Bathtub Jokes
103 bathtub jokes and hilarious bathtub puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about bathtub that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Bathtub Short Jokes
Short bathtub jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The bathtub humour may include short bath tub jokes also.
- Batman: "It's been a long day. Alfred, please fill up the bathtub." Alfred: "Master Bruce, what's a htub?"
- A company made toy Titanics, but they weren't meant to be used in bathtubs. They were made for the sink.
- A little girl and a little boy were sitting in a bathtub together.. The little girl looks down and asks, "can I touch it?" He answers, "NO WAY- YOU ALREADY BROKE YOURS OFF!"
- The difference between a girl in church and a girl in the bathtub? one has hope in her soul.
- what do you do with someone that is having a seizure in a bathtub? Throw in a load of laundry.
- First dirty joke my dad told me, it's about 30 years old and I still tell it. What's the difference between a lady in church and a lady in a bathtub?
The lady in church has hope in her soul. - Two kangaroos are in the bathtub. cuz why not One kangaroo says, "Pass the soap."
The other kangaroo says, "No soap...radio!" - What do my toaster and I have in common? We both like to be in the same bathtub at the same time.
- A man asks the doctor "Can I take a bath with diarrhea?"
Doctor:"If you could fill the bathtub with it, why not?" - Tony Stark and Pepper potts are sitting in bathtub feeling Happy.. ... Suddenly Happy felt disgusted and left.
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Bathtub One Liners
Which bathtub one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with bathtub? I can suggest the ones about hot tub and bathe.
- What do you call james bond in the bathtub? Bubble-0-7
- Why shouldn't you put a toaster in the bathtub? Because your toast will get soggy.
- What do you do if you see someone having a seizure in the bathtub? Toss in your laundry!
- Who stole the soap from the bathtub The robber ducky
- Jimmy was blowing bubbles in the bathtub... then Bubbles got up and left.
- What do you call a bathtub salesman? A shower shower.
- What do you give Sean Connery when hes eating nachos in a bathtub? Shower Cream
- Why aren't bathtubs good at gardening? Because they're showers not growers.
- What do you call someone who died by a toaster in a bathtub Toast
- My bathtub is just like me. Shallow and not quite long enough.
- So baby pull me closer..... In the bathtub, with a toaster
- The most judgmental bathtub is the j'acuzzi.
- How do you get a Punk out of bathtub? Turn on the water.
- How do you repair a depression at the bottom of a bathtub? A toaster usually works
- what do you do when someone enters a coma in the bathtub? Pull the plug
Heartwarming Bathtub Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about bathtub you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean bubble bath jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make bathtub pranks.
A question for your doctor
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in an old age home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup.."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
There are two penguins in a bathtub...
One looked to the other and said, "No Soap Radio"
The Bathtub Test
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. "Well," said the director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. " A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No," said the director. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window or over near the heater?"
In a Mental Hospital a journalist asked the Doctor
How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not?
Dr: Well, we first fill a BathTub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub....
Journalist: Oh, obviously a normal person would use the bucket because its bigger....
Dr: NO, a normal person would pull the drain plug!
Now if you would be so kind as to proceed to bed no.39
Asylum
A reporter is looking for a new story and thought an asylum for the insane would make a nice story. There, his first question is how they know who is sane and who's insane. "Well," the woman working there replied "We give everyone a teaspoon, a tablespoon and a bucket. Then we lead them to the bathroom and ask them to empty the bathtub as fast as they can". "Obviously, the sane people would use the bucket" the reporter says.
"No, the sane people would use the plug..."
What's the difference between...
Requires the receivers input so I will just tell the full joke. It's given me quite a bit of laughs and sighs so I thought I would share it!
What's the difference between a tuna, a piano and a bathtub full of glue?
"I dont know!"
Well you can tuna a piano, but you can't piano a tuna!
"What about the bathtub of glue?"
I thought you might get stuck on that one!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Grandma, how come theirs pancakes in the bathtub?
Those are my n**... hunny
During a visit to the mental hospital....
..a visitor asks the Director what criterion defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
How many Italians can you fit in a bathtub?
Don'tworryaboutit.
You remember when you were a kid, you had tons of fun blowing bubbles in the bathtub?
I saw Bubbles the other day, he told me to say "Hi!".
Once, when my grandma stepped out of the bathtub...
and my sister commented that the hair on her ''privates'' was getting rather sparse, Granny retorted that "grass don't grow on a racetrack".
Do you remember blowing bubbles in the bathtub as a kid?
Saw him the other day, told me to say hello!
Answer: He has his soul full of hope but she has her hole full of soap.
Question: What's the difference between a priest and a woman in a bathtub?
I was worried when I found a Magnemite in my bathtub while playing Pokemon-GO
I guess he's Bi-Polar
She told me "It's not what's on the outside, it's the inside that counts..."
And then I woke up in my bathtub full of ice.
Honey, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that the penguin pooped in the bathtub.
Wife: "But we don't *have* a penguin!"
Me: "And now for the good news...!"
My mom once forgot her meds and tried to drown me in the bathtub.
That made for a really weird 27th Birthday.
What the difference between a nun in a bathtub & a nurse in the bathtub?
One has soul full of hope & one has a hole full of soap... I'll walk myself out, sorry first post here
"Grandpa, get out of the bathtub. You'll get cold and die."
Grandpa got out of the bathtub, got cold, and died...
President William Taft got stuck in his bathtub once...
I guess he ate to much Tafty.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I came home to find my bathtub full of dead babies. I was devastated.
Forgot my rubber duck.
I was trying to impress this girl
I was of course, trying to sleep with this girl.
So in order to impress her, I filled up my bathtub with fermented apples and alcohol.
I was trying to get...in-cider.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many dead babies can fit in a bathtub?
17.
Two nuns are in the bathtub
One nun says: "Where's the soap?"
The other says: "It does, doesn't it?"
Who has two thumbs and just took a nap in my bathtub?
I don't know either, but he is gone now.
What's worse than taking a dump right after you get out of the bathtub?
Taking a dumb whilst you're in the bathtub.
How many babies can you fit in a bathtub ?
27
Can I touch it?
There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy and asked him, "Can I touch it?" He replied, "No way -- you already broke yours off!"
Dirty Joke: I like to take a bath and blow Bubbles
Bubbles is my Grandpa. He died in the bathtub 6 weeks ago but is still hard as a rock.
I've been getting into Bath Salts recently...
Nothing major it's just that if I'm gonna smoke crack in the bathtub I want that bath to be exfoliating.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear Jeffrey d**... had dandruff?
They found some head and shoulders in his bathtub
BODY FOUND DEAD IN BATHTUB FULL OF MILK AND BANANAS.
they think it might be a cereal killer.
Recent Studies show over 80% of people privately admit to peeing in the shower.
But everyone puts on airs and pretends to be disgusted when I publicly admit to doing it in the bathtub.
Recent reports have shown that Tide Pods can be used to clean your bathtub or jacuzzi...
Since they're already acting like chlorine on our gene pool
They say the bathtub is one of the safest places to be during a tornado.
That's why I put mine on the front porch.
A man goes to an asylum and asks
How do you admit your patients? The psychiatrist says Well, we fill a bathtub full of water then give them a spoon, a cup and a bucket then we tell them to empty the bathtub . The man replies I see, so the sane person would take the bucket , and the psychiatrist replies No, the sane person will pull the drain plug. Would you like your room to have a balcony sir?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I finally found the person
Me: What's the difference between an u**... and a bathtub?
Him: What is it?
Me: Guys, I found out who it is
The Beauty Treatment
A blonde heard that bathing in milk would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake.
He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?"
The blonde said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my neck. I can splash it on my eyes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the pinnacle of confusion?
Two blind gay men, in a bathtub full of hotdogs.
Two polar bears are sitting in a bathtub.
One of the bears says:
"Can you pass the soap?"
The other bear says:
"No soap, radio."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Due to the hurricane, I filled up my bathtub full of water like everybody told me to...
but it feels weird p**... in a bathtub.
Did you hear about the French chef who dropped the toaster in the bathtub
He commuted sois vide-cide.
A married couple is getting ready to go out for the evening. The husband is in the shower and the wife is just getting out of the bathtub when the doorbell rings.
