first thing a woman should do after returning home from the battered women's shelter? The dishes if she knows what's good for her.
- There are over 100,000 battered women in America And all this time I've been eating them raw.
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Battered One Liners
Which battered one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with battered? I can suggest the ones about slapped and bruised.
- What does Rihanna and onion Rings have in common? They're both battered.
- KFC is a shelter for battered chickens
- There was a fight in a fish and chip shop! Two fish got battered ;).
- Sorry I let all of you down on my Cake Day... I couldn't think of a batter joke to post..
- Have you ever heard of Tempura House? It's a shelter for lightly battered women.
- Where do cannibals go to eat deep fried food? The battered women's shelter
- 50,000 battered women a year... And I still eat mine plain!
- What did the pancake say to the baseball player? Batter up!
- What do all battered women have in common? They don't listen.
- What do you call a goat that works at a bakery? A battering ram
- I thought I missed my cake day batter late than never!
- What do you call a battered men's shelter? Jail.
- Battered Women Not as delicious as it sounds
- What do you call a computer weapon? A battering *RAM*
- A fight broke out at the seafood restaurant last night Battered fish everywhere.
Battered Fish Jokes
Here is a list of funny battered fish jokes and even better battered fish puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- You guys hear about the fight that broke out at the seafood restaurant? Battered fish everywhere.
- There was a fight in the fish & chip shop last night Two men were battered
- Did you hear about the fight in the fish and chip shop? The fish got battered
- There was a unusual fight at the local chippy 2 fish got battered
- Did you hear about the crazy fight at the fish market? I heard they found two fish battered
- What do you call a male sheep that works in a fish and chips shop? a battering ram
- There was a fight in the Fish and Chip shop the other day The fish got *battered* and the chip got *a-salted*.
- What do you call a domestically abused fish? Battered Cod
- There was a big fight in the local chippy the other day The fish got battered
- What do you call the fish and chips restaurant on the Death Star? Not a moon - a batter station.
Battered Wife Jokes
Here is a list of funny battered wife jokes and even better battered wife puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- After the fourth batter was hit in game seven My wife turns to me and says, they're not very good dodgers.
- So there I was at my favorite seafood restaurant having dinner, and I told David, my favorite waiter, that TONIGHT I wanted my fish exactly how I like my wife... ..."Battered it is, sir."
- What happened when the husband tried to deep fry his wife? She went to the battered women's shelter
- Did you hear about the abusive cannibal you was battering his wife? That's the joke.

Battered Woman Jokes
Here is a list of funny battered woman jokes and even better battered woman puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Whats the first thing a woman does when she gets to the battered shelter? The dishes if she knows whats good for her.
- What happened to the woman who beat another woman at baseball (who happened to have rabies)? A bitter, badder batter bit her.
- Chris Brown told me this one. I like my woman like I like my fish
Battered. - A woman was battered over breakfast ...it was waffle :(

Fun-Filled Battered Jokes to Boost Your Mood
What funny jokes about battered you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean banged jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make battered pranks.
Have you heard about the Tempura Shelter they are opening downtown?
It's a center for lightly battered women.
A very life-battered looking hobo asks for some change from a guy coming from a bar
The guy asks "Are you going to use it for booze then?"
"No I will not, sir" says the hobo.
"Well will you gamble it then?" Asks the man.
"No I will not, sir"
"Well then you must come and show my wife what it does to a man if he doesn't drink or gamble!"
50,000 battered women in America every year..
and I've been eating mine plain this whole time.
Two sociologists came upon a man lying distraught in the gutter after being beaten and robbed ...
As they looked down upon the battered and bleeding body one of them remarked- we must find the people responsible for this terrible attack, they're obviously in desperate need of our help .
I just got back from the battered women's shelter...
Boy are my arms tired!
40% of women in the world are battered...
And I've been eating mine plain this whole time.
Joke from the rabbi of one of the synagogues I went to.
A professional baseball player was very religious. So religious, in fact, that every time he stepped up to the plate he would cross himself.
During a particular game, he was facing a particularly impatient pitcher. The batter stepped out to cross himself, and the pitcher yelled out, "Hey! Why don't you just let God watch the game for once!?"
TIL that 1 in 3 Women are Battered.
