The Best 52 Bats Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Bats jokes. There are some bats competence jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these bats labra puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Bats Jokes and Puns

Two bats are sitting in a cave...

...one looks at the other a says, "I'm hungry. Think I'll go get some blood". So he flew out of the cave.

About an hour later he returns with his face covered in blood. His buddy looks at him and says, "Wow! How did you get all that blood?".

"Well...", he replies, "you know when you are flying out of the cave, you hang a right and then you see that tree in front of you..."

"Yeah?", says his buddy.

He replies, "Well.....I didn't".

My dad's favourite joke - Harry the vampire bat

So one day Harry the vampire bat gets back to his cave, with his entire face absolutely covered with blood. All the other bats are incredulous, demanding where Harry found all the blood. Harry agrees to show them. So they all follow Harry out of the cave, over the river, and through some fields, until they get to a field with a single tree in the middle of it. All the bats are impatient, saying 'Harry is the blood here? Where is it, man? Harry replied 'You see that tree there? I didn't.'

What do vampire fruit bats eat?

Blood oranges.

Bats joke, What do vampire fruit bats eat?

3 priests at lunch

So three priests are out to lunch.
One priest goes off about his problem with bats at his church,
"I've tried everything to get rid of them, they just won't leave."
The second priest relates to the first,
"I know! I've tried everything! Cats, spray, noise, light. They just won't go away."
The third priest says,
"Well, I baptized my bats; confirmed them and made them the newest members of my parish, haven't seen one since."

Three apprentice vampire bats

Three apprentice vampire bats are taken out to a farm and told to get as much blood as they can find by their teacher. 15 minutes go by and the first vampire bay returns with a little bit of blood on his teeth.
'Where did you get that blood' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? That's where I got it.' the bat replied.

Shortly after the second vampire bat returns with blood dripping from his snout.
Where did you get that blood' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? Do you see that cow beyond the chicken? That's where I got it.' the second bat replied.

Some time later the third bat returns with his whole face caked in blood.
Where did you get that blood!' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? Do you see that cow beyond the chicken? Do you see that wall beyond the cow? I didn't.'


A bunch of bats are hanging on a tree branch...

BAT A: Hey look at Harry he's hanging the other way up!! (like a bird)

BAT B: He's been having these fainting spells all week.

2 bats hanging on a branch

Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch.

One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?"

The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"

Bats joke, 2 bats hanging on a branch

How do we know bats understand cause and effect?

They see the world as a series of repercussions.

Two vampire bats are hanging from the ceiling of their cave...

... and one of them says he's hungry, so he flies off to find some food. Within a minute, he's back, blood all round his mouth, looking like he's had a really good meal.

The other bat is amazed, and says, "Where did you find so much blood so fast?"

So the first bat says, "Come with me, I'll show you." And he leads his friend to the mouth of the cave.

"See that big rock there?" He asks.

The other bat nods.

"I didn't."

Two bats are hanging on the branch...

-What was your worst day?

-When I had diarrhea.

You see that wall?

A group of vampire bats are hanging out in a cave. All the food in the area is gone and they are the brink of starving to death. One of the bats decides leave to look for food out of desperation. He comes back 30 minutes later and has blood on his face. The other bats are very curious and ask him repeatedly where he got the blood from. Each time, he tries to ignore them and says he doesn't want to talk about it. After 30 minutes of questioning, he breaks down and tells the others to follow him. He flies them to a huge mountainous wall 15 minutes away, and stops. He looks at the others and says,

'You see that wall?'

And they all exciteldy repeat, 'Yea yea, we see it!'

He says again, 'Do you really see that wall?'

They all say again in anticipation, 'Yea yea we see it!'

'Well I didn't!'

You can explore bats outfielder reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean bats hawks dad jokes. There are also bats puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Use chemicals to remove polish and no one bats an eye

Use chemicals to remove the Polish and you're literally Hitler.

Eyelash surgery

Mess up an eyelash surgery and no one bats an eye.

Mess up a brain surgery and everybody loses their minds

bats are statistically the gayest animals

which is why batman dresses robin like that

Two bats...

were in a cave thirsty for blood. One bat looks to the other and says, "I'm going to look for blood, stay here I'll be back".

He flies out of the cave and returns after a long time with blood dripping out of his mouth.

Excited, the other bat asks him "Where did you find so much blood??".

The other bat says, "you go out of this cave and turn left".

"Yes", replied the other bat, excitedly.

"Then you see a tree"

"Yeah"

"Well, I didn't".

What's the difference between the Polish and polish?