The wife hurriedly wraps herself in a towel and answers the door. It's their neighbor, Bob. Bob looks at the wife, who is quite beautiful, and says, I'll give you $800 to let that towel drop. The wife thinks about if for a bit, then lets the towel fall. Bob gives her a thorough visual inspection, then reaches into his wallet and hands her $800. She goes back inside. Who was at the door, honey? asks the husband. Oh, it was our neighbor Bob, she says. Great, says the husband. Did he happen to mention the $800 he owes me?
The best joke from my school days
There are two elephants sitting in a bathtub.
One says to the other, "Hey can you pass the soap?"
The other one replies, "Only if you pass the typewriter!"
This is one of my dad's favorite jokes
There are three elephants in a bathtub.
Clyde says to Claude "Pass the soap."
Claude says "No soap radio."
\*I'm curious if anyone knows the joke
The Mental Asylum
During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the teaspoon or the teacup."
"No," said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug out. Do you want a room with or without a view?"
The Bathtub Test
During a visit to the mental asylum, I asked the director how do you determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized. Well said the director, we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
Oh, I understand, I said. A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup. No. said the director, A normal person would pull the plug, Do you want a bed near the window?
So dumb it makes me laugh every time i hear it
me: knock knock
them: who's there
me: Dwayne
them: Dwayne who
me: dwayne the bathtub! i'm dwowning!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her more beautiful, so she left a note for her milkman to leave 15 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 1.5 gallons, so he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, "I found your Note to leave 15 gallons of milk. Did you mean 1.5 gallons?" The blonde said, "I want 15 gallons of milk. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath". The milkman asked, "Do you want it pasteurized?" The blonde said, "No, just up to my b**...."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Blonde Woman Wants To Look Young Again
A blonde woman heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk.
The milkman read the note, and thought there must be a mistake. He asked the women if she meant 2.5 gallons.
The blonde woman said, "No, I want 25 gallons. I'm going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again."
The milkman asked, "Do you want the milk to be pasteurized?"
The blonde said, "No, just up to my b**.... I can splash it on my eyes."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the difference between a lady in a church and a lady in a bathtub?
One has a soul full of hope, the other has a hole full of soap.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A joke I heard on South Park today
When the Milk Man brought the lady her milk, she invited him in and then stripped off all her clothes. Standing there n**..., she told the Milk Man to take the milk and fill the bathtub with it. The Milk Man asked the woman "Do you want it pasteurized?" "No", the lady said, "just up to my b**...."
A inspector visits a sanatoriun to check its conditions.
During the tour the director takes him to one of their newly designed test rooms, claiming its foolproof.
"We fill up this bathtub to the brim see? Then we hand to the inmate a spoon and a cup and ask him to empty the tub" Says the director
The inspector nods and replies with a smile "Ah, i see. And the inmate, if sane will choose the cup because it's the biggest."
The director then looks at the inspector and raises a brow "No, the sane one will just open the drain"
Tonight I did a delivery to the local mental asylum.
Being curious, I asked the doctor how do they determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the doctor, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the doctor, "A normal person would pull the bathtub drain plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
My mother woke me up with the sentence „Hey, we're getting new phones!
I was happy, but not sure why I woke up in a bathtub full of ice cubes.
Wanna hear a clean joke?
I blew bubbles in the bathtub. Wanna hear the dirty version? Bubbles was a clown.
Dont see why people say that babysitting a toddler is hard. You just grease the bathtub, put them inside with some food and drink, and go do your business. I guarantee you that they will still be there when you return.
If you stay in the house, you might need to use sound cancelling headphones too though.
The Bathtub Test
During a visit to the mental institution, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
An emaciated man was found dead in his bathtub.
The apparent cause of death was starvation. Oddly, he still had enough food in his fridge, and no apparent mobility problems that would prevent him from getting to it. His relatives did not know of any mental problems either.
The best investigator in the city was called to the scene. She takes one look at the bathroom and asks the relatives,
"Was he a programmer?"
"Yes, why?"
She wordlessly shows them a large shampoo bottle with an instruction: "1. Apply the shampoo. 2. Rinse. 3. Repeat the procedure."