...And to think I have been eating them plain all this time.
A serial killer was killing his female victims by drowning them in pancake mix, then dipping them in hot oil. Some of his victims survived.
They're currently being treated at a battered women's shelter.
What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
One's a slimy, s**...-s**... bottom feeder, and the other is delicious dipped in batter and deep-fried.
*-Hannibal Lecter*
Baseball baking
What's the difference between a baseball cupcake and a baseball muffin...
The batter
What do baseball teams and muffins have in common?
They both rely on a good *batter*
What kind of shrimp does Chris Brown like?
Battered shrimp.
A young man was in love with two women and could not decide which of them to marry.
Finally he went to a marriage counselor. When asked to describe his two loves, he noted that one was a great poet and the other made delicious pancakes.
"Oh" said the counselor, "I see what the problem is. You can't decide whether to marry for batter or verse."
Beer battered fish is just so tragic.
That's alcohol a**...!
My Japanese colleague got really angry today after losing his battered prawns.
He really lost his tempura.
Whenever I make chocolate chip or blueberry muffins, I make sure one muffin is just batter.
I like to play Muffin Roulette.
My son was mixing the pancake batter with a whisk in both hands while he was helping my wife make Father's Day breakfast.
I gasped and said, honey, do you really think you should be letting him do that? That looks two whisk-y!
Did you hear about the new women's shelter?
It's called the "Tempura House"
It's for lightly battered women.
The pitcher who held the record for walking batters had a reputation as a tough guy.
Because it took a lot of b**....
Box
I met a guy in a wheelchair today. His face was battered and bruised. What happened to your face? I asked. I'm a Paralympian, he replied. Boxing? No, … hurdles.
I attended a self-defence course.
At the end of it, the person that ran the course said, "Ok, buddy, so for the week you owe me...£380."
"I refuse to pay," I told him.
"You have to," he insisted.
"Well then, you'll have to fight me for it."
So we fought, and he absolutely battered me. Left me b**..., bruised and beaten.
He said, "£380. Cough it up."
"No," I told him, wiping my lip. "Because it was clearly a waste of money."
Quasimodo is about to ring the bell for 3pm when the rope snaps.
He knows he has to ring it but doesn't know how. Then he has an idea. He takes a big run up and uses his face to ring it. Bloodied and cut he does it again. Battered and bruised he does it one more time, but the bell swings back and knocks him off the tower down to the floor below.
Lying dead in a b**... heap, he's surrounded by towns people. o**... says "who's that?"
His pal said "I don't know, but his face rings a bell."
Wondering how to pass time until your own cake day joke?
Just bake it till you make it!
Okay, I stole that pun, but I really couldn't have done it batter myself.
That batter pun was terrible, I'll beat it now.
Sorry, I know I'm on thin icing here, but this left me in tiers.
Anyway, I've got a lot on my plate today, I'm going to piece out.
Why are bakers great at baseball?
They make the best batters
o**... it's cake day, quick, repost a cake joke!
Nah, i'm batter than that
A football fan appears in court for battery
The judge says to the fan: So you are very sure you only threw tomatoes at the referee?
The fan: yes, your honour. I'm very sure.
The Judge: Then how do you explain the deep cuts and bruises on the referees face?
(The judge points at the refs battered face.)
The fan: yeah... they were canned tomatoes...
a man walks into a library
and says in a loud voice can i please order a piece of battered fish, 2 potato cakes and minimum chips
the librarian replies in a firm but quiet voice 'Sir, you're in a library'
the man whispers 'Sorry, can i please order a piece of battered fish, 2 potato cakes and minimum chips
In 1970, Doc Ellis pitched a no hitter on l**...
Which isnt that impressive when you realize the fact that in 1970, all the batters were on l**... as well
Scotsman at a Yankees game
So a Scotsman goes on vacation to NYC, and decides to take in a Yankees home game, as he didn't understand baseball and wanted to learn more.
So he settles into his seat and the game starts. In the top of the second inning, he sees the pitcher walk the batter.
The Scotsman, not understanding, stands up, shouting "RUN, MAN! RUN!!"
The man sitting in front of him turns around and says, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four b**...."
The Scotsman thinks about this for a moment, and then shouts "WALK WITH PRIDE, MAN! WALK WITH PRIDE!"