No one bats an eye if you use chemicals to remove polish, but if you use chemicals to remove the Polish, most of the world will turn against you

Bats joke, What's the difference between the Polish and polish?

What do vampire bats like to eat the most?

Ginger ale and Chinese food

Apple products

Remove the USB port and nobody bats an eye. Remove the headphone jack and everybody loses their minds!

Girls use chemicals to remove polish and, no one bats an eye

Hitler uses chemicals to remove Polish, and everyone loses their mind


How is it fair that if my girlfriend has sex with her brother nobody bats an eye, but if I have sex with her...

I get arrested for beastality?

What medical condition are elderly bats most afraid of?

Incontinence.

One day Bruce Wayne learned that his great great great great great great grandmother encountered a vigilante who called himself "The Man of Bats..."

It was his Nana's Nana's Nana's Nana's Batman.

Why do bats fly straight at night?

Because they are not-turnal.

Girls use chemicals to remove polish, and no one bats an eye.

Hitler uses chemicals to remove Polish, and he's a bad person!?

Fear of the Dark

The recently concluded Father's Day made me recall that one time when I was a kid having trouble getting to sleep because I was afraid of the dark. My father said to me, "Son, there is nothing in the dark that isn't there when the lights are on - except for the occasional swarm of bats. So, g'night."

Pee in the pool and nobody bats an eye

Do it from the diving board and everyone loses their minds

TIL bats aren't actually blind.

No wonder they're so good at hitting baseballs.

My 9 year old nephew told me he wished he could be like Batman.

So I killed my brother & his wife & tossed my my nephew into a pit filled with bats.

If Bruce Wayne overcame his fear of bats by becoming his phobia...

why am I still afraid of failure?

Apple slows their old phones and everyone loses their mind

God has been doing this to old people for centuries and no one bats an eye...

Steal everyone's eyelids and no one bats an eye

Remove their brains from their skulls and everyone loses their mind.

I'm terrified of bats, but I blame my childhood for that.

My dad always took a good swing at me.

Take everyone's eye lids and noone bats an eye.

Take everyone's brains and everybody loses their minds.

How do you avoid bats flying into your face?

Don't go to baseball games.

Did you know that bats aren't actually blind?

That's why they are so good at hitting baseballs

When can bats power things?

Only when they are a bat-array

3 Bats Walk Into A Bar...

One tells the bartender "I'll have a pint of blood". The next bat says "I'll have a pint of blood as well." The last bat says "I'll have a pint of plasma."

So the bartender says, "alright let me get this straight, you guys want two bloods and a blood lite?"

What do bats and Australians have in common?

They both hang out upside down.

You tell them you're quitting alcohol, they offer you free drinks.

You tell them you're vegan, they offer you steaks and hamburgers.

You tell them you have no sexual life and ... nobody bats an eye.

Two bats were hanging upside down in a cave

The first bat asks the second, Do you remember the worst day of your life?



I sure do," said the second bat. "It was the day I had diarrhea.

What's the worst thing for bats as they age?

Incontinence.

What kind of bats swing upside down?

Acro-bats!

(From my 6 year old)

When girls remove polish with chemicals no one bats an eye.

But when nazis remove Polish with chemicals everyone goes ape-shit

Why do bats pee standing up?

Because they are nocturinal

Don and his friend Eva we're exploring caves in the town of Level for our palindrome school project

Eva said there were many things they could not do in caves. Don asked her a question using his knowledge from palindrome school. Don said, Eva can I stab bats in a cave . She said no don . Don then said, Eva can I pose as aesop in a cave . She again said, no don .

Which is the most expensive dish in the world?

Bats, they can cost entire world's economy!

Ever wondered why China doesn't have a baseball team?

Because they ate all their bats.

What do you call a forum for bats?

An echo chamber

(popular indian Joke) Why doesnt china have a cricket team?

They eat bats and don't understand the concept of boundaries..

Why are bats the best drunks?

Because they are use to being hung over

A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave.....

discovers a single bat standing upright underneath on the floor of the cave.

Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow: "What the heck are you doing down there?"

And the fellow shouts back: "Yoga!"

3 Bats are competing who can drink more blood.

The first bat goes away and comes back after some time looking pretty bloody. "You see that village over there?" " yes" "well i drank all blood there". Than secont bat goes away and comes back after more time looking bloodier than the first one "You see that town over there?" "Yes" "well i drank all the blood there". The third bat now goes a way and gets back after just a minute looking bloodier than bought of the other bats. "So where did you go"

"You see that lamp over there?"

"Yes"

"Well i didn't see it"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the bats wings jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working bats flew piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes