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Bats Jokes

74 bats jokes and hilarious bats puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bats that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Bats Short Jokes

Short bats jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bats humour may include short vampire bat jokes also.

  1. Wife: "Who's the new Batman?" | Me: "Robert Pattinson" Wife: "So vampire do turn into bats."
    (I have no idea if she heard this elsewhere, but I def laughed at breakfast.)
  2. I saw a giant mouse so I tried killing it with a baseball bat So now I have a lifetime ban from Disneyland
  3. One day Bruce Wayne learned that his great great great great great great grandmother encountered a vigilante who called himself "The Man of Bats..." It was his Nana's Nana's Nana's Nana's Batman.
  4. A cop is confronted by a white guy with a gun and a black guy with a nerf bat. Who does he shoot first? The bystander with the camera.
  5. So tim tebow just hit a home run in his first professional at bat But he had no idea what to do once he got to third base.
  6. Why does China have the best baseball team? Because they took out the whole world with one bat
  7. Robert Pattinson is an awful vampire It took him 11 years to figure out how to turn into a bat
  8. TIL that at age 13 Jewish girls have a bat Mitzvah and at age 15 Latina girls have a... Baby shower.
  9. China should never take part in the cricket World Cup They can screw over any country with just a bat
  10. If Bruce Wayne overcame his fear of bats by becoming his phobia... why am I still afraid of failure?

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Bats One Liners

Which bats one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bats? I can suggest the ones about baseball bat and moths.

  1. China should have a cricket team. They can take out the whole world with one bat
  2. Why did Batman rush to the Bat Cave? He had to go to the Bat Room.
    [an old classic]
  3. All countries eventually got Coronavirus... But China got it right off the bat
  4. How long did it take for the first guy to get covid? He got it right off the bat
  5. Never Hit A Guy With Glasses Hit him with a baseball bat.
  6. which country was the first to get coronavirus? China, they got it right off the bat.
  7. Ever wondered why China doesn't have a baseball team? Because they ate all their bats.
  8. How do you know Robin’s really a Jewish girl? She had a bat-mitzvah.
  9. What did the boy bat send to the girl bat? sapnu puas
  10. For how long since its discovery has Covid 19 been deadly? From right off the bat.
  11. China has the best baseball team. They took out the whole world with one bat.
  12. All countries eventually got coronavirus eventually China just got it right off the bat.
  13. What's brown and very bad for your dental health? A baseball bat.
  14. How does batman schedule a task on his computer? With a .bat script
  15. What does Dracula's torch run on? *Bat-teries* now give me my five karma

Bats joke, What does Dracula's torch run on?

Gather Around for Fun Bats Jokes and Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about bats you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean acrobat jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bats pranks.

Two bats are sitting in a cave...

...one looks at the other a says, "I'm hungry. Think I'll go get some blood". So he flew out of the cave.
About an hour later he returns with his face covered in blood. His buddy looks at him and says, "Wow! How did you get all that blood?".
"Well...", he replies, "you know when you are flying out of the cave, you hang a right and then you see that tree in front of you..."
"Yeah?", says his buddy.
He replies, "Well.....I didn't".

My dad's favourite joke - Harry the vampire bat

So one day Harry the vampire bat gets back to his cave, with his entire face absolutely covered with blood. All the other bats are incredulous, demanding where Harry found all the blood. Harry agrees to show them. So they all follow Harry out of the cave, over the river, and through some fields, until they get to a field with a single tree in the middle of it. All the bats are impatient, saying 'Harry is the blood here? Where is it, man? Harry replied 'You see that tree there? I didn't.'

THE BAT BET

Three vampire bats live in a cave surrounded by three castles. One night, the bats bet on who can drink the most blood.
The first bat comes home with blood dripping off his fangs. He says, "See that castle over there? I drank the blood of three people."
The second bat returns with blood around his mouth. He says, "See that castle over there? I drank the blood of five people."
The third bat comes back covered in blood. He says, "See that castle over there?" The other bats nod. "Well," says the third bat, "I didn't."

What do vampire fruit bats eat?

Blood oranges.

3 priests at lunch

So three priests are out to lunch.
One priest goes off about his problem with bats at his church,
"I've tried everything to get rid of them, they just won't leave."
The second priest relates to the first,
"I know! I've tried everything! Cats, spray, noise, light. They just won't go away."
The third priest says,
"Well, I baptized my bats; confirmed them and made them the newest members of my parish, haven't seen one since."

Three apprentice vampire bats

Three apprentice vampire bats are taken out to a farm and told to get as much blood as they can find by their teacher. 15 minutes go by and the first vampire bay returns with a little bit of blood on his teeth.
'Where did you get that blood' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? That's where I got it.' the bat replied.
Shortly after the second vampire bat returns with blood dripping from his snout.
Where did you get that blood' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? Do you see that cow beyond the chicken? That's where I got it.' the second bat replied.
Some time later the third bat returns with his whole face caked in blood.
Where did you get that blood!' asked the teacher.
'Do you see that chicken? Do you see that cow beyond the chicken? Do you see that wall beyond the cow? I didn't.'

A bunch of bats are hanging on a tree branch...

BAT A: Hey look at Harry he's hanging the other way up!! (like a bird)
BAT B: He's been having these fainting spells all week.

2 bats hanging on a branch

Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch.
One asks the other, "Do you recall your worst day last year?"
The other responds, "Yes, the day I had diarrhea!"

How do we know bats understand cause and effect?

They see the world as a series of repercussions.

Two vampire bats are hanging from the ceiling of their cave...

... and one of them says he's hungry, so he flies off to find some food. Within a minute, he's back, blood all round his mouth, looking like he's had a really good meal.
The other bat is amazed, and says, "Where did you find so much blood so fast?"
So the first bat says, "Come with me, I'll show you." And he leads his friend to the mouth of the cave.
"See that big rock there?" He asks.
The other bat nods.
"I didn't."

Two bats are hanging on the branch...

-What was your worst day?
-When I had diarrhea.

You see that wall?

A group of vampire bats are hanging out in a cave. All the food in the area is gone and they are the brink of starving to death. One of the bats decides leave to look for food out of desperation. He comes back 30 minutes later and has blood on his face. The other bats are very curious and ask him repeatedly where he got the blood from. Each time, he tries to ignore them and says he doesn't want to talk about it. After 30 minutes of questioning, he breaks down and tells the others to follow him. He flies them to a huge mountainous wall 15 minutes away, and stops. He looks at the others and says,
'You see that wall?'
And they all exciteldy repeat, 'Yea yea, we see it!'
He says again, 'Do you really see that wall?'
They all say again in anticipation, 'Yea yea we see it!'
'Well I didn't!'

Use chemicals to remove polish and no one bats an eye

Use chemicals to remove the polish and you're literally h**....

Eyelash surgery

Mess up an eyelash surgery and no one bats an eye.
Mess up a brain surgery and everybody loses their minds

bats are statistically the gayest animals

which is why batman dresses robin like that

Two bats...

were in a cave thirsty for blood. One bat looks to the other and says, "I'm going to look for blood, stay here I'll be back".
He flies out of the cave and returns after a long time with blood dripping out of his mouth.

Excited, the other bat asks him "Where did you find so much blood??".
The other bat says, "you go out of this cave and turn left".
"Yes", replied the other bat, excitedly.
"Then you see a tree"
"Yeah"
"Well, I didn't".

What's the difference between the Polish and polish?

No one bats an eye if you use chemicals to remove polish, but if you use chemicals to remove the Polish, most of the world will turn against you

What do vampire bats like to eat the most?

Ginger ale and Chinese food

Apple products

Remove the USB port and nobody bats an eye. Remove the headphone jack and everybody loses their minds!

Girls use chemicals to remove polish and, no one bats an eye

h**... uses chemicals to remove Polish, and everyone loses their mind

How is it fair that if my girlfriend has s**... with her brother nobody bats an eye, but if I have s**... with her...

I get arrested for b**...?

What medical condition are elderly bats most afraid of?

Incontinence.

Why do bats fly straight at night?

Because they are not-turnal.

Girls use chemicals to remove polish, and no one bats an eye.

h**... uses chemicals to remove Polish, and he's a bad person!?

Fear of the Dark

The recently concluded Father's Day made me recall that one time when I was a kid having trouble getting to sleep because I was afraid of the dark. My father said to me, "Son, there is nothing in the dark that isn't there when the lights are on - except for the occasional swarm of bats. So, g'night."

Pee in the pool and nobody bats an eye

Do it from the diving board and everyone loses their minds

TIL bats aren't actually blind.

No wonder they're so good at hitting baseballs.

My 9 year old nephew told me he wished he could be like Batman.

So I killed my brother & his wife & tossed my my nephew into a pit filled with bats.

Apple slows their old phones and everyone loses their mind

God has been doing this to old people for centuries and no one bats an eye...

Steal everyone's eyelids and no one bats an eye

Remove their brains from their skulls and everyone loses their mind.

I'm terrified of bats, but I blame my childhood for that.

My dad always took a good swing at me.

Take everyone's eye lids and noone bats an eye.

Take everyone's brains and everybody loses their minds.

How do you avoid bats flying into your face?

Don't go to baseball games.

Did you know that bats aren't actually blind?

That's why they are so good at hitting baseballs

When can bats power things?

Only when they are a bat-array

3 Bats Walk Into A Bar...

One tells the bartender "I'll have a pint of blood". The next bat says "I'll have a pint of blood as well." The last bat says "I'll have a pint of plasma."
So the bartender says, "alright let me get this straight, you guys want two bloods and a blood lite?"

What do bats and Australians have in common?

They both hang out upside down.

You tell them you're quitting alcohol, they offer you free drinks.

You tell them you're vegan, they offer you steaks and hamburgers.
You tell them you have no s**... life and ... nobody bats an eye.

Two bats were hanging upside down in a cave

The first bat asks the second, Do you remember the worst day of your life?

I sure do," said the second bat. "It was the day I had diarrhea.

What's the worst thing for bats as they age?

Incontinence.

What kind of bats swing upside down?

Acro-bats!
(From my 6 year old)

When girls remove polish with chemicals no one bats an eye.

But when n**... remove Polish with chemicals everyone goes ape-s**...

Why do bats pee standing up?

Because they are nocturinal

Don and his friend Eva we're exploring caves in the town of Level for our palindrome school project

Eva said there were many things they could not do in caves. Don asked her a question using his knowledge from palindrome school. Don said, Eva can I stab bats in a cave . She said no don . Don then said, Eva can I pose as aesop in a cave . She again said, no don .

Which is the most expensive dish in the world?

Bats, they can cost entire world's economy!

What do you call a forum for bats?

An echo chamber

(popular indian Joke) Why doesnt china have a cricket team?

They eat bats and don't understand the concept of boundaries..

Why are bats the best drunks?

Because they are use to being hung over

A group of bats, hanging at the ceiling of a cave.....

discovers a single bat standing upright underneath on the floor of the cave.
Surprised by this unusual behavior, they ask this fellow: "What the heck are you doing down there?"
And the fellow shouts back: "Yoga!"

3 Bats are competing who can drink more blood.

The first bat goes away and comes back after some time looking pretty b**.... "You see that village over there?" " yes" "well i drank all blood there". Than secont bat goes away and comes back after more time looking bloodier than the first one "You see that town over there?" "Yes" "well i drank all the blood there". The third bat now goes a way and gets back after just a minute looking bloodier than bought of the other bats. "So where did you go"
"You see that lamp over there?"
"Yes"
"Well i didn't see it"

Two bats are going for their midnight feed

After an hour or so, one bat gets tired of looking and goes home with no blood.
The other bat comes home with blood dripping from its mouth. The first bat says enviously, "Where did you get all that blood from?"
The second bat replies, "Follow me. I'll show you."
After awhile the second bat leads them to a cave. He says, "You see that wall over there?"
The hungry bat excitedly says, "Yes!"
Other bat says, "I didn't."

The fact Ozzy has COVID now just shows bats always get their revenge.

(All the best to them, hope he gets to live a long time)

A group of bats is a colony, crows is a m**..., sheep is a flock. What is a group of idiots called?

A Freedom Caucus.

You pee in the shower - nobody bats their eye.

But if you shower in the pee, everyone loses their mind.

2 bats were sitting on a bench in the middle of the night and one turns to the other and says - I'm really thirsty for some blood


So he goes off into the darkness.
After a while he comes back with its mouth full of blood and the second bat says "wow where did you get so much blood in the middle of the night?!"
Then the first bat says "do you see that lantern pole there?"
"Yes" responds the second bat
"Well I didn't" says the first bat.
I hadn't seen it posted here yet so I gave it a try.

Bats joke, 2 bats were sitting on a bench in the middle of the night and one turns to the other and says - I'm

jokes about bats